KABANATA 5.1

KABANATA 6/revised

Hindi ko napigilan  na muling  bumuhos ang luha sa aking  mga mata. Indeed I am being played by my husband so well. My heart is breaking little by little and I don't think I can ever survive from this heartbreak. I couldn't believe I am easily fooled and Miguel, of all the people I love he is the least I expected to break me like this. 

I thought he's meeting with Mr. Shintaro pero iba pala ang ka-meeting ng bwesit na 'yun. I just learned that Mr. Shintaro can't make his deal this week dahil na-ospital daw ang asawa nito. The liar just tricked me! I just learned it today ng makita ko sa post ng isa kung mutual friend ang picture ni Miguel at ni Maureen sa isang resto sa Cebu. Mother fucker fool!

I want to lunge them. Gustong-gusto ko silang saktan pero nadudurog ako. Gusto kung sampalin ng sampalin si Maui para matauhan siya na kabit siya at may asawa ang pinapatulan niyang lalaki. 

"Ren… why did you call?" I asked her on the other line. 

My tears are now starting to fall and the throbbing beat of my heart pained me. Silent sobs escape in my lips. 

I want to leave this place for awhile and rest my tired soul. For all the troubles my husband made, cheating behind my back was the most heartbreaking ever. 

He promised….. he said, he would never cheat but looks like I'm not  a crap believer of promises are meant to be broken. 

"I just sense that you're not okay, aren't you?" She whispered. 

This is a kind of friendship I didn't expect to come into my life and I am very thankful that Karen is my best friend. 

She always console me with all the things especially when I am feeling blue. Karen is the best friend I could never wish for. 

"M-Miguel…. He is c-cheating…" loud sobs escape my quivering lips and I heard Karen frantically grunted in the other line. 

Noon pa man, ayaw na ayaw na nito kay Miguel. But my heart only wants Miguel. Just Miguel. Palaging Miguel tapos ngayon nasasaktan din ako dahil kay Miguel. Maybe, it is really true that the one who you love will be the person who will break you. 

She sneered and angrily said, "that bastard! Where are you? Puntahan kita?" Nag-alala niyang wika sa'kin. 

I fraily laughed and said, "you're in Cebu, Ren." Alam kung nakairap na siya ngayon dahil sa sinabi ko. 

"Uuwi ako,"

"No. I will be okay. Ano ka ba!" Mahina ako natawa but I heard her snorted. 

Kaya ko naman. I don't want to meddle with her life affair. She had her leave for rest and I don't want her to come back just for me. It's just broken heart, nothing else. Talaga lang Clea. 

"Sa una pa lang kasi, Caprice.  Alam mong hindi ako naging boto kay Miguel but since you love him I supported you all the way."  Alam ko naman. "Pero muntikan na rin akong maniwala na nagbago na nga iyang asawa mo." She said angrily. 

 I wanted to believe too. Miguel was a great guy, he cherish and love me with all his heart. He took care of me and I don't know what happened between us, he just changed one day. I don't know why and how, but I am hoping my Miguel would come back. I miss him. 

"I saw him here with Maui." the tone of her voice is estimated. Nag-alala na baka mas masaktan na naman ako. 

Just by hearing it made my heart contradicted with utmost pain. When will I ever accept the reality that he's now out of my league. He is not my Miguel. 

"What do you want me to do with his mistress? Gusto mo ipa-barang natin? May kilala akong espiritista." Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. Silly. 

I may be in pain but ruining someone else life using what they called 'barang' will never be an option. I hate them but not to that extent. 

"Baliw,"

"Kakalbuhin ko nalang iyang Maui  na 'yan at baka matauhan ang Gaga!" Matinis nitong sigaw. 

She is really like that. Kapag may kaaway ako mas galit pa siya sa'kin at madalas siya pa ang sumasabunot sa mga babaeng galit sa'kin. I am really lucky to have her as a friend. She's incopareable. 

I just changed topic at baka ma-highblood si Karen at talagang gagawin ang sinasabi nito. 

"Don't tell me pinuntahan mo na naman iyang lalaking hanggang ngayon hindi mo parin ipinapakilala sa'kin." I sulkingly said  

"You already know him gaga!" A high pitch growl came into the other line. 

