I followed him outside to the car and once again I took a seat in the back. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him or even sit beside him after all that happened. The ride to school was quiet as well and after he dropped me off; all he said was that he was expecting me to be ready to pick me up when school was over. I walked over to my classroom and of course, almost everyone in my class was watching me. I quietly walked over to my desk and sat down trying to avoid anyone who was staring at me. I was about to pull out my book when three boys from my class walked up to my desk and I froze unsure of what to do.
“Hey, cry-baby, I heard you got Kevin suspended cause you were being a cry-baby.” one of the boys said and the others laughed.
“So that must be true that you like boys, huh?” the other one said.
I turned up to them. “No,” I said quickly.
“That's so nasty. I heard gays die faster just by kissing each oth
I took my time since I still wasn’t in the proper mood and remembering about the past made me recall a few things that I push away so hard that I tried to forget. I sighed heavily as I stood there after getting dressed then reached for my jacket and stepped out of the room once I was completely ready. Elliot turned off the television and we both made our way out towards his car after I made sure I locked the door behind me. I got inside his car and we sat there quietly as he started driving, but luckily it wasn’t that uncomfortable silence between us now.“So, is there a place you want to go?” He asked me.“No,” I answered.“Are you hungry?” He asked.I shook my head. “No. Not right now.” I answered.“How about we go to the movies? I know you like watching movies.” He asked.I thought about it and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t mind,” I answered.
I got myself a shirt while we were going through the stores and Elliot bought himself a jacket. Once we were done we headed back to the food court and we tried to decide what to eat. At this point, I was finally feeling hungry to eat and we decided to buy burgers that filled me up after eating. We continued to talk until we were done eating and we began to head back to the car making our way back to my house. Maybe there could have been more for us that we could do, but Elliot had to head back home after dropping me off and I'm sure my mom wants to talk as well after our conversation this morning.Elliot left soon after he dropped me off and my mother didn't come for another hour after. It wasn't a long conversation that we had and we both apologized to each other. The day ended and by morning things were back to normal and finally, I am back in school again. During my time in school, I made sure that I tried going to the tutor sessions to help with some assignments and it&rs
I spent the rest of the evening talking with my mom, doing homework and by morning I tried to get myself ready for school. I looked at my hand, seeing a bruise, and I wasn't too sure if I wanted to go at the thought that I’ll run into David. Maybe I should go walking as well. I was about to text Elliot when he suddenly messaged me first saying that he left early to pick me up. I sighed as I walked to the kitchen grabbing something small like a banana to put it in my bag and slowly started making my way outside to wait for him. I wasn't too sure if I wanted to see Elliot just yet because I was curious about how it went yesterday between him and Jennifer. I also couldn't bring myself to tell Elliot about David because I was also mad that he approached him without telling me and that led me to hurt myself.“Hey!”I looked up to see Elliot parked in front of me and I walked over to his car. “Hi,” I replied as I got inside.“You ok
Why did that hurt me then it wasn’t supposed to? It wasn't a breakup, but it felt like it since I just told him that I wanted time apart. I told my only friend to leave me alone only because I was upset at him and maybe I was scared of getting too close to him as well. I can’t just fall so easily to his words and be happy whenever he comes to get me or when he smiles at me. It’ll only make me want to have him to myself because maybe he was the only thing that’s been comforting me these days. The only person that’s been able to help me whenever I have those bad days; when he was just there when I just wanted to quit.I went to my next class after the bell rang to end lunch and I was able to sit down in my seat before David entered the room. I avoided making eye contact with him and made sure I kept my distance from him. I guess I wasn’t completely in the right mindset because I forgot almost half the lecture and I just remembered that there'
