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Chapter Six
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2022-07-21 21:02:59Angel comes there and meet me. I’m too happy today. I don’t know this is right or not but this feelings. I like these feelings, instead I love these feelings. These feelings let me fly. I want to feel these feelings. I don’t want to let them go. I never have these kind of feelings in my whole life.
“Why are you blushing Emma?”
She asks in curiosity. I look at her and say nothing for a while. She is still looking at me, waiting for my response. So I shake my hand and say nothing. I don’t want to share these feelings with Angel or anyone else. I usually don’t share any thing, any feeling to anyone. And I think it’s my good habit. We move toward class to get our class. I see Masson sitting on his seat. As I enter in class, he look at me and there is something different in his eyes which I never have seen in his eyes. His eyes are clean and he is also feeling the same feelings which I feel.
I think.
I go back to my seat and sit. He turn around and staring at me. He stares at me whole class. I really feel embarrassment because everyone else is watching me and him. But I don’t care what the hell they are thinking about. I just care that he is looking at me and I want him to look at me like this. The classes are over, everyone leave the class, only Angel, I and Masson are standing in class and I really want to run from here.
“Why he is staring you?”
Angel asks while laughing.
“I don’t know”. I say and look down.
“Emma”, Angel whispers. I look at her.
“He is calling you.” Oh my God why he is calling. Angel comes to know what’s going on between us. She laughs and asks me to join him. I stand up and step toward his seat. I don’t know what he is going to say, I feel nervousness. I reach at his seat and he says me to sit with him. I sit with him and he hold my hands. Wait, what he hold my hands.
He
Hold
My.
Hands.
I really want to run from here but I don’t. Angel leave the class and is smiling. I want to stop her. “Angel please stop, please Angel please”, I mumble. I want to go from here but I also want to stay here with him and want to have butterflies. I feel the warmth of his hands. I want him to hold my hands all day. He look into my eyes. I can’t make an eye contact with him. I’m looking at my hands which are in his hands. He pull his right hand from my hands and tilt my chin with his thumb and make me look up. I allow him to tilt my face. I inhale sharply and look into his eyes. I say his name over and over in my head. It’s the name of a guy who is going to be my whole life.
I’m going to fall in love with you, Masson.
His eyes are peaceful, beautiful. His smile is attractive as it was first day when I saw him. His hair are so beautiful. I want to touch them right now. His lips are like honey. I really want to taste them right now. His every body part is incredible.
“What’s your number?”
As he asks I smile and tell my number. I’m so excited I’m really so excited. He saves my contact in his phone. I will wait for his call and text all day. I want to ask his contact but I can’t. He put his phone in pocket and look back at me. He is again staring me.
“Are you busy tomorrow”?
He asks. I get excited again. He wants to spend time with me. I can’t believe. I want to say that I’m always free for you only. I will leave all the works only for you. But I don’t say anything like this. Instead I nod.
“I’ll call you then”, he smiles.
I look at his mouth. The words coming out of his mouth are the beautiful words I ever have heard in my life. He is invading me and my whole world. I want to fall asleep as there is peace being with him. He is my peace.
You are my peace, Masson.
You are going to be peace of my life.
We remain in same position for some time. He looks into my eyes, I look into his eyes. It’s the best eye contact I ever had made with anyone.
“We should leave now.”
He pulls his hand and stands up. Why he stands up. I don’t want him to leave and I really don’t want to leave. I want him to stay with me and sit like this with me. I want to ask him to stay with me and spend some more time with me and let me have peace. But I can’t. I stand up too. I’m looking down at my shoes.
“Good bye.”
His lips meets my head and I freeze. I feel embarrassment somehow, but I'm too happy that he kisses me. He kisses me and say good bye. I want to kiss him back hard but I can't. I can’t believe he just kisses me and buries his lips into my hair. I feel more peace. There is going to be a lot of peace in my life. If he is going to stay with me whole life and I need him to stay. Oh God please make him my peace. Please God. He leaves without hearing my good bye.
It's my best day of life. I'm too much happy.
