Chrisanna
"Samuel said YES", I'm goggling at the message reflecting on my screen. I have read it more than a hundred times now, countless times pinched myself and it's not a dream.
"Is he old?"
"No. He's twenty-five. Maybe, two to three months older than me"
"Is he ugly?"
"No"
"Is he a playboy?"
"No. I mean— I don't know"
"Is he an Andrew Tate fan?"
"No", I shoot Nancy a glare as my voice comes uncontrollably like a thunderstorm.
The tiny opera club where people have been vibing idly is now converted into people who are eyeing me.
"Then what's the problem?" She asks, sipping from her beer. "He doesn't sound to be that bad"
"I never said he is bad", I shrug, taking a look at my wristwatch.
"Or else you're into girls", Nate suddenly jumps into the conversation as he settles his glasses carefully on the middle of his nose, looking into his phone. As usual.
"Huh?" I choke on my drink.
"Gosh!" Nancy enlarges her eyes. "Girl, I hope you never intended to kiss me on the sleepovers"
"What the heck, Nate!" I snap. "What are you doing?"
"I was searching for the reasons why women aren't happy when their marriage is fixed", he excitedly says. "There are so many options but none of them exactly fits you"
"Freak! Is this why you never dated for like twenty-five fucking years of your life, Chrisp?" Nancy exclaims.
"I'm not homosexual. If I was, I would be outed till now", I finish my beer, shrugging.
"Let me see more" before Nate could dive into another G****e search, I snatch his phone.
"We must reach the office before the lunch break ends", I remind them.
"I don't think my curious brain can handle this curiosity. I mean my best friend is finally going to get hitched. And instead of planning for the bachelorette party and proposing to me to be your bridesmaid, you have been sulking around", Nancy shrugs.
My friends suck sometimes. A bachelorette party may be the last thing I would be thinking about at this point when I'm not sure how things are going to shape up.
Grabbing my tote bag and my camera, I hop down from the stool. "Who's paying?"
"Who's the heiress of the biggest multinational company in Texas?" Nancy frowns.
"Heiress. Not an owner yet. So, for now—" I take out my share and slam the bucks on the table. "This wedding photographer and a part-time intern can only contribute this much. Who wants a ride?"
They raise their hands right away, panicking. The lunch break has already come to an end.
*
Chrisanna Auburn Scott, 25 years old, professional wedding photographer for seven years. I have been introducing myself this way ever since. However, I'm mostly known as the daughter of the most influential businessman Christian Scott and the most successful botanist Ivanna Scott, the heiress of my paa's vast empire.
Born and abandoned, I was adopted by the childless yet most loving human beings on this earth when I was only one. I was diagnosed with cancer when I was seven. My paa, despite having property worth millions was almost bankrupt because he paid all his attention to me and my treatment. He would be available for me and my mama all the time. And so was my mama. Thus, life hadn't been too easy for me in my early life. It took me years to recover and live my best life.
I was ten when I got to know I was adopted. Nothing changed. In twenty-five years of my life, I lived a happy and healthy life, being my parents' princess.
I made my career, focusing on my passion for years, having no extra luxury from my parents. I moved out at eighteen, lived in a small apartment, working under several professional photographers until I became one. Last summer, I moved back to our lavishing villa, with my parents again— this time to fulfil my responsibility as a daughter.
I have zero knowledge about business but I want to continue my paa's legacy. It's been six months since I'm doing an internship under Nicole, my paa's assistant who's been working for him for more than three decades. Crazy!
My parents have been the world to me. My friends used to think I'm too obedient to be real. To be honest, that's a strange relationship we share. Whatever paa decides for me, coincidentally ends up being the same thing I want. Mama says it's telepathy. Our vibes, thoughts, and even choices are so similar. And sometimes I feel like paa reads my heart without even saying.
This time, it appears to be weird. For the first time, I'm not sure that this is what I want. Well, I'm not even sure that this isn't what I want.
I have been single all my life, not because of any pressure. It just never happened. No one was like my paa.
Yes! My standards have always been so fucking high because of my paa. His love for my mama is the purest and most incredible thing I have ever seen. They loved each other since their childhood and never dated or been with anyone else.
Paa thinks I should get married, definitely not forcing me.
He wanted to know if I wanted time. I said I don't know.
He asked me if I wanna stay unmarried for life which is fine. I said I don't know.
I still remember the look on his face when he realized how confused his daughter was.
I just said that I know three things.
One. I want kids.
Two. I don't wanna get too old when my kids will be teenagers.
Three. I don't wanna have kids out of wedlock.
Yes, I'm obsessed with kids!
Thus, paa suggested I should get married if I don't wanna be an old mom. We laughed together. He asked me to meet people.
I threw it on him. Find a groom for me.
Because I know he will choose the best for me. I trust him with everything.
"That's crazy to do an arranged marriage in this era", Nancy husked when I told her about the groom-hunting. "Especially when it's not unwanted. You're weird"
People like me exist. Not much. I just know that I want love to find me. Arranged dates, forced proximity, contract marriage, forced marriage— my mama's reading lists when she was a teenager, aren't definitely my thing.
