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Chapter 10
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2020-09-29 03:37:17I paused a bit before walking back to our spot and sat down again. We were quiet for a bit before I sigh and lay back on the blanket. I tried to figure out what to say to break our silence, I looked at the sky before closing my eyes and ran my fingers over the top of my head, feeling the curls of my hair.
“I don't want to tell you,” I said finally. “I don't want to tell anyone about it. All that happened was terrible and I remember it almost every day. My parents didn't know about it until it sent me to the hospital and to see their faces afterward…”
“You don't have to tell me..." Elliot said turning to me.
I sighed as I knew more or less how this conversation was going to go ended and I glanced over at him. “Don't you ever think about all that happened with your dad and doesn’t it ever affect you?” I asked.
He squinted his brow as he thought about it before he shrugged his shoulders. “It did be
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Don't Touch Chapter 11
I slowly got up and we walked back to collect the blanket, thankful that we were done for today. I didn't want to continue the conversation because I didn't know how I could after what I said and I don't think he was ready to hear the rest. I wasn’t ready to have a serious conversation and to see his reaction afterward. I haven't said Chris's name in a while and I didn't think I would be this comfortable to talk about him; sort of. I wasn't too sure if it was good to talk about the past because now I’m having flashbacks of events that I tried to forget and I had to watch Elliot distract myself before letting these thoughts get the best of me. We walked back to the car and it was still silent so I thought maybe I had to say something before it was too late.“I'm sorry,” I said.“For what?” he asked.“I feel like you're mad about what I said,” I said.“I'm not mad,” he answered.I looked dow
Last Updated : 2020-09-29Don't Touch Chapter 12
I finally made it to school with a good ten minutes to spare so I went over to the library to drop off the books that I checked out and made my way upstairs towards my first-period class. When I walked into the room I didn't see Elliot so I walked over to my desk and waited for Jennifer to come to sit beside me. A lot of the people in the class have gotten used to the seating around me and they hardly ever spoke a word to me unless we're passing around worksheets or asking small questions. I pulled out my notebook for the class and was trying to figure out what to say to Elliot when I saw him later on in the day, but I couldn't think of what I wanted to say to him or what to explain. Was there anything for me to say? Do I owe him an explanation?Elliot came in, instantly turned to look over at me, but I kept my head down and pretended I was writing in my notebook. He was about to make his way over when the bell rang and he stopped to go over to his seat by the teacher’s
Last Updated : 2020-10-05Don't Touch Chapter 13
I explained to her, with some details of the event, and she soon made a phone call on my emergency card seeing that I was fit to go home. My mom arrived after twenty minutes of passing and we walked quietly to the car unsure of what to say to each other. We got in the car and drove to the house when I noticed that she wasn't getting out of the car with me.“You're going back to work?” I asked.“Yeah, I only asked for a break. Are you going to be okay?” she asked.I nod, “Yeah... I'm sorry about all that.” I said.“It's okay, honey. We can talk more about it when I get back,” she said.I went inside and locked the door behind me, not bothering to turn on the lights as I walked over to my room. I lay down on my bed after putting my backpack down at the door and I pulled the cover over myself taking a deep breath as I tried to go to sleep. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep, I felt like I
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I lay there quietly and knew that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep so easily and I knew that I would be up a little longer than I would want to. I wasn't too sure how long time had passed and if he was asleep or not because it was too quiet. I shifted as I tried to get comfortable and I finally yawned, showing that I was growing tired. Thinking about it, it was nice of him to come by and to check on me as well. But I felt like he had to because of what happened earlier today and it wasn't a situation that can be ignored so lightly as well. Maybe he was worried that I would do something and he only came by because he wanted to keep an eye on me. These thoughts were only getting me upset so I sighed and tried to ignore everything that I was thinking about. I had to try and sleep or I'll be up all night trying to pick a battle with these thoughts that I'm having. I can't be doing this to myself.I didn't wake up until morning at the usual time I woke up for school and I turned
