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Flashback: Prosecutor
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2022-03-23 07:43:03My parents and I are escorted into the district attorney’s office. His name is Mr. Shift. He stands from his seat and he looks different from what I expected. In my mother’s and my favorite TV show, SVU (well, was my favorite TV show until...that night) the district attorneys are always imposing, sharp-looking men. Mr. Shift looks nothing like that. He’s short, not much taller than me. He has a rather round face and is balding, though he seems quite young. He isn’t wearing a tie and his top shirt button is open. He looks more like a substitute kindergarten teacher than a lawyer.
Quickly buttoning his top button, Mr. Shift comes around his desk and extends his hand to my parents. After greeting them, he turns to me and extends his hand. I immediately flinch away.<Bab terkait
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Relapse
I had another episode while in my room last night. It was about the first time that I met Mr. Shift. I nearly killed myself trying to run away from the pain that Tommy had put me in. The worst part was that I was nearly asleep when it happened and I wasn’t able to convince myself that it wasn’t real. Jake heard me screaming and ran into my room. I hit him! Thinking it was Tommy coming for me, I reached out and hit Jake. I screamed and clawed and kicked and hit with all my might. My parents came in to see Jake’s face and arms bleeding as he tried to hold me down so that I didn’t hurt myself. When I realized what I’d done, I fall apart. My Jake. My sweet, loving Jake. The one who found me when I tried to kill myself.
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2022-03-23Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Calm Before the Storm
I woke up twice during the night, nearly in a panic, until I realized that I was in my room and it was Carter who was holding me. Luckily, someone had left a light on, so I was able to orient myself quickly. Both times, I snuggled back into Carter’s chest and felt his arms tighten around me. Once, he even brushed a kiss over the crown of my head in his sleep. It made me smile, knowing that even in the depths of unconsciousness, he still protected me. When I woke for good, I looked up and saw Carter smiling down at me. “How’d you sleep?” he asked. “Great, thanks to you,” I smile back. “What about you?”
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2022-03-25Dissonance and Harmony Lisa: Therapy
I check the time and see that Ryan and her parents are due in about 10 minutes. I start putting my papers away and setting the room up for clients. Typically, I take Tuesday mornings off for paperwork, but when Ryan’s family called me yesterday, I put them in my schedule. I knew that this was going to be a hard time for her. Ryan hasn’t had to deal with seeing Tommy for almost a year. His lawyer has made multiple appeals and motions to try and overturn the original conviction, but Ryan hasn’t had to appeal in court. Tommy has run out of options and will be sentenced. But that means that Ryan will have to see him again to give her impact statement. Even though we have all known it was coming, PTSD doesn’t take longevity into account. I had suspected and feared that she would begin having more and more episodes.
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2022-03-25Dissonance and Harmony Lisa: Self-Care
“So, what about Carter holding you helped you calm down?” I ask. Ryan smiles at him and he smiles back. “I feel safe with him. I trust him. He doesn’t hold any of this against me. He understands.” I almost feel like I’m intruding a little with the intense eye contact that they are giving each other. But I need to ask more questions. “So, tell me what about Carter is different from your parents and your friends, other than the obvious romantic relationship.” At that, the eye contact breaks between them and Ryan looks at me.
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2022-03-28Dissonance and Harmony Joyce: Jealousy
After waiting for about 30 minutes, Lisa opens the door and ushers us in. Carter is sitting on the couch next to Ryan. They both stand up and he kisses her cheek. “I’ll be right outside, ok?” he says. Then he goes out to the waiting room. I have so many mixed feelings about Carter. He’s a great young man, he really is. He’s kind, thoughtful, polite, courteous, and generous. Plus, he’s a great cook! Honestly, if Tommy had never been a part of our lives, I would say that Carter was the perfect guy for Ryan. But Tommy was and continues to be a part of our lives and there is a small part of me that wants to scream anytime Carter goes anywhere near my daughte
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2022-03-28Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Fallout
Ryan exploded out of Lisa’s office and immediately walked outside. I follow her out. Lisa shares an office with several other therapists. The building is surrounded by a wide grassy lawn with a flower garden and benches, a water fountain, and what looks like a walking path that doubles as some sort of maze. There is a sign outside of the maze that says “Meditative Walking Path.” Ryan heads towards the path. “Ryan!” I call after her. “Ryan, what’s wrong?” She turns around and her face is splotchy with tears running down her cheeks. “My parents. Of all the people that I need to understand, they just
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2022-03-30Dissonance and Harmony Ted: Olive Branch
I see Ryan and Carter stand up from the middle of the meditation path and begin folding blankets. Ryan often goes to the path when she is upset, so it doesn’t surprise me that she is there. And that Carter is there with her. Damn, I really screwed up. I shouldn’t have yelled at her. I shouldn’t have brought this up at all. Lisa is completely right. Joyce and I are expecting Ryan to come to us with everything that hurts and that we can help her. Just like when I used to kiss her cuts and scrapes as a child. But that isn’t how this works. I have to accept it. I have to do the work. Joyce steps out of the office and next to me on the porch. She had been with the receptionist, making an appointment with our therapist.