That was the first part of my confusing wishes.
The second part was enough to make me regret having such a nature.
The groom paa selected.
Samuel Vance Gabriel.
My groom!
Son of my mama's best friend and my paa's best friend, Kane & Emily Gabriel.
They met through my parents, fell in love, and became more like my parents. Kane and my Emily Gabriel.
Sounds like a perfect picture. No?
Perfect parents. Perfect people who are going to be my in-laws.
But nothing is too perfect.
In my case, everything is perfect except the fact that I'll be marrying Samuel whom I haven't seen in ages. Strangely, I have known him all my life. That grumpy kid who had grown up to be more grumpy when he was seventeen. And that was the last time I saw him before he disappeared without a word.
The security guards open the gate but I don't drive inside as the anxiety builds inside my chest. Last night, paa busted this bomb and called off the night. No one has seen my poker face ever since. They just need a look at me to realize something is wrong.
People of my age cry since they don't have people to care about them.
And here, my biggest problem is I have been pampered by everyone all my life. I have a father and three father figures protecting me. A mother and three mother figures in addition. A best friend since childhood, Eric, and the whole bundle of employees who are like a family. Nonetheless, they made sure I'm not spoiled.
It's hard to be loved sometimes.
Before walking inside, I play retro classical music and put only one earbud on. Whenever I'm listening to it, I don't look miserable for sure.
*
"Chrisanna!" Seventeen years old, Kylee jumps to hug me tightly. "Oh, my God! Dad gave us the news this morning and I can't believe you'll be my sister-in-law. You're marrying Samuel. Yey!"
I can't help smiling at her excitement. I have seen Kylee since she was born. She's just my little sister.
"She's gone crazy", Emmy smiles, leaving the couch and coming to me. She hugs me tightly. "I'm so happy that Samuel is going to have you as his life partner. He can't be any luckier"
"Maybe, she's lucky too", Mama says, smiling from the couch. "After all, Samuel has been the most patient and hard-working child ever since. He has endured a lot"
I hardly pay attention to anything about Samuel, especially when they always talk about his hardships, I don't really question them further. I have been running away from his matters for eight years. Whenever his name is mentioned, I walk away. I still don't know why I do this, why his thoughts make me go confused and anxious every time.
"They both have", Emmy says. "Maybe, that's why Christian came up with this proposal because he feels that they would understand each other better than any of us"
My heartbeat slowly begins to leap as I feel the thudding sound of my heart. It's happening and it's so real.
"Okay. We're forgetting about the surprise", Kylee crosses her arms. "That's why Chrisanna had to call off her shift"
Clueless, I look at mama and the others. "What surprise?"
"Up on the terrace", Kylee giggles.
"What's on the terrace?" I ask.
They all look at one another, smiling.
"My brother didn't come home for like eight years. Not even on my birthdays", Kylee shrugs, shrinking her nose. "I pleaded. Mom requested. Dad sent appointment letters. But nothing could bring my brother's ass back to Texas. And guess what, the wedding proposal happened last night and he landed here this morning", she excitedly yells, leaving me dumbfounded.
He's here?
"Samuel is here?" I hesitantly ask.
"Already on the terrace", Kylee giggles.
My body gets colder. Anxiety grips my chest as I find it hard to believe that Samuel is here after eight damn years. It took him a night to decide he was coming!
"Don't make her more nervous!" Emmy snarls at Kylee and looks at me with a grin. "She's right, by the way. Nothing could bring him back. Go. He's waiting to meet you"
I can't process it all so fast, nor can I look so damn nervous in front of them. Until now I wasn't feeling the goosebumps. They cheer me up to go and look at the stairs. Something pulls in that direction, maybe the urge to meet him after ages. We didn't share a bitter bond. We didn't bully each other when we were teenagers. We were just something I could never figure out.
I slowly walk towards the stairs. My phone beeps. I take it out right away.
SunshineProtector111 sent you a message.
I right away open it, halting wherever I am. I told them about my marriage and confusion last night. I don't know if they are a male or female. But the chat box with them is like a personal journal to me.
"Good afternoon. Sorry, I slept last night. Still nervous?"
"Yeah!" I type right away. "He's here. I'm going to meet him"
"Do it"
"I'm nervous"
"Why? Because he didn't agree or something?"
"No. He agreed"
"It shocked you?"
"Yes. Like hell. I don't know what he thinks about me"
"That doesn't matter. You shouldn't be concerned"
"Yeah!" I type back, holding my urge to say something more.
"All the best"
"Thanks"
I put the phone back into my pocket and climb the stairs without halting anymore until I reach the terrace.
Some memories hit me. The noise of the three of us arguing over a maths problem. I feel optimistic as I recollect the face of that eight-year-old boy. Those childhood years we were together for like two years. He moved away when he was ten. That was the first time. Then he came back five years later, only to disappear again, this time being more isolated.
Heck! That's Samuel. I have known him.
I shouldn't be nervous.
With a big smile lingering on my face, I come inside and find him looking at the point of nowhere, his back facing me.