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I paused as I tried to find out what to say and shifted myself to face him, “It happened five years ago and it wasn't Chris who started all this. I was a little insecure about my sexuality when I was young and I was trying to figure myself out because I was confused about why I was having these crushes on a boy in my class. Why was I liking my friend a little more than I do compare to my other friends? Why did I only want his attention and want him to smile at me when he sees me? What was that supposed to mean?” I said as I tried to explain it to him. “And for a second I wondered if I liked him more than a friend... But that was bad if anyone found out.”“Why?”I looked at him, “You know how bullies can be. They'll be calling you 'faggot' and 'pussy boy'. I remembered them calling a boy 'gay' before I even knew what that meant and I was scared to be called that.” I said. “I slowly became cautious about myself and I
Last Updated : 2020-10-29Don't Touch Flashback 1
“I apologize to pull you out of work, but it seemed like a topic that we could not pass.”I was sitting in one of the leather chairs in the principal office and my dad was sitting in the other chair beside me. He was wearing his work uniform and he didn't have the kindest expression on his face, I’ve never seen him like this; which I knew meant that he would rather be at work than here. I looked down at my hand as I couldn't help feeling the pounding of my heart and I didn't know where to focus. I was sitting in the office for over thirty minutes and most of the ten minutes were in silence before my dad came. I tried hard to not move or make any noise so I wouldn't be disturbing anyone. At the age of twelve, it feels like anything I say or do will get me more in trouble than I have to be.“Well, I would like to know what is going on first because all I heard was that my son was disturbing the class and that another kid was also suspended for har
Last Updated : 2020-10-29Don't Touch Flashback 2
I followed him outside to the car and once again I took a seat in the back. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him or even sit beside him after all that happened. The ride to school was quiet as well and after he dropped me off; all he said was that he was expecting me to be ready to pick me up when school was over. I walked over to my classroom and of course, almost everyone in my class was watching me. I quietly walked over to my desk and sat down trying to avoid anyone who was staring at me. I was about to pull out my book when three boys from my class walked up to my desk and I froze unsure of what to do.“Hey, cry-baby, I heard you got Kevin suspended cause you were being a cry-baby.” one of the boys said and the others laughed.“So that must be true that you like boys, huh?” the other one said.I turned up to them. “No,” I said quickly.“That's so nasty. I heard gays die faster just by kissing each oth
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I took my time since I still wasn’t in the proper mood and remembering about the past made me recall a few things that I push away so hard that I tried to forget. I sighed heavily as I stood there after getting dressed then reached for my jacket and stepped out of the room once I was completely ready. Elliot turned off the television and we both made our way out towards his car after I made sure I locked the door behind me. I got inside his car and we sat there quietly as he started driving, but luckily it wasn’t that uncomfortable silence between us now.“So, is there a place you want to go?” He asked me.“No,” I answered.“Are you hungry?” He asked.I shook my head. “No. Not right now.” I answered.“How about we go to the movies? I know you like watching movies.” He asked.I thought about it and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t mind,” I answered.
Last Updated : 2020-11-03
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Don't Touch Chapter 18 [4-4]
We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
Don't Touch Chapter 18 [3-4]
“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
Don't Touch Chapter 18 [2-4]
We both didn’t say anything as Elliot kept his focus on the road and I kept my eyes out the window seeing the view change. I always enjoy seeing the beach view and maybe being out would be a nice breather like he suggested. It took a bit of time for Elliot to find parking and we made our way over to an area that was less crowded. Now that we’re near summer, it was a nice day to be at the beach and it wasn’t so hot that I had to take off my sweater. As always, Elliot took out a blanket from the trunk of his car like he’s always prepared and we laid it out after we found a nice spot away from the pier. It felt like we were the only people on the beach, giving me this secure feeling.“Are you sure that you’re not hungry?” Elliot asked after noticing the time. “I’ll eat after we are done here,” I said while looking over the ocean view and seeing the water shining from the sunlight.“But you like to stay here for hours,” Elliot retorts and tilts his head to look at me closer.I shrugged m
Don't Touch Chapter 18 [1-4]
I sat up suddenly and felt my hands shaking, knowing I’d woken up from another nightmare. Why was this one real compared to the other one I had? Why did I remember something from the past that I was able to forget? No, I’m going to forget about it again like it never happened. I don’t want more memories from the past to resurface and affect me like before. It took me a moment to remember that I was in my bedroom and I reached a hand out to the spot beside me. I didn’t feel Elliot's hand and looked over to see his side of the bed empty. I tried to stay calm as I looked around my room trying to figure out if he had left while I was sleeping, but that wouldn’t be something that Elliot would do. “Elliot?” I called out in a small voice. Did he go home? No, he said that he was going to stay for a while and wasn’t going to leave without telling me. I tried not to feel overwhelmed as I pulled the covers off and checked the restroom, hoping he was in there. I stepped out to the hallway, hear