Sound fishy. Sino na naman kaya ang kinababaliwan ng baliw kung kaibigan? 

"It's just that I'm not yet ready to introduce him to you at baka kalbuhin mo ako." She said lowly which made me wonder who would be the guy. 

Karen has her standard for men. She wants someone who she loves, not just because of what he's capable of but because it is her heart's will. Katulad ng kung paano ko gustuhin si Miguel. Despite Karen's disapproval I still choose him because he's my hearts will. 

"Pero kapag nakasalubong ko iyang malanding babae at 'yang asawa mong cheater, pasapak ng isa huh?" She said which made me turn to compliant in annoyance. 

Karen, really. 

"Let them do whatever they want, Miguel will still come back to me at the end of the day." I said. 

He'll still come back but not the man I used to love. He will not come home as Miguel who will cook me breakfast or Miguel who will kiss me whenever he will go somewhere. He'll come home but in another persona. He will come home but his heart, it will not be my name anymore. 

"Ewan ko sa'yong bruha ka!" Matigas niyang wika sa'kin at kung magkaharap lang siguro kami ngayon ay baka nasabunutan na ako ng kaibigan. 

"But don't worry pagkabalik ko d'yan sa negros magn-night life tayo." She said.  

As if I could do that. I am very busy in the company at halos mawalan na nga ako ng oras para sa sarili, paano na kaya ang lumabas sa gabi. Since Miguel change, I was the one who take over the company, I am the acting CEO because my dear husband is busy hooking with women. 

"As if I have time for night clubs, Ren. Ang dami pa ngang kailangang ayusin sa kompanya." I lowly laugh at her remarks. 

Kung noon ay mas marami akong oras para sa sarili pero ngayon hindi na. I am busy with the company and above that, busy crying for someone who promise not to make me cry. Ang bruha mo talaga Clea. Promises can be withered. Don't expect that the person you love yesterday will be the same person who you will love tomorrow, it can be the same but the feelings will be different. 

"My Gad, Cleopatra! Look at yourself in the mirror once at makikita mo kung gaano kalaki ang pinagbago mo!" Naiinis niyang wika sa'kin at kung nakikita ko lang siya ngayon ay alam kung nakarolyo na naman ang mga mata nito. 

I know how much changed I did for myself. Kinailangan kung maging isang CEO kahit hindi naman sumagi sa isipan ko noon because I always want to be a lawyer. I did became a wife, I take care of the house and it made worse when all our  maids left because we can no longer pay them. 

"Give yourself a break for awhile. Mag-party tayo at magsaya hindi 'yang iiyak-iyak ka dahil d'yan sa lintik na Miguel na babaero!" Mas lumakas ang boses na wika nito at kung sino man ang nakakarinig ngayon sa kaibigan ko ay matatakot talaga. 

Mabuti nalang at sanay na sanay na ako sa kanya. She can be so loud and scarry at times. 

"I will hang up. I still had tons of paper works to do, mi amega." I silly said. 

I'm tired honestly. This past few days is restless. I've deal with different investors and my heart is aching all over. Gusto kung magpahinga pero hindi pwede. If I won't do the paper works today then who will do it tomorrow? Walang tutulong sa'kin ngayon. Karen is my secretary but she's on leave, my husband who supposed to do this tons of papers is busy canoodling with some bimbos. 

"Clea….. your brother…" bago ko pa man pinutol ang tawag ay may pahabol pa siyang sinabi which made me stop ending the call. "he's here." Mahina nitong wika na mas lalong nakapagtaka sa'kin. 

What is my brother doing in Cebu? We are not really close because of some things we didn't both agree with but he still is my brother. 

"What is he doing there?" Nakataas na kilay na tanong ko sa kaibigan. 

I wanted to believe that she's seeing my brother but…. I can't really tell. Karen sometimes hide things from me no matter how close we are. 

"He's the guy….." she said faintly as if afraid  that I may get angry. 

If boys do have bro codes, we also have that in our friendship. I'm not angry, I'm just shock that my brother is the guy she's been seeing for that long. All I know she has someone who she can't still introduce to me at hindi ko inaakala na kapatid ko pa. 

