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17 ~ Make a Wish
Last Updated:
2025-03-24 00:28:20
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Dying to Love You 18 ~ Journal
The gentleness in her touch, the absolute conviction in her voice, it cracked something in me, a hairline fracture in the wall I'd built around myself. Before I could think better of it, I pulled her into a hug, burying my face in her hair and breathing in the familiar scent of vanilla and cinnamon that always clung to her from the bakery."Thank you.." I whispered against her hair. "For remembering. For caring."Her arms tightened around my waist, her head nestled perfectly under my chin. "Always." she promised, her voice muffled against my chest.We stayed like that longer than a normal hug between friends, her heartbeat a steady rhythm against mine. When we finally pulled apart, something had shifted between us, a new awareness crackling in the small space separating our bodies.Sam's eyes dropped to my lips, then back up, a question in them I wasn't sure I was brave enough to answer. I leaned forward slightly, drawn by a gravity I couldn't resist. She tilted her face up, her breat
Last Updated : 2025-03-24Dying to Love You 19 ~ Jump
SAMANTHA ~I clutched the safety harness with white knuckles, watching the earth fall away beneath us as the small plane climbed into the cloudless sky. My stomach lurched with each bump of turbulence, though whether from fear or excitement, I couldn't quite tell. "Having second thoughts Sunny?" Rafael shouted over the plane's engine, his usual smirk firmly in place despite the slight paleness around his lips. "Me? Never!!" I lied, my voice betraying more confidence than I felt. In truth, I was terrified, not just of jumping from a perfectly good airplane, but of what the exertion might do to my already struggling lungs. I'd doubled my medications this morning and used my nebulizer twice, desperate to keep my breathing steady for what lay ahead. "It's not too late to back out," he added, studying my face with an intensity that had become more common since his birthday two weeks ago. "No shame in it." "Speak for yourself," I retorted, grateful for our familiar banter. It helpe
Last Updated : 2025-03-24Dying to Love You 20 ~ The Rush
The first sensation wasn't falling but floating, a surreal disconnection from reality as my brain struggled to process what was happening. Then gravity took hold, and the true freefall began. Wind roared in my ears, plastering my clothes to my body and forcing my cheeks into unnatural contortions. My stomach seemed to hover somewhere near my throat.It was terrifying. It was glorious.After the initial shock passed, I found myself laughing, a wild, exhilarated sound torn away by the wind as soon as it left my lips. The fear was still there, but beneath it lay something else: pure, undiluted freedom. For these precious seconds, I wasn't Samantha Ellis with failing lungs and a limited future. I was just a girl falling through sunlight, weightless and alive.Anna tapped my shoulder, and I arched my back as instructed. She deployed the small drogue chute, stabilizing our fall, then held up the camera attached to her wrist. I grinned genuinely this time, giving a shaky thumbs-up as sh
Last Updated : 2025-03-24Dying to Love You 21 ~ Feeling Alive
"I still can't believe you weren't scared," Rafael said, stealing one of my fries. "You're usually the cautious one."I shrugged, stirring my strawberry milkshake with the straw. "Maybe the bucket list is changing me.""Maybe." His expression turned thoughtful. "Or maybe this is who you've always been, just waiting for the right moment to come out."The observation hit closer to home than he could know. It wasn't courage driving my recklessness, but desperation, the frantic need to experience everything before time ran out."What about you?" I asked, deflecting. "Mr. Tough Guy looked pretty terrified at the plane door."He laughed, running a hand through his wind-tangled hair. "Yeah, well, turns out jumping from a plane isn't the same as riding a motorcycle fast. Who knew?""Admit it, you were scared.""Fucking terrified," he confirmed with surprising honesty. "But also...I don't know. It felt important, somehow.""Important how?" I prompted, curious about this glimpse of vulnerabilit
Last Updated : 2025-03-24Dying to Love You 22 ~ A Year
