So, Elliot might have feelings towards me... I let myself come to terms with this fact and I don’t mind figuring it out with him on what we are together. Friends or not. Partners; lover. Acquaintance. Even if he didn’t say that he likes me, it is better than him saying that he is disgusted with me for liking him. At least he’s not like those kids from middle school who taunted me and pulled away because of my sexuality.
“You said we’re going to your dad’s for the weekend, right?” Elliot asked, breaking the silence.
I turned to him, “I am.”
“Did he ever move or does he still live there?” he mumbled and I knew what he wanted to ask.
“He could still be living there,” I answered, nodding. “I haven’t stayed at my dad’s house for a little more than a year since I was discharged, but from what I remember he never left town after knowing that I almost killed myself.&rd
It seemed like she wasn’t uncomfortable with me here, but it’s been a while since we last saw each other as well. She went to the kitchen and I decided to take my bag to the guest room. I closed the door after I was done and paused when I saw the door to my room. I walked over to it and was about to reach out to open it, but I held back as I decided to wait until later. I went back downstairs to see Lily cooking and I went over leaning against the counter as I tried to figure out what to say to her.“What are you making?” I ask her.“I hope you don’t mind chicken Alfredo,” she said glancing over at me. “It's honestly one of the few things I can make.”I smiled, “It's fine. Pasta is my favorite.”“Good,” she said as she walked to the sink to wash her hands. “So, how is everything? Like everything since you moved to your mom’s.”I glanced over at her and s
I looked up to see Lily standing by the door; concern showing in her face. I wiped my face feeling caught crying silently in my room and I didn’t know what to say. She walked over to sit beside me and she reached out to wrap her arms around me giving me a hug. She held on to me for a while and it was just a nice comforting feeling like when my mom tried to console me.“It's okay to cry…” she said quietly as she pats my back to calm me.“I’m sorry,” I said between tears.“It's fine,” she said, shaking her head.“No, I’m sorry that I did that… I didn’t mean to hurt you or dad. I didn’t think of you guys and I did that. I can’t imagine dad finding me like that and how he felt. I was scared that he would be mad at me. Or hate me and never want to see me again.” I said.“Your dad would never hate you. Don’t ever think like that,” she said
I put my books away in my backpack, glad that we were able to have a decent conversation, and we went our own separate ways after hearing the bell ring. I saw Alex in class as she came over to sit beside me and we helped each other out on the assignment. There was a bit of awkwardness between us but maybe we still need to get to know each other more. But it was nice being able to sit with people that I know instead of being alone or distancing myself from everyone else that’s approached me in class. In P.E., the teacher had us walking around the track after roll call and Jennifer was asking about where I was since I didn’t go to school Friday.“I went to stay with my dad,” I tell them; Alex and Karen also joined us on our walk.“How did it go?” Jennifer asked.“Your parents are divorced?” Alex asked. “So are mine, but I live with my dad and my mom gets me every two weeks.”“Yeah, they are.
I thought about it and knew that she could be right about David not needing an excuse to be expelled, but I don’t think that will ever stop him from doing something after school if he ever catches me out of the school ground. That thought actually scared me more than it should have because it seems like David can be an aggressive person and that was the last thing I wanted to deal with. I was quiet during class as I was thinking about these things and when I went to P.E. the teacher actually had us do workout exercises; luckily that kept us all busy until the bell rang. I could tell that Elliot was watching David and I also made sure I was nowhere near him the rest of the day. I didn’t want there to be an incident and for a second I thought I saw David walking over to me so I quickly turned away when I was entering the locker room.“Hey, Michael!”I looked up and saw Luis, the boy that was talking to me when Elliot was teaching me how to play vo
The rest of the week went by easily and I wasn’t too sure how it would go after finding out that David is back in school, but he seemed to be ignoring me which I had no problem with. While I was in my tutoring session after school, Elliot was at practice, and it became a usual routine for us since we’re always waiting on each other. Sometimes I would go over and watch them practice, but I stopped practicing with them and I can tell Luis wanted to come over to try to convince me to join in. He would always greet me when we walk into each other and see how I am, but he no longer brings up about playing with the team or about his ideas about the equipment manager position; which I wasn’t really looking into. Friday came, Elliot and I met up as we were walking to our P.E. class outside in the field but I remembered that he had his volleyball game today.“I won’t be able to meet up with you after school,” he informs me.“It’s
I glanced over at him before clearing my throat, “I kind of meant to say that quietly… I guess I get a little annoyed when I watch people… Sometimes I wonder if I can ever be like them…”“And be like what?” he asked. “Normal?”“Yeah," I answered. “Being able to go out with a group of people, doing things like everyone else and just not worried about… everything.”“Aren’t we doing that now?” he asked me. “We went out to eat, chat, even looked at the stores just like everyone else is doing right now. Isn’t what we’re doing normal? When we went to the beach, didn’t that feel like something normal people would do?”I glanced over at him before looking at the shoppers, “Yeah…” I said quietly. “Yeah, that’s true.”“So are you annoyed that we’re doing what everyone else is doing?
