I am not sure what I am doing anymore. Am I lying to myself? Or am I just merely curious what being with Robbie would feel like? I need to give us a few days to think about what we mean to each other. He needs to think about us. We never really were an us. These last few days are the closest we have ever been. His lips are the softest lips I have ever tasted.
Mark isn’t a bad kisser. But, in all honesty, Robbie was right. We did rush into this engagement, but to be fair, Mark asked me in front of his whole family, friends, and a cameraman was present. There was no way I could have said no with an audience like that. I never did tell Robbie our engagement story. I am sure he wouldn’t be interested in anything like that, especially after the last few days.
Hazel arrives at my house. Of my friends, she’s the only one to know that Mark and I have been living together since he arrived in the States a month ago. It was Mark’s idea to sign a six-month lease together. It wou
Maybe I am a horrible person, but getting close to Sam is getting easier by the minute. I’m glad I dropped a subtle hint to her that I am definitely interested in having her find out what we both know to be true. The letter I wrote to Sam is living inside my desk. I will hold off on joining the army. Sam wouldn’t want me to go unless it was for a legit reason. But I’m not sure I have it in me to blow Missy off either. If things with Sam don’t work out, then I want to have the next girl lined up. I don’t want to die alone. So I won’t mess around with Missy. I want to get to know her a bit more and see if we can even be friends. The car keys hang on the coat hanger where my mom always leaves them. I’m a man in my early twenties, and I can’t even afford my own place yet. I have two more student loans to pay off, and then I can have my own place. I have at least six months to go before that even happens. If Sam and I did get married right now, for whatever reason, I am sure we c
I sit up in my bed. The photograph of Mark on my engagement is my phone background. I love the way Mark smiles in the picture. His lips are curled forward, and his eyes never leave mine.“Good morning, Sam. I was wondering when you were going to get up this morning. Here I brought you a cup of coffee.”The cup of coffee is warm. It has milk and sugar, everything that Mark loves in his tea mixed with coffee. Robbie doesn’t drink coffee much. When he does, I think it's in memory of his dad. So there I go again, thinking about Robbie.“Are you okay, babe? You have hardly said anything to me since you got home from your coffee date with Hazel. Did she say something bad about me? Did I leave the toilet seat up again?”A smile stretches across my face and the flutters I once had for Mark appear this morning. I press my lips against his and feel jitters when I do. Why is this so confusing? Maybe I really should call the wedding off.
Did last night really happen? Missy showed me a really good time despite all of my flounderings. She has a point that Sam is getting married. If my feelings for Sam were obvious to Missy, then everyone else knows too. We can deny all we want when it comes to how we feel, but actions usually speak louder than words. Even Percy noticed my feelings for Sam and how I would pine for her. Of course, I wasn’t trying to be noticeable. But when your best friend means that much to you, how else are you supposed to look at them?But no matter what I do now, I need to face the truth. That Samantha Laplow is marrying Mr. Darcy. I wish I could call him Mark and that I met him before he proposed to Sam. It’s still a pain in the ass that I haven’t met my competition. Is he really my competition anymore? Or should I move on and become Missy’s boyfriend.A life with Missy would mean good food, a life of love, and I wouldn’t have to be alone for the rest of
Robbie's lips leave mine. This is what abandonment feels like. Emptiness is nothing new to me, but the look on Robbie's face tells me all I need to know, that he feels guilty about something. Perhaps kissing me made him feel that inner sense of guilt. I'll never be able to break him free of that endless crush on Sam. No matter how much money I spend on make-up, hair, or fancy clothes, in his eyes, I will never be Sam.I wish I had left before Robbie kissed me. If anything, that kiss sealed my love for him even more. I want to give us a real chance at a relationship. I meant what I said to him on our date. He doesn't have to skip town and join the army. If I were his cute little housewife, we could have three children and make love twice a week. That's the life I want. I could commit to him if he could let go of her and commit to me. There are no other female prospects for him, and Sam is spoken for.Although, come to think of it. Sam was acting strangely at
"Are you going to go after her, man?" Percy asks me. Maybe I should go after Missy and make sure she's okay, but this is too complicated for words. I wish I were madly in love with Missy. It would make running after her seem like the right thing to do. But I've been confused this week. My best friend and biggest crush are getting married. So we cross the line and push boundaries, and now Missy wants to be my housewife. I literally can't play this game anymore, and I can't play them. If Sam really wanted to be with me, she would have called off her engagement by now and would have let me know. But she is like me in this respect. She can't make up her mind either. So perhaps Missy is the only logical choice. She loves me and is emotionally available. "You know what, you're right," I say as I get my oversized sneakers on. "I am?" Percy asks as he raises his voice into a question. "You are. I think going after Missy is the
My nights with Mark have been quiet and long. I've been lost in my thoughts. It's breakfast, and I've been stirring my spoon in small gentle circles in my cereal bowl. My milk starts to bubble and get thick. The thickness forces me to lose my appetite."Sammy, are you okay, my love? You have hardly said anything to me since the mall? Are you having second thoughts about the wedding? If you are, I need to know? My parents and family are paying a lot of money to fly over to the States for this wedding, and if there is the slightest doubt in your mind about us working out, it would be nice for my parents to get their money back."I look at Mark and take a bite out of my cereal to stall the conversation. I don't know how to respond. He doesn't know about Robbie and me, that would end this wedding faster than anything else, and I don't know if I am ready for that."No, it's not that. I just don't know how to plan this event. My parents and I aren't
My lips are still on Missy's when Sam's name appears on my phone. I hope she isn't asking me to hook up with her again. I can't handle it. Being toyed with by Sam before she gets married is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I know I'm in love with Sam, but I let her go. It's for the best. What Sam and I have is complicated and messy.Missy breaks our kiss and grabs my phone for me. I pretended that I didn't hear it go off."Are you going to respond?" Missy asks as anger snaps into her body."No, why who is it?" I ask as I try to pull Missy back in for a kiss."It's Sam, Robbie. Why is Sam texting you? I thought you were done with her."She walks upstairs to her room and shuts the door in my face."Missy, come on. Can't we talk about this? I'm not with Sam. Can't you give me a chance? I am trying to get over Sam and be with you. Sam asks if all of us want to meet Mark and her at the new Italian restaurant
I wake up to Robbie half-naked and asleep next to me. It wasn’t easy for him to let Sam go, and perhaps you never really let go of the person you fall in love with first. But when it comes to Robbie, I know he is worth waiting for and giving all my patience to. This luncheon with Sam will be hard for both of us. First, it will be Robbie letting go of Sam. It will mean I have to face my friend and tell her the news that Robbie and I are officially dating. It’s about time I can call him mine. He’s all I ever wanted. This luncheon will be difficult for all of us, but Robbie and Mark must meet. Once Robbie sees Mark and gets to know him, I hope that he’ll realize that he’s made the right choice but choosing me over Sam.Robbie’s bare chest rises and falls with his exhale. As he inhales, his eyes open, and a smile appears on his jawline. That smile isn’t from Sam. It’s from me. I’ve put that good look in his eyes and that happi