CHAPTER 8.2

[LOVELY's Point of View]

I opened the door of my condo with a heavy feeling. You know? That certain kind of feeling na wala ka namang masyadong ginawa pero pakiramdam mo, pagod na pagod ka? I feel like I'm craving for a rest pero hindi ko alam kung paano gagawin, kung saan ko hahanapin.

I know this is not just because of what happened earlier sa cafe. I am experiencing this for quite some time already simula nang maisipan kong bumukod kina mommy. I don't know. Maybe I'm just homesick or whatever. Hayst. Kaya mas gusto kong lumalabas at may kinakausap, e. In that way, I temporarily forget this toxic feeling.

Oh, curious what happened in the cafe before we parted ways? Well, matapos ipaliwanag ni Miss Maggie ang special purpose and extra service kuno ng cafe, na sobrang gumulat sa amin, napagdesisyunan ng lahat na ipasabukas na lang ang pagd-decide whether we will say yes to the job or not. Kahit naman kasi sinong nasa matinong isip ay hindi kakayanin ang pasabog na sinabi ni Miss Maggie. 

Napasalampak ako sa kama sa kwarto ko at napabuntong-hininga habang nakatunganga sa ceiling— thinking what just happened awhile ago. Hindi ko akalaing ganito pala ka-kumplikado ang trabahong in-apply-an ko. Kung tutuusin, I can easily say no and dump the offer. Surprisingly, hindi ko ginawa at 'di ko ginagawa. Maybe because noong una pa lang ay eager na ako sa trabahong 'to and I told my self that I must be in this job. Ang dami ko pa namang plano para sa trabahong 'to like I wanted to start earning and buy stuff using my own money, to go out with my co-workers every day-off and to be close with cute guy customers. Hays, epic failed. Sira ang mga plano ko.

Pero bakit nga kaya 'no? Why can't I ignore this job?

May naalala ako bigla kaya napabangon ako at hinalungkat ang side table. I found my journal. I almost forgot that I have this. Dito kasi ako nagsulat ng mga goals na dapat kong ma-achieve ngayong independent na ako. It's been weeks at ni isa, wala pa akong natutupad.

I opened the journal and saw the list that I made. The first thing in my list?

Do an adventure.

This past year, masyado akong naging stern sa sarili ko like I must be like this, I must maintain that, I should act like this and that and those. Nakalimutan ko na kung paano ako dati— kung gaano ako kasaya noong hindi pa ako nagse-set ng mga rules at restrictions sa sarili ko. I missed having an adventure every single day.

Absentmindedly, I smiled.

Wait— That's it!  Now I know the reason why I don't and I mustn't say no to the offer of Dreams Café. This is the adventure that I'm looking for! This is my chance to be live a happy life again!

Tama si Pen. Ano namang masama kung tutulong kami sa pagtupad ng pangarap ng iba? It's actually not a duty or a job. It is definitely an adventure.

Hmm, that mysterious owner suddenly amazed me.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko sa bag and looked for Pen's phone number na hiningi ko kanina sa kanya bago kami maghiwa-hiwalay. Kinailangan ko pa s'yang paulanan ng charms at i-please para lang makuha ko ang number n'ya. Ngayon pa lang, parang kilala ko na ang babaeng 'yun. She's antisocial. 'Yung parang typical na girl na loner at walang kaibigan. I even asked myself what made her apply in the cafe kung parang ayaw n'ya sa tao. Well, should I care for her personal reasons?

"Oh, come on Pen." I whimpered. Naka-dalawang dial na ako pero hindi n'ya pa din sinasagot. Dalawa lang naman 'yan. Either busy s'ya or ayaw n'ya talagang sagutin ang tawag ko. I think, the latter one is more probable.

‘Hindi kita kukulitin, promise! I just wanted to talk to someone right now.’

