Robbie's lips leave mine. This is what abandonment feels like. Emptiness is nothing new to me, but the look on Robbie's face tells me all I need to know, that he feels guilty about something. Perhaps kissing me made him feel that inner sense of guilt. I'll never be able to break him free of that endless crush on Sam. No matter how much money I spend on make-up, hair, or fancy clothes, in his eyes, I will never be Sam.
I wish I had left before Robbie kissed me. If anything, that kiss sealed my love for him even more. I want to give us a real chance at a relationship. I meant what I said to him on our date. He doesn't have to skip town and join the army. If I were his cute little housewife, we could have three children and make love twice a week. That's the life I want. I could commit to him if he could let go of her and commit to me. There are no other female prospects for him, and Sam is spoken for.
Although, come to think of it. Sam was acting strangely at
"Are you going to go after her, man?" Percy asks me. Maybe I should go after Missy and make sure she's okay, but this is too complicated for words. I wish I were madly in love with Missy. It would make running after her seem like the right thing to do. But I've been confused this week. My best friend and biggest crush are getting married. So we cross the line and push boundaries, and now Missy wants to be my housewife. I literally can't play this game anymore, and I can't play them. If Sam really wanted to be with me, she would have called off her engagement by now and would have let me know. But she is like me in this respect. She can't make up her mind either. So perhaps Missy is the only logical choice. She loves me and is emotionally available. "You know what, you're right," I say as I get my oversized sneakers on. "I am?" Percy asks as he raises his voice into a question. "You are. I think going after Missy is the
My nights with Mark have been quiet and long. I've been lost in my thoughts. It's breakfast, and I've been stirring my spoon in small gentle circles in my cereal bowl. My milk starts to bubble and get thick. The thickness forces me to lose my appetite."Sammy, are you okay, my love? You have hardly said anything to me since the mall? Are you having second thoughts about the wedding? If you are, I need to know? My parents and family are paying a lot of money to fly over to the States for this wedding, and if there is the slightest doubt in your mind about us working out, it would be nice for my parents to get their money back."I look at Mark and take a bite out of my cereal to stall the conversation. I don't know how to respond. He doesn't know about Robbie and me, that would end this wedding faster than anything else, and I don't know if I am ready for that."No, it's not that. I just don't know how to plan this event. My parents and I aren't
My lips are still on Missy's when Sam's name appears on my phone. I hope she isn't asking me to hook up with her again. I can't handle it. Being toyed with by Sam before she gets married is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I know I'm in love with Sam, but I let her go. It's for the best. What Sam and I have is complicated and messy.Missy breaks our kiss and grabs my phone for me. I pretended that I didn't hear it go off."Are you going to respond?" Missy asks as anger snaps into her body."No, why who is it?" I ask as I try to pull Missy back in for a kiss."It's Sam, Robbie. Why is Sam texting you? I thought you were done with her."She walks upstairs to her room and shuts the door in my face."Missy, come on. Can't we talk about this? I'm not with Sam. Can't you give me a chance? I am trying to get over Sam and be with you. Sam asks if all of us want to meet Mark and her at the new Italian restaurant
I wake up to Robbie half-naked and asleep next to me. It wasn’t easy for him to let Sam go, and perhaps you never really let go of the person you fall in love with first. But when it comes to Robbie, I know he is worth waiting for and giving all my patience to. This luncheon with Sam will be hard for both of us. First, it will be Robbie letting go of Sam. It will mean I have to face my friend and tell her the news that Robbie and I are officially dating. It’s about time I can call him mine. He’s all I ever wanted. This luncheon will be difficult for all of us, but Robbie and Mark must meet. Once Robbie sees Mark and gets to know him, I hope that he’ll realize that he’s made the right choice but choosing me over Sam.Robbie’s bare chest rises and falls with his exhale. As he inhales, his eyes open, and a smile appears on his jawline. That smile isn’t from Sam. It’s from me. I’ve put that good look in his eyes and that happi
The rest of the luncheon is awkward between Missy and me. I am not sure if Mark and Robbie have noticed. The minute Missy declared war against me and my feelings for her boyfriend was the moment I decided to cross the Rubicon. Like Caesar, the great Roman general, I to am willing to fight for what I believe in.If I can get Robbie alone to myself for one more private conversation, it will tell me everything I need to know. I want to hear it from his lips that whatever spark there was between us, whatever fire there has been, has been put out by him. Who does Missy think she is, telling me to back off? I understand that she has loved him for years and that perhaps she is being a little touchy on the matter. If I were in her shoes, I suppose I would be irritable and defensive about finally being with the man of my dreams. Come to think of it. I am not entirely sure why Missy is one of my bridesmaids. She was always more of Hazel's friend than mine. But Robbie would not look pro
"Why? Just tell me? Why did you read that?" I ask?I don't want Sam to know my thoughts. I read her diary back in middle school, and she got pissed. Back then, I wanted to know what was going on with her. Then, she would crawl into my bed in the middle of the night. I didn't question it. I just knew she needed someone to hold her as she cried.Her parents fought over the little things, food and money mostly. Her father tried to make her mother change her diet. It didn't end well. Well, intentions led to fights, arguing, and rumors of a divorce. The worst it got, the more I held Sam. I would hold her as the nightmares consumed her. That's when I fell for her. I didn't get to act on it until prom night. It was easier being friends. It was safer for both of us. If we meant something to each other, it would mean I couldn't hold her when she was scared."Because...I...love you," Sam says as her eyes find mine. She wasn't supposed to fall for me. I have Missy now, and
As Sam leaves the house, I rip the letter and burn it with a lighter in the fireplace. The last thing I need is for Missy to find it and to start asking questions. Letting Sam go hurts as much as a breakup. Even though we have never been a couple, it still hurts deeply within me. I lie on my bed, in the same spot I used to hold Sam when we were in our youth. I should have told her then that I loved her and wanted to be her boyfriend forever. I can still smell her hair if I close my eyes, the memory of her is beside me. The morning comes into my window. Missy has called me three times. I text her that I will go out to dinner with her. I need the day to collect my thoughts, for they are everywhere. Eating at my soul like a poisonous viper. The thing about vipers is they rattle their tails and prepare to bite down on their victims. That's how this breakup with Sam has destroyed me. We broke up, confessed our love, and gave each other up in our own way. Cupid doesn't want us to
He doesn't want me. My best friend has let me go. Maybe it's for the best, then why does it hurt like hell? I feel like I've been dumped, and I am getting married to a ghost. So why did I say yes to marrying Mark Lewis? I must have been out of my goddamn mind. Perhaps I liked the idea of Mark, he is, after all, a decent fellow, but I don't know him at all.Robbie doesn't like coffee and has it on rare occasions. Mark drinks his every day with milk and sugar. Robbie loves drinking beer. I don't know if Mark drinks. I have yet to see that side of him. I've slept with both of them, and it was terrific. But maybe that's what sex is, this fantastic feeling people have with each other to feel good and make babies. Being let go by Robbie really hurts. My stomach's in knots.I walk into my bathroom and force myself to throw up. Nothing hurts more than this. I've been rejected by my best friend, the one person I should have always been with. The person I want to hold me in the