My stupid alarm refused to ring.
I'd set it to go off by six, so I'd get enough sleep but still wake up early to have time to get ready for school. However, the stupid thing decided to disappoint me. Although my phone shows me I missed the alarm, I can bet it's lying. There was no way.... My sentence trails off as I recollect blocking my ears with my pillow at the sound of the alarm.
“Mtcheew. It's a lie. That didn't happen.”
On my way to my wardrobe, I stop to glare at my door, flaring my nose. It was the sound of Amanda singing loudly that woke me up. As much as I'm grateful for it, I can't help how angry I feel. It doesn't make any sense: praying loudly. My dad does it all the time. He sings and prays at the top of his voice and there's no stopping him. Because... Well, because I like my life.
I finish taking a shower and I'm about getting dressed when Amanda finishes with her prayer session. A sigh of relief escapes my mouth as I thank God. I just don't get why people pray for as long as forever and on top of that, they pray loudly. Like, didn't you read the part that said close your door and pray silently because God who also sees in secret can hear you and will reward you?
When I'm finished dressing up, I reaffirm that I look okay by checking my reflection in the mirror for the umpteenth time before leaving my room. In the spacious hallway I see Amanda coming out of her room. I wave at her with an effort to smile genuinely and she smiles back as she waves.
After I find a taxi to achool, my mom calls and I feel bad for forgetting to return my family's call.
She asks how I'm doing, if I have any problem and what I have planned for the day, all to which I answer. After a few minutes, we say our goodbye and I tell her to greet the rest of the family when she gets home.
Soon, we hang up and I call my dad. Shockingly, he's calm and doesn't sound upset that I didn't answer his call the night before. We talk for a lesser time than the one spent with my Mom, before we hang up.
The taxi stops at the gate and I get down.
Staring up at the school's name boldly written on the wall above the archway, I take a deep breath to calm my pounding heart.
“This is it,” I think to myself. “University.”
It's hard navigating my way through the students in the taxi rank and finding my classroom, especially when there's no guide book of anything. For close to ten minutes, I stand at an intersection, trying to decide which way to go when I see a dark boy in a white T-shirt and black pair of jeans come my way.
“Hi.” I stop him with a smile.
The tall, dark and handsome boy doesn't look annoyed that I've stopped him and I'm grateful for the dimpled smile he offers when I ask where the Pharmacology hall for 100 level students is.
“It's this way.” He points to his left. “Although, you could've gotten that information from there.” I follow the direction of his pointing finger and it makes me turn back to see the board behind me. On it are names of different Halls, their locations specified with arrows pointing either to the left or the right.
“Are you kidding me?” I chuckle, embarrassed. “I didn't see that there. But they didn't write pharmacology hall.”
“Yeah, the halls aren't named according to their departments. For 100 level, we won't be having our classes in our departments. There's the Alabi V. Ogunjimi hall, Science Lecture Hall one, two and so on like that. Most of the Halls are named after lecturers though.”
“Ah.” I nod.
“Dare!” A girl from across the road calls and it's when he turns I realize that's his name.
He tells her he's coming as he waves, his raised hand bringing the handmade woven bangle around his wrist to my notice. Although the accessory looks simple, it's beauty and engravings catch my eye. The only words I can make out before he puts his hand down are: A, N, I.
“Sorry, but I'll have to go now,” Dare tells me.
“No problem. Thanks a lot for your help.”
“You're welcome. I didn't get your name though.”
“Deborah. But you can call me Debby.”
“Alright, Debby. I'm Da—”
“Dare,” I complete and he chuckles, the dent on his cheeks making him ten times handsome.
“Alright. Take care.”
He faces the road, looking to his right as he waits for the oncoming tricycle to drive by before crossing.
I turn and start my journey to my classroom, a hollow in the pit of my stomach. I had been so happy about leaving home and coming to the university that I forgot to consider how lonely it gets when you're new to a place. It didn't cross my mind because I thought Eric would be there all the time, but now that it's this way, it brings the realization to play.
