1: Where's Grace?

FALL NAVAREZ

The mood is always the mood. Nothing has changed. Even if Tita Jesh will go here every other day or week, nothing will change. I chose to be alone and to be kept in the darkness. Was I lonely? I don't know. All I know is I'm not happy neither lonely.

I might reconsider going outside because of a certain person. Nah, definitely not Tita Jesh. She was this woman whom I know, but I weirdly couldn't remember. All I only know was that her name is Grace. I kept on asking myself, "Who's Grace?"

I remembered last week when Tita Jesh visited me for a lunch. I had asked her who's Grace, but she just smiled and uttered that Grace was a special person to me. Tita told me that I kept on telling stories about Grace before I woke up with no memories. She kept on smiling. But that's weird for there's something else in her smile. Maybe it was just the mood that I always set for everyone. I don't know neither do care.

Another thing was, is it really true that I woke up then, lo and behold, no memories of Grace at all? It was weird for me since I don't have any mental illness nor disorder that'll make me forget my memories. Oh, crap, I forgot that I got one. What do you call this, eh? Anxiety? However, this shit won't still make me forget about anyone, will it?

Yes, I have anxiety. High-stress levels, having a darker mindset. I know that I haven't reach depression as yet. But I also pray that I won't since it wasn't the goal that I was supposed to reach. My goal here was to know who was this fvcking grace. And I guess I'm still optimistic about these two weird things.

My very self was weird. Not the anxiety that everyone might be dealing with right now. Kiddos to all of you. Unlike me, y'all weren't made to be as this dark. But still, lucky for me, I don't have any lingering thoughts of killing myself. Whatever.

I shut the window after the direct sun rays hit my room. I wanted my room to be dark and not to be lit by the sunshine. I care less about having Vitamin D from the sun. I just. . . don't care. I care more about having Vitamin S.

First time hearing that? It's Vitamin Sex.

However, I don't have time for that now since Tita Jesha scheduled me for a yoga session in my condo! I was like, "Why the fvck do you need to meddle with my life?" But of course, I can't do that. She pay for my rent and my utility expenses so in short, she has the control of my life. Hey, I'm not a pushover! Hinayaan ko rin naman siya kung hindi naman makakasama sa akin.

Tita Jesh told me that the yoga instructor will come at eleven hundreds (11:00 am) but still, no instructor. I decided to open the aircon despite being naked. After I opened it, I looked at the mirror and watched my messed up hair. "Does it look bad?" I don't care. I always don't like these red hair and blue eyes. But my aunt used to say that I am a Fil-Am.

"Knock knock."

I heard a woman knocking on the door while saying, "Knock knock." I left an exasperating sigh as I was heading to the door. I didn't put on my shorts and shirt but I was too late to realize. Here she now, staring at my naked body. "Holy shit."

I shrugged my shoulders and stared at her with my deadpan face. She was holding a gym bag with her fitted gym suit. She's tall, has blonde hair, fair skin, big tits and big butt. I'm in love with her body. But I gotta go to have some yoga exercise just like what Tita Jesh says. "Does it look like a shit?" I was referring to what she was looking. My dick.

She immediately shook her head and chuckle, "Oh, no no, dear. Forget about it." I didn't let her in, but she wiped me out and paved the way. She prepared her bag and everything in it, without being bothered of the naked man in front of her. I shut the door and faced her. "Wear some briefs, man. Do you wanna be sucked?"

I smirked, "Yes I do."

She chuckled and looked at my thing. "A'right. Let's get started." She grabbed my dick and stared at it. "This is gonna be so much fun." Then she started her exercise with me.

AFTER THAT exercise session I did earlier, the bitch immediately got out of my room with her gym bag. Naaalala ko biglang mag-Tagalog nang makita ang isang note ni Tita Jesh na nakadikit sa aking TV.

"What the fvck was that?" I wanted to remove the note but the note says that if it was removed, I will also be removed in this condo. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang mag-Tagalog kapag nakikita ko 'yon. Pinabayaan ko na lang at nagsuot ng damit.

What will I do now? I don't have any schedule now, but I'm afraid that I will never be having any schedules for the rest of my life. Schedules were meant for those busy-type people, not mine. Pagkatapos kong magsuot ng plain white tee shirt ay kinuha ko na ang susi ng aking kotse sa aking DuraBox.

After I reached the basement, which the parking lot was located, of this condo, I immediately went into my car and drove away from here. Hindi ko rin alam kung saan pupunta. Kahit nasa Manila ako ay nasa kasuluksulukan naman ang lugar na ito, kaya malamang ay wala masyadong tao at mga lugar na pwedeng puntahan. More of a province, but ironically, I'm in the capital of the Philippines.

