MAEVE’S POV
I knelt with teary eyes, fighting the urge not to tremble with fear as I pleaded my innocence. The rate at which my heart pounded was enough to give me a heart attack. I was afraid of dying and I was also confused and angry at the same time.“ I'm being accused wrongly, please!! “ I pleaded with teary eyes as I looked at Patricia Allen. When I first saw her a few hours ago I didn’t even know the bitch. Yet, she expected me to know her and even wanted me to greet her as though she was the goddess.It was my colleagues in the kitchen who told me her name and also that the late Alpha King took her in and became her guardian after her dad died. Here she was accusing me of stealing a ring that wasn’t even in modern trends.“ She’s lying! I saw her steal it with my own eyes. If you think I am lying, search her, I saw her put the ring in her bag, “ Patricia said to the pack warriors and staff working in the pack house that had gathered to watch the scene.Could my first day at work get any worse? I thought to myself as I closed my eyes to brace myself before I defended.“ I swear by the moon goddess that I didn't steal anything. I have never stolen in my life. Please believe me, “ I said with fear because, in the Shadow Moon pack, the punishment for anyone who was caught stealing was death.That was the first law my mom reminded me of when I came to Shadow Moon Pack after graduating from college a few days ago.“ Search her bag! “ A high-ranked pack soldier of our pack commanded one of his subordinate pack soldiers who was there.I instantly began to regret why I accepted to work in the pack house. My intuition told me not to agree. I wanted to accept the Job offer from Galesville Bar but the pay as a cook in the pack house was enticing and too tempting to reject.Most of all, I needed the money to support my mom who is the pack healer of Shadow Moon Pack in Galesville. Since the coming of modernization and technology, Pack healers have been reduced to nothing because they work with natural herbs.Our pack inhabited Galesville, a developed city located in the countryside situated in North Wales. Our pack’s territory was the largest of all the other eleven packs, I guess it was because our pack was the pack of the Alpha King.“ I have found the Alpha’s ring in her bag, “ The pack soldier who searched my bag brought out the ring and my eyes widened in shock wondering how it got into my bag.Everyone who had come to witness what was going on gasped when they saw the Soldier raise his hands to show his superior the ring.These confirmed my suspicions that I was being set up by someone within the confines of the pack house. I just came to the pack two days ago and I’m already being set up. I didn’t have any enemy in Shadow Moon Pack that I could think of, so who would do this to me?“ Take her to the execution stand and behead her, “ The high-ranked pack soldier ordered his subordinate.“ No!! No!! No!! Please, I'm innocent. I didn’t steal it. This definitely has to be a setup. I have never stolen anything since I was born!! “ I pleaded with fear, while the pack soldiers forcefully held my arms and began to drag me away to the execution Stand which was behind the pack house.Galesville was developed, and we had everything a modernized city had. But even when our town was being restructured, they still left the execution stand that had existed long before we were born.Legend had it that our pack was the first pack created by the moon goddess and the first Alpha King of the Shadow moon pack, who personally set up the execution stand when he brought the law of Zero tolerance to stealing.I had always found the execution stand fascinating because it was carved from a rare kind of stone that I’m not sure still exists in the world.I never knew a day would come when I would be beheaded on the same execution stand which I found intriguing, nor did I think that it would be because of a crime I didn’t commit. At least the Gamma should have given me one last chance to say goodbye to my Mom.“ Wait!! “ A deep baritone voice said loud enough for everyone to hear.From just the voice and the aura that commanded respect, which instantly filled the place, I knew it was our Alpha.I turned to the direction which the voice and aura were emanating from only to behold the most breathtaking taking and handsome man I had ever seen in my entire life of existence.“ What the fuck!! “ I muttered in shock and admiration forgetting the situation I was in.Even with a frown on his face just looking at him made me dripping wet. He had broad shoulders and all I wanted to do was know how they feel when I touch them.I had heard a lot about Alpha Zane while in high school and college which was located in Red Moon pack. All the girls there couldn’t keep their mouths shut whenever he posted a picture or video on social media. Looking at him now, those pictures and videos didn’t do enough Justice to his good looks.The Soldiers instantly halted. He walked towards me with a frown on his face and all my hopes that he would temper Justice with mercy were crushed when I saw that look on his face.