Prologue (Who's Grace?)

FALL NAVAREZ

Life is difficult when you only see the difficulty in it. Try to be optimistic so you could see opportunities in every problem that you encounter. Don't let yourself be bombarded with difficulties. Failure will never overtake you if you have determination and faith in yourself.

Though, determination couldn't be acquired in just a snap of a finger. Like me, we also need the inspiration to be determined. That is what I'm missing for. . . inspiration. I was Iike a puzzle with a missing piece, a fish with a missing fin. I'm not completed without her. But the only problem is:

Who is this girl?

My condo is dark, just like myself, for I see just a faint light coming from my tainted window. Do I have some light source aside from the sun? Of course. Why not use it? I don't know. Maybe I was just in love with the darkness since I always see myself as the other people's shadow. Shadows exist, but we don't care. I exist, but who cares?

Tumayo ako mula sa aking higaan at tiningnan ang sarili ko sa salamin. Yes, I have a good body built, toned muscles, and a good-looking face but these features aren't always seen by others anyway. This scarlet red hair is also attractive below the sun just like my navy blue eyes.

I usually hate these colors but now, I could care no more. I like only monochromatic colors so I hate this red hair and blue eyes. Once I had thought to pull these eyes so I could see no more. But I didn't. It must be fear.

My mind seemed to be so preoccupied with random thoughts running in my head. Am I good? Do I look better? Am I completed? Do I trust myself? I always have this anxiety lingering in my head. And overthinking makes it more complicated.

"Taho! Taho!" I heard someone shouted outside the condo. I looked at my window and search where did it come from. The taho vendor was holding a mic so I still heard him here on the 7th floor of the building. I thought of buying soy pudding earlier, but I never thought that there's someone who'll make things easier for me.

However, I suddenly changed my mind. I don't like it anymore. I just want to sit on my bed day and night.

My eyes squinted after sun rays reached my eyes. I forgot to close the glass windows and the curtains. The room lit up, which I hate the most. I was like a vampire, scared of the sun. "F*ck you."

"Hello, Fall!" I heard three knocks from the door so my head instinctively looked at it. My chest pounded so hard that my hand instinctively got a bed sheet and covered my whole body. Not because I was whole-body naked. I just want to disappear from other people's sight. "Tita Jeshaiah is here. Open the door!"

"I f*cking know, auntie! Use your key, not my hand!" the aircon is to its full extent but my body seems to be over sweating due to nervousness. Nervous about getting killed or what? I don't know. Maybe I should stop overthinking. I might have killed myself if I didn't help myself at once.

Tita Jeshaiah finally got some nutshells out of her head so she managed to open the door with her keys. The door swung open, making her very smiles visible to my eye. Once I had assured that Tita Jeshaiah wasn't carrying any weapons to possibly kill me, I removed the bedsheet from my body and wore shorts. I care less if I didn't wear briefs. Tita Jeshaiah won't eat me.

"Let's turn this off and open that window. You must have some fresh air." aunt placed her bag on a chair and the food that she brought on the glass table. She turned the lights on after she noticed that it was too dark. And she also said that it's bad to eat while in the dark. I said it's okay. She said not. I just shrugged my shoulders and follow her orders.

I'm now 25 years old but Tita Jeshaiah kept on babysitting me. She started supporting me after my parents and a sibling died from multiple murders. She got this condo for me, but she said that I must pay for these rents for next year. I don't care. I still have my savings to spend a year of living. "What did you bring, Aunt?"

She clicked her tongue. "I told you to call me 'Tita Jesh' and not 'Aunt', 'Auntie', nor 'Tita Jeshaiah', mkay? Remember that." she pulled the food out of the plastic bag and placed it on the table. I sat in front of her, though I still have huge space for reservations. "Kumain ka na nitong bulalo."

And she also kept on insisting that I must speak Tagalog since many of the Filipinos here in Manila speak Tagalog. I once asked her why did I have to adjust just for them. Ang sabi niya ay pakikisama raw ang tawag do'n. I clicked my tongue and still spoke English to whoever bitch am I talking to. Unless we're friends, I might have considered talking Tagalog. "S-Sige po, Tita Jesh."

Nakuha ko nang magsandok ng kanin kahit na malamig ito. The hot bulalo still made this warm and cozy. I took a sip and smiled at Tita Jesh. "Thanks."

Tita Jesh just smiled and continue eating.

I got this weird feeling that I have someone to eat with beside me. Yeah, eating bulalo here with me. I looked beside myself and noticed another empty chair. I just realized that I only have three. "May nakaupo pa ba rito dati, Tita Jesh?"

Aunt Jesh suddenly coughed so I offered her a glass of water to which she immediately drank. Nang makaraos ito'y tumingin siya sa itinuturo kong upuan sa aking tabi. Ngumiti ito at tiningnan ako sa mga mata. I noticed that there's different, but it's very minimal. "May naaalala ka ba d'yan, Fall?"

I smiled and shrugged the thought outta my mind. "I just felt that I got someone here beside me." I smiled and gazed away. Pinagpatuloy ko na lang ang pagkain ng bulalo kaysa mag-isip ng mga bagay na walang katuturan.

Earlier, I realized that I have an inspiration to which I am missing right now. I feel like I'm an empty vessel. Parang nawala lahat ng sigla sa buhay ko dahil wala ang taong ito. I just couldn't figure out who is she. What relationship do we have? Or do we have any relationship?

Ngayon, pakiramdam ko'y may parte talaga siya sa buhay ko. I feel like she's still with me, beside me, caressing my back and smiling at me. I was wondering who was she. "What are you thinking, Fall?" Tita Jesh blurted out.

"None." I crossed my arms and laid my back after I finished my food.

"You know what, Fall. Subukan mong gumala sa labas at maghanap ng mapaglilibangan. Mahirap kung palagi ka lang----!"

"You don't get to decide what I do."

"But I'm worried at you, Fall. You're my nephew. More like of a son. You should consider hanging out with your friends or with someone you love----!" natigil agad siya sa huli niyang sinabi kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya.

Just now, I realized what she was talking about. "Grace." I suddenly uttered in the void. Tita Jesh's eyes widened as if she was shocked.

"Who's Grace?"

I asked her. Tita Jesh just smiled.