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2022-03-30Dissonance and Harmony Flashback: I'm Back
I’m sitting in my mom’s car outside of the school. She purposefully drove me here after the homeroom bell rang so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the crush and movement of people. It’s December of my sophomore year and the first time that I have set foot in the school this year. After the rape, Tommy’s arrest, my suicide attempt, and the trial, this is the first that I’ve felt like I could come back. We’ve already met with the principal and my teachers to work out a plan. Lisa has met with the counselor, Mrs. Lewdwig, and they have a plan. Mom and Dad have a plan. My friends have a plan. All these plans for when I fall apart. It’s like they’re already counting on me not getting through the day.&
Terakhir Diperbarui : 2022-04-01
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Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Epilogue
June, 2000 “Carter Nathaniel Moore.” I walk across the stage, hearing my parents, Lucas, Cody, and the Millers cheering from the audience. From the stage, Patrick, Jess, and Jaime call out my name. And from the pit band, I hear Ayo, Lucy, and Ryan screaming. I walk to the principal to pick up my diploma, shaking Principal Lemar’s hand. Soon after I sit, Jess, Patrick, and Jaime take their walks across the stage. Not long after we throw our hats in the air and are officially high school graduates. ---- All of our friends and our families meet in the large banquet room at the diner. Mr. Sloan and the entire staff of the diner hav
Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Just Us
“So, where are we going?” I ask once we’re in the car. “I don’t know,” Ryan says. Her face is all smiles and she is literally bouncing in her seat. “I know! The beach. Let’s go to the beach. I need to do something.” “Alright.” I put the car in gear. Ryan turns on the radio and sings along to I Need to Know, Where My Girls At?, and All Star at the top of her lungs. Though it’s chilly outside, Ryan rolls the window down and sticks her hand out of it. Once we arrive at the beach, Ryan j
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Hate at the Surface
I know that Lisa needed to say those things. They had to be told to the judge to keep Tommy in jail. But I hate that he knows. That he knows the effect that he had on me. That he’s still having on me. It pisses me off. Fuck him. Over there, leering at me. His brother behind him laughing at each description of my pain. Fuck them both. He’s going to jail and I’m going to make sure that it is for a long, long time. “The last impact statement is from the victim, Ms. Ryan Miller,” Mr. Shift says. “Please approach, Ms. Miller,” the judge calls.
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Detriment to Society
I hadn’t heard my mother’s speech prior to now. I didn’t think that I’d be able to handle it. But I’m proud of her. Her statement was simple, but powerful and I can plainly see that it has affected the judge. As Mom walks to our row, I stand and hug her. She falls into my arms and squeezes me. “You did good, Mom. I love you.” “Thanks, baby. I love you, too.” We sit and wait for what comes next. “Mr. Shift, who has the next statement?” the judge asks. “Lisa Armstrong, the victim’s the
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Arguments
The only thing that is keeping me in my seat is Carter’s hand in mine and pure willpower. I can feel Tommy’s gaze from across the room and it feels like fingers running all over my skin. I really don’t hear the report from the judge, but I see my parents relax and hear Ayo and Patrick give a little cheer under their breath. “What did she say?” I whisper to Carter. He is attempting to shield me from Tommy’s gaze, but there is only so much he can do. I don’t think that Tommy has turned away from me once. “The probation department recommended the maximum sentences for both the rape and the
Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Show Time
There is a huge group of us sitting on the prosecutor side of the courtroom: Lisa, Ryan’s parents, Jake, my mom, Lucas, and all of our close friends. On Tommy’s side, there are only two people. I assume that they are his mother and brother. Ryan is astutely ignoring them. But they seem to be doing exactly the opposite. They are glaring daggers at Ryan and her family. I scoot up so that I am directly in their eyesight, glaring back and cocking my head. Tommy’s mother looks a bit embarrassed and turns away, but his brother gives an amused scoff before shaking his head at me. He eventually turns when the door to the side of the courtroom opens. In walks Tommy. I have never hated anyone so much in my entire life. The anger boils in
Dissonance and Harmony Ryan: Last Minute Pep Talk
Walking into the courthouse, an episode attempts to overtake me. I recall the first time I came here for Tommy’s first trial (when he attacked me, it was ruled a mistrial), the second trial, the press conference on the court steps…I clutch Carter’s hand.“You ok?” His voice is worried, but I can’t see his face because my eyes are closed. “I need to stop.” Carter pulls me to a bench. “You guys go ahead,” he says to my folks. “Ryan needs a minute.” I don’t hear the rest
Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Morning Of
I am so full of nervous energy that I burn the eggs three different times. “Carter,” Mrs. Moore puts a hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t I take over the eggs? You get the bacon in the oven.” “Sorry.” I move out of her way and rub my face with my hands. “I just can’t focus.” “I understand.” She smiles sadly at me, grabbing the pan and the spatula. Mom comes up behind me and turns me towards her. “Car, why don’t you go talk with the guys? I’ll help Joyce.” “I think I’m going
Dissonance and Harmony Carter: Coda
I pull Ryan into my chest, trying to still my beating heart. That was...incredible. More than anything that I’d dreamed of (and I’d had a few dreams about her). I kiss her hair. “I love you,” I breathe. “I love you, too.” Ryan cups my cheek, but keeps her face in my chest, trying to regulate her breathing. After a few moments, I begin to pull away. “I have to take care of…” I gesture to the condom that I’m still wearing. She lays on her back and waves her hand towards the door. “Knock yourself out. I’