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [3-3]
For a second, I wondered if we shouldn’t be holding each other like this, but does this mean that he still cares for me, or is he only being kind? If we had been like this before I fell asleep, I might not have had that dream. The thought about the dream had me shivering as I recall Chris’s face and I moved a bit away from Elliot, but he still had me in his arms. He must have noticed my discomfort and I felt his hands patting my back, trying to comfort me. I’m starting to feel a bit of pain in the pit of my stomach and I know it’s all the stress from having the panic attacks to the night terror. “I’m tired,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted again. “You’re going to be tired the whole day if you don’t rest,” Elliot replied. “I know… I’m already getting a stomach ache,” I said, then sighed, feeling a little pain. “And I was feeling that earlier at my dad’s house.” “Do you need some medicine?” He asked me. “I think so,” I said, sitting up. “Stay here. I’ll get it for
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [2-3]
I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable, and it felt easier to fall asleep with Elliot beside me. At least I know he is here supportively and he chose to stay the night because he wanted to; not just to watch over me out of spite. Even if he was here to comfort me and nothing more, I’m thankful he let me lean on him, even if it’s only for tonight. I opened my eyes, wanting a little peek, and he looked like he was already sound asleep; maybe he was already tired before coming to pick me up. There was something I wanted to ask him about our relationship, but I was also afraid to hear the answer, or I was only hoping for an answer that I wanted to hear. I turned over, away from him, and closed my eyes, knowing I was only trying to distract myself from sleeping. For a while, I could hear the soft breathing coming from Elliot, and hearing him was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone. A sudden flashing light disturbed me and I raised a hand trying to block it; maybe I left the blinds op
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [1-3]
Chapter 17When we entered the house, I went to the kitchen and decided I needed my anxiety pill. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.“Water is fine,” He answered.I grabbed two bottles of water and handed them to him as we moved to sit on the couch. “You really don’t mind staying?” I asked him.Elliot took the bottle of water and had a small sip, “I don’t mind.”I moved to lean against the armrest and face him as we sat on the long couch. “Before I called you, I was in the guest room trying to relax but I was going through both panic attacks and anxiety,” I told him while looking down at the bottle of water. “All those feelings came to me that I began to doubt myself... Every time I see Chris, alarm bells go off in my head and my body yells that I need to leave. Runaway, hide, or find a way to disappear.”Elliot reached out to hold my wrist and the touch grabbed my attention, “And now your home, far away from him. Remember that he’s not going to hurt you here.”“Come on, E
Don't Touch Chapter 16 [4-4]
I looked into the living room, and I saw Ally on the ground playing with her toys while Caesar sat beside her, looking down at his phone. “When did she wake up?” I asked.He looked up and put his phone away, “About ten minutes ago… You look worse.”I moved to sit on the floor with them and Ally crawled over to me. “I called Elliot and he’s going to come by,” I told him and put Ally on my lap with her stuffed bear. “Is it okay if you wait until he gets here?”“Yeah,” He nodded as he reached into his pocket and handed me a paper. “They want you to call this number and you can tell them what happened. It’s Chris’s probation officer and they said that he will get a fine after breaking his restraining order.”I looked down at the paper, “A fine? That’s it?” I asked him.“Since he didn’t do anything, there isn’t much they can do besides that, and if he had done something, they could have him in jail for over six months,” Caesar said, leaning back to rest against the couch.“But that sounds
Don't Touch Chapter 16 [3-4]
It was quiet on the walk back to my house and Caesar laid Ally down on her crib after I showed him the way to the bedroom. I was able to calm down a bit, but my hands were still shakey and I knew that this anxious feeling wouldn’t go away. I watched as Caesar closed the door behind him and rubbed my arm nervously, taking the lead back downstairs. I led him to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and took a small sip while Caesar stood behind me, leaning against the counter. It's my fault for being careless and going out when I’ve already been warned that he’s back in town. What would have happened if I was alone or if Caesar didn’t show up at the right time?“Thanks for helping me,” I whispered.“Well, it wasn’t like he could do much without having to put himself in jail and I’m not sure how you would have been if he stayed longer.” He said and looked me over like he was being cautious with his words. “You should be careful having these panic attacks while holding your sister… It looked
