When we walk through the wicket-gate of my hostel, I'm glad to see there's light. The caretaker didn't really lie. This place is a different breed of Lagos.
“You guys are enjoying light here o," Eric says as we approach the stairwell.
“You guys don't have light like this?"
“Have light ke? It's mostly at night and that one doesn't pass two hours before they take it.”
“Ah-ah. So how do you guys survive? Where do you charge your phone?”
“One of my flatmates brought gen when he resumed, and that's what we're using. He's connected it so everyone in our flat has light when it's on. We all just contribute for fuel.”
“Wow. That guy is nice o. If it's some people, they won't care.”
“Harry is a cool guy. He's not greedy in any way.”
We get to my flat and I'm surprised to see an unfamiliar face coming out of the room next to Amanda's, an older guy behind her. The dark-skinned girl's wearing a bum short that shows off her long, slim legs and she's got a full stop-ring on the left side of her nose.
“Hi,” I greet.
“Hi," she returns and moves on with the guy who doesn't utter a word of greeting as they reach the door.
“Your flatmate?” Eric asks after he turns from getting a look at them as they left the house.
“I guess,” I say and unlock my door.
We enter and I don't move any further as Eric hits my back.
“What is it?”
My room is a fucking mess!
Whipping around, I smile nervously. “Why don't you give me a minute?”
He gives me a look. “Your room is unkempt, right?”
“Just a bit.”
“Okay.” He turns to go so when I've let my guard down, he pushes his way into my room.
“Eric!” I hurry after him.
He stands in the middle of my mess, hands on his waist as he takes it all in. “Dora, Dora. You can never change.”
“I was in a hurry this morning," I say as I close the door and begin to pick up my clothes, pausing to stare, agape, at the underwear close to his shoe.
“You're always in a hurry,” he says, oblivious to my panicked state.
He's about to turn when I run over and pick up my underwear, his knee ramming into my forehead.
The force causes me to stumble back as I fall with my butt hitting the floor. “Ow!”
“Sorry,” he hurriedly lets out. “What do you think you were trying to do?”
“I was getting my clothes,” I say as I rise to my feet, the underwear balled in one hand while I rubbed my forehead with the other.
“Did I hurt you?” He removes my hand to rub my forehead.
The proximity causes goosebumps to trail the length of my arms as I bask in his scent.
“Does it hurt?” He rubs my forehead furiously and my head goes back, my neck beginning to hurt.
“Break my head o,” I say and slap his hands away.
He laughs as I go over to my wardrobe to keep my underwear.
“How many clothes have you sown since you got here?” he asks and plops on my bed.
“Two. Both are mine.”
“What of your flatmates? Have you told them?”
“I already told Annie and Amanda, and they assured me if they want to sow or they get anyone, they'll come to me,” I answer as I pick up my clothes from the floor, bed and chair.
“Alright,” he says and takes out his phone from his pocket.
“Where are we going to start from in the Chemistry?”
“Where and where don't you understand?” he asks, not removing his gaze from his phone.
“From the beginning.”
His head snaps up and I grin sheepishly.
“You don't understand from the very beginning?” he asks.
“The man kept speed talking so it was hard to get anything.”
“But it's not hard. All we're doing now is a repetition of what we did in SS3.”
“Doesn't mean I understood any of it in SS3.” I scowl as I go over to my wardrobe.
“But I taught you everything.”
“Yes,” I say, folding one of my dresses delicately. “But unlike you, I'm not cut out for school.”
“The more you say it, the more it becomes true.”
“No matter how much I say it, it doesn't change the fact that I'm an airhead.”
“You're not an airhead,” he says with a frown that makes my heart melt. “You don't remember it now doesn't mean you can't understand it when your memory is refreshed. Stop downcasting yourself.”
There are so many butterflies in my belly that I feel afloat. “Okay.”
After packing my clothes, I put other things in order while Eric picks up the broom and helps me sweep, unaware that I'm watching him with a smile on my face.
When he's finished, we get down to the Chemistry note and he takes his time explaining it to me. Although he's taught me the topic before, he's patient and answers all my questions.
This is one of the many reasons it's hard for me to get over him. Eric doesn't judge me. He's always patient with me. Always by my side.
***
Eric left a while ago and I had just taken a shower when my phone rang.
Still dripping wet with my towel wrapped around my chest and feet on my rag, I shuffle over to my plugged phone. My brows crumple when I don't recognize the number.
“Hello,” I answer the call.