“ What's going on here? “ Alpha Zane asked with his usual cold look as he looked at everyone present until his gaze settled on me.My breath hitched when I heard his voice and I felt a sudden chill run down my spine as his gaze lingered on me. His eyes never left mine and I wished it were his hands that never left my body.I shook my head to regain my composure from the dirty thoughts I was having. But I knew one thing was for certain with how wet I was, I would definitely have to use my Dildo tonight.“ Alpha, this young lady here stole your ring, “ The pack warrior said to Alpha Zane with a scowl on his face. That was when I noticed another hot guy standing next to Alpha Zane.“ Yes Alpha Zane, I saw her steal it and she wanted to go home like nothing happened. So I reported her immediately, “ Patricia said, trying to make her voice sound sweet.Wait, was that a tone of flirting I noticed just now? I thought Patricia and Zane were supposed to be like siblings since his late Dad practically raised her from childhood. I frowned as I titled my head a little with furrowed brows and thought to myself.All the while they were talking I could feel Alpha Zane’s intense gaze on me and each time I raised my head, I made eye contact with him and immediately looked down because his gaze was alluring.“ The ring is always in my room, so how did you get access to my room? Tell me the truth and I might spare your life, “ He said to me with a neutral expression on his face, which I found strange. In the aspect of him saying that he might spare my life, I knew that was a lie because the tradition demands that I be beheaded.“ Alpha Zane, I swear by the moon goddess that I didn't steal your ring. I don't even know how it got into my bag. My job is to cook in the pack house, I don't even clean the pack house, let alone think of stealing your ring. Also, today is my first day at work, “ I defended myself with my tear-streaked face feeling embarrassed that he was seeing me in this condition.“ She’s lying Zane, she stole the ring, “ Patricia accused me with a high-pitched voice as she glared at me. I watched as everyone who was witnessing this scenario looked at me with judgemental eyes.“ Enough!!! You would address me as Alpha Zane because that is who I am to you in situations like this. I am your Alpha. I won’t warn you about this again Patricia, “ Alpha Zane angrily thundered at Patricia. It was an older brother scolding his younger sister.“ I'm-I'm sorry Alpha, “ Patricia apologized to him, and from her countenance one could tell that she was embarrassed.Serves you right bitch!! I so much wanted to tell her and laugh at her but I couldn’t. At least not in the situation I found myself in.Alpha Zane then turned to me and looked at me for a long time as though he was contemplating. While doing so, he stretched his hands to collect the ring from the pack soldier. When he did, the blue crystal on the ring glowed brightly.We were all stunned by the way the ring glowed. Alpha Zane was surprised too and he frantically turned to look at everyone present at the moment the ring glowed. I found that act suspicious. There was more to Alpha Zane’s ring than meets the eye.We all stared at him and his ring in bewilderment as he slipped the glowing ring into his pocket. He paused for a while trying to regain his composure before he cleared his throat and turned to me.“ What is your name? “ He asked me with a straight face and acted like nothing just happened. Well, that’s one thing with those in authority. They always feel like they owe no one any explanation.“ I am Maeve Barlowe, the daughter of the pack healer for the lower borns in the pack. “ I answered him with a shaky voice.“ You’re Madeline’s Child? “ He asked with a bit of surprise on his face.“ Yes, “ I said without meeting his gaze. He then nodded and sighed. But the look on his face told me there was no hope for me. I knew I was going to be killed for sure.He looked down as if in deep thought and when he looked up he turned to everyone and said what shocked the hell out of us all.“ I believe her. She didn’t steal the ring. First of all the ring isn’t even the modern trend and second of all. She is very confident and lacks the little gestures liars do when lying. There is a mix-up somewhere and I promise you all to get to the bottom of it. Therefore there would be no execution. She is free to go, “ Alpha Zane said with finality and turned to head back into the pack house but not before glaring at Patricia. Which I wondered why.The pack soldiers freed me and the crowd which gathered to witness what was going on dispersed. Alpha Zane walked into the pack house while the guy standing next to him began to talk to the pack soldiers.I hurried to catch up with Alpha Zane so that I could thank him before heading home. By the time I did, I met him standing in the middle of the passage which led to his living room in the pack house. I found him standing in the middle of the passage. That’s Weird.