“Michael,” Elliot called me as he followed.“Please, don’t. I’m not going to school tomorrow and I probably won’t see you at your game... Don’t overthink it too if I don’t text you back or anything. I'll also get over my feelings towards you so don't worry about me.” I said without turning back to him. “But you should still get this. I was bullied before. I know how it gets and I’m not trying to start anything again. You don’t get how horrible that feels to deal with.”When he didn’t respond I took this chance to continue walking and went inside the house before he could try to stop me again. I leaned against the door and sighed heavily as I tried not to think about what I just said. Once I calmed down, I walked over to my bed and laid down feeling tired and I wasn’t too sure if I should fall asleep. I was about to close my eyes when I heard the front door open then my mom stepped
By the time I woke up, my room was dark and my throat was dry. I took my time to get up and walked over to the kitchen to grab a cup of water. It was barely three in the afternoon and I slept for almost nine hours. I almost forgot how strong my pills can be, but then again I also haven’t been eating much so maybe that's why it affects me more. I put the empty cup in the sink then made my way back to my room to check my phone again. There was a message from my dad letting me know that it was fine for me to come over and another message from my mom checking in on me then there was another message from Elliot. I hesitated to read it, but all he asked was how I am doing. I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to text back, but I did. I put my phone down after the reply and closed my eyes as I tried to fall asleep which wasn’t so hard then later I was woken up by my mom after she came home from work. I got up and checked myself in the restroom before going to see her.&ld
So, Elliot might have feelings towards me... I let myself come to terms with this fact and I don’t mind figuring it out with him on what we are together. Friends or not. Partners; lover. Acquaintance. Even if he didn’t say that he likes me, it is better than him saying that he is disgusted with me for liking him. At least he’s not like those kids from middle school who taunted me and pulled away because of my sexuality.“You said we’re going to your dad’s for the weekend, right?” Elliot asked, breaking the silence.I turned to him, “I am.”“Did he ever move or does he still live there?” he mumbled and I knew what he wanted to ask.“He could still be living there,” I answered, nodding. “I haven’t stayed at my dad’s house for a little more than a year since I was discharged, but from what I remember he never left town after knowing that I almost killed myself.&rd
It seemed like she wasn’t uncomfortable with me here, but it’s been a while since we last saw each other as well. She went to the kitchen and I decided to take my bag to the guest room. I closed the door after I was done and paused when I saw the door to my room. I walked over to it and was about to reach out to open it, but I held back as I decided to wait until later. I went back downstairs to see Lily cooking and I went over leaning against the counter as I tried to figure out what to say to her.“What are you making?” I ask her.“I hope you don’t mind chicken Alfredo,” she said glancing over at me. “It's honestly one of the few things I can make.”I smiled, “It's fine. Pasta is my favorite.”“Good,” she said as she walked to the sink to wash her hands. “So, how is everything? Like everything since you moved to your mom’s.”I glanced over at her and s
We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
We both didn’t say anything as Elliot kept his focus on the road and I kept my eyes out the window seeing the view change. I always enjoy seeing the beach view and maybe being out would be a nice breather like he suggested. It took a bit of time for Elliot to find parking and we made our way over to an area that was less crowded. Now that we’re near summer, it was a nice day to be at the beach and it wasn’t so hot that I had to take off my sweater. As always, Elliot took out a blanket from the trunk of his car like he’s always prepared and we laid it out after we found a nice spot away from the pier. It felt like we were the only people on the beach, giving me this secure feeling.“Are you sure that you’re not hungry?” Elliot asked after noticing the time. “I’ll eat after we are done here,” I said while looking over the ocean view and seeing the water shining from the sunlight.“But you like to stay here for hours,” Elliot retorts and tilts his head to look at me closer.I shrugged m
I sat up suddenly and felt my hands shaking, knowing I’d woken up from another nightmare. Why was this one real compared to the other one I had? Why did I remember something from the past that I was able to forget? No, I’m going to forget about it again like it never happened. I don’t want more memories from the past to resurface and affect me like before. It took me a moment to remember that I was in my bedroom and I reached a hand out to the spot beside me. I didn’t feel Elliot's hand and looked over to see his side of the bed empty. I tried to stay calm as I looked around my room trying to figure out if he had left while I was sleeping, but that wouldn’t be something that Elliot would do. “Elliot?” I called out in a small voice. Did he go home? No, he said that he was going to stay for a while and wasn’t going to leave without telling me. I tried not to feel overwhelmed as I pulled the covers off and checked the restroom, hoping he was in there. I stepped out to the hallway, hear