The voice that answers is familiar and it sends chills down my spine with its response. “Hello, beautiful.”
“Goo— good evening, sir.”
His laughter does nothing to ease the tension in my shoulders or loosen the knots in my stomach.
“My name is Victor. Why not call me that?”
“I'm sorry, sir, but I can't.”
“And why can't you?”
“Because, not only are you my lecturer, but you're also old enough to be my father.”
“So? Am I your father?”
“No, sir.”
“Ehen! So why should you be addressing me as though I'm your father?”
I start to believe that Mr Victor enjoys throwing trick questions my way, so I don't answer him.
“Anyway, I'm sure in due time, you'll get over this your sir attitude.”
In due time, I hope you'll stop calling. This man gives me the creeps and the fact that he's my lecturer leaves me clueless on how to tell him off.
“I called so you can save my number,” he says. “You'll save my number right?”
“Y-yes, sir.”
“Good. If you have any problem, I mean, any problem at all, you give me a call, okay?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Okay, ma,” he says, laughing to his own joke as I spare him a faint chuckle. “I have to go now. Talk to you later.”
“Okay, sir.”
“Sleep well, beautiful.”
...
Words/phrases and their meaning:
* Gen: a short form of generator
* SS3: Senior secondary-3, the final class for High School in Nigeria.
Annie sings at the top of her voice while Amanda prays like she wants to pull the heavens down, when all I want to do is get a minutes sleep before my alarm rings.“Buzzzzzz!” Too late, my phone blares and I sit up, throwing my pillow to the floor.My nose flares as I huff. Clenching my hands into fists, I prepare to give those girls a piece of my mind. But after a while, I calm myself down. As much as I mean no harm, one of them might see it the wrong way — like I'm overreacting. In the end, things will only get worse for me.Clumping over to my phone on the table, I dismiss the alarm. As I'm about to go to my wardrobe, my phone rings, causing my heart to lurch upwards.For the past week, Mr Victor won't stop calling. Every morning and night, he calls and also sends a text — none of which are appropriate. I wish to tell Eric, bu
It's a Sunday morning and although I should be in bed, I'm all over the place trying on clothes upon clothes.I haven't been to Eric's place before, since he's mostly always coming over to mine. So, since he couldn't make it today, I decide to go over instead.The materials for my joint business with Dare have been bought the day before. I ran out of thread last night, and since it's a Sunday, hardly any shops are opened.Once I'm done dressing up, I grab my bag, food flask. On my way out, I meet Amanda in the hallway."Good morning," she says."Good morning.""I see you're also on your way to church."I spot the Bible in her hand. "Oh. No, I'm on my way to a friend's.""So you won't
Nothing interests me.The guys are filled with enthusiasm as they take turns playing a game of PES, Mariam talking with two girls at one corner of the living room.I'm seated on the armchair adjacent the guys, my legs pressed together as I ask myself over and over again why I'm here. Nothing was stopping me from going back home when I saw Mariam at the gate except my coconut head.Eric only said a hello, not even sparing me a glance as he furiously played against the guys, making a mockery of every one of them that steps in to challenge him.My pee threatens to spill, so I maintain a tightly closed laps. I don't know why now. Why of all times my bladder chose now to be a bastard.Despite my efforts, I can't hold it in any longer. I've been waiting to see if Eric will lose, but it's obvious I
Maybe Amanda is right. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship — even though there's no one to have a relationship with.Perhaps it's for the best that Eric has Mariam. It gives me the chance to be serious with other things in my life: like school, sewing and many other things that I can't think of at the moment.For dramatic effect, I scroll over to my dramatic playlist and play a song that fits how I'm feeling.Confident by Demi Lovato begins as I fold my bandana and scrutinize it to be sure the shape is perfect before tying it around my head.I'm careful not to mess up my room as I pick out a dress and shoes, gather my books into my bag and then check the mirror. There's a new pimple on my forehead, and although I want to pop it, I stay away. Popping it only worsens it, the internet said.
“You told me you didn't give him your number,” Eric says.After our eyes locked, he came and asked me to follow him. Mariam, who had just walked out of the canteen, didn't look so happy to see us together. But I didn't mind her as I followed Eric, mouthing an apology to Caleb when he saw me leaving from afar.We're in one of the empty halls close to where we receive lectures.“I didn't think it'll turn out like this,” I say, unable to meet his gaze.“You didn't think it'll turn out like this?” Eric repeats, disappointment clear in his tone. “Dora, what did I tell you when that man first called you aside? I said that man is worse than the devil's incarnate. What did you think that meant? That it was just a metaphor I was toying with?”“I'm sorry.”