My brother may really be her heart's will. Kung mahal talaga ng kaibigan ko ang kapatid then I must support them too. The only thing I want for my best friend is a healthy relationship where she will feel sheltered and love.

She said shakingly, "I am so sorry, Clea. I know we have that deal pero gusto ko talaga ang kapatid mo, e."

I know. Our hearts are really stubborn. Even if we already know that it might affect  our entire life ay pipiliin pa rin nito ang magmahal. Katulad ng pagmamahal ko kay Miguel, alam kung marami ang may ayaw pero pinili ko pa rin ang magmahal. Love is really strong. It can cure but most of the time it can break. 

"Ren… you don't have to be sorry for falling in love." Mahina kung paliwanag sa kanya. 

We should never be sorry for taking the risk of falling in love. Masarap magmahal. Love can make you go to places and experience beyond that. Love is a choice and taking a risk from it is what makes you strong dahil hindi lahat nagkakaroon ng tapang magmahal. 

"I just did broke my promise. I'm sorry," she said weakly as if she lost in a gambol. 

"No, it's okay. I understand." I smile even though hindi niya naman nakikita. 

"Did kuya saw Miguel with Maui?" Nag-aalala kung tanong sa kanya ng hindi na siya sumagot sa huli kung sinabi. 

Kuya is in Cebu, Miguel and Maui  is in Cebu. Paano kung makita silang dalawa ni kuya? He could be mad most of the times and he can't control his anger at baka masaktan si Miguel. 

"He was the one who saw your husband with his mistress, Clea." She said sternly which made me shake in nervousness. 

Gad! Paano na?

"What happened?" I ask her frantically at agad hinanap ang isa kung cellphone na nakatago sa drawer. 

That phone is for emergency. Hinalughog ko ang bag at dali-dali hinanap iyon. I should warn Miguel! Bakit ba kasi sa Cebu din pinili ng mokong dalhin ang babae niya. My brother has a temper and Miguel should not receive his wrath.

I dialed Miguel's number shakingly and Karen is still on the other line telling me that my brother is fuming mad at mabuti nalang daw at nakita nila ang asawa niya sa malayo because if ever they cross paths I'm sure Miguel will receive my brother's displeasure. 

He's out of reach… mother fucker! Gustong-gusto talaga nito ang masulo ang kabit niya at ayaw pa-istorbo. I know I'm hurting and the left side of my brain is telling me to let my brother do whatever he wants with my husband for cheating and for hurting me everytime. But my heart and the right state of my mind still wants to protect the man who hurt me. Gustong-gusto pa rin ng puso ko na protektahan ang taong nambasag sa kanya. Indeed, a difficile heart. 

I ended the call with Karen and before that, I told her that she need to stop my brother of whatever he would going to do with Miguel. Pero ang bruha kung kaibigan sinabi ba naman sa'kin na kung suntukin man daw ni kuya ang asawa ko ay dapat maka-isa din siya. 

I really didn't want to do this….. but if this would make Miguel informed that my brother is doing something against him ay ipipikit ko nalang ang mga mata at gagawin ang kahuli-hulihang bagay na dapat gagawin ko. 

I dialed her number… and thankfully she answered. 

"Who's this?" Galit na wika niya sa kabilang linya. 

I saw her multiple times since she also belong in Miguel's past, I just didn't expect that she will pester our marriage life. She's a leech to my marriage. Gad!

" This is, Clea. If you don't know me, I'm Miguel's wife and if you don't know who's Miguel. That Miguel who you are with right now." I fastly said. 

I added, "can you please leave the hotel immediately, my brother is in Cebu and he saw my husband with some bitch and I am afraid he would do something to him-" I emphasized the word husband so she will understand what I am saying, clearly. "Don't worry I won't hinder your lovey-dovey, but don't tell me I didn't warn you for the possibilities!" I shakingly ended the call. 

I didn't realize a single tear fell from my right eye not until it drip in the paper. 

Sinong matinong asawa ang tatawagan ang kabit para lang warningan na susuntukin ng kapatid niya ang asawa niya dahil nakita nito na may kasama itong kabit. 

You're so unbelievable Clea!