The fever hit me like a freight train three days after our skydiving adventure.I woke drenched in sweat, my lungs feeling like they were packed with concrete, each breath a painful struggle that sent daggers through my chest."Shit." I whispered to the dark room, my voice a raspy shadow of itself. I'd been expecting this, the inevitable backlash from pushing my body too far. Skydiving had been worth it, but now I was paying the price.I fumbled for my phone on the nightstand, checking the time: 3:17 AM. My fingers hovered over May's contact, then stopped. She'd warned me about the skydiving, said it was too risky with my lung function already declining.If I woke her now, the worry and 'I told you so ' would be unbearable.Instead, I dragged myself out of bed, legs trembling beneath me as I made my way to the bathroom. The face that greeted me in the mirror was a stranger's, pale with dark shadows beneath glazed eyes, lips tinged an alarming shade of blue."Not good," I muttered, gra
Last Updated : 2025-03-24Dying to Love You 23 ~ Might Be Getting Sick
"It's not fair to him." Dr. Aaron persisted gently. "Or to yourself.""Nothing about this is fair," I retorted, a flash of anger cutting through the exhaustion. "It's not fair that I'm dying at eighteen. It's not fair that I'll never graduate college or have a career or a family. It's not fair that I'm in love with my best friend and can't tell him because I don't want my death to destroy him."The words hung in the air between us, the first time I'd admitted aloud what I felt for Rafael. Dr. Aaron's expression softened."Oh Sam..." he said quietly. "I'm so sorry."A nurse interrupted, bringing another bag of antibiotics. While she checked my vitals, Dr. Aaron stepped out to call May, who would be waking up to my flimsy note by now.Left alone, I closed my eyes, trying to block out the antiseptic smell and the beeping machines. I'd been in and out of hospitals my entire life, but this admission felt different—heavier, more final somehow. The beginning of the end.My phone buzzed on th
Last Updated : 2025-03-24Dying to Love You 24 ~ More Time
Marcus appeared in the doorway, looking oddly out of place in the sterile hospital room with his designer clothes and perfect hair. He carried a small vase of flowers and what looked like a book."Sam." he said, his confident demeanor faltering slightly when he saw the oxygen tubing and IV lines. "I...I hope I'm not intruding.""How did you know I was here?" I asked, painfully aware of how I must look, pale, sweaty, my hair a tangled mess against the pillow."My mother sits on the hospital board," he explained, setting the flowers on the windowsill. "She mentioned a young woman with CF had been admitted. There aren't many of us in town, so.." He trailed off awkwardly."That's...thoughtful," I said, unsure how to feel about his presence. We weren't friends, exactly, just friendly acquaintances from his regular visits to the bakery."I brought you these," he continued, holding out the book. It was another first edition..." 'Anne of Green Gables' this time. "My mother always says books
Last Updated : 2025-03-24Dying to Love You 25 ~ Alarm Bells
RAFAEL~Three days since Sam's last message, and I was starting to lose my fucking mind.'just a cold' , she'd said. 'talk later', she'd said. But then radio silence. My texts sat unanswered, calls went straight to voicemail. May had texted yesterday saying Sam was sleeping a lot, needed rest, was 'under the weather' , all the bullshit euphemisms adults use when they're hiding something.I paced my bedroom, phone in hand, checking for the hundredth time for a message that wasn't there. This wasn't like Sam. Even at her worst, she always responded eventually, usually with some smartass comment about my impatience."Fuck this." I muttered, grabbing my jacket. I'd go to her house, camp on the porch if necessary. Maybe bring soup or something, like a normal person would.Then I remembered.The notebook. The fucking poetry notebook I'd left at Sam's house on Tuesday, when I'd stopped by to check on her after work. May had called her downstairs for a phone call, and in my hurry to shov
Last Updated : 2025-03-24
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Dying to Love You 60 ~ If I'm Still Here
