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10: The bitter truth
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Nothing interests me.
The guys are filled with enthusiasm as they take turns playing a game of PES, Mariam talking with two girls at one corner of the living room.
I'm seated on the armchair adjacent the guys, my legs pressed together as I ask myself over and over again why I'm here. Nothing was stopping me from going back home when I saw Mariam at the gate except my coconut head.
Eric only said a hello, not even sparing me a glance as he furiously played against the guys, making a mockery of every one of them that steps in to challenge him.
My pee threatens to spill, so I maintain a tightly closed laps. I don't know why now. Why of all times my bladder chose now to be a bastard.
Despite my efforts, I can't hold it in any longer. I've been waiting to see if Eric will lose, but it's obvious I
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Finding Us 11: Flowers for my beautiful
Maybe Amanda is right. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship — even though there's no one to have a relationship with.Perhaps it's for the best that Eric has Mariam. It gives me the chance to be serious with other things in my life: like school, sewing and many other things that I can't think of at the moment.For dramatic effect, I scroll over to my dramatic playlist and play a song that fits how I'm feeling.Confident by Demi Lovato begins as I fold my bandana and scrutinize it to be sure the shape is perfect before tying it around my head.I'm careful not to mess up my room as I pick out a dress and shoes, gather my books into my bag and then check the mirror. There's a new pimple on my forehead, and although I want to pop it, I stay away. Popping it only worsens it, the internet said.
Finding Us 12: The other side
“You told me you didn't give him your number,” Eric says.After our eyes locked, he came and asked me to follow him. Mariam, who had just walked out of the canteen, didn't look so happy to see us together. But I didn't mind her as I followed Eric, mouthing an apology to Caleb when he saw me leaving from afar.We're in one of the empty halls close to where we receive lectures.“I didn't think it'll turn out like this,” I say, unable to meet his gaze.“You didn't think it'll turn out like this?” Eric repeats, disappointment clear in his tone. “Dora, what did I tell you when that man first called you aside? I said that man is worse than the devil's incarnate. What did you think that meant? That it was just a metaphor I was toying with?”“I'm sorry.”
Finding Us 13: A thief lives with us
My dress is missing.First, my underwear. Now, my dress. Anger stirs within me, flooding my veins even as I try to stay calm.I love that dress. I made it myself. That dress is the first complicated dress I ever got right on my own, and now, it's missing.As I rummage in my bag, I'm on the verge of tears.It has to be here somewhere, I keep telling myself. Yet, as I dig deeper into my wardrobe, search my bags and hanger, I realize that it's nowhere amidst my stuff. Even my drying rack is empty.Storming out of the balcony, I try to think up a prime suspect amongst my flatmates. There's no way my dress could've grown wings and flown away. Someone must have taken it. But who? Who could've stolen my dress?When I knock on Amanda's door, and she says to come in, I immediately strike her off my list.The only furniture in her room is the flatbed she
Finding Us 14: Yoruba Demond
“You still haven't told me why you threw that fine flower away,” Annie tells me while we're talking — with Amanda included — in the living room.I'm still contemplating my reply, when Diamond storms into the house, sending all of us to our feet.Upon seeing her swollen cheeks and tears leaking from her black eye, we run toward her.“Diamond.” I gasp as she covers her face.“What happened to you?” Annie asks.“Blood of Jesus,” Amanda says with her hands over her mouth.Diamond doesn't answer anybody as she goes straight to her room and locks the door.The three of us exchange puzzled glances, each asking a question of our own with no one to give us answers.***
Finding Us 15: “I don't owe you anything”
The men in the living room have every girl confused, except Diamond who's ecstatic as she tells them where to put the rug, chairs, TV and tables of different sizes.“Diamond, what's happening here?” Annie goes to ask Diamond while we trail her.“Can't you see what's happening?”“I can see what's happening, but what I don't understand is... Did you buy all these?”“No. Charles did.”Charles? Her boyfriend.I can't believe how easy Diamond is; this guy literally pounded on her, leaving bruises that prevented her from leaving the house until they were completely healed. Rather than dumping his ass, she's here smiling like it's totally normal to be pulverized by your fellow human being, as long as they've got money to satisfy your needs. It's quite s
Finding Us 16: From a different perspective
All that rings in my head is, “I don't owe you anything, so no”, thus, making it hard to grasp a word Eric is saying.Maybe it's true he doesn't owe me anything, but I simply can't get over his straight face and the tone he used. It's what's messing with my brain. It's what has me realizing Eric will never see me as someone more than just a friend. It's what has me understanding that I should just give this whole thing up.Eric lets out a groan, his eyes shut tightly as he leans back to look at him.I stare at the equation he's been trying to teach me for the past thirty minutes, refusing to meet his gaze because I know I'll only see the frustration I'm causing him.“What's wrong?” he asks, shutting the book I'm staring at, and it forces me to look at him.I return my gaze to the book.