“ Excuse me Alpha, “ I called out to him to get his attention and when he turned to look at me with those blue eyes of his, all I wanted was him to pin me against the wall and fuck the senses out of me.“ What is it this time around, “ He said with annoyance.That’s rude, I thought to myself.“ I just wanted to thank you for what you did back there. You are truly a wise and just Alpha. I’m done for the day so I’ll head home now. Thanks again, “ I said to him gratefully and wanted to walk out but he stopped me.“ What’s that your name again? “ He asked, pointing his fingers at me.Rude again, I thought to myself with all the admiration I had for this Alpha slowly turning to dislike because of his attitude. But I kept calm. I had to because he just saved my life.“ Maeve. My name is Maeve, “ I said calmly, trying to keep my cool. His brows furrowed as he tilted his head a little bit to the side.“ What kind of Barbaric name is that? It actually sounds like Mayonnaise to me, “ He said with an amused look on his face.While I stood silently fuming in anger as he made fun of my name. It was clear to me now that his good looks were top-notch and the only nice thing about him aside from that, his attitude was trash.“ And who told you that you could go home? “ He asked me with a stoic face which made me confused.“ I don’t understand. I’m done with my work for today so the normal thing for me to do is to go home and rest, “ I said to him slowly losing my temper and patience to condole his demeaning talks and attitude so far.“ You aren’t allowed to go home until I deem it fit for you to go home. Madeline will bring your belongings here to the pack house. Where a room will be prepared for you because henceforth you’ll do anything I order you to, “ He said with a straight face.How could he sprout out rubbish from his mouth with such a straight face? He must surely have no emotions or human sympathy at all, I thought to myself afterward losing my cool.“ You know what? Your name sounds like a pain in the ass to me. Your attitude and character are so disgusting that it makes me want to puke. What even makes you think you can hold me here against my wish? “ I asked him with a raised voice and an angry face.He looked shocked at my response for a while. Then, he looked at me with a blank look on his face.“ You want to know why I think I can hold you here against your wish? “ He asked still with a blank look and began taking steady steps toward me while in response I took a step backward until I felt my back on the wall.I wanted to move to the side because he was directly in front of me, but he inched closer and placed his hands above my head making it impossible for me to move.Then he began to inch closer to me and his face was just a few inches from mine. Was he going to kiss me? I waited in anticipation even though all I wanted to do was push him away.I thought he was making a move to kiss me but he ended up whispering into my ears in a way that I found highly seductive.“ Because I saved you from dying. I own you now Maeve, “ Alpha Zane whispered into my ears in a deep and husky voice after which he stared at me for what seemed like ages.I was unable to utter a word because his eyes captivated me and all I could think about was how it would feel if I held his cock which hiding underneath his pants.A sound from someone immediately made Alpha Zane move away from me and we turned to see who the person was.ZANE’S POV“ Alpha Zane, we have some matters to discuss about the forthcoming Ceremony of mate, “ Damien said with a smirk after Maeve and I turned to see that he was the one who cleared his throat.“ Alright let’s head to my study then. I was just trying to talk some sense into Mayonnaise here, “ I said to Damien.“ It didn’t look that way to me, “ Damien replied to me with a chuckle. While Maeve stood beside me fuming in anger.I didn’t know why but ever since I just saw outside she stirred some kind of feeling within me which I didn’t want to admit to yet so I felt the best way was to make her hate me. Since I’m cursed after all.“ My name is Maeve, not Mayonnaise, “ She said through gritted teeth as she tried to keep her cool. I guess she already knew that it was a lost course lashing out at me.Just the few minutes we had been talking I noticed she was fierce and bold which piqued my interest.To be honest she was really lucky because with the way she speaks to me if it had bee
MAEVE’S POVAll I could see was darkness and then I knew that something was wrong. I knew I had to open my eyes. When my eyes fluttered open, I found myself in the room that Damien informed me was mine.I tried to get into a sitting position and I felt warm hands on my shoulders helping me to get up. I turned to see it was Damien and he had a warm smile on his face.“ Thank the goddess you are awake. We were afraid you were gonna die on us, “ Damien said to me after handing me a glass of water to drink.“ We? You’re the only one in the room here with me so who are the We? “ I asked him.“ Your mom was the one who treated you. She went home to prepare your favorite dish. While Alpha Zane was the one who brought you in here carrying you in his arms, “ Damien said to me.At the mention of this Alpha Zane’s name, anger once again enveloped me. He was the cause of my current predicament. If only he allowed me to go home, I would have gotten my inhaler and this Asthma attack wouldn't have ha