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We are still in the same position, looking into eyes of each other. Fate always did this to both of us. Fate once again make both us stand in front of each other. I swallow and look toward Sky. She is smiling. I feel dizzy. I don’t know what to do. I turn around and moving toward exit. Sky is calling me from behind but I don’t stop. I quickly enter in my room and run toward my room. I enter in bathroom and sit in bath tub. I sit there for a while and then cry really hard and loud. I cry there for at least two hours. I get out of tub and then sit on my bed.Tuesday, April 26, 2022 1:37 a.m.I wake up. I don’t know when I get to sleep. I hardly get up from bed. I see Masson is sitting on chair beside my bed. I ignore this as I always fantasize him in my room.“Emma.”A voice collides with my ears. I turn around and see Masson is sitting on my bed.Holly hell.He.Is.Here.But.Why?I look around and see my window is open. When did he come? I quickly get off from bed and move
Fear of Loss Chapter Twenty Seven
I astonished. I can’t believe he just kisses me on my head. I can’t figure out this situation. I blink my eyes for several times to believe whether it’s true or it’s just a dream. I look at him with half open mouth. He smiles.“I know you are too rude. This is the thing about you which makes me attracted toward you.”He says. Oh my God. He talks like Masson. He likes me the way Masson liked me. I just can’t understand what to do in this situation. I want to slap him for his actions but I can’t do that. I’m still figuring out the situation.“I don’t know about your feelings but I fall in love with you at first sight. You are the girl which I have been looking for my life and as my life partner. I will wait for your answer. And yes remember that you can stop me to enter in your life but you can’t stop me staring you, follow you and wait for you.”He says and stand up from chair. I can’t believe he is saying this. I’m still in the same position, completely astonished. I don’t know why I
Fear of Loss Chapter Twenty Six
I’m looking at him with half opened mouth and I’m breathing heavily. He is waiting for my response. I don’t know what to say. I’m totally silent. I want to run from here but I can’t. His words are still echoing in my ears. His words are killing me. These are the words of Masson. He said these words in our first interaction. I can’t do anything. I’m frozen at this place. The guy is totally confused. He can’t understand the situation. I remain in same position for a while. When students get out of canteen, I come into my senses. I get back and walk toward car. I get into car and start driving. I look from mirror, the guy is still there looking into my direction. I start driving fast and quickly reach home. I quickly run toward my room and lock my room. I go to bathroom and open the shower. I get shower in my clothes for an hour. After that I move toward mirror and look at myself. I can see that every part of my body is witnessing that I need Masson really bad in my life. Yes. I want hi
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When these words pass from his mouth, I feel something hard in my stomach. I think she knew about Masson. I don’t know who told her. I really feel embarrassed right now. I can’t decide whether I should tell her or not. I remain silent. She is staring me and waiting for my answer.“No, it’s not like that.’I say. I don’t know she believes it or not but right now I don’t want to share my feelings about Masson with her. She press her lips tightly and then stands up.“Alright take care of yourself.”She says and leave my room. Thank God she leaves. I want to be alone. I just want peace. But my peace is Masson and he isn’t with me right now and he’ll never be with me. He hates me now and I want him to hate me more then anything, anyone he hates. I know I love him and I can’t bear that he hates me but it’s right for both of us. I miss him a lot. I need to tell him that how much I missed him after that day and how much I wanted to meet him, see him and hug him. But I didn’t tell him when I m
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Fear of Loss Chapter Twenty Two
Wednesday, April 20,2022 3:36 a.m.Olivia yells at me because she was too worried about me. I left Masson’s home and then I left home without informing her. I don’t take it seriously. She is right at her place. I should tell her but I was not in my own conscious. I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, thinking about everything happening in my life. All the shit is happening in my life and my whole life is like shit. I want to end this shit life but I can’t. I’m not brave enough to take this step. I’m becoming suicidal day by day. Every day I want to commit suicide. Every day I want to end this shit life but I really can’t. I have tried a lot to cut my nerve. I also tried other methods to kill myself like to take sleeping pills, to hang myself and to jump from the top of home but every time I can’t. My ideas are failed. I’m too weak to commit such a big decision. But sometimes I really need to do it. I’m tired of my life and there is no hope, not any special thing and like nothin
