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Chapter 63
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2021-06-22 16:26:29I felt everyone staring at me as I couldn’t handle how the conversation led to and I just decided to leave without responding back as I felt my legs move while I opened the front door and was practically running not bothering to look back. Taking deep breaths trying to calm myself, I was uncertain if I was upset, angry, or overwhelmed, but I couldn’t take it anymore in that house. I knew my dad didn’t change much, but he didn’t have to talk that way if he wanted to discuss my past and be patient with me if he gave me the time I could have told him. Yet the more I was listening the more it felt like he just wanted clarity that he wasn’t at fault.
“Michael.”
I glanced back and saw Elliot running to catch up to me after walking down the street.
“I’m not going back,” I said, continuing walking.
“Just wait,” he said as he reached for my hand to stop me. “Hold on.”
I pull
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Don't Touch Chapter 64
I pulled his hand so he could follow me, “Yeah… Seeing Caesar like that made me realize a few things.” I said as we both started walking.“And what’s that?” He asked, curiously.“Forgiveness,” I answered, squeezed his hand lightly for encouragement as we started making our way back to the house.“Can I ask for more details?” Elliot asked.I took a deep breath as I tried to figure out how to explain it. “I’m still mad about my dad for not understanding my situation, but that doesn’t mean I can be mad at him when I might never explain to him about what happened to me or learn more about my health. Also, if Caesar can apologize then that means people can change as well.”Elliot came to a stop almost pulling me back to face him, “Does this mean that you can forgive yourself as well?” He asked with a serious expression.I stood there before leaning ov
Last Updated : 2021-06-22Don't Touch Chapter 65
I saw my dad at the shed we have by the side of the house and I walked over grabbing a chair to sit down when he saw me but continued to rearrange things inside. Maybe he wanted to talk or he wasn’t ready to listen as well. Sometimes I’m not even sure what he’s thinking and not approaching him always felt like an easier option.“Are you going to stay out here all night?” I asked him.“Just a bit.” He answered.I sat there by the side as I watched him and I took a deep breath before saying, “Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were so affected by my actions and it just never occurred to me that it would hurt you because I was in the right mind to think about what would happen when you find me.”My dad walked over to me pulling a chair to sit beside me. “I don't want you to apologize to me for what happened and I had a lot of thinking to do while you were away. I know I have my own faults
Last Updated : 2021-06-25Don't Touch Chapter 66
Elliot pulled on the sleeve of my shirt to lead me in the house and we made sure the doors were locked before going upstairs. We took turns to use the restroom preparing ourselves before getting in bed and the whole time I waited outside my bedroom until Elliot was done because I didn’t want to be alone in my room. I wanted to say that the room felt tense, but I also think that it was just me as we moved to lay down and laid down closer together as we realized that the bed was a bit small. Elliot wrapped his arm around me to hold me closer as I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, as I tried to remain calm and hoped that I could fall asleep soon.“Do you want to know what I worry about when I can’t fall asleep?” Elliot asked me as he leaned his head closer towards me and I can feel his fingers brushing across my palm as if trying to get my attention.“What?” I asked him.“Before meeting you, I wondered a few times about
Last Updated : 2021-06-30Don't Touch Chapter 67
Elliot stood up as well. “How was your weekend?” he asked Luis.“Alright,” Luis said as he rubbed the back of his neck and I could see a hint of blush on his cheek.“What did you do?” I asked, curiously.“Well, after the hangout, I spent almost the whole weekend talking with Jennifer.” He started to say and cleared his throat as if he’s unsure how to continue on from there.“Wait, so did this get serious?” I asked him.“Well, no, not like it’s that serious as you think but maybe we might go out when we’re free,” he answered.“Like a date?” Elliot asked.“Yes, but I’m not sure when I should take her out or where to take her,” Luis replied as we started walking inside the building.“Well, I was kind of hoping for all of us to try and hang out again this weekend…” I said, beginning to feel shy
Last Updated : 2021-06-30Don't Touch Chapter 68
We all started making our way to an ice cream parlor and we got in line. “I know how hard it is coming out and it can be hard when they don’t understand. It’s harder when they don’t want to accept it.”Elliot sighed as he hugged me, “How did it go when telling your mom? You always talk about how it went with your dad, but you never talked about coming out to your mom.”“I never really did. She found out while I was recovering and I’m sure they told her everything after my therapy sessions. I didn’t have to say it to her.” I told them and glanced at Luis. “She was pretty open about it which surprised me, but I think she was just accepting to help me be comfortable around her and also to be living with her.”“How old were you when your parents divorced?” Luis asked.“Um, six, I think,” I tell them as I try to remember. “I was in both of their custody