After stopping a couple of times to reassess my steps, I finally find my hall: Science Lecture Hall II (SLH-II).
Students saunter in and out of the hall, making me wonder if I'm late. Checking my time, I realize I spent thirty minutes searching for this place, that is after the ten minutes spent getting here. In total, forty minutes, so it's possible the morning class has finished.
When I enter the hall, I'm overwhelmed by the crowd I find, endless chatters in the air as a few chase after their companions. It's not what I expected but I can't complain. I'm also not in a learning mood.
The front seats are taken, so I have to walk to the back to find a vacant seat.
The excitement in the air doesn't move me as I rest my chin on my palm, looking out and hoping to find Eric among the crowd. I almost give up when I spot a broad back in semblance with his a couple of distances from where I'm seated.
Although it's his back I see, it's more than enough to prove that I'm right. I've known Eric for close to five years and I might not be his mom or girlfriend, but as his best friend and secret admirer, I have no doubt it's him.
Something stirs in me. My heart flutters and the excitement in the air finally seeps in through my pores, reawakening my system.
I leave my seat but stop to check how I look using my phone's camera. After drying my sweaty face with my handkerchief, I powder my face and then tip-toe his way — though I don't need to. Luckily, the girls with him are so engrossed in their shared conversation that they don't notice me until I reach his back.
“Boo.”
Eric's not startled as he turns to see me, impassive even as I smile.
“I knew it was you I saw from afar," I ignore how stoic his expression is as I say.
“When did you get here?” he asks me, his arms folded over his chest with a book in his hand.
“Not long ago.” I check my phone. “Yikes. It's been two hours already?”
He takes a glance at his wristwatch.
“Eric, we'll talk later, okay?” One of the girls says as she pat his lap and I watch her with a sneer.
“Alright,” he tells her.
The two girls leave, not without shooting me a glare that I return.
Go get your own best friend.
I redirect my gaze to Eric and my shoulders drop. “Are you still angry at me?”
“Do I look angry?” he asks, even though his face speaks volumes.
“You didn't answer my call yesterday. You didn't even call back and right now, you don't look too happy to see me.”
“I'm not angry.”
“Liar.”
My stomach grumbles next, and his eyes, just like mine, dart at it.
“You didn't eat before leaving your house?”
I stare at him with a silly grin. “I woke up late, so I didn't have time to make something.”
“How many times have I warned you against leaving the house without eating?”
Slightly tilting my head upwards, I tap my cheek. “I can't remember. You know you nag too much.”
“So, I'm now a nagger?”
Laughing, I playfully punch his arm. “Someone cannot play with you again.”
He gets up from the table and begins to walk away.
“Where are you going?" I ask him.
He walks on without a word, so I decide to follow him. Slipping his free hand into his pocket, he walks out of the hall and I hasten my pace to catch up with him.
“Where are we going? What if the lecturer decides to enter the class?”
“Then we miss the class.”
“What? I can't believe you just said that. I'm the one that should be saying that since I barely like classes or enjoy it sef. Sometimes I wonder why they made schools in the first place. It feels like an unnecessary burden to me—"
Eric stops my rambling by slapping his book to my mouth. “You talk too much.”
I scowl at him and then cross my eyes, causing him to laugh as he taps my head with the book.
“Ow.”
“Don't ever do that,” he says.
I chuckle. “I knew it'd make you laugh.”
We continue our journey to the canteen as I bombard him with more questions.
...
Words/phrases and their meaning:
* Mtcheew: a form of sigh that shows disapproval.