ZANE’S POVWhen I heard Damien say “ We have a big problem, “. I struggled not to groan. I just did the most difficult thing I had ever done which was to restrain my sexual urge.All I wanted to do was bend Maeve over the table and fuck her from behind. I craved this girl whom I only met earlier today. I knew I was being an arrogant shithead to her which was so unlike me.But the yearning, lust, and attraction I felt whenever she was around me was new to me and I was still trying to get a hang of it. I knew sooner or later I’d have to apologize to her.She was a spitfire and damn, I admit that I found that part of her really alluring. “ What’s the problem, Buddy, “ I asked Damien as I tiredly walked, to sit on my chair feeling exhausted all of a sudden.Damien began to talk, but all I could think about were Maeve’s moans and how her pussy felt so warm and tight. When she sucked in some air and moaned while I used my finger to pleasure her, it took all the self-restraint in me not to
MAEVE’S POVI felt stupid and cheap after what just happened with Alpha Zane. What was I even thinking? No, Scratch that, what was my body thinking?I walked to the kitchen because whenever I was sad or worried baking always made me feel better. When I got into the kitchen I saw some of the kitchen staff.I wondered what they were still doing here because it was already nightfall. I greeted them but they gave me a nasty look in response.I found that odd because, just this evening before I was accused of stealing, they were very nice to me. I ignored them and walked over to the oven to check if anyone was baking for me to decide if I would bake or cook something instead.When I opened the oven and saw that no one was baking, I exhaled with relief and went to mix some flour, but a firm hand gripped me and pushed me to the ground.I fell to the ground and looked up, only to see my co-workers standing in front of me. The way they looked at me with disdain scared the hell out of me, but
ZANE’S POVWhen I heard Maeve’s mom, Madeline, call that name, it made me think back to the day when my dad was narrating the history of this pack. He told me about her and told me never to forget the name, Aradia Laveau.Maeve curiously asked who she was but I was in no mood to explain to her. I feared the consequences of bringing Aradia Laveau back into the pack.For all I know it was better she remained banished from the pack. She was the most powerful Elder to have walked the surface of this earth before she began practicing dark magic which led to the death of many.She was also banished for her profane behavior of seducing men and luring them to her bed. After that, no one saw them again. Some said she used them as sacrifices to gain more powers.No one knew if she was still alive because no one ever heard of her or saw her ever again after her banishment from our pack.“ Must it be her? Is there no other option, “ I asked tiredly, running my hands through my hair.Agreeing to s
ZANE’S POV“ Wassup Buddy. How’s it going with you, “ I answered Khal’s call after the fourth ring.“ I’m alright Zee, “ Khal answered me with his baritone voice.Yeah, Khal always called me Zee since childhood. I expressed my dislike for the way he always called my name because it sounded more womanly. The more I complained the more he called me Zee so I gave up and just let him.“ But, we have a problem in the pack, “ Khal added before I had the chance to speak again. I saw that coming, so I wasn’t surprised. Still seated on my bed, I facepalmed. Can this Alpha position get any worse?“ What’s the problem? “ I asked him tiredly.“ One of the patrol officers called me a few minutes ago telling me that the body of a woman was found at the borders of our pack. Her identity hasn’t been confirmed yet, but I’m on my way there right now….. “ Khal said and his voice trailed off for a moment.“ Shit!! It’s Delia’s body, “ Khal said with a hint of shock in his voice. I facepalmed and sighed
MAEVE’S POV“ I know where she lives because the cottage in which she lives right now belongs to my great-grandparents. I gave it to her a few years after she was banished to repay a debt that I owed her, “ My mom answered Khal with a blank look on her face.Yeah, quite alright everyone present was shocked, but I'm not sure any of them were as shocked as I was. My mom had a deal with a woman who was known to be dangerous.What baffled me was that she had never spoken about this before until now. Did she know that saying such a thing in front of Alpha Zane might put her in trouble?“ Mom you're joking, right? “ I asked her as I chuckled nervously hoping she’d get the message and take back what she said, but she shook her head in negation, which signified that she wasn’t joking.“ Tell them you're joking Mom, “ I told her through gritted teeth and a forced smile on my face. But she still wouldn't budge.Alpha Zane, Damien, and the man who looked like military personnel looked taken abac