I slid my hands into his hair, tugging to bring his face back to mine for a kiss that quickly deepened, tongues meeting in a dance we'd perfected over months of exploration. My legs parted instinctively, allowing him to settle more fully against me, the thin fabric of our sleep shorts doing nothing to hide his arousal. "Condom?" he murmured against my lips. I shook my head. "Pill. And clean test results, remember?" A month ago, we'd both been tested — Rafael's idea, surprisingly— and decided to stop using condoms. The intimacy of nothing between us was still new enough to feel thrilling. "Just checking," he said, sliding down my body once more. His fingers hooked in the waistband of my shorts, drawing them down slowly, teasingly, lips following the path of newly exposed skin. By the time he settled between my thighs, I was trembling with anticipation. The first touch of his tongue against my center had me biting down on my knuckles to stifle a moan. He knew exactly how
Dying to Love You 59 ~ Memorize
The bedroom door swung open again, this time revealing May with a dish towel thrown over her shoulder. "Dinner's ready," she announced, then noticed the letters scattered across the bed. "What's all this?" "Raf got into MIT, Georgia Tech, and Carnegie Mellon," I said, unable to keep the pride from my voice. "Full scholarship for MIT!" May's eyebrows shot up. "No shit? That's fantastic, Rafael." The genuine pleasure in her tone seemed to surprise him. My sister and boyfriend had developed an uneasy truce over the years, bonded primarily by their shared concern for me. This was perhaps the one of warmest she'd ever been with him. "Thanks," he said, awkwardness creeping into his posture. "We should celebrate," May continued. "I think there's a bottle of champagne in the back of the fridge from New Year's." "You don't have to — " Rafael began. "Yes we do," May insisted. "This is a big deal. Put those away and come eat before the lasagna gets cold. We'll toast to MIT's newest engin
Dying to Love You 58 ~ Lucky Me
SAMANTHA~It took three days for Rafael to move in officially. Three days of him shuttling between our apartment and his father's house—I couldn't bring myself to call it his house, even though legally that's what it was now. Three days of watching him sort through nineteen years of a life shared with a man he barely knew."I don't know what to do with all this shit," he said on the third night, sprawled on my bed, exhaustion etched into every line of his body. "It's just.. stuff. Expensive stuff that doesn't mean anything."I ran my fingers through his hair, dark strands sliding between them like silk. "You don't have to decide everything right now.""The lawyer said I should sell the house." He turned his face into my pillow. "Says the market's good, and the money would be better in investments.""Do you want to sell it?""Fuck yes." His voice was muffled but vehement. "I never want to set foot in that mausoleum again."I didn't push. Just continued the slow, rhythmic strokes thro
Dying to Love You 57 ~ Just You
I buried my face in her neck, inhaling the familiar scent of her skin. "Don't go...." I murmured, the words muffled against her. She stilled, understanding the layers beneath my simple request. "I'm right here," she said carefully. "I need you." My hands slid under her simple black dress, seeking skin, connection, proof of life. "Raf," she breathed, caught between concern and responding desire. "Are you sure this is what you need right now?" "You..." I repeated, kissing her with a desperate hunger that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with affirming that we were both still here, still alive, still together. "Just you." She hesitated only a moment before responding, her lips softening under mine, her body melting against me as understanding passed between us without words. This wasn't about pleasure but presence, not passion but connection. We made love there on the couch, slow and tender, my ears filled with her soft sighs and whispered reassurances. I tried to me
Dying to Love You 56 ~ Won't Be Alone
She led me back to her apartment. bMay took one look at us and wordlessly made breakfast, setting a plate of eggs and toast in front of me that I managed to choke down only because Sam watched me with worried eyes. After, Sam drew me a shower and gave me one of the t shirts I'd left at their place. Clean, fed, but still hollowed out, I finally let her lead me to her bedroom. She pulled me down beside her on the narrow bed, tucking herself against me like she'd done countless times, her head on my chest, arm draped across my waist. "Talk when you're ready," she murmured. "Or don't. I'm here either way." That's when it hit me, the full, crushing reality. My father was dead. By his own hand. The last words he'd ever write to me were on that pathetic fucking note, as inadequate as every conversation we'd never had.... "He didn't even say he loved me" I whispered, the words ripping from me like they were barbed. "Nineteen years, and he couldn't even write that he loved me in his fu