I texted her instead. Minutes had passed pero no reply so maybe I should consider the fact na busy nga s'ya. Tinignan ko ulit ang phonebook ko para humanap ng pwedeng kausapin pero tatlo lang silang nakalagay doon. Si mommy, daddy and Pen. Ayoko namang tawagan sina mommy. Baka isipin nilang namomroblema nga ako sa buhay na pinili ko at pabalikin ako sa bahay.

When I'm about to put my phone down, it rang and saw Pen's name.

"Hi Pen!" Hindi ko na naitago ang excitement nang sagutin ko ang tawag n'ya. 

I got no response. Seriously? Pati ba naman sa phone call ay tahimik s'ya?

"So, ano? Did you decide na ba sa big-time offer ni Miss Maggie?" I asked instead para naman mapilitan s'yang sumagot.

"Hindi pa," Maiksi n'yang sagot.

"Why? I thought pa naman—"

"Hindi pa ako nakakapagpaalam sa papa at mama ko." Pagputol n'ya sa sasabihin ko.

"Hindi ko alam kung papayag sila," she added lowly.

"Ah, okay. So what if, pumayag sila? Will you accept the trabaho ba? You know, hindi lang pagse-serve ng teas and coffees but also the... making someone's dreams come true chuchu?" 

Wala na naman akong narinig mula sa kanya. The call is still ongoing pero hindi talaga s'ya sumasagot. 

"Hey? Pen? Are deads na ba?"

Hay naku! Mas nakakapagod pa palang kausap si Pen kesa kay Psalm. Mas napapagod akong maghintay ng sagot mula sa kanya kesa kay Psalm na kuda ng kuda.

"Pen—"

"Wala akong pangarap, Lovely."

That took me aback. I was shocked after hearing that from her. Not because nagsalita s'ya bigla kundi dahil na rin sa sinabi n'yang wala s'yang pangarap.

"W-what do you mean?" I can feel it. I can feel her longing for someone to tell this. Mukhang hindi lang pala ako ang naghahanap at nangangailangan ng makaka-usap ngayon.

"Wala akong pangarap," Pag-uulit n'ya. "Kaya... nagustuhan ko 'yung aim ng owner."

Another silence.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng awa sa kanya. Parang sobrang hirap para sa kanya na magsabi ng ganitong bagay.

"Parang... parang gusto ko ding... tumupad ng pangarap ng iba. Wala ako nun kaya, kaya gusto ko tulungan 'yung mga taong may pangarap."

Naramdaman ko bawat katagang sinambit n'ya. It was full of sincerity.

Punong-puno 'yun ng emosyon like she was actually bottling that up for a very long time at ngayon, ngayon n'ya lang nailabas.

"Naiintindihan kita, Pen." I smiled. I hope she can see this smile so I can give her comfort. 

"And you know what? I have a dream. Pwede mo ba akong tulungan tuparin 'yun?" I asked.

"Anong... ano naman 'yun?"

I heaved a heavy sigh.

"Parangap kong magkaroon ng totoong kaibigan. Please, please make that dream come true."

~

I woke up feeling so enthusiastic and alive. This is new, I can say. Hindi ko na matandaan kung kelan ako huling gumising ng may ganitong pakiramdam. Maybe because I had a good night sleep and I had a great time talking with Pen kahit most of those time ay ako lang ang dumadaldal. She either say yes or no or say nothing. Still, it's nice having someone to talk to.

Bumangon ako at hinanda ang susuotin ko ngayon. Just a knee-length yellow dress. I like the color kasi. It made me feel so alive to the point that I keep on humming a song I don't actually know. Silly me.

Today is the decision day. Nae-excite ako though medyo kinakabahan din. Sure na kasi ang pagpayag naming dalawa ni Pen sa job offer. Nag-aalala lang ako para sa dalawang boys since I don't have any idea kung anong magiging desisyon nila considering their attitudes and skeptical minds. Napaka-kontrabida nila, gosh!

But I'll think positive. Cross fingers! Dapat positive lang.

Positive dapat.

Oh, God please sana positive ang mangyari.