It's been a couple of weeks since I’ve been hanging out with Chris and I honestly was enjoying that time alone with him. He’s different from the other guys in the class and he never cared what people had to say to him. It was like he decided on the people he wanted to talk to and would tell people the honest truth even if it was something that they would dislike. It took me a while to open up to him, but in time it was easy to talk around him knowing that he wouldn't judge too or dwell on certain matters. The only thing I didn’t like about him was his stubborn personality; he’ll get mad and sometimes gets into fights with the other students. He’ll warn me about the people I have to be careful with. He had a few enemies so during lunch we’ll spend our time together in case they’ll bully with me and the possibility of getting hurt.“If they ever talk to you, I’ll fucking kick there ass.” he would say. “You have t
The bell rang, students walking to their desks and he finally turned away leaving me to focus on my classwork. After a while, Chris fell asleep a few times during the day and I would glance over at him still wondering about my feelings towards Chris. But he’s become so obvious that he would catch me off guard like when he brushed his fingers over my arms or lean a little closer to me when he had the chance and I didn’t know how to react. No one has ever touched me this way before and I’d blush from his attention. The day felt so long until the final bell rang and I was making my way out of calls wanting to go home now.While walking out of the school, Chris spotted me so I waited for him so we could walk together when he wrapped his arms around me and I almost pulled away. There was still a group of students making their way out that I wasn’t too sure if we should be seen in a romantic way. I think I was still scared of being messed with as the kids di
We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
We both didn’t say anything as Elliot kept his focus on the road and I kept my eyes out the window seeing the view change. I always enjoy seeing the beach view and maybe being out would be a nice breather like he suggested. It took a bit of time for Elliot to find parking and we made our way over to an area that was less crowded. Now that we’re near summer, it was a nice day to be at the beach and it wasn’t so hot that I had to take off my sweater. As always, Elliot took out a blanket from the trunk of his car like he’s always prepared and we laid it out after we found a nice spot away from the pier. It felt like we were the only people on the beach, giving me this secure feeling.“Are you sure that you’re not hungry?” Elliot asked after noticing the time. “I’ll eat after we are done here,” I said while looking over the ocean view and seeing the water shining from the sunlight.“But you like to stay here for hours,” Elliot retorts and tilts his head to look at me closer.I shrugged m
I sat up suddenly and felt my hands shaking, knowing I’d woken up from another nightmare. Why was this one real compared to the other one I had? Why did I remember something from the past that I was able to forget? No, I’m going to forget about it again like it never happened. I don’t want more memories from the past to resurface and affect me like before. It took me a moment to remember that I was in my bedroom and I reached a hand out to the spot beside me. I didn’t feel Elliot's hand and looked over to see his side of the bed empty. I tried to stay calm as I looked around my room trying to figure out if he had left while I was sleeping, but that wouldn’t be something that Elliot would do. “Elliot?” I called out in a small voice. Did he go home? No, he said that he was going to stay for a while and wasn’t going to leave without telling me. I tried not to feel overwhelmed as I pulled the covers off and checked the restroom, hoping he was in there. I stepped out to the hallway, hear
For a second, I wondered if we shouldn’t be holding each other like this, but does this mean that he still cares for me, or is he only being kind? If we had been like this before I fell asleep, I might not have had that dream. The thought about the dream had me shivering as I recall Chris’s face and I moved a bit away from Elliot, but he still had me in his arms. He must have noticed my discomfort and I felt his hands patting my back, trying to comfort me. I’m starting to feel a bit of pain in the pit of my stomach and I know it’s all the stress from having the panic attacks to the night terror. “I’m tired,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted again. “You’re going to be tired the whole day if you don’t rest,” Elliot replied. “I know… I’m already getting a stomach ache,” I said, then sighed, feeling a little pain. “And I was feeling that earlier at my dad’s house.” “Do you need some medicine?” He asked me. “I think so,” I said, sitting up. “Stay here. I’ll get it for