Dying to Love You 55 ~ Dead
RAFAEL ~I knew something was wrong the moment I stepped into the house. it was too quiet, too still — like walking into a tomb. Dad's Black Audi was in the driveway, which was already weird. He wasn't supposed to be back from his Tokyo trip until next week."Dad...?" I called out, dropping my backpack by the door. No answer.The kitchen was empty, pristine as always since no one actually cooked in it. A half-empty glass of whiskey sat on the counter, Dad's usual, Macallan 18, the expensive shit he said was the only thing worth drinking. Next to it was an envelope with my name scrawled across it in his precise handwriting.My stomach dropped."Dad?!?" I called again, louder this time.I grabbed the envelope, tearing it open as I moved through the house. The note inside was brief, typical of a man who'd spent my entire life saying as little as possible to me.[ Rafael,I'm sorry for this. The life insurance policy will provide for you. Don't make my mistakes. Your mother would have d
Dying to Love You 54 ~ Stay With Me
Rafael was more protective, yes, but also more present. He'd taken to studying my medications, researching CF treatments late into the night, accompanying me to doctor appointments. Sometimes I caught him watching me with an intensity that stole my breath, memorizing me, I realized, for the day when memories would be all he had left.The physical aspect of our relationship had evolved too. Where before there had been playful exploration, now there was often a desperate edge to our lovemaking, as if we could somehow outrun death by losing ourselves in each other."Done." Rafael announced, hitting submit on the final application. "Five schools. You happy now?""Ecstatic." I said, meaning it. "You're going to get in everywhere.""Maybe." He pulled me onto his lap, nuzzling my neck. "Now can we please do something more interesting than college essays?"I laughed, though it triggered a small cough. "Such as?"His hands slid under my tshirt, warm against my skin. "I have a few ideas."Th
Dying to Love You 53 ~ Tell Me
He paced the small living room like a caged animal. "Two years. Jesus Christ Sam." "Maybe longer with the clinical trial!" I offered, desperate for any hope to give him. "The one Marcus mentioned. I called him yesterday —" "Ohh, you called Marcus. That's fucking great." The jealousy in his tone was unexpected. "Planning your medical future with your bookstore boyfriend?" "He's not, it's not like that. He's a pharmaceutical rep whose cousin died of CF. He's trying to help." "By taking pictures of your medical records? Some help ." I sighed, too tired for this particular fight. "Can we not do this right now? Please? I've told you the truth. If you want to walk away, I understand. You didn't sign up for this." Rafael stopped pacing abruptly. "Walk away? Is that what you think I'm going to do?" "It's what most people would do," I said quietly. "It's what I'd understand if you did." "Then you don't know me at all." He dropped to his knees in front of me, taking my hands in his. "I'
Dying to Love You 52 ~ Before 21
Three days after the bakery confrontation, Rafael came back.I was sitting on the fire escape outside my bedroom window, my thinking spot since childhood, when Persephone's distinctive rumble cut through the evening quiet. My heart leapt into my throat even as I told myself not to hope. He could be visiting May, collecting things he'd left at our apartment, or a dozen other reasons that didn't involve forgiving me.I watched him park, remove his helmet, and sit on his bike for a long moment, head bowed as if gathering courage.When he finally looked up, his eyes found me immediately, as if he'd known exactly where I'd be.The summer heat pressed down like a physical weight as I climbed back through my window, each movement measured and careful to avoid triggering a coughing fit. My lungs felt heavy, congested with the mucus that was my constant companion, worsened by three days of crying. I'd started the antibiotics Dr Aaron prescribed after my latest lung culture showed an infectio
