Chapter 6: Samantha's POV

"I...love...you...Sam."

These are the four words Robbie said to me. These are the words that mean our relationship has changed...forever.

"Sam, what's wrong with you? You've been acting strange, " Mark asks while he sits at the edge of my bed.

I barely remember coming home last night. I was crying so much from the sorrow Robbie put me through. The large mirror in my bedroom reveals the truth, that I'm a bitch inside and out.

Bloodshot eyes stare back at me. Fatigue and sadness are the worst to experience with a migraine.

"What did Robbie do to you?"

"We got in a fight. It happens between best friends," I reply.

"You've been ugly crying for three hours now. Do I need to have a little talk man to man with him?"

Mark crosses his arms. His strength is in those arms, and I don't feel anything despite my attractiveness towards him.

"Sam? Answer my goddamn questions."

"I'll be fine. I'm a little buzzed, Mark. It's nothing. He was a bit shocked about our engagement. So he'll come around."

Mark still doesn't look convinced.

"Shocked...as in he's pissed?" Mark's arms cross tighter with jealousy.

This is what I'm scared of. Jealousy is a scary beast that needs taming before it's too late.

"He feels a little threatened. Cut the guy a break; his childhood best friend is engaged and is moving away soon. It's a lot to take in. He's insecure about our relationship changing. That's all. Can we drop it now?"

"Yeah, we can drop it. I'm sorry you got in a fight."

"Me too. I wish he could be happy for me. But, sometimes...he confuses me."

Fuck...I don't want Mark to know I'm an awful person. I'm not going to see Robbie ever again. Why ruin my almost new marriage?

"What's so confusing?" Mark asks in a hurry to get this conversation over with.

"He doesn't tell me anything."

"Well yeah. He's a man. We don't like to talk about our feelings. Go hang out with Hazel or Missy if you want that."

"I guess. Can you get me a pain killer? My migraine is getting worse."

"Sure, and take a nap. You're exhausted from your spat with Robbie."

Mark leaves the room. His feet stomp the ground with every step he takes. His feet tell a story of confusion and anger.

My phone vibrates and buzzes with every notification sound known to man. I pick up my phone, and my eyes are sensitive to the light.

Hazel: Where the hell are you?

Hazel: Sam? Did Robbie die?

Hazel: Are you seriously blowing me off?

Thousands of repetitive messages fill my screen. We're slaves to screens and the people who demand our presence on the other side of them.

Me: Hi Hazel. Sorry, I never made it over. Robbie and I got into a fight, so I came home.

Hazel: You could have called. Glad you're safe.

Me: Sorry. The fight made me sad.

Hazel: Need to talk?

Me: Sure, let's talk tomorrow. Want to go out to brunch?

Hazel: Yep. I'll pick you up at ten.

"Here's your pain killers and water. Now get some rest. You look like a raccoon."

Mark sits beside me and starts kissing me. All I can think about is how Robbie is a better kisser than him. I let myself get lost in Mark. Maybe if I focus hard enough, I can make this work. I need it to work with Mark.

A life with Robbie would be messy and complicated. A life with Mark would be simple and less troubling. I've had enough adventures in my youth for a lifetime.

I'm sorry Robbie, I can't be with you. I can't do complicated... even though I love you back.

"Thanks for the painkillers. I'm going to bed."

Mark gets on the bed next to me. We've been living together for a few months now. I haven't told Robbie. He's asked to come over, but I've rejected him. He's my best friend, and I can't even be honest with him about my feelings or who I live with. If I keep this up, we won't be friends for much longer.

Robbie deserves better than me. As far as friends go, I've been flaky with him. He didn't want me to go to England in the first place. He wanted me to stay behind and be with him. The signs of his feelings have been there this whole time, staring me in the face. I've been avoiding them.

I knew what his prolonged eye contact meant. It gave me goosebumps when he'd gaze at me like that. I didn't want him to think of me that way because it would mean we were in love if he did. Best friends don't fall in love; that shit's for the movies.

This is real life, the real-life in which Samantha Laplow has fucked up. I've messed Robbie up with my silent rejection. But I can't go back to him now, the last time I went back...I made an ass of myself.

I adore Mark. I wish there were two of me to satisfy both of them. I don't believe in love triangles; those are for other people. I made out with Robbie; it wasn't a commitment. It was a mistake.

"Sam...turn the lights out. Who are you texting?"

"No one. I'm on I*******m."

I show him pictures of our engagement and the annoying and endless comments. I see Robbie's comment, and I want to vomit. It hangs there in the void of space and time.

Get it together, Sam. You're marrying Mark, and that's it. It's a done deal.

I hope one day I will be brave, brave enough to tell Mark I messed up. I wanted to be with Robbie one last time, out of curiosity and to know if he loves me. And now that I know, I'm not sure what to think anymore. All I can do is sleep and greet the Sandman with my eyelids shut when I can't think.