FORBIDDEN KISS

"Quit being stupid, Lillian."  My husband George always says when I accuse him of cheating. 

Which seems to be a lot these days.  Matter of fact, I can't remember the last time we saw eye to eye on anything or even made love.  Hell, it must have been years since he has touched me.  No wonder why I stare at good looking men when I see one.

Shaking my head, I look at my messages on Idgit.  Noticing that I have a new friend request, I look closer and feel excited at the prospect of a new friend.  I wonder where this one is from?  

Clicking on the name Jordan Hill, it brings up a picture of a handsome man in his 30's and for some reason he looks familiar.  Deciding to take a chance, I click the accept button and wait to see if he messages me.  After a few minutes, I leave and figure that he will be one of my many friends who never talks to me. 

Oh well, I can always use another friend to add to my social circle.  It makes my pages more interesting and I often get friendship requests from all around the world.  Originally, I set up an account on Idgit to connect with my family, because most of them still live in my home town.  As soon as I graduated high school, I left and went to college.  Liking the city, I stayed and never went back.  

One night, a friend hooked me up with a nice guy or so I thought and I got pregnant the first date.  When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't know what to do.  I was a freshman in college and if my dad would have found out, he would have disowned me.  

Appealing to George, I asked him to help me and he came up with a plan.  Since we were both against abortion, the only thing we could do is get married.  What I didn't know at the time was he was only interested in marrying me for my money.

A year later, after Kelly was born, he asked my dad for money to start his company.  Majoring in Business, he got his degree the following year and then continued his work building his company.  Never home, he didn't seem to care that I was lonely and wanted more.  

Now that it is 17 years later, not much has changed except he is here even less than he was before.  

Surprisingly, this is one of the rare occasions he is actually home.  Making dinner, I think back to when I had a life.  In high school, I was really popular and everyone liked me.  I wasn't like the normal cheerleaders who slept with everyone and were stuck up as hell.  Instead, I enjoyed reading books and got straight A's.  

In college, I was on the Dean's list for my first year, that is until I got pregnant and had to quit.  It's really a shame, because I was going to become the first McMasters to graduate with a degree.  Enrolled in the Medical program, I had aspirations to be a Pediatrician, so I guess it was fitting that getting pregnant put a halt to all my dreams. 

I was a virgin till that night.  Of course, it wasn't for men not trying.  With my long legs, pale skin and silky long blonde hair, I always had guys hitting on me.  They referred to me as Barbie at parties and their favorite pickup lines were, I want to be your Ken.

When Kelly was born, I was in heaven.  Her beautiful big round eyes, made me fall in love with her the second I saw them. Everyone couldn't stop talking about how much she looked like me.  Even now, it is the general consensus that she is my younger twin.

For years, I lived souly for her, until she found friends and never had time for me anymore.  About four years after we had Kelly, I started to notice that George was never around.  I would find lipstick stains on his shirts and phone numbers in his pants pockets.  The sad fact is he didn't even seem to care that i knew.

Always fighting, we decided to have another child and see if it would bring us closer together.  When Jon was born, it just drove us farther apart though.  I had my baby and George had an excuse to stay later and later to work. 

Sometimes he would never come home at all, so when I started accusing him of cheating, he laughed it off and kept doing it.  This is the way it has been for so many years, I don't care to count anymore.  

Snapping out of it, I hear my phone ding and pull it out of my pocket.  Jordan messaged me, "Hello there.  I know this is weird, but did you go to Serenity High?  You look offly familiar?"  

Thinking the exact same thing, I type back.  "Yes, of my gosh.  I knew you looked familiar.  I was Lillian McDonald before I got married."  Just at that moment, I remembered.

I had a huge crush on Jordan in high school.  How could I have forgotten my first love?  He was always nice to me, but didn't ever seem to be interested. 

Once, I almost got up enough courage to ask him out, but chickened out at the last minute.  My girlfriends all laughed at me and told me that he wouldn't ever go out with me anyways.  Everyone said he was only interested in girls who put out.

Jordan, being the general badass of the school, always got in trouble and was kicked out before we all graduated.  So as far as I know, he never did.  It's a shame really, because he was pretty smart, just often misunderstood.  I remember a couple times when we chatted about a book we had both read.

"Lillian McDonald.  Yes, I remember you.  Matter of fact, I almost asked you out once, but your friends told me that you didn't want to have anything to do with trouble makers.  Just after that I was kicked out for good, so I guess it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.  So, what ever happened to you?

Not knowing what to say, I pause and try to think how to put it.  Finally, I just decide to get it over with.  "It's a long sad story, but in short, I went to college to become a pediatrician and ended up a mother of two, married to a man who doesn't even care if I'm dead or alive."

He doesn't say anything for a while, so I put my phone away and finish up dinner.  Setting the table, I wonder why he even contacted me in the first place if he is just going to leave it like that.  Telling everyone to sit down and eat, Kelly and Jon get to the table last and won't put their phones away.

Finally, I get mad and tell them to put their phones away during dinner.  George, doesn't say a word to help.  He doesn't even look at me once during the meal.  It is as if I don't exist to him or he could care less, either way it unnerves me.  

Just before she leaves the table, Kelly asks.  "Mom, when are the two of you getting a divorce?"  Shocked, I glance at George and all he does is raise an eyebrow, not even looking up from his food.

Turning to Kelly, I ask.  "Why?"

"Because, everyone knows that you both hate each other.  I can't remember the last time we have ever seen you kiss or hug.  You never do anything together and yesterday I saw dad with that whore, Christina."

"Kelly!  Watch your language.  I am sure that you misunderstood what you saw.  Your dad has plenty of clients that he has to take out to dinner."

Kelly stands up and is ready to walk out.  "No, mom.  I was with my friend Jarrod driving by the Motel 6 and he was walking in with her, grabbing her butt.  When are you going to wake up?"

"I don't have to excuse anything your father does to anyone.  As for a divorce, I have never once thought about it.  I don't believe in them, so don't worry."

She sighs, shakes her head and goes to her room.  Jon gets up and doesn't say a word, before he leaves.  Not being able to look at George, I start cleaning up the dishes and take refuge in the kitchen. 

This time it is unexcusable.  How dare he let our kids see his indiscretions, that was the last straw.  Not knowing what to do, I sit on the stool and cry. 

How did my life go from an aspiring doctor to a wife with a cheating husband?  Maybe, I should have been cheating all these years too.  Would he have stopped and paid attention to me?  Been a better father?  Honestly, I doubt it.  He is who he is.

Sitting, still crying, I hear a ding and pull the phone out of my pocket again.  "I would love to meet up with you sometime.  Right now though, I am extremely busy building a bike and I just had one of my guys quit on me.  Can I maybe call you tomorrow?"

Building a bike?  Does he own a bicycle shop or something?  Laughing, I imagine a big bad ass like Jordan owning a bicycle shop, so I type "Yes."

"Perfect, I will call you tomorrow, say 6 p.m.?  Then maybe we can go out and get something to eat."

Thinking about that, I don't know how I would explain to George that I am getting a call from my first love, while we are sitting in the middle of dinner.  I answer, "Better make it either 3 or 8, because I have kids and I don't need them being snoopy.  They love to cause trouble."

"Gotcha.  Well then 3 it is.  That way, maybe I can take you out to dinner."

Excited, I answer.  "O.K., look forward to hearing from you."

"TTYL" 

I heart it and click on his profile once again.  It says he lives here.  Holy shit!  Now getting more excited at the possibilities, I go to my private space, the library and relax on the couch.  

Picking up the latest Stanley Denny book, I find that my eyelids get droopy after a couple of hours and I fall asleep.