MAEVE’S POV“ Do you need some help with cooking, “ Aradia asked me as she walked towards me. This time around Patricia and I weren’t the only ones who looked surprised.Were they sure that they got the real Aradia we’ve all heard about? Because this one here seemed to be too nice to be referred to as DARKNESS.Since I saw her standing at that door, the aura that emitted from her was calmness and peace. Or was she just trying to bewitch us? “ No, thank you. There’s no need. I can handle it, “ I said to her politely.Only a fool would tread with her without caution. She looked into my eyes and smiled. As though she saw fear written all over me.“ That’s a shame. I always find solace in tending to flowers and cooking, “ She said as she looked at Patricia who was clearly scared now.Not being able to be in the kitchen anymore Patricia briskly walked out. Leaving just Alpha Zane, Damien, and I in the kitchen with Aradia. Aradia chuckled lightly when she saw Patricia leaving in such a hu
MAEVE’S POVIt had been weeks since Damien was executed and Patricia was nowhere to be found.I knew that Alpha Zane was hurt by Damien and Patricia’s betrayal.Khal became his Beta and Gamma because he refused to trust anyone with the position after what Damien and Pat did to him, he said it would be difficult for him to trust easily.He was also angry at me for not telling him about Damien's love advances towards me. It took us over a week to settle.I wasn’t entirely surprised that Pat betrayed us because even though she apologized to us, I didn’t quite trust her apology.Alpha Zane didn’t plan on executing Pat but he wanted to apologize. Afterward, he planned on punishing her by setting her as an example to others in the pack.I told him that would be too harsh but he told me he knew Patricia badly hated embarrassment, so that was the only way she would learn her lesson.But I hadn't seen her until now. We even ordered for all 13 packs to be searched but there was no trace of Pat
ZANE’S POV“Can we skip to the important part first, " Damien said after clearing his throat.He held a herb mortar and I could see a paste in it.Before now, I was so pissed off at the fact that Aradia was my biological Mom.Why did it have to be her? Why did Dad and his mate have to wrong Aradia that it turned her into a monster?I wasn't proud enough to accept the fact Aradia was my biological Mom.No mother of mine would do all the cruel things she did, but then again I stopped for a second to consider all she went through.What did it matter, after all, she would have been dead by now and she did specify where she would kill herself.Nevertheless, I made a mental note to search for her corpse and give her a funeral. She was my mother after all and I had to give her respect, just as Maeve gave her dad his respect too even though he offended her a great deal too.“Oh yeah. Thanks, Damien,” Lilain rushed to Damien and collected the herb mortar from him.Maeve looked nervous and so d
MAEVE’S POVThe wait for the Beckley family seemed like ages and when Damien called me that they were on their way to the pack house, I couldn't help but anticipate.We all sat impatiently waiting for them. Alpha Zane was nervous and I could tell by the way he was fidgeting with his fingers.I went to sit beside him and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.“We will go on a vacation once this is all over. No need to be nervous because we are just minutes away from lifting the curse. Whenever your nervousness sets in, think of all the fun we would have,” I said and kissed his palm.“Something you act like the man in this relationship,” He chuckled and rolled his eyes.“I would suggest we split ourselves into groups and be ready to set out to do whatever it is the Beckleys would tell us to do that would aid Alpha Zane and Maeve lift their curse,” Lilian said to the others and they nodded their heads.Just then Damien and Khal walked into the sitting room with an old man and an old woman w
MAEVE’S POVThe door opened and in came Patricia. She had a sorry look on her face as she looked at me.“I heard what happened and I'm here to offer my condolences,” Patricia said as she walked to my bedside and knelt in front of me.What was she up to now?Everyone in the room looked at her with utmost surprise because we all knew Patricia had a lot of pride which wouldn't allow her to kneel in front of me this way.“I'm sorry for the way I have treated you since you came to this pack. I'm sorry for putting that ring in your bag that almost cost you your life, I'm sorry for always disrespecting you. What happened to Maggie made me realize that life is too short and one may never know when he or she would die. So I have decided to reflect on my life and effect necessary changes,” Patricia said with a sincere look on her face.I studied her face for like two minutes to see if her countenance would falter and give her away that she was lying but it didn’t.Well, she was right in that th