My dress is missing.First, my underwear. Now, my dress. Anger stirs within me, flooding my veins even as I try to stay calm.I love that dress. I made it myself. That dress is the first complicated dress I ever got right on my own, and now, it's missing.As I rummage in my bag, I'm on the verge of tears.It has to be here somewhere, I keep telling myself. Yet, as I dig deeper into my wardrobe, search my bags and hanger, I realize that it's nowhere amidst my stuff. Even my drying rack is empty.Storming out of the balcony, I try to think up a prime suspect amongst my flatmates. There's no way my dress could've grown wings and flown away. Someone must have taken it. But who? Who could've stolen my dress?When I knock on Amanda's door, and she says to come in, I immediately strike her off my list.The only furniture in her room is the flatbed she
“You still haven't told me why you threw that fine flower away,” Annie tells me while we're talking — with Amanda included — in the living room.I'm still contemplating my reply, when Diamond storms into the house, sending all of us to our feet.Upon seeing her swollen cheeks and tears leaking from her black eye, we run toward her.“Diamond.” I gasp as she covers her face.“What happened to you?” Annie asks.“Blood of Jesus,” Amanda says with her hands over her mouth.Diamond doesn't answer anybody as she goes straight to her room and locks the door.The three of us exchange puzzled glances, each asking a question of our own with no one to give us answers.***
The men in the living room have every girl confused, except Diamond who's ecstatic as she tells them where to put the rug, chairs, TV and tables of different sizes.“Diamond, what's happening here?” Annie goes to ask Diamond while we trail her.“Can't you see what's happening?”“I can see what's happening, but what I don't understand is... Did you buy all these?”“No. Charles did.”Charles? Her boyfriend.I can't believe how easy Diamond is; this guy literally pounded on her, leaving bruises that prevented her from leaving the house until they were completely healed. Rather than dumping his ass, she's here smiling like it's totally normal to be pulverized by your fellow human being, as long as they've got money to satisfy your needs. It's quite s
To my dearest readers,I know not many will read this, but to those who will, I hope you receive my message well.I’ve been wanting to write something at the end of this book. An author's note was what I had in mind: a note where I merely deliver my gratitude to you all for devoting your time to this book and also inform you of my plans for it. But as the ending drew nearer, the idea didn’t sit well with me. It wasn’t until I was editing the last few chapters, that I realized what I wanted to do.I made a Facebook and WhatsApp post recently, stating my latest discovery about my books being letters that I write to myself before releasing to the world. (It's true. I write to myself, before I write to you.)So with that in mind, I decided to write you a letter. I don’t know how long this will be, but hopefully, it won't be too long to bore you to death. Lol.When I decided to write ‘Finding
Amanda's birthday is only two days away, and Annie and I want to surprise her. We told the guys, who are in on the plan, and so have been on a hush-hush around her. Although I suspect that Amanda knows we're up to something, Annie says I'm being paranoid.“What do you think Amanda would like as a present?” Dare asks as we enter the gift shop.“I don't really know,” I reply. “If you asked me what Annie likes, I'll tell you it's a headband straightaway. That, and lots of chocolate. But with Amanda, you can never really tell. She doesn't obsess over anything the way I obsess over music and Annie over novels. She's always this meh,” — I shrug — “kind of girl.”He exhales loudly. “That's the same problem I'm having. It's like she's hard to impress.”“Yeah.”We find some beautiful gift wrappings and balloons that we buy.Luckily, Amanda's birthday is on a Sunday (which is in two day
After Eric manages to have a bath, the guys disinfect the wound and help him to the bed where he sits.Because they're finished, I tiptoe into the room like the coward I am. Unable to stomach how bad he looked, I vomited in one of the bathrooms and was told to stay outside till they were done.Eric's eyes are closed, and I'm about to leave when he speaks, “This is why you should stick to sewing.”I turn to see his one good eye is opened. Chuckling nervously, I sit beside him.“Chai. See your eye. How are you feeling?” I ask.“Like I'm sitting on pins and needles. My whole body hurts.”“Sorry.” I pout and pat his shoulder. “Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?”He nods, takes my hand and interlaces our fingers. My heart skips a beat, but I don't pay any attention to it this time.“Why did those idiots beat you up?” I ask.