For a second, I wondered if we shouldn’t be holding each other like this, but does this mean that he still cares for me, or is he only being kind? If we had been like this before I fell asleep, I might not have had that dream. The thought about the dream had me shivering as I recall Chris’s face and I moved a bit away from Elliot, but he still had me in his arms. He must have noticed my discomfort and I felt his hands patting my back, trying to comfort me. I’m starting to feel a bit of pain in the pit of my stomach and I know it’s all the stress from having the panic attacks to the night terror. “I’m tired,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted again. “You’re going to be tired the whole day if you don’t rest,” Elliot replied. “I know… I’m already getting a stomach ache,” I said, then sighed, feeling a little pain. “And I was feeling that earlier at my dad’s house.” “Do you need some medicine?” He asked me. “I think so,” I said, sitting up. “Stay here. I’ll get it for
I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable, and it felt easier to fall asleep with Elliot beside me. At least I know he is here supportively and he chose to stay the night because he wanted to; not just to watch over me out of spite. Even if he was here to comfort me and nothing more, I’m thankful he let me lean on him, even if it’s only for tonight. I opened my eyes, wanting a little peek, and he looked like he was already sound asleep; maybe he was already tired before coming to pick me up. There was something I wanted to ask him about our relationship, but I was also afraid to hear the answer, or I was only hoping for an answer that I wanted to hear. I turned over, away from him, and closed my eyes, knowing I was only trying to distract myself from sleeping. For a while, I could hear the soft breathing coming from Elliot, and hearing him was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone. A sudden flashing light disturbed me and I raised a hand trying to block it; maybe I left the blinds op
Chapter 17When we entered the house, I went to the kitchen and decided I needed my anxiety pill. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.“Water is fine,” He answered.I grabbed two bottles of water and handed them to him as we moved to sit on the couch. “You really don’t mind staying?” I asked him.Elliot took the bottle of water and had a small sip, “I don’t mind.”I moved to lean against the armrest and face him as we sat on the long couch. “Before I called you, I was in the guest room trying to relax but I was going through both panic attacks and anxiety,” I told him while looking down at the bottle of water. “All those feelings came to me that I began to doubt myself... Every time I see Chris, alarm bells go off in my head and my body yells that I need to leave. Runaway, hide, or find a way to disappear.”Elliot reached out to hold my wrist and the touch grabbed my attention, “And now your home, far away from him. Remember that he’s not going to hurt you here.”“Come on, E
I looked into the living room, and I saw Ally on the ground playing with her toys while Caesar sat beside her, looking down at his phone. “When did she wake up?” I asked.He looked up and put his phone away, “About ten minutes ago… You look worse.”I moved to sit on the floor with them and Ally crawled over to me. “I called Elliot and he’s going to come by,” I told him and put Ally on my lap with her stuffed bear. “Is it okay if you wait until he gets here?”“Yeah,” He nodded as he reached into his pocket and handed me a paper. “They want you to call this number and you can tell them what happened. It’s Chris’s probation officer and they said that he will get a fine after breaking his restraining order.”I looked down at the paper, “A fine? That’s it?” I asked him.“Since he didn’t do anything, there isn’t much they can do besides that, and if he had done something, they could have him in jail for over six months,” Caesar said, leaning back to rest against the couch.“But that sounds
It was quiet on the walk back to my house and Caesar laid Ally down on her crib after I showed him the way to the bedroom. I was able to calm down a bit, but my hands were still shakey and I knew that this anxious feeling wouldn’t go away. I watched as Caesar closed the door behind him and rubbed my arm nervously, taking the lead back downstairs. I led him to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and took a small sip while Caesar stood behind me, leaning against the counter. It's my fault for being careless and going out when I’ve already been warned that he’s back in town. What would have happened if I was alone or if Caesar didn’t show up at the right time?“Thanks for helping me,” I whispered.“Well, it wasn’t like he could do much without having to put himself in jail and I’m not sure how you would have been if he stayed longer.” He said and looked me over like he was being cautious with his words. “You should be careful having these panic attacks while holding your sister… It looked