Last Updated : 2021-07-07Don't Touch Chapter 69
“The last real friend I had… He knew what was going on between Chris and I so he tried to help me, but I was scared.” I tell Luis. “He was a good friend that wanted to help me and get me out of that abuse, but I got scared that in the end I only pushed him away so that he could give up on me.”“He said that he didn’t mean it.” Elliot cut in and I glanced over at him.“I know, but still,” I mumbled.Turning away as I felt like I’ve shared enough and I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to answer any more questions that Luis might ask me. I think I’ve reached to an extent that I just want to close myself off from saying something that might be viewed wrongly or having to go to details that I’m not comfortable enough to do so.“We still have a bit of time, should we go somewhere? Want to go walking around the pier?” I heard Elliot say.“No,” I answere
Last Updated : 2021-07-07Don't Touch Chapter 70
I hung up, putting my phone on the side, as I laid down again taking a deep breath, and just tried to clear my mind. For a while, all I heard was my phone ring and I know this time it could be Luis, either trying to call or text me, but I didn’t bother to look at my phone. I reached for my covers to pull it over my face and I honestly wasn’t sure how to feel because it was all just a mixed emotion between frustration, annoyance, disbelief, and more that I don’t want to recall. I laid there for another couple of minutes before sitting up, reached for my keys, as I’m getting out of bed deciding that I’m just going to take a walk. I didn’t want to be alone in the house with these thoughts and I still didn’t want to talk to anyone so I just kept my phone on silent when I stepped outside.I began walking down the block, putting on my headphones, just wanting to be distracted from my thoughts and it seemed like many feet were on autopilot.
Last Updated : 2021-07-15Don't Touch Chapter 71
It took me a second to find the strength to get up, he wrapped his arm around me, as he began to lead me to his car. I don’t know what was happening because my head felt heavy and I’ve cried so much that I didn’t even know how I could see where I’m walking. Elliot put the seatbelt on me after getting inside his car and he waited for a second to look me over before getting inside the car driving off towards my house. We got out of the car once we arrived then walked to the front door and he searched through my pockets to grab my keys.“I’m sorry.” I began to say once we’re inside the house.Maybe because I’m back in the comfort of my home that made me able to talk, but my emotions began to build up again like I was trying to catch my breath after running a marathon.“For what?” He asked, making our way to my room.“Of what I said. What I felt and all that was going on in my head. I was
Last Updated : 2021-07-15
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We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
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“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
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We both didn’t say anything as Elliot kept his focus on the road and I kept my eyes out the window seeing the view change. I always enjoy seeing the beach view and maybe being out would be a nice breather like he suggested. It took a bit of time for Elliot to find parking and we made our way over to an area that was less crowded. Now that we’re near summer, it was a nice day to be at the beach and it wasn’t so hot that I had to take off my sweater. As always, Elliot took out a blanket from the trunk of his car like he’s always prepared and we laid it out after we found a nice spot away from the pier. It felt like we were the only people on the beach, giving me this secure feeling.“Are you sure that you’re not hungry?” Elliot asked after noticing the time. “I’ll eat after we are done here,” I said while looking over the ocean view and seeing the water shining from the sunlight.“But you like to stay here for hours,” Elliot retorts and tilts his head to look at me closer.I shrugged m
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I sat up suddenly and felt my hands shaking, knowing I’d woken up from another nightmare. Why was this one real compared to the other one I had? Why did I remember something from the past that I was able to forget? No, I’m going to forget about it again like it never happened. I don’t want more memories from the past to resurface and affect me like before. It took me a moment to remember that I was in my bedroom and I reached a hand out to the spot beside me. I didn’t feel Elliot's hand and looked over to see his side of the bed empty. I tried to stay calm as I looked around my room trying to figure out if he had left while I was sleeping, but that wouldn’t be something that Elliot would do. “Elliot?” I called out in a small voice. Did he go home? No, he said that he was going to stay for a while and wasn’t going to leave without telling me. I tried not to feel overwhelmed as I pulled the covers off and checked the restroom, hoping he was in there. I stepped out to the hallway, hear