Annie and I throw ourselves at Amanda when she arrives at the door, almost making her fall back as she laughs.“You people should not kill me o,” she says before we pull away.“I was already planning how I'll come to your house and beat you up if you don't show today,” Annie says, and Amanda chuckles.Just then, Amanda's parents arrive at the stairs with the rest of her bags.“Good morning, sir. Good morning, ma,” Annie and I greet as we hurry over to help them.“God bless you, my children,” Amanda's dad says as they leave the bags for us.We take Amanda's bags to her room and come out to meet her parents — since she said they had something to say to us.“First of all, I want to thank you two for what you're doing for our daughter,” Amanda's dad says. “As a parent, I'm ashamed that I can't even provide for my own child and have to depend on you two.” His eyes water,
Thunder rumbles as it pours heavily outside. Luckily, I have a hoodie on (Eric’s hoodie). I didn’t know it was going to rain, so I wore a short-sleeved blouse, which didn’t save me from shivering when it started to rain. Eric had removed his sweater and handed it to me. When I refused it, he dumped it on my head and went away.Classes ended thirty minutes ago, and I'd have been on my way home if Eric didn't leave for his departmental meeting. While waiting, I spotted Dare at the front of the hall. He saw me too and waved before coming over to sit with me.“So she won't be coming to school again?” Dare asks.“Annabel and I told her to come. It'll not pass we'll pay for her T-fare and also share our food with her.”“Aww. That's so nice of you guys.” He pulls me close and pecks my forehead.I giggle and he lets go, laughing.“Honestly, you guys did well. Amanda is a very intelligent la
Staring at my mirror makes me realize how much weight I've put on. Although it's not impossible to have added this much weight. If I wasn't munching on a snack I bought, I was either rummaging the fridge for something to throw into my mouth or checking the cupboard for something to cook — that is if there's no already-cooked food at home.I notice how flabby my stomach is and try to tuck it in. This makes it difficult for me to breathe, so I heave out a sigh.“Don't worry; before two weeks, I'll lose all of these,” I tell myself with a grin.After closing my Bible, I pen the last question I have and then shut my journal.Before I left home, the Head-pastor and I talked about a few specific things I could do when less busy. These things are habits that are very necessary to aid my growth into a better person. These include reading my Bible and journaling my thoughts and findings: at the end of the week, I d
I'm slumped on my bed, about to doze off when Joy wakes me.“Dad is calling you.”The journey back from the church's headquarters was crazy long. Although I wasn't the one driving, my body weighs like a bag of cement. And all I want to do is sleep. Not talk.Mom and dad are in their room, so I knock before I'm being told to enter.While mom is unpacking, dad is going through his drawer in search of something.“You sent for me,” I say.He looks up at me before closing the drawer. “Your mom said you're the one that packed my other bag. Where did you keep my shaving stick?”“It's in your bag.” I go over to the bed, open the side-zip of his bag and take out the shaving stick.“You'll be going back to school tomorrow, correct?” he asks as he collects the shaving stick.“Yes, sir.”He tilts the shaving stick over and over
It's easier said than done: forgiving oneself, that is. Because when the time comes, the internal struggle makes those words sound so stupid.When the Head-pastor asked me if I could forgive myself, I hesitated. And when I finally replied, I told him maybe. That I wasn't sure.Why? Because it was when he asked if I could forgive myself that I realized just as Eric was wrong for having sex with me, I'm also wrong for letting him. Eric didn't rape me. I've been so angry at him that I didn't think to ask myself who gave him the green light.No one can disrespect you if you don't give them a reason to. I motivated Eric to do what he did. I'm the reason I was used that way.“Achoo!” I shiver on my bed as my mom touches my forehead.“I don't think this is only catarrh,” she says. “It seems like malaria.”“Malaria ke?” I ask. “How come?”
“Forgiveness,” the Head-pastor says. “It's the hardest thing for any human to do, yet the easiest thing for our God to do. God forgives so easily, that it amazes me every time. He killed that person, yet the simple fact that he's remorseful is enough to make God forgive him. There's no sin our father in heaven cannot forgive. As long as you are willing to repent; as long as you acknowledge your mistake, and you're willing to turn a new leaf, he's willing to forgive. Do you know why? It's because He loves us. He loves us so much that He's waiting for us, despite all that we do. He's waiting for us to make that right choice.“Just like He forgave David for stealing another man's wife, He forgave the prostitute who saved the Israelite spies. He also forgave the woman who committed adultery and was brought to him to be condemned. Just as He forgave these people and more, He's willing to forgive us.”***While mom and dad are b