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9 ~ New Feelings
Last Updated:
2025-03-23 18:49:50
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Dying to Love You 10 ~ Baker's Sister
RAFAEL ~ The Chevy's engine ticked as it cooled, the smell of motor oil and metal heavy in the summer heat. I wiped my hands on a rag that had long since lost its battle with grime and squinted at the clock on the garage wall. Two more hours before I could escape this hellhole. "Moreno! You finish with the Benton job yet?" Jen shouted from the office, her voice cutting through sounds blaring from the ancient radio. "Almost," I called back, slamming the hood down harder than necessary. "Just need to test drive." Jen appeared in the doorway, arms crossed over her faded Metallica t-shirt. At forty-eight, she ran Santos Auto with an iron fist and a surprising amount of patience for the 'delinquents' she hired, her word, not mine. "No joyrides," she warned, eyeing me skeptically. "Last time you 'test drove' the Peterson convertible, it came back with an empty tank." "That was Damien, not me." I protested, though I'd been behind the wheel too. Some details weren't worth mentioning
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 11 ~ Regular Customer
Persephone roared to life beneath me, the vibration traveling up my spine in a familiar, comforting way. The motorcycle had been my project for two years, buying the rusted frame with saved paychecks, scrounging for parts, rebuilding her piece by piece under Jen's occasional guidance. My father had called it a waste of time and money. That alone made it worth every penny The ride to Sweet Ellis took exactly seven minutes, a route I could navigate blindfolded by now. The small bakery sat on a corner of Main Street, its blue and white awning a cheerful contrast to the surrounding brick buildings. The CLOSED sign was already in the window, but lights still shone inside, May often baked late into the evening, preparing for the next day. I knocked on the glass, and May's face appeared, breaking into a smile when she saw me. She unlocked the door, letting me in. "Perfect timing," she said. "I just pulled out a batch of those cheese rolls you like." "Mind reader," I replied, following
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 12 ~ Secret Outlet
"Oh yes, heaven forbid anyone discover Rafael Moreno has feelings!" she teased, bumping her shoulder against mine.May pushed through the swinging door then, carrying a paper bag that smelled like heaven. "Cheese rolls," she announced, handing them to me. "Still warm.""You're a goddess among mortals." I told her honestly, making her laugh."Flattery will get you everywhere." May turned to Sam. "Did you take your evening meds yet?"I pretended not to notice the flash of irritation that crossed Sam's face. "Not yet," she muttered. "I will before bed.""Do it now." May insisted. "You know the schedule is important."An awkward silence fell as Sam disappeared upstairs to their apartment above the bakery. May sighed, running a hand through her hair.. a gesture so similar to Sam's it was uncanny despite their different coloring."Her asthma acting up again?" I asked, trying to sound casual.May gave me a strange look, something like guilt mixed with sadness. "Something like that. Has she s
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 13 ~ Tattoo
SAMANTHA~The tattoo parlor wasn't what I expected. Based on movies, I'd imagined a grimy hole-in-the-wall with neon signs and biker dudes covered head to toe in ink. Instead, 'Electric Skin' was surprisingly clean and professional, with sleek black furniture and framed artwork covering every wall.It smelled like antiseptic and essential oils, not the cigarette smoke and regret I'd anticipated."You sure about this?" Rafael asked as we stood outside the entrance. The evening was warm, but I'd been shivering slightly all day, the familiar precursor to a fever I was desperately hoping wouldn't materialize. I'd doubled up on antibiotics and used my nebulizer twice before leaving home."Positive," I replied, with more confidence than I felt. "Unless you're the one getting cold feet, Shade?"He rolled his eyes, pulling open the door. "Just giving you an out. Don't blame me when May murders us both.""May doesn't need to know....yet." I said, stepping inside. We'd perfected the art of av
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 14 ~ Swan Song
"It's beautiful.." I whispered as Kev added the final touches."Good first tattoo," he agreed, wiping away excess ink. "Simple but meaningful. Now, aftercare is important." He launched into instructions about keeping it clean and moisturized, but I was distracted by Rafael's expression as he studied my wrist."Cygnus." Rafael said softly. "The swan."I nodded, surprised he recognized it. "How did you know?""That poetry unit in Jenkins' class junior year," he reminded me. "We did Greek mythology. You wrote about Orpheus and the swan song."The fact that he remembered took my breath away more effectively than any disease ever could. "You were paying attention?""I always pay attention to you," he said simply, then seemed to realize how that sounded and cleared his throat. "Your turn," he said to Kev, effectively changing the subject.As Rafael took my place in the chair, I stood beside him, offering my hand like he'd done for me. He hesitated before taking it, his calloused fingers war
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 15 ~ Accusation
The ride to Dolly's Ice Cream Parlor was quick, Persephone's engine cutting through the quiet suburban streets. As always, I held tight to Rafael's waist, allowing myself the simple pleasure of being close to him. Every experience now felt more vivid, more precious, the wind in my hair, the vibration of the motorcycle beneath us, the solid warmth of Rafael's body against mine.At Dolly's, we ordered our usuals, Rocky Road for him, vanilla with caramel for me and sat at one of the outdoor tables, comparing our tattoos in the warm glow of the parlor's string lights."Does yours hurt?" I asked, noticing him rubbing the protective film."Itches more than hurts," he admitted. "Yours?""Same." I licked my ice cream, considering my next words carefully. "Thanks for doing this with me. I know it wasn't part of your plan."Rafael shrugged, that casual gesture he used whenever something mattered more than he wanted to admit. "Plans change. Besides," he added with a half-smile, "now we match."