MAEVE’S POV“Are you both just going to sit back and let that bitch go free after what she did?” Charlotte asked, breaking the silence in the car.Maggie and I didn't need anyone to tell us that Charlotte was referring to Patricia.“You're right and something about the timing when she chose to release that video doesn't bode well with me,” Maggie frowned.I never quite gave it a thought but now that I did, Maghie was right.It was exactly the period where my urge was to be quenched and we needed another Elder to be added to Lilian that Patricia posted the video.“I have an idea on how to get back at her,” Maggie smiled maliciously.“Yes your deviousness, bring it on,” Charlotte drawled from behind Maggie and I to burst into a fit of laughter.“It’s simple, we know that Damien and Patricia are fucking each other of late yeah?” Maggie asked.Charlotte and I nodded in agreement urging her to continue with what she was saying.“It’s very simple. We sneak into Damien’s room and steal his p
MAEVE’S POVBy the time I went to the room that Alpha Zane and I were supposed to sleep in, I saw him fast asleep.I looked at him sadly knowing that he must have been very exhausted.I went to take a quick shower and came back a few minutes after I was done.I changed into my nightie and turned to walk to the bed only to find Alpha Zane turning and tossing uncomfortably on the bed.It was as though he was having a bad dream or?I gasped when realization dawned on me that it may be Aradia because she had used this trick to talk to me before.I rushed to the bed and began waking him up but he wasn't responding. After several trials and he still didn't respond, I began to panic, so I rushed to Lilian’s room.“Zane isn't waking up but he is tossing and turning on the bed,” I exclaimed the moment I opened her door and she rushed down from the bed.We both ran to Alpha Zane and I’s room and still saw him losing and turning on the bed.Lilian immediately began to murmur a spell but nothing
ZANE’S POVI had been trying to keep myself calm during the ceremony but hearing Aloha William begging for his life pissed me off and made me snap at him.He didn't have any right to beg for his life when he didn't give Alpha Kelvin the plead for his life.I reminded Maggie of our aim and for the first time since I've been on earth, I was grateful that someone wasn't soft-hearted.Yeah, I was happy that Maggie wasn't soft-hearted at that moment because if she was the Maggie we all knew who was soft-hearted and kind, she would have agreed to give Alpha William a quick death.But this Maggie wasn't like that, she nodded in agreement to what I said and wanted to signal her men to take the digs in and seal the door but that was when Alpha William chose to say something that made us all confused and curious at the same time.He said he would confess. What I was confused about was what he still had to confess.I thought we already knew about his wrongdoing, so I turned to look at Billy and
MAEVE’S POVHearing Maggie talk about a cage and trained dog, I immediately got an idea of what she wanted.It was like we were thinking alike because that was exactly what I wanted to suggest if I was given the opportunity to.When I asked her if it was what I was thinking that she wanted to do and she nodded, I was overjoyed because we would also get justice for what he did to Alpha Kelvin.I was angry at Alpha Zane for not waking me up when I was asleep even when he knew I would have loved to go with him to see Alpha William.Either way, as long as Alpha Zane did what I knew he wanted to do there, then it was fine by me.The sun was already setting by the time we arrived here and I wondered why because I didn't expect it to take us this much time to get here.When I got here a few minutes ago, I saw Jesse, Jason, Lilian, Billy, and Rand already seated. Of course, they were all putting on black outfits.Lilian came to hug me the instant she saw me walk through the door. Sometimes I
ZANE’S POVHere we were in Alpha Kelvin’s pack about to begin his funeral.Before that day at Crescent Moon pack, if anyone would tell me that Alpha Kelvin would die trying to save me, I would have tagged the person as the biggest liar of the millennium.I was devastated to find his body dropping to the floor with a hole in his chest and that was the time the spell Lilian used to make me agile wore off.I was quiet all through Maggie’s outburst of tears back at my room in Crescent Moon pack because I couldn’t bring myself to face her.I felt like it was my fault that he died, had he not stepped in to shield me from Alpha William, he would have still been here with us and I would have been the one to die.I sighed for the umpteenth time since we arrived at his pack as Damien accompanied me to pay Alpha William a visit in his cell.I was depressed but I tried not to show it in front of Maeve because I didn’t want to make her worry. At this point I just wanted to die so everyone would ge