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58 ~ Lucky Me
Last Updated:
2025-04-22 11:04:23
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Dying to Love You 59 ~ Memorize
The bedroom door swung open again, this time revealing May with a dish towel thrown over her shoulder. "Dinner's ready," she announced, then noticed the letters scattered across the bed. "What's all this?" "Raf got into MIT, Georgia Tech, and Carnegie Mellon," I said, unable to keep the pride from my voice. "Full scholarship for MIT!" May's eyebrows shot up. "No shit? That's fantastic, Rafael." The genuine pleasure in her tone seemed to surprise him. My sister and boyfriend had developed an uneasy truce over the years, bonded primarily by their shared concern for me. This was perhaps the one of warmest she'd ever been with him. "Thanks," he said, awkwardness creeping into his posture. "We should celebrate," May continued. "I think there's a bottle of champagne in the back of the fridge from New Year's." "You don't have to — " Rafael began. "Yes we do," May insisted. "This is a big deal. Put those away and come eat before the lasagna gets cold. We'll toast to MIT's newest engin
Last Updated : 2025-04-23Dying to Love You 1 ~ Graduation
SAMANTHA~The polyester graduation gown felt like sandpaper against my skin as I shifted uncomfortably behind the podium. My chest tightened, the familiar herald of an oncoming cough, but I swallowed it down. Not now. Not during my valedictorian speech. "As we stand at the threshold of our futures," I continued, scanning the crowd of my classmates, their faces a blur of anticipation and boredom, "we carry with us not just the knowledge imparted by our teachers, but the memories we've created together." My gaze found Rafael in the third row, his dark eyes meeting mine with that familiar sardonic lift of his eyebrow. Even in the shapeless graduation gown, he managed to look dangerous, all sharp angles and barely contained energy. His mortarboard sat crookedly on his mess of black hair, like he'd thrown it on as an afterthought. Which he probably had. I'd had to practically drag him to the ceremony. "It's just a piece of paper Sunny," he'd said, using the nickname only he was allow
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 2 ~ The Cat
"Where's your partner in crime?" May asked, looking around. "Probably trying to escape before any teachers can talk to him," I said, scanning the crowd. "His dad couldn't make it." May's expression soured slightly. "Big surprise there." I spotted Rafael then, trying to slip away toward the parking lot. "Raf!" I called, waving until he turned. His face softened when he saw me, that rare genuine smile breaking through his carefully maintained facade of indifference. He changed direction, weaving through the crowd toward us. "Got it," May said, snapping a picture of him mid-approach. "That's going in the album." "Hey, valedictorian," Rafael said when he reached us, tugging playfully at my honor cords. "Nice speech. Very touching. I almost shed a tear." "Shut up," I laughed, swatting his hand away. "You loved it." "It was decent," he conceded, which from Rafael was high praise. "Congratulations, Raf," May said, giving him a quick hug that he awkwardly returned. After practically
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 3 ~ Bucket List
"A project," I said, my fingers tracing the edges of the cover. "Kind of a...uhm... bucket list.""A bucket list?" He raised an eyebrow. "Aren't those for old people facing mortality?"I flinched slightly at his choice of words but covered it with a shrug. "Or for people who want to really live before college bogs them down with responsibility.""Since when do you shirk responsibility?" he asked incredulously."Maybe I want to be more like you for once," I replied. "Live a little dangerously."He studied me for a long moment, his dark eyes intense. "So....what exactly brought this on?"I'd prepared for this question, crafted the perfect half-truth. "I've spent my whole life playing it safe, Raf. Getting perfect grades, following rules, being the good girl everyone expects. I'm tired of watching life from the sidelines." I took a breath that caught painfully in my chest. "I want to do things that scare me. That make me feel alive."What I didn't say: I want to truly live before I die.