Till the end of the day, no lecturer enters the hall — even though it's already the second week of resumption — and I'm grateful that I listened to Eric when he said we shouldn't wait.There were many Ither things we needed to do upon resumption and I didn't know about this until Eric informed me. We still had to print some important documents from the student portal, have them signed, make photocopies and submit. According to Eric, we won't be considered students if in our final years these documents aren't in the administrative office.But all I hear Eric say as he explains all we have to do is work, work, work. I was wishing we'll get to sit one place, gist and laugh. But no! We have to work, work, work.By 4, I'm exhausted and thankfully — even though we're not finished — the offices are closed and we're told to come back the following day.“Your house isn't that far from school,” Eric tells me a
It's during the third week of resumption that the lecturers finally decide to take interest in teaching us, however, we all start to wish they give us a break. There's barely time to relax and regroup before the next lecturer enters.It's only a few minutes past one before our schedule clears temporarily. I'm on my way out of the hall with Eric, when a demanding voice stops me in my tracks. It sounds like it's for me, so I turn and see the lecturer pointing my way.When I put my hand to my chest he nods.“I'm coming,” I tell Eric.Before he can ask where I'm going, I'm on my way to the lecturer, Mr Alabi V. Ogunjimi. He's our CHM 110 (Introduction to Organic Chemistry) lecturer, whose class we finished a few minutes ago and apparently, a prestigious lecturer whose tremendous deeds caused the school to name a hall after him.“Good afternoon, sir," I greet.
When we walk through the wicket-gate of my hostel, I'm glad to see there's light. The caretaker didn't really lie. This place is a different breed of Lagos.“You guys are enjoying light here o," Eric says as we approach the stairwell.“You guys don't have light like this?"“Have light ke? It's mostly at night and that one doesn't pass two hours before they take it.”“Ah-ah. So how do you guys survive? Where do you charge your phone?”“One of my flatmates brought gen when he resumed, and that's what we're using. He's connected it so everyone in our flat has light when it's on. We all just contribute for fuel.”“Wow. That guy is nice o. If it's some people, they won't care.”“Harry is a cool guy. He's not greedy in any way.”We get to my flat and I'm surprised to see an unfamiliar face coming out of the room next to Amanda's, an older guy behind h
Annie sings at the top of her voice while Amanda prays like she wants to pull the heavens down, when all I want to do is get a minutes sleep before my alarm rings.“Buzzzzzz!” Too late, my phone blares and I sit up, throwing my pillow to the floor.My nose flares as I huff. Clenching my hands into fists, I prepare to give those girls a piece of my mind. But after a while, I calm myself down. As much as I mean no harm, one of them might see it the wrong way — like I'm overreacting. In the end, things will only get worse for me.Clumping over to my phone on the table, I dismiss the alarm. As I'm about to go to my wardrobe, my phone rings, causing my heart to lurch upwards.For the past week, Mr Victor won't stop calling. Every morning and night, he calls and also sends a text — none of which are appropriate. I wish to tell Eric, bu
It's a Sunday morning and although I should be in bed, I'm all over the place trying on clothes upon clothes.I haven't been to Eric's place before, since he's mostly always coming over to mine. So, since he couldn't make it today, I decide to go over instead.The materials for my joint business with Dare have been bought the day before. I ran out of thread last night, and since it's a Sunday, hardly any shops are opened.Once I'm done dressing up, I grab my bag, food flask. On my way out, I meet Amanda in the hallway."Good morning," she says."Good morning.""I see you're also on your way to church."I spot the Bible in her hand. "Oh. No, I'm on my way to a friend's.""So you won't
Nothing interests me.The guys are filled with enthusiasm as they take turns playing a game of PES, Mariam talking with two girls at one corner of the living room.I'm seated on the armchair adjacent the guys, my legs pressed together as I ask myself over and over again why I'm here. Nothing was stopping me from going back home when I saw Mariam at the gate except my coconut head.Eric only said a hello, not even sparing me a glance as he furiously played against the guys, making a mockery of every one of them that steps in to challenge him.My pee threatens to spill, so I maintain a tightly closed laps. I don't know why now. Why of all times my bladder chose now to be a bastard.Despite my efforts, I can't hold it in any longer. I've been waiting to see if Eric will lose, but it's obvious I
Maybe Amanda is right. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship — even though there's no one to have a relationship with.Perhaps it's for the best that Eric has Mariam. It gives me the chance to be serious with other things in my life: like school, sewing and many other things that I can't think of at the moment.For dramatic effect, I scroll over to my dramatic playlist and play a song that fits how I'm feeling.Confident by Demi Lovato begins as I fold my bandana and scrutinize it to be sure the shape is perfect before tying it around my head.I'm careful not to mess up my room as I pick out a dress and shoes, gather my books into my bag and then check the mirror. There's a new pimple on my forehead, and although I want to pop it, I stay away. Popping it only worsens it, the internet said.
