Chapter 6

Yasmin:

My heart was racing, her narrow eyes swivelling back and forth between the both of us. My tongue was dry and every word I tried to say came out as a quiet puff of air.

“Answer me, Yasmin!”

“I-I-I…”

“Forgive me but I wanted to talk to Sister Yasmin alone.–”

His deep voice rumbled in my ears and I felt my knees weaken. My name… the way it sounded on his lips was perfect and I turned to look at him and for a brief second, Sister Gwen was forgotten.

“–She was such a help to my mother and even though we didn’t do the rites due to my grandmother’s untimely passing, I am sure her prayers were enough to get her soul to the pearly gates.”

For a while, Sister Gwen said nothing, her lips parted, her gaze swimming in those stormy blue eyes of his. As advanced as she was in age, she was helpless to the dark aura that haloed him, that pulled people into him.

“I-I… Yes… Yes, she…”

She fumbled her words and clamped her mouth shut, taking in a deep breath.

“...Sister Yasmin is one of our best nuns. I am glad that you were happy with the prayers she gave for your grandmother. May her soul rest in peace.”

My jaw was slack but I closed it and gulped hard. Me? One of our best nuns? Since when? I looked at Jacob, my eyes wide with disbelief, but he didn’t meet my gaze. Sister Gwen was still captured in his dark spell, unable to pull away from his handsome, stoic face.

“Forgive Sister Gwen. I understand that our meeting place is… inappropriate, but I really wanted to thank her.”

“Of- Of course. Your thanks are well appreciated. God bless you, Brother…”

“Jacob,” he completed, his own name like sinful silk on his dark voice. “Jacob West.”

“Brother Jacob. Yes… Uhmm… Sister Yasmin has some… uhmm… duties to attend to.”

“I understand.–”

He met my gaze and my heart skipped a beat, my body trembled and hummed at the same time.

“–She is such a… good girl.”

Those words… Sister Gwen was here!

“Yes, she is a really good girl,” Sister Gwen agreed and flashed me a faux smile. “And she should go get her chores done.”

That was my cue and I hurried away, my hands pulling my habit a little higher above my ankles so that I could run faster. His eyes flashed in my mind, his perfume, from when he pinned me to the wall, clung to my habit and forced his scent into my lungs, to become one with me.

I hurried into the church and collapsed against one of the pews, breathless and drenched in sweat. I just need to…

“Yasmin!”

My rest was short-lived. I should have known that she would be behind me.

“Sister Gwen.”

I spun around just in time to catch her storming towards me, eyes wide, hand raised. I prepared for the worst and squeezed my eyes shut, stiffening my whole body for the blow, but for a while, I felt nothing.

My eyes fluttered open and caught a glimpse of her standing in front of me, heaving angrily.

“Open those eyes, stupid girl!”

“Yes, Sister.”

And I could see her, frown, twitching palm and all. Why didn’t she hit me?

“The next time you are seen with a man in such a… place. I will make sure you regret it,” she hissed.

A shiver ran down my spine. I knew those words… the threat of being sent down there in the lonely, damp dark.

“Do I make myself clear?” she barked, grabbing my ear and tugging, her nails cutting into my earlobe. I tried not to scream, my eyes clouded with tears. I tried to ease the pressure of her grip with my hands but they were still tightly wrapped in bandages. I doubt I would have been able to do anything even if they weren’t burned.

As much as it hurt, I deserved it. I shouldn’t have been alone with him. It was a sin and I risked tainting my purity. Sister Gwen was just trying to keep me from making a mistake and indulging in such an unforgivable sin. She was a good Sister.

~~~

I sat on the edge of my bed in my nightwear, my long black curly hair hanging free over my shoulders and back. The moon was out and as I tried to pray, I could hear Jacob’s voice in my head.

I flinched, fighting to keep it out, fighting to keep the sin at bay, but his voice became louder till it was an audible whisper in my ear.

“She is a… good girl…”

The way his eyes flashed at me when he said those words, the look of desire I had seen in them… no one had ever looked at me that way before. Like I was an object that needed to be obtained.

My eyes fluttered open and I caught sight of my habit hanging on the chair. The room was dim, with a single candle illuminating the best it could, and I saw something poking out from the layers of blue and white.

I strode up to it cautiously and touched it, only for it to crinkle against my fingers and fall to the floor. It all came back to me now and I picked it up, my hands shaking, my nose filled with the smell of his perfume that seemed to come from the paper.

“I will read it and throw it out,” I said under my breath, slowly unfolding the crisp quarters to see a contract.

“Proposal for a Dominant and Submissive Relationship?”

The candle flickered and I moved closer to the golden glow to see the letters better. Dominant? Submissive? Hard limits? Soft Limits?

The words flew right by me and when I got to the bottom, I understood only what he had told me when he cornered me in the courtyard. He wanted me to be his submissive. What was a submissive? I understood he was to be this ‘dominant’ but, what was that too? And why all these limits? Were they things I wasn’t supposed to do?

A deep breath escaped my lips and I took the paper close to the flame and held it there, inches away from the bright light.

I had read it, now it was time to throw it out, but…

The flame ignited a tiny bit corner and the embers glowed orange but were soon smothered to a cold grey.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t burn the paper in the flame. I didn’t know why but I just couldn’t.

I pulled my hand back and looked at the paper, my eyes catching ‘Mr. Jacob West’ and ‘dominant’ in the same line.

“...if it’s truly what you want, you know where to find me…”

His voice echoed in my ear. How would I know that this is truly what I wanted? I didn’t understand a thing. And besides, why would I want this? Why would I want to be his ‘submissive’?

His submissive…

I tested the words on my tongue. To be called ‘his’, to belong to him… the thought of it triggered goosebumps all over my skin.

My fingers clutched the rosary that hung around my neck. I was no one’s but the Lord’s, I was the apple of his eyes, but those eyes, those tempest blue, looked at me differently–with want, with desire, that made my heart flutter.

Maybe, just maybe, finding out what ‘his submissive’ meant wouldn’t hurt at all. Just once. Just enough… then I could let it go.