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 4 ~ Particular Honour
May returned home just as Rafael was draining the pasta, filling our small kitchen with the scent of her perfume and fresh bread from the bakery."Sorry I'm late," she said, setting down a paper bag that undoubtedly contained the promised cheesecake. "Jamie's mom came in last minute for a birthday order and you know how she gets.""Demanded a complete redesign?" I asked, familiar with our neighbor's infamous perfectionism."Twice." May rolled her eyes, then paused, taking in the domesticity of Rafael stirring sauce and me setting the table. "Well, aren't you two adorable? Should I leave again and give you privacy?""Don't start." I warned, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. May had been not-so-subtly hinting at her approval of Rafael for years, oblivious to the complexity of our situation, or my prognosis."I'm just saying," she continued, hanging up her jacket "you make a cute— ""How's the bakery expansion going?" I interrupted desperately.May took the hint, launching into details abo
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 5 ~ Eventually
My heart hammered as I forced myself to meet his eyes. "Not yet," I lied. "But I'll let you know when applications open."He laughed, the moment of tension breaking. "Fair enough. Though I feel obligated as your best friend to vet any potential deflowerers.""God, you're awful," I groaned, throwing a pillow at him.He caught it easily. "Just doing my duty." His expression softened. "Seriously though, Sam. Be careful with that one. Make sure it's someone who deserves you."The tenderness in his voice made my chest ache with more than just illness. "I will," I promised quietly.We spent the next hour plotting logistics, with Rafael suggesting we document our adventures with photos. "Evidence for posterity," he insisted."Or evidence for my sister to use at my murder trial," I countered.By the time he left—roaring away on Persephone with a promise to text me details about our first adventure—I felt a strange mix of excitement and melancholy. I'd set things in motion that couldn't be und
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 6 ~ Doctor
"Congratulations on graduation," he said, settling onto his stool. "Valedictorian I hear?" "News travels fast," I replied, fidgeting with the paper covering the examination table. "Small town." he reminded me. "How are you feeling? Truthfully." I considered lying, but there was little point. My test results would tell the real story. "Worse. The tightness is constant now. Coughing fits are more frequent. I'm using the supplemental oxygen at night." He nodded, making notes. "Any hemoptysis?" "Some." I admitted. "Small amounts." His expression remained neutral, but I'd known him long enough to see the concern in his eyes. "Let's listen to those lungs." The examination was thorough, as always. When he finished, he sat back down, reviewing my chart with a furrowed brow. "Your FEV1 is down to 39%," he said finally. "That's an 8% drop since your last visit." I absorbed this news silently, having expected something similar based on how I'd been feeling. FEV1—forced expiratory volume
Last Updated : 2025-03-23Dying to Love You 7 ~ Submerged
"You're going to freeze your ass off," Rafael said as Persephone rumbled down the empty country road. The moon hung heavy and full above us, illuminating the landscape in silver light that made everything look slightly unreal. "Whose idea was it to do this in June?" I shouted against the wind, my arms tight around his waist. Even through his leather jacket, I could feel the warmth of him, a stark contrast to the cool night air whipping past us. "Yours" he called back, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Item number two on the famous bucket list; go skinny dipping." My stomach flipped with a mixture of excitement and terror. After two days of planning and waiting for the perfect night, we were actually doing this , the first real item on my list. "There's still time to chicken out," Rafael added as we turned onto a narrow dirt road barely visible among the trees. "Not a chance Shade." I replied, tightening my grip on him. "I'm committed." He laughed, the sound vi
Last Updated : 2025-03-23
Latest chapter
Dying to Love You 59 ~ Memorize
The bedroom door swung open again, this time revealing May with a dish towel thrown over her shoulder. "Dinner's ready," she announced, then noticed the letters scattered across the bed. "What's all this?" "Raf got into MIT, Georgia Tech, and Carnegie Mellon," I said, unable to keep the pride from my voice. "Full scholarship for MIT!" May's eyebrows shot up. "No shit? That's fantastic, Rafael." The genuine pleasure in her tone seemed to surprise him. My sister and boyfriend had developed an uneasy truce over the years, bonded primarily by their shared concern for me. This was perhaps the one of warmest she'd ever been with him. "Thanks," he said, awkwardness creeping into his posture. "We should celebrate," May continued. "I think there's a bottle of champagne in the back of the fridge from New Year's." "You don't have to — " Rafael began. "Yes we do," May insisted. "This is a big deal. Put those away and come eat before the lasagna gets cold. We'll toast to MIT's newest engin
Dying to Love You 58 ~ Lucky Me
SAMANTHA~It took three days for Rafael to move in officially. Three days of him shuttling between our apartment and his father's house—I couldn't bring myself to call it his house, even though legally that's what it was now. Three days of watching him sort through nineteen years of a life shared with a man he barely knew."I don't know what to do with all this shit," he said on the third night, sprawled on my bed, exhaustion etched into every line of his body. "It's just.. stuff. Expensive stuff that doesn't mean anything."I ran my fingers through his hair, dark strands sliding between them like silk. "You don't have to decide everything right now.""The lawyer said I should sell the house." He turned his face into my pillow. "Says the market's good, and the money would be better in investments.""Do you want to sell it?""Fuck yes." His voice was muffled but vehement. "I never want to set foot in that mausoleum again."I didn't push. Just continued the slow, rhythmic strokes thro
Dying to Love You 57 ~ Just You