I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable, and it felt easier to fall asleep with Elliot beside me. At least I know he is here supportively and he chose to stay the night because he wanted to; not just to watch over me out of spite. Even if he was here to comfort me and nothing more, I’m thankful he let me lean on him, even if it’s only for tonight. I opened my eyes, wanting a little peek, and he looked like he was already sound asleep; maybe he was already tired before coming to pick me up. There was something I wanted to ask him about our relationship, but I was also afraid to hear the answer, or I was only hoping for an answer that I wanted to hear. I turned over, away from him, and closed my eyes, knowing I was only trying to distract myself from sleeping. For a while, I could hear the soft breathing coming from Elliot, and hearing him was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone. A sudden flashing light disturbed me and I raised a hand trying to block it; maybe I left the blinds op
Chapter 17When we entered the house, I went to the kitchen and decided I needed my anxiety pill. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.“Water is fine,” He answered.I grabbed two bottles of water and handed them to him as we moved to sit on the couch. “You really don’t mind staying?” I asked him.Elliot took the bottle of water and had a small sip, “I don’t mind.”I moved to lean against the armrest and face him as we sat on the long couch. “Before I called you, I was in the guest room trying to relax but I was going through both panic attacks and anxiety,” I told him while looking down at the bottle of water. “All those feelings came to me that I began to doubt myself... Every time I see Chris, alarm bells go off in my head and my body yells that I need to leave. Runaway, hide, or find a way to disappear.”Elliot reached out to hold my wrist and the touch grabbed my attention, “And now your home, far away from him. Remember that he’s not going to hurt you here.”“Come on, E
I looked into the living room, and I saw Ally on the ground playing with her toys while Caesar sat beside her, looking down at his phone. “When did she wake up?” I asked.He looked up and put his phone away, “About ten minutes ago… You look worse.”I moved to sit on the floor with them and Ally crawled over to me. “I called Elliot and he’s going to come by,” I told him and put Ally on my lap with her stuffed bear. “Is it okay if you wait until he gets here?”“Yeah,” He nodded as he reached into his pocket and handed me a paper. “They want you to call this number and you can tell them what happened. It’s Chris’s probation officer and they said that he will get a fine after breaking his restraining order.”I looked down at the paper, “A fine? That’s it?” I asked him.“Since he didn’t do anything, there isn’t much they can do besides that, and if he had done something, they could have him in jail for over six months,” Caesar said, leaning back to rest against the couch.“But that sounds
It was quiet on the walk back to my house and Caesar laid Ally down on her crib after I showed him the way to the bedroom. I was able to calm down a bit, but my hands were still shakey and I knew that this anxious feeling wouldn’t go away. I watched as Caesar closed the door behind him and rubbed my arm nervously, taking the lead back downstairs. I led him to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and took a small sip while Caesar stood behind me, leaning against the counter. It's my fault for being careless and going out when I’ve already been warned that he’s back in town. What would have happened if I was alone or if Caesar didn’t show up at the right time?“Thanks for helping me,” I whispered.“Well, it wasn’t like he could do much without having to put himself in jail and I’m not sure how you would have been if he stayed longer.” He said and looked me over like he was being cautious with his words. “You should be careful having these panic attacks while holding your sister… It looked