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 16 ~ Birthday
RAFAEL ~I never gave a shit about birthdays. When you grow up with a father who treats the anniversary of your birth like a reminder of everything he lost, you learn to let the day pass without fanfare. This year was no different. Nineteen wasn't even a milestone, just another number, another year of existing in the shadow of my mother's absence. I woke to the sound of rain drumming against my window and the familiar silence of an empty house. My phone showed three text notifications, one from Jen reminding me my shift started at noon, one from Damien with some crude birthday joke. And one from Sam. { Happy birthday, Shade. Don't make plans for tonight. I mean it. } Despite myself, I smiled. Sam was the only person who never forgot, who insisted on celebrating even when I claimed not to care. I texted back a noncommittal { whatever you say Sunny } before dragging myself out of bed. The kitchen was exactly as I'd left it the night before. No note from my father, no ackn
Last Updated : 2025-03-24Dying to Love You 17 ~ Make a Wish
May's gift was practical, a high-quality set of drafting tools I'd been eyeing for months but couldn't justify buying. "For when you finally admit you want to design engines, not just fix them." she said with a knowing smirk.The second gift was from Jen, passed along through May, a vintage Metallica t-shirt that made me grin despite myself. "She said you've been borrowing hers too often."May explained to me.The last and smallest package was from Sam. She watched nervously as I unwrapped it, her fingers fidgeting with her napkin. Inside was a small leather-bound journal with a simple lock, the kind that could be secured with a tiny key on a chain."For your poetry." she said softly. "So you don't have to hide it in work notebooks anymore."I stared at the journal, running my fingers over the smooth leather. It was perfect, private, portable, something I could keep safe from prying eyes like Damien's. The fact that she'd thought about what I needed, what would matter to me, made my
Last Updated : 2025-03-24
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Dying to Love You 60 ~ If I'm Still Here
I slid my hands into his hair, tugging to bring his face back to mine for a kiss that quickly deepened, tongues meeting in a dance we'd perfected over months of exploration. My legs parted instinctively, allowing him to settle more fully against me, the thin fabric of our sleep shorts doing nothing to hide his arousal. "Condom?" he murmured against my lips. I shook my head. "Pill. And clean test results, remember?" A month ago, we'd both been tested — Rafael's idea, surprisingly— and decided to stop using condoms. The intimacy of nothing between us was still new enough to feel thrilling. "Just checking," he said, sliding down my body once more. His fingers hooked in the waistband of my shorts, drawing them down slowly, teasingly, lips following the path of newly exposed skin. By the time he settled between my thighs, I was trembling with anticipation. The first touch of his tongue against my center had me biting down on my knuckles to stifle a moan. He knew exactly how
Dying to Love You 59 ~ Memorize
The bedroom door swung open again, this time revealing May with a dish towel thrown over her shoulder. "Dinner's ready," she announced, then noticed the letters scattered across the bed. "What's all this?" "Raf got into MIT, Georgia Tech, and Carnegie Mellon," I said, unable to keep the pride from my voice. "Full scholarship for MIT!" May's eyebrows shot up. "No shit? That's fantastic, Rafael." The genuine pleasure in her tone seemed to surprise him. My sister and boyfriend had developed an uneasy truce over the years, bonded primarily by their shared concern for me. This was perhaps the one of warmest she'd ever been with him. "Thanks," he said, awkwardness creeping into his posture. "We should celebrate," May continued. "I think there's a bottle of champagne in the back of the fridge from New Year's." "You don't have to — " Rafael began. "Yes we do," May insisted. "This is a big deal. Put those away and come eat before the lasagna gets cold. We'll toast to MIT's newest engin
Dying to Love You 58 ~ Lucky Me
SAMANTHA~It took three days for Rafael to move in officially. Three days of him shuttling between our apartment and his father's house—I couldn't bring myself to call it his house, even though legally that's what it was now. Three days of watching him sort through nineteen years of a life shared with a man he barely knew."I don't know what to do with all this shit," he said on the third night, sprawled on my bed, exhaustion etched into every line of his body. "It's just.. stuff. Expensive stuff that doesn't mean anything."I ran my fingers through his hair, dark strands sliding between them like silk. "You don't have to decide everything right now.""The lawyer said I should sell the house." He turned his face into my pillow. "Says the market's good, and the money would be better in investments.""Do you want to sell it?""Fuck yes." His voice was muffled but vehement. "I never want to set foot in that mausoleum again."I didn't push. Just continued the slow, rhythmic strokes thro
Dying to Love You 57 ~ Just You