I buried my face in her neck, inhaling the familiar scent of her skin. "Don't go...." I murmured, the words muffled against her. She stilled, understanding the layers beneath my simple request. "I'm right here," she said carefully. "I need you." My hands slid under her simple black dress, seeking skin, connection, proof of life. "Raf," she breathed, caught between concern and responding desire. "Are you sure this is what you need right now?" "You..." I repeated, kissing her with a desperate hunger that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with affirming that we were both still here, still alive, still together. "Just you." She hesitated only a moment before responding, her lips softening under mine, her body melting against me as understanding passed between us without words. This wasn't about pleasure but presence, not passion but connection. We made love there on the couch, slow and tender, my ears filled with her soft sighs and whispered reassurances. I tried to me
Dying to Love You 56 ~ Won't Be Alone
She led me back to her apartment. bMay took one look at us and wordlessly made breakfast, setting a plate of eggs and toast in front of me that I managed to choke down only because Sam watched me with worried eyes. After, Sam drew me a shower and gave me one of the t shirts I'd left at their place. Clean, fed, but still hollowed out, I finally let her lead me to her bedroom. She pulled me down beside her on the narrow bed, tucking herself against me like she'd done countless times, her head on my chest, arm draped across my waist. "Talk when you're ready," she murmured. "Or don't. I'm here either way." That's when it hit me, the full, crushing reality. My father was dead. By his own hand. The last words he'd ever write to me were on that pathetic fucking note, as inadequate as every conversation we'd never had.... "He didn't even say he loved me" I whispered, the words ripping from me like they were barbed. "Nineteen years, and he couldn't even write that he loved me in his fu
Dying to Love You 55 ~ Dead
RAFAEL ~I knew something was wrong the moment I stepped into the house. it was too quiet, too still — like walking into a tomb. Dad's Black Audi was in the driveway, which was already weird. He wasn't supposed to be back from his Tokyo trip until next week."Dad...?" I called out, dropping my backpack by the door. No answer.The kitchen was empty, pristine as always since no one actually cooked in it. A half-empty glass of whiskey sat on the counter, Dad's usual, Macallan 18, the expensive shit he said was the only thing worth drinking. Next to it was an envelope with my name scrawled across it in his precise handwriting.My stomach dropped."Dad?!?" I called again, louder this time.I grabbed the envelope, tearing it open as I moved through the house. The note inside was brief, typical of a man who'd spent my entire life saying as little as possible to me.[ Rafael,I'm sorry for this. The life insurance policy will provide for you. Don't make my mistakes. Your mother would have d
Dying to Love You 54 ~ Stay With Me
Rafael was more protective, yes, but also more present. He'd taken to studying my medications, researching CF treatments late into the night, accompanying me to doctor appointments. Sometimes I caught him watching me with an intensity that stole my breath, memorizing me, I realized, for the day when memories would be all he had left.The physical aspect of our relationship had evolved too. Where before there had been playful exploration, now there was often a desperate edge to our lovemaking, as if we could somehow outrun death by losing ourselves in each other."Done." Rafael announced, hitting submit on the final application. "Five schools. You happy now?""Ecstatic." I said, meaning it. "You're going to get in everywhere.""Maybe." He pulled me onto his lap, nuzzling my neck. "Now can we please do something more interesting than college essays?"I laughed, though it triggered a small cough. "Such as?"His hands slid under my tshirt, warm against my skin. "I have a few ideas."Th
Dying to Love You 53 ~ Tell Me
He paced the small living room like a caged animal. "Two years. Jesus Christ Sam." "Maybe longer with the clinical trial!" I offered, desperate for any hope to give him. "The one Marcus mentioned. I called him yesterday —" "Ohh, you called Marcus. That's fucking great." The jealousy in his tone was unexpected. "Planning your medical future with your bookstore boyfriend?" "He's not, it's not like that. He's a pharmaceutical rep whose cousin died of CF. He's trying to help." "By taking pictures of your medical records? Some help ." I sighed, too tired for this particular fight. "Can we not do this right now? Please? I've told you the truth. If you want to walk away, I understand. You didn't sign up for this." Rafael stopped pacing abruptly. "Walk away? Is that what you think I'm going to do?" "It's what most people would do," I said quietly. "It's what I'd understand if you did." "Then you don't know me at all." He dropped to his knees in front of me, taking my hands in his. "I'
Dying to Love You 52 ~ Before 21
Three days after the bakery confrontation, Rafael came back.I was sitting on the fire escape outside my bedroom window, my thinking spot since childhood, when Persephone's distinctive rumble cut through the evening quiet. My heart leapt into my throat even as I told myself not to hope. He could be visiting May, collecting things he'd left at our apartment, or a dozen other reasons that didn't involve forgiving me.I watched him park, remove his helmet, and sit on his bike for a long moment, head bowed as if gathering courage.When he finally looked up, his eyes found me immediately, as if he'd known exactly where I'd be.The summer heat pressed down like a physical weight as I climbed back through my window, each movement measured and careful to avoid triggering a coughing fit. My lungs felt heavy, congested with the mucus that was my constant companion, worsened by three days of crying. I'd started the antibiotics Dr Aaron prescribed after my latest lung culture showed an infectio
Dying to Love You 51 ~ Tears
The hurt in his voice gutted me. " I— I was going to tell you..." I whispered. "I just needed more time.""More time," he repeated bitterly. "While you're out here making bucket lists and living like you're dying because you actually are dying. Jesus Christ Sam."May stepped forward, her protective instincts kicking in. "That's enough, Rafael. She doesn't need this stress right now.""Oh I'm sorry," he spat, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Am I making her condition worse? Maybe if someone had fucking told me about her condition, I'd know what to avoid!"Marcus had recovered enough to stand straight, though blood trickled from his split lip. "I think I should go," he said, edging toward the door. "Sam, we can discuss the trial when things are calmer.""You're not discussing anything with her," Rafael snarled. "You stay the fuck away from her.""That's not your decision to make," Marcus replied coolly. "Sam's an adult. She can choose her own medical options."Rafael lunged again, but thi