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For a second, I wondered if we shouldn’t be holding each other like this, but does this mean that he still cares for me, or is he only being kind? If we had been like this before I fell asleep, I might not have had that dream. The thought about the dream had me shivering as I recall Chris’s face and I moved a bit away from Elliot, but he still had me in his arms. He must have noticed my discomfort and I felt his hands patting my back, trying to comfort me. I’m starting to feel a bit of pain in the pit of my stomach and I know it’s all the stress from having the panic attacks to the night terror. “I’m tired,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted again. “You’re going to be tired the whole day if you don’t rest,” Elliot replied. “I know… I’m already getting a stomach ache,” I said, then sighed, feeling a little pain. “And I was feeling that earlier at my dad’s house.” “Do you need some medicine?” He asked me. “I think so,” I said, sitting up. “Stay here. I’ll get it for
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [2-3]
I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable, and it felt easier to fall asleep with Elliot beside me. At least I know he is here supportively and he chose to stay the night because he wanted to; not just to watch over me out of spite. Even if he was here to comfort me and nothing more, I’m thankful he let me lean on him, even if it’s only for tonight. I opened my eyes, wanting a little peek, and he looked like he was already sound asleep; maybe he was already tired before coming to pick me up. There was something I wanted to ask him about our relationship, but I was also afraid to hear the answer, or I was only hoping for an answer that I wanted to hear. I turned over, away from him, and closed my eyes, knowing I was only trying to distract myself from sleeping. For a while, I could hear the soft breathing coming from Elliot, and hearing him was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone. A sudden flashing light disturbed me and I raised a hand trying to block it; maybe I left the blinds op
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [1-3]
Chapter 17When we entered the house, I went to the kitchen and decided I needed my anxiety pill. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.“Water is fine,” He answered.I grabbed two bottles of water and handed them to him as we moved to sit on the couch. “You really don’t mind staying?” I asked him.Elliot took the bottle of water and had a small sip, “I don’t mind.”I moved to lean against the armrest and face him as we sat on the long couch. “Before I called you, I was in the guest room trying to relax but I was going through both panic attacks and anxiety,” I told him while looking down at the bottle of water. “All those feelings came to me that I began to doubt myself... Every time I see Chris, alarm bells go off in my head and my body yells that I need to leave. Runaway, hide, or find a way to disappear.”Elliot reached out to hold my wrist and the touch grabbed my attention, “And now your home, far away from him. Remember that he’s not going to hurt you here.”“Come on, E
Don't Touch Chapter 16 [4-4]
I looked into the living room, and I saw Ally on the ground playing with her toys while Caesar sat beside her, looking down at his phone. “When did she wake up?” I asked.He looked up and put his phone away, “About ten minutes ago… You look worse.”I moved to sit on the floor with them and Ally crawled over to me. “I called Elliot and he’s going to come by,” I told him and put Ally on my lap with her stuffed bear. “Is it okay if you wait until he gets here?”“Yeah,” He nodded as he reached into his pocket and handed me a paper. “They want you to call this number and you can tell them what happened. It’s Chris’s probation officer and they said that he will get a fine after breaking his restraining order.”I looked down at the paper, “A fine? That’s it?” I asked him.“Since he didn’t do anything, there isn’t much they can do besides that, and if he had done something, they could have him in jail for over six months,” Caesar said, leaning back to rest against the couch.“But that sounds
Don't Touch Chapter 16 [3-4]
It was quiet on the walk back to my house and Caesar laid Ally down on her crib after I showed him the way to the bedroom. I was able to calm down a bit, but my hands were still shakey and I knew that this anxious feeling wouldn’t go away. I watched as Caesar closed the door behind him and rubbed my arm nervously, taking the lead back downstairs. I led him to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and took a small sip while Caesar stood behind me, leaning against the counter. It's my fault for being careless and going out when I’ve already been warned that he’s back in town. What would have happened if I was alone or if Caesar didn’t show up at the right time?“Thanks for helping me,” I whispered.“Well, it wasn’t like he could do much without having to put himself in jail and I’m not sure how you would have been if he stayed longer.” He said and looked me over like he was being cautious with his words. “You should be careful having these panic attacks while holding your sister… It looked
