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Carter: An Untold Secret
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2022-03-14 08:11:57Mr. and Mrs. Miller turn to me and I steel myself for what will not be a pleasant conversation.
“So, Carter,” Mr. Miller starts. “Do you know what Ryan has been through?”
“She told me what Tommy did to her,” I reply. At the mention of his name, both Mr. and Mrs. Miller visibly flinch.
“Has she told you anything about what happened after or about the trials?” Mrs. Miller asks.
“Not really,” I shake my head. “I know that she had an episode today, related to her PTSD. I know that the episode was about the first trial and Tommy attempted to attack her then. I know that the episodes have been happening fairly regularly since that night. And I know that she has an appointment
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Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Explosion
“What about Final Fantasy?” Jake asks. “After dinner,” I say. Jake nods and plops down at the table to start his homework. Carter and I take our drinks out to the gazebo. Mom and Dad follow us outside a few minutes later. “So...how bad was it? Still like me?” I ask as we settle in the gazebo. “Brutal! I don’t know how I’ll ever recover,” Carter says melodramatically. “Hmmmm. I can think of a way to help.”
Last Updated : 2022-03-14Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Don't Wanna Go Home
“I was put into Brook Haven for a month,” I said. The local psych ward. I mean, it made sense, since she tried to commit suicide. But I can’t imagine Ryan there. The people there have a reputation for being walking zombies. I can’t imagine this smart, funny, vibrant, beautiful girl stuck there.. “It was...hell. There was no privacy, no autonomy, no...control. Funny how the cure to my losing control of my body is for them to take control of my body.” She gives a mirthless laugh. Ryan sits up and I let her
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Wednesday passed pretty uneventfully considering all of the shit that went down yesterday. I walked Ryan to homeroom, sat next to her in Band, ate with her and all of our friends in the lunchroom, and kissed her before she left for her appointments. She promised to call me after her session and I had several hours to kill before I talked to her. I went home and saw Mom was already there. She was a substitute teacher, so she was often home when I got back from school. “Hey, Mom!” I called when I walked in the side door and kicked off my shoes. “Hey, Carter. In the kitchen,”
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Things settled into a routine pretty quickly after that. I drove Ryan to and from school, except for on days she had lessons or therapy. We hung out with our friends most days after school. They were getting surprisingly close. Funnily enough, once the ice melted between Patrick and Ayo, they found out they had a lot in common. It was...weird to see. And, of course, I kept my promise to Mr. and Mrs. Miller. At least once per week (though it tended to be a lot more), I stayed over and either ate dinner or watched TV with the family. It was actually fun after the initial hesitation on her parents’ part. Jake was a pretty cool kid, too. He would get along with my little brother. They even agreed to come to the cookout.
Last Updated : 2022-03-18Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Odd One Out
The girls pay for their stuff and we leave the store. “Wait, where are Lucy and Jaime?” Ayo says, looking around. “Oh, with Patrick’s 50 meter dash to the bathroom, I forgot to tell you guys,” I laugh. “Jaime and Lucy said that they were going to go check out what movies were playing.” Jess and Ryan give each other a look and smile. “Looks like we’ve got two new couples in the group,” Ryan says. “Two? Wait, you mean…” I say, a little dumbfounded. I look between Ryan and Jess. Then I grin. “It’s about damn time that Jaime found someone!”
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Mom, Dad, Jake, and I walk to Carter’s back gate. Carter sees us and calls to his parents. “Mom! Dad! Ryan and her folks are here.” Carter opens the gate. “Hey guys, come on in.” He high-fives Jake, shakes Dad’s hand, takes the dish from Mom (brownies, yum!), and pulls me in for a kiss. Before pulling away, Carter whispers in my ear, “Are you wearing the bikini?” I smile. “Got it in my bag.” He closes his eyes, “*Damn*!” He grabs my hand, leading me into the backyard.
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Music continues to play as we eat, switching from modern songs to songs that are from my parents’ teenage years. Amazingly, Ryan knows them all. She sings along to Midnight Train to Georgia, Celebration, and ABC with her parents and mine. The highlight of the impromptu sing-along happens when she and my father sing the Devil Went Down to Georgia, playing air fiddle with the music. Ryan fits in seamlessly with my family and even Lucas seems to enjoy her extensive video game knowledge (he and Jake came out after a while to scavenge for food before heading back in).
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My parents and I are escorted into the district attorney’s office. His name is Mr. Shift. He stands from his seat and he looks different from what I expected. In my mother’s and my favorite TV show, SVU (well, was my favorite TV show until...that night) the district attorneys are always imposing, sharp-looking men. Mr. Shift looks nothing like that. He’s short, not much taller than me. He has a rather round face and is balding, though he seems quite young. He isn’t wearing a tie and his top shirt button is open. He looks more like a substitute kindergarten teacher than a lawyer. Quickly buttoning his top button, Mr. Shift comes around his desk and extends his hand to my parents. After greeting them, he turns to me and extends his hand. I immediately flinch away.