Pagkalabas ko ay walang tao ang bumungad sa akin. It was just a plain white road with grasses on the right while having a huge abandoned building on the left. Malapit lang ang abandonadong gusali na ito sa condo, pero malayo pa rin kung iyong lalakarin. Got it? If not, then buy a new brain now.

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit iba ang pakiramdam ko sa abandonadong gusali na 'yon. Some flashes of memories came across my brain as if I already knew what's inside that building. I just shrugged the thought outta my head. "Hindi pa ako nakakapasok d'yan." I tried to convince my brain so I won't be needing to think about it any further.

About this weird feeling, Grace suddenly got into my brain again. I kept on asking who is she, but I couldn't recall anything. I guess, she was an important piece of my life. Who was she in my life? A relative?

Speaking of relatives, I'm afraid that I don't have any relatives now. They're dead or at least, abroad. Pinatay ang mga magulang at ang isang kapatid ko kaya si Tita Jesh na lang ang natira sa akin. Though I don't really need her, she's still going into my life over and over.

When the devil has been mentioned, the devil shall come. "Hello, Tita Jesh?" of course, that was meant figuratively. She ain't a devil. I pressed a button so her voice would be on loudspeaker. Luckily, my phone automatically connected its Bluetooth to my car. "What's the matter, alligator?"

"H'wag mo akong ma-alligator-alligator d'yan, Fall. 'Di ba't sabi ko, mag-Tagalog ka?"

I chuckled after I heard her rant. I never used to smile as far as I know. But when it comes to Tita Jesh, she always makes me smile. No wonder why she's a psychologist. "Pasensya na, Tita."

"Nagmamaneho ka, tama? Saan mo naman balak pumunta, Fall?"

Napaisip ako sa kaniyang tanong. Saan nga ba ako pupunta? I actually don't know where to go but still, here I am, driving 'til the end of the road. Nagkakaroon na rin ng mga tao sa kalsada. Siguro'y malapit na akong makalabas dito sa kasulok-sulukan ng Manila. "I have no idea, Tita Jesh."

She heaved a heavy sigh, I heard that over the phone. Siguro'y dahil nakapag-English ako kanina? Well, I can't help that. Why doesn't she put a note here like the note that she placed on my television? Oh, maybe she doesn't have my car key.

"Sige, mag-iingat ka, Fall."

"I better be going, Tita. See yah."

I supposed I finally reached the part of Manila where there are many shity assholes. Oh, don't get offended. That was just my presumptions after seeing a fight while driving. Parang naging pamilyar din sa akin ang daan kaya sinunod ko na lang ang gut feeling ko. "I was once here." I realized while turning to the left.

Maraming kotse akong nakasasabay at marami ring tao ang naglalakad sa sidewalk. Hindi ganito ang scenario na makikita mo sa aming lugar. Despite the fact, that I always mention, that it was part of Manila, wala rin naman kasing tourist attraction sa lugar namin. Maybe there is, at least, the grassland. That was a tourist attraction for those holy cows.

AFTER I SAW a bar with such pleasing aesthetics, I parked my car near it and got outside. Maingay sa loob na rinig sa labas kahit alas-Nueve pa lang ng umaga. Well, wala naman sigurong pinipiling oras ang mga party-goers.

I put my car keys in my pocket and walked to the bar entrance. The bar was huge, and I think it was made for five-star personalities. It was a two-story building with a huge door. May dalawang guard na nagbabantay sa labas na siya namang nginitian ako. It was weird. Were they gays or just friendly? "Welcome back, Sir Fall."

My forehead curled, but I didn't let them see it. 'Welcome back' means that I already came here before this very moment. It was weird as fvck since it was my first time to see this bar. "Yeah. Goodmorning." their face were shocked. I just ignored them after I passed through them.

As they opened a door, I saw a waiter, who seems so familiar to my eyes. He's about my height, 5'8, gray hair, brown eyes, and a thin, trimmed beard. I guess he's still young for he's also good-looking. Once our eyes have met, he fully smiled and waved his hand. "Hey, pal!"

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at lumapit rin siya sa akin. Before we meet halfway, my brows furrowed for I really don't remember his name. "Wait, bro, do I fvcking know you?" I fixed my shirt and got my hand out from my pocket.

"Yeah! What the hell are you talking about?" he chuckled and gave me a drink to which I didn't order. "You're Fall Navarez, and I'm Hades Moran."

"Yeah, yeah, and who cares? I asked 'Who are you?' in my fvcked up life?" I composed myself and looked him straight in the eye. He wasn't surprised by my attitude nor intimidated.

"You must be kidding me, Fall." he chuckled then fixed his uniform. "We're friends. You always go here with your girl, right?"

"Grace." I suddenly uttered, unintentionally. That name escaped from my mouth without me even noticing it.

"Yeah, that Grace! You're not with her?" she searched left and right, and at my back as if he's finding somebody else. Who the heck is this? Hades Moran?

"W-Where's Grace?" he said in a hard stare.