“You told me you didn't give him your number,” Eric says.After our eyes locked, he came and asked me to follow him. Mariam, who had just walked out of the canteen, didn't look so happy to see us together. But I didn't mind her as I followed Eric, mouthing an apology to Caleb when he saw me leaving from afar.We're in one of the empty halls close to where we receive lectures.“I didn't think it'll turn out like this,” I say, unable to meet his gaze.“You didn't think it'll turn out like this?” Eric repeats, disappointment clear in his tone. “Dora, what did I tell you when that man first called you aside? I said that man is worse than the devil's incarnate. What did you think that meant? That it was just a metaphor I was toying with?”“I'm sorry.”
To my dearest readers,I know not many will read this, but to those who will, I hope you receive my message well.I’ve been wanting to write something at the end of this book. An author's note was what I had in mind: a note where I merely deliver my gratitude to you all for devoting your time to this book and also inform you of my plans for it. But as the ending drew nearer, the idea didn’t sit well with me. It wasn’t until I was editing the last few chapters, that I realized what I wanted to do.I made a Facebook and WhatsApp post recently, stating my latest discovery about my books being letters that I write to myself before releasing to the world. (It's true. I write to myself, before I write to you.)So with that in mind, I decided to write you a letter. I don’t know how long this will be, but hopefully, it won't be too long to bore you to death. Lol.When I decided to write ‘Finding
Amanda's birthday is only two days away, and Annie and I want to surprise her. We told the guys, who are in on the plan, and so have been on a hush-hush around her. Although I suspect that Amanda knows we're up to something, Annie says I'm being paranoid.“What do you think Amanda would like as a present?” Dare asks as we enter the gift shop.“I don't really know,” I reply. “If you asked me what Annie likes, I'll tell you it's a headband straightaway. That, and lots of chocolate. But with Amanda, you can never really tell. She doesn't obsess over anything the way I obsess over music and Annie over novels. She's always this meh,” — I shrug — “kind of girl.”He exhales loudly. “That's the same problem I'm having. It's like she's hard to impress.”“Yeah.”We find some beautiful gift wrappings and balloons that we buy.Luckily, Amanda's birthday is on a Sunday (which is in two day
After Eric manages to have a bath, the guys disinfect the wound and help him to the bed where he sits.Because they're finished, I tiptoe into the room like the coward I am. Unable to stomach how bad he looked, I vomited in one of the bathrooms and was told to stay outside till they were done.Eric's eyes are closed, and I'm about to leave when he speaks, “This is why you should stick to sewing.”I turn to see his one good eye is opened. Chuckling nervously, I sit beside him.“Chai. See your eye. How are you feeling?” I ask.“Like I'm sitting on pins and needles. My whole body hurts.”“Sorry.” I pout and pat his shoulder. “Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?”He nods, takes my hand and interlaces our fingers. My heart skips a beat, but I don't pay any attention to it this time.“Why did those idiots beat you up?” I ask.