Finding Us 17: What are you scared of?
I can't sleep.Not because Eric is right beside me, but because my latest revelation won't stop taunting me. It makes me feel stupid. No wonder Eric will never like me. I'll only be weighing him down.This thought has had me up for a long while, only staring at Eric when he takes a deep breath. Why in the world did I think a guy like Eric will like someone like me? My brain cells aren't even complete, neither are my facial features something to write about.If I'm a guy and I have to choose between myself and Mariam, I'll definitely go for Mariam. Not only is she beautiful, but her brain cells aren't as dormant as mine.“You can't sleep?” Eric's voice startles me.He inhales deeply as he turns over to lay on his side, his fist under his cheek.“I
Finding Us 18: Scared of the worse
The look Annie gives me when she opens the door prompts me to explain myself in details. However, she stops my rambling with a snicker and tells me I don't owe her an explanation. Then she walks away and starts to sing aloud.Amanda's voice is loud in prayer while Diamond's Bluetooth speaker is turned up so that it somehow overshadows the girls' voices. It's the usual noise I'm subjected to every morning, but this time, it doesn't annoy me. Instead, it makes me smile.I woke up feeling better. Although there's the fact that I'm a useless friend to Eric, I don't know, something about our conversation last night makes me feel a little... useful.The girls are all finished and are on their way to school by the time I'm done, so we leave together.“Ehen, Zhaki came last night to tell us that we should
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To my dearest readers,I know not many will read this, but to those who will, I hope you receive my message well.I’ve been wanting to write something at the end of this book. An author's note was what I had in mind: a note where I merely deliver my gratitude to you all for devoting your time to this book and also inform you of my plans for it. But as the ending drew nearer, the idea didn’t sit well with me. It wasn’t until I was editing the last few chapters, that I realized what I wanted to do.I made a Facebook and WhatsApp post recently, stating my latest discovery about my books being letters that I write to myself before releasing to the world. (It's true. I write to myself, before I write to you.)So with that in mind, I decided to write you a letter. I don’t know how long this will be, but hopefully, it won't be too long to bore you to death. Lol.When I decided to write ‘Finding
Finding Us 46: Change happens II
Amanda's birthday is only two days away, and Annie and I want to surprise her. We told the guys, who are in on the plan, and so have been on a hush-hush around her. Although I suspect that Amanda knows we're up to something, Annie says I'm being paranoid.“What do you think Amanda would like as a present?” Dare asks as we enter the gift shop.“I don't really know,” I reply. “If you asked me what Annie likes, I'll tell you it's a headband straightaway. That, and lots of chocolate. But with Amanda, you can never really tell. She doesn't obsess over anything the way I obsess over music and Annie over novels. She's always this meh,” — I shrug — “kind of girl.”He exhales loudly. “That's the same problem I'm having. It's like she's hard to impress.”“Yeah.”We find some beautiful gift wrappings and balloons that we buy.Luckily, Amanda's birthday is on a Sunday (which is in two day
Finding Us 45: Change happens I
After Eric manages to have a bath, the guys disinfect the wound and help him to the bed where he sits.Because they're finished, I tiptoe into the room like the coward I am. Unable to stomach how bad he looked, I vomited in one of the bathrooms and was told to stay outside till they were done.Eric's eyes are closed, and I'm about to leave when he speaks, “This is why you should stick to sewing.”I turn to see his one good eye is opened. Chuckling nervously, I sit beside him.“Chai. See your eye. How are you feeling?” I ask.“Like I'm sitting on pins and needles. My whole body hurts.”“Sorry.” I pout and pat his shoulder. “Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?”He nods, takes my hand and interlaces our fingers. My heart skips a beat, but I don't pay any attention to it this time.“Why did those idiots beat you up?” I ask.