I buried my face in her neck, inhaling the familiar scent of her skin. "Don't go...." I murmured, the words muffled against her. She stilled, understanding the layers beneath my simple request. "I'm right here," she said carefully. "I need you." My hands slid under her simple black dress, seeking skin, connection, proof of life. "Raf," she breathed, caught between concern and responding desire. "Are you sure this is what you need right now?" "You..." I repeated, kissing her with a desperate hunger that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with affirming that we were both still here, still alive, still together. "Just you." She hesitated only a moment before responding, her lips softening under mine, her body melting against me as understanding passed between us without words. This wasn't about pleasure but presence, not passion but connection. We made love there on the couch, slow and tender, my ears filled with her soft sighs and whispered reassurances. I tried to me
Dying to Love You 56 ~ Won't Be Alone
She led me back to her apartment. bMay took one look at us and wordlessly made breakfast, setting a plate of eggs and toast in front of me that I managed to choke down only because Sam watched me with worried eyes. After, Sam drew me a shower and gave me one of the t shirts I'd left at their place. Clean, fed, but still hollowed out, I finally let her lead me to her bedroom. She pulled me down beside her on the narrow bed, tucking herself against me like she'd done countless times, her head on my chest, arm draped across my waist. "Talk when you're ready," she murmured. "Or don't. I'm here either way." That's when it hit me, the full, crushing reality. My father was dead. By his own hand. The last words he'd ever write to me were on that pathetic fucking note, as inadequate as every conversation we'd never had.... "He didn't even say he loved me" I whispered, the words ripping from me like they were barbed. "Nineteen years, and he couldn't even write that he loved me in his fu
Dying to Love You 55 ~ Dead
RAFAEL ~I knew something was wrong the moment I stepped into the house. it was too quiet, too still — like walking into a tomb. Dad's Black Audi was in the driveway, which was already weird. He wasn't supposed to be back from his Tokyo trip until next week."Dad...?" I called out, dropping my backpack by the door. No answer.The kitchen was empty, pristine as always since no one actually cooked in it. A half-empty glass of whiskey sat on the counter, Dad's usual, Macallan 18, the expensive shit he said was the only thing worth drinking. Next to it was an envelope with my name scrawled across it in his precise handwriting.My stomach dropped."Dad?!?" I called again, louder this time.I grabbed the envelope, tearing it open as I moved through the house. The note inside was brief, typical of a man who'd spent my entire life saying as little as possible to me.[ Rafael,I'm sorry for this. The life insurance policy will provide for you. Don't make my mistakes. Your mother would have d
Dying to Love You 54 ~ Stay With Me
Rafael was more protective, yes, but also more present. He'd taken to studying my medications, researching CF treatments late into the night, accompanying me to doctor appointments. Sometimes I caught him watching me with an intensity that stole my breath, memorizing me, I realized, for the day when memories would be all he had left.The physical aspect of our relationship had evolved too. Where before there had been playful exploration, now there was often a desperate edge to our lovemaking, as if we could somehow outrun death by losing ourselves in each other."Done." Rafael announced, hitting submit on the final application. "Five schools. You happy now?""Ecstatic." I said, meaning it. "You're going to get in everywhere.""Maybe." He pulled me onto his lap, nuzzling my neck. "Now can we please do something more interesting than college essays?"I laughed, though it triggered a small cough. "Such as?"His hands slid under my tshirt, warm against my skin. "I have a few ideas."Th
Dying to Love You 53 ~ Tell Me
He paced the small living room like a caged animal. "Two years. Jesus Christ Sam." "Maybe longer with the clinical trial!" I offered, desperate for any hope to give him. "The one Marcus mentioned. I called him yesterday —" "Ohh, you called Marcus. That's fucking great." The jealousy in his tone was unexpected. "Planning your medical future with your bookstore boyfriend?" "He's not, it's not like that. He's a pharmaceutical rep whose cousin died of CF. He's trying to help." "By taking pictures of your medical records? Some help ." I sighed, too tired for this particular fight. "Can we not do this right now? Please? I've told you the truth. If you want to walk away, I understand. You didn't sign up for this." Rafael stopped pacing abruptly. "Walk away? Is that what you think I'm going to do?" "It's what most people would do," I said quietly. "It's what I'd understand if you did." "Then you don't know me at all." He dropped to his knees in front of me, taking my hands in his. "I'
Dying to Love You 52 ~ Before 21
Three days after the bakery confrontation, Rafael came back.I was sitting on the fire escape outside my bedroom window, my thinking spot since childhood, when Persephone's distinctive rumble cut through the evening quiet. My heart leapt into my throat even as I told myself not to hope. He could be visiting May, collecting things he'd left at our apartment, or a dozen other reasons that didn't involve forgiving me.I watched him park, remove his helmet, and sit on his bike for a long moment, head bowed as if gathering courage.When he finally looked up, his eyes found me immediately, as if he'd known exactly where I'd be.The summer heat pressed down like a physical weight as I climbed back through my window, each movement measured and careful to avoid triggering a coughing fit. My lungs felt heavy, congested with the mucus that was my constant companion, worsened by three days of crying. I'd started the antibiotics Dr Aaron prescribed after my latest lung culture showed an infectio