Annie and I throw ourselves at Amanda when she arrives at the door, almost making her fall back as she laughs.“You people should not kill me o,” she says before we pull away.“I was already planning how I'll come to your house and beat you up if you don't show today,” Annie says, and Amanda chuckles.Just then, Amanda's parents arrive at the stairs with the rest of her bags.“Good morning, sir. Good morning, ma,” Annie and I greet as we hurry over to help them.“God bless you, my children,” Amanda's dad says as they leave the bags for us.We take Amanda's bags to her room and come out to meet her parents — since she said they had something to say to us.“First of all, I want to thank you two for what you're doing for our daughter,” Amanda's dad says. “As a parent, I'm ashamed that I can't even provide for my own child and have to depend on you two.” His eyes water,
Thunder rumbles as it pours heavily outside. Luckily, I have a hoodie on (Eric’s hoodie). I didn’t know it was going to rain, so I wore a short-sleeved blouse, which didn’t save me from shivering when it started to rain. Eric had removed his sweater and handed it to me. When I refused it, he dumped it on my head and went away.Classes ended thirty minutes ago, and I'd have been on my way home if Eric didn't leave for his departmental meeting. While waiting, I spotted Dare at the front of the hall. He saw me too and waved before coming over to sit with me.“So she won't be coming to school again?” Dare asks.“Annabel and I told her to come. It'll not pass we'll pay for her T-fare and also share our food with her.”“Aww. That's so nice of you guys.” He pulls me close and pecks my forehead.I giggle and he lets go, laughing.“Honestly, you guys did well. Amanda is a very intelligent la
Staring at my mirror makes me realize how much weight I've put on. Although it's not impossible to have added this much weight. If I wasn't munching on a snack I bought, I was either rummaging the fridge for something to throw into my mouth or checking the cupboard for something to cook — that is if there's no already-cooked food at home.I notice how flabby my stomach is and try to tuck it in. This makes it difficult for me to breathe, so I heave out a sigh.“Don't worry; before two weeks, I'll lose all of these,” I tell myself with a grin.After closing my Bible, I pen the last question I have and then shut my journal.Before I left home, the Head-pastor and I talked about a few specific things I could do when less busy. These things are habits that are very necessary to aid my growth into a better person. These include reading my Bible and journaling my thoughts and findings: at the end of the week, I d
I'm slumped on my bed, about to doze off when Joy wakes me.“Dad is calling you.”The journey back from the church's headquarters was crazy long. Although I wasn't the one driving, my body weighs like a bag of cement. And all I want to do is sleep. Not talk.Mom and dad are in their room, so I knock before I'm being told to enter.While mom is unpacking, dad is going through his drawer in search of something.“You sent for me,” I say.He looks up at me before closing the drawer. “Your mom said you're the one that packed my other bag. Where did you keep my shaving stick?”“It's in your bag.” I go over to the bed, open the side-zip of his bag and take out the shaving stick.“You'll be going back to school tomorrow, correct?” he asks as he collects the shaving stick.“Yes, sir.”He tilts the shaving stick over and over
It's easier said than done: forgiving oneself, that is. Because when the time comes, the internal struggle makes those words sound so stupid.When the Head-pastor asked me if I could forgive myself, I hesitated. And when I finally replied, I told him maybe. That I wasn't sure.Why? Because it was when he asked if I could forgive myself that I realized just as Eric was wrong for having sex with me, I'm also wrong for letting him. Eric didn't rape me. I've been so angry at him that I didn't think to ask myself who gave him the green light.No one can disrespect you if you don't give them a reason to. I motivated Eric to do what he did. I'm the reason I was used that way.“Achoo!” I shiver on my bed as my mom touches my forehead.“I don't think this is only catarrh,” she says. “It seems like malaria.”“Malaria ke?” I ask. “How come?”
“Forgiveness,” the Head-pastor says. “It's the hardest thing for any human to do, yet the easiest thing for our God to do. God forgives so easily, that it amazes me every time. He killed that person, yet the simple fact that he's remorseful is enough to make God forgive him. There's no sin our father in heaven cannot forgive. As long as you are willing to repent; as long as you acknowledge your mistake, and you're willing to turn a new leaf, he's willing to forgive. Do you know why? It's because He loves us. He loves us so much that He's waiting for us, despite all that we do. He's waiting for us to make that right choice.“Just like He forgave David for stealing another man's wife, He forgave the prostitute who saved the Israelite spies. He also forgave the woman who committed adultery and was brought to him to be condemned. Just as He forgave these people and more, He's willing to forgive us.”***While mom and dad are b