Last Updated : 2022-03-23
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Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Epilogue
June, 2000 “Carter Nathaniel Moore.” I walk across the stage, hearing my parents, Lucas, Cody, and the Millers cheering from the audience. From the stage, Patrick, Jess, and Jaime call out my name. And from the pit band, I hear Ayo, Lucy, and Ryan screaming. I walk to the principal to pick up my diploma, shaking Principal Lemar’s hand. Soon after I sit, Jess, Patrick, and Jaime take their walks across the stage. Not long after we throw our hats in the air and are officially high school graduates. ---- All of our friends and our families meet in the large banquet room at the diner. Mr. Sloan and the entire staff of the diner hav
Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Just Us
“So, where are we going?” I ask once we’re in the car. “I don’t know,” Ryan says. Her face is all smiles and she is literally bouncing in her seat. “I know! The beach. Let’s go to the beach. I need to do something.” “Alright.” I put the car in gear. Ryan turns on the radio and sings along to I Need to Know, Where My Girls At?, and All Star at the top of her lungs. Though it’s chilly outside, Ryan rolls the window down and sticks her hand out of it. Once we arrive at the beach, Ryan j
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Hate at the Surface
I know that Lisa needed to say those things. They had to be told to the judge to keep Tommy in jail. But I hate that he knows. That he knows the effect that he had on me. That he’s still having on me. It pisses me off. Fuck him. Over there, leering at me. His brother behind him laughing at each description of my pain. Fuck them both. He’s going to jail and I’m going to make sure that it is for a long, long time. “The last impact statement is from the victim, Ms. Ryan Miller,” Mr. Shift says. “Please approach, Ms. Miller,” the judge calls.
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Detriment to Society
I hadn’t heard my mother’s speech prior to now. I didn’t think that I’d be able to handle it. But I’m proud of her. Her statement was simple, but powerful and I can plainly see that it has affected the judge. As Mom walks to our row, I stand and hug her. She falls into my arms and squeezes me. “You did good, Mom. I love you.” “Thanks, baby. I love you, too.” We sit and wait for what comes next. “Mr. Shift, who has the next statement?” the judge asks. “Lisa Armstrong, the victim’s the
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Arguments
The only thing that is keeping me in my seat is Carter’s hand in mine and pure willpower. I can feel Tommy’s gaze from across the room and it feels like fingers running all over my skin. I really don’t hear the report from the judge, but I see my parents relax and hear Ayo and Patrick give a little cheer under their breath. “What did she say?” I whisper to Carter. He is attempting to shield me from Tommy’s gaze, but there is only so much he can do. I don’t think that Tommy has turned away from me once. “The probation department recommended the maximum sentences for both the rape and the
Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Show Time
There is a huge group of us sitting on the prosecutor side of the courtroom: Lisa, Ryan’s parents, Jake, my mom, Lucas, and all of our close friends. On Tommy’s side, there are only two people. I assume that they are his mother and brother. Ryan is astutely ignoring them. But they seem to be doing exactly the opposite. They are glaring daggers at Ryan and her family. I scoot up so that I am directly in their eyesight, glaring back and cocking my head. Tommy’s mother looks a bit embarrassed and turns away, but his brother gives an amused scoff before shaking his head at me. He eventually turns when the door to the side of the courtroom opens. In walks Tommy. I have never hated anyone so much in my entire life. The anger boils in
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Last Minute Pep Talk
Walking into the courthouse, an episode attempts to overtake me. I recall the first time I came here for Tommy’s first trial (when he attacked me, it was ruled a mistrial), the second trial, the press conference on the court steps…I clutch Carter’s hand.“You ok?” His voice is worried, but I can’t see his face because my eyes are closed. “I need to stop.” Carter pulls me to a bench. “You guys go ahead,” he says to my folks. “Ryan needs a minute.” I don’t hear the rest
Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Morning Of
I am so full of nervous energy that I burn the eggs three different times. “Carter,” Mrs. Moore puts a hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t I take over the eggs? You get the bacon in the oven.” “Sorry.” I move out of her way and rub my face with my hands. “I just can’t focus.” “I understand.” She smiles sadly at me, grabbing the pan and the spatula. Mom comes up behind me and turns me towards her. “Car, why don’t you go talk with the guys? I’ll help Joyce.” “I think I’m going
Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Coda
I pull Ryan into my chest, trying to still my beating heart. That was...incredible. More than anything that I’d dreamed of (and I’d had a few dreams about her). I kiss her hair. “I love you,” I breathe. “I love you, too.” Ryan cups my cheek, but keeps her face in my chest, trying to regulate her breathing. After a few moments, I begin to pull away. “I have to take care of…” I gesture to the condom that I’m still wearing. She lays on her back and waves her hand towards the door. “Knock yourself out. I’