Finding Us 44: Beaten up
Annie and I throw ourselves at Amanda when she arrives at the door, almost making her fall back as she laughs.“You people should not kill me o,” she says before we pull away.“I was already planning how I'll come to your house and beat you up if you don't show today,” Annie says, and Amanda chuckles.Just then, Amanda's parents arrive at the stairs with the rest of her bags.“Good morning, sir. Good morning, ma,” Annie and I greet as we hurry over to help them.“God bless you, my children,” Amanda's dad says as they leave the bags for us.We take Amanda's bags to her room and come out to meet her parents — since she said they had something to say to us.“First of all, I want to thank you two for what you're doing for our daughter,” Amanda's dad says. “As a parent, I'm ashamed that I can't even provide for my own child and have to depend on you two.” His eyes water,
Finding Us 43: Good friends
Thunder rumbles as it pours heavily outside. Luckily, I have a hoodie on (Eric’s hoodie). I didn’t know it was going to rain, so I wore a short-sleeved blouse, which didn’t save me from shivering when it started to rain. Eric had removed his sweater and handed it to me. When I refused it, he dumped it on my head and went away.Classes ended thirty minutes ago, and I'd have been on my way home if Eric didn't leave for his departmental meeting. While waiting, I spotted Dare at the front of the hall. He saw me too and waved before coming over to sit with me.“So she won't be coming to school again?” Dare asks.“Annabel and I told her to come. It'll not pass we'll pay for her T-fare and also share our food with her.”“Aww. That's so nice of you guys.” He pulls me close and pecks my forehead.I giggle and he lets go, laughing.“Honestly, you guys did well. Amanda is a very intelligent la
Finding Us 42: Amanda's plight
Staring at my mirror makes me realize how much weight I've put on. Although it's not impossible to have added this much weight. If I wasn't munching on a snack I bought, I was either rummaging the fridge for something to throw into my mouth or checking the cupboard for something to cook — that is if there's no already-cooked food at home.I notice how flabby my stomach is and try to tuck it in. This makes it difficult for me to breathe, so I heave out a sigh.“Don't worry; before two weeks, I'll lose all of these,” I tell myself with a grin.After closing my Bible, I pen the last question I have and then shut my journal.Before I left home, the Head-pastor and I talked about a few specific things I could do when less busy. These things are habits that are very necessary to aid my growth into a better person. These include reading my Bible and journaling my thoughts and findings: at the end of the week, I d
Finding Us 41: One-on-one
I'm slumped on my bed, about to doze off when Joy wakes me.“Dad is calling you.”The journey back from the church's headquarters was crazy long. Although I wasn't the one driving, my body weighs like a bag of cement. And all I want to do is sleep. Not talk.Mom and dad are in their room, so I knock before I'm being told to enter.While mom is unpacking, dad is going through his drawer in search of something.“You sent for me,” I say.He looks up at me before closing the drawer. “Your mom said you're the one that packed my other bag. Where did you keep my shaving stick?”“It's in your bag.” I go over to the bed, open the side-zip of his bag and take out the shaving stick.“You'll be going back to school tomorrow, correct?” he asks as he collects the shaving stick.“Yes, sir.”He tilts the shaving stick over and over
Finding Us 40: Learning to forgive
It's easier said than done: forgiving oneself, that is. Because when the time comes, the internal struggle makes those words sound so stupid.When the Head-pastor asked me if I could forgive myself, I hesitated. And when I finally replied, I told him maybe. That I wasn't sure.Why? Because it was when he asked if I could forgive myself that I realized just as Eric was wrong for having sex with me, I'm also wrong for letting him. Eric didn't rape me. I've been so angry at him that I didn't think to ask myself who gave him the green light.No one can disrespect you if you don't give them a reason to. I motivated Eric to do what he did. I'm the reason I was used that way.“Achoo!” I shiver on my bed as my mom touches my forehead.“I don't think this is only catarrh,” she says. “It seems like malaria.”“Malaria ke?” I ask. “How come?”
Finding Us 39: The truth that heals
“Forgiveness,” the Head-pastor says. “It's the hardest thing for any human to do, yet the easiest thing for our God to do. God forgives so easily, that it amazes me every time. He killed that person, yet the simple fact that he's remorseful is enough to make God forgive him. There's no sin our father in heaven cannot forgive. As long as you are willing to repent; as long as you acknowledge your mistake, and you're willing to turn a new leaf, he's willing to forgive. Do you know why? It's because He loves us. He loves us so much that He's waiting for us, despite all that we do. He's waiting for us to make that right choice.“Just like He forgave David for stealing another man's wife, He forgave the prostitute who saved the Israelite spies. He also forgave the woman who committed adultery and was brought to him to be condemned. Just as He forgave these people and more, He's willing to forgive us.”***While mom and dad are b