He has always been this tall but I didn't think he would be seven inches taller than me now. Boys and their unpredictable heights. I find it funny and notice his semi-curls are still the same.
He's wearing all-black denim and a jacket.
I was unprepared when he slowly turn to me, our eyes meeting right away. His grey eyes dart on me like an arrow, giving a jolt down my spine.
His reaction is blank— just as it has always been. He's not a smiler.
That classic Samuel.
I smile from my heart. "Hey, it's been so—"
"Break the alliance", his first words to me after years come cold and harsh, leaving me completely impassive on the spot.
Chrisanna Wait!I blink twice, take a deep breath and look up at him again. He's looking straight into my eyes, unconcerned, unaffected as if I'm a literal stranger he's talking to. "What?""Break the damn alliance, Auburn!" he repeats with a fierce tone. I hadn't been called by my middle name ever since he left because he used to be the one to call me Auburn. I try not to dive into my thoughts right now since I have to know what the hell is going on."Okay. I'm definitely not getting anything. You want me to break the alliance?" I ask again.His jaw clenches as his thick eyebrows narrow as if he's done with repeating. "Yeah. You have good hearing. I said it", says Samuel.And what the hell!"Okay. Then why did you agree in the first place?" I scoff. He doesn't reply for a second. "I'm not here to take on a rivalry with you""Why do you want me to do that?" I exclaim. "Simply because I don't wanna marry you", his voice is much harsher than before. His abrupt confession has me i
ChrisannaI left everyone discussing my decision and came back to my room to take a shower. I'm indeed a little nervous about the thing I have done only to teach Samuel a good lesson. What if it somehow goes wrong?I hope it does not. I'm doing it after joining all the practical thoughts together. If I wait for Samuel to announce his actual decision, he's going to eat up all the time we'll be getting before the wedding. I can't carry this facade for so long. And it's gonna build more excitement and expectations in everyone. I'm sure Samuel is going to lose his mind and immediately announce his decision to call off the marriage. A knock occurs on my door after I get dressed in my sweatshirt and yoga pants. I open the door and discover paa standing over there."Were you about to take a nap?" he asks."No, paa. Please come inside", I say.My heart races faster. Paa knows me more than anyone. And I hate to lie to him. I hope he doesn't ask me anything about my decision."How's your lea
Chrisanna Damn! Was that a— dream? I find myself on my bed when I open my eyes wider. I was sleeping! That was a dream! That marriage— I get up right away and roll my eyes around. Meanwhile, mama comes into the room. My eyes widen at her. She's wearing the same dress that she was wearing at the wedding!"Hey, you woke up?" She smiles and strides towards my bed. Cupping my face, she looks at me with concern in her eyes. "How are you feeling now?"I frown. "What happened to me?""Chrissie, you fainted after the wedding ceremony", she tells me.My lips part in shock. I look down at myself. I'm wearing the wedding dress. This means I actually fainted."I'm married?" I exclaim."Chrissie, are you alright, sweetie?" her voice is more serious this time as she stares down at me. I pull on an immediate smile and hold her wrist. "Yes. I'm fine, mama. I just don't remember how I— fainted. I thought I was dreaming about the— wedding", I mutter, recollecting every moment of the ceremony. I can
Chrisanna Which message? My eyes widen at his question. Meanwhile, before I could say anything else, Kylee comes inside with Zoey. Zoey meows at me right away, jumping onto my lap. "She missed you", Kylee pets Zoey's head as I smile, rubbing her fluffy furry torso."Wait!" Samuel husks. As my gaze drifts back to him, he gawks at us in disbelief. "What's this?" he scoffs, narrowing his thick eyebrows in annoyance. I look at Zoey before focusing back on Samuel again. "This? This is a dinosaur with lots of furs and fluff"Samuel throws me a blank look. "I didn't know you had never seen a cat before in your life, Samuel", I gasp under my breath as Zoey snuggles to me. Kylee cracks up. "I can see, it's a cat. But why is it here?" he shrugs."First of all, she's a female cat. So, stop saying 'it'. Call her 'she' And her name is Zoey. Cute no?"Samuel rolls his eyes. "Okay. But it— why is she here?""Because I'm here""Why are you even here?" he grunts with a voice of frustration.I t
Samuel "Denial is normal. Having no clue what to do is normal. You don't understand why you're doing a certain thing. It's fine. Everything makes sense as long as you accept yourself, your emotions, and your decisions. Acceptance is the key. God accepts you, understands your dilemma and you also SHOULD"I lock my phone and take my AirPods out after turning the podcast off. Summer has finally arrived and I didn't realise that until I landed in Texas. It's still colder in Melbourne. It's always cold over there, at least to me. The warmth is missing which I always feel in Texas. For eight years, I was away from this warmth. I am scared of it, even though I like it. I'm scared of light, sunshine and zeal. Over the years, it only got worse. I look at my phone. It's already eight. Sitting on the wooden bench, I watch the unknown faces cheerfully jog around to start a better day. And I'm here to start a day without the expectation of any change. I get onto my feet and put on the hood of
Samuel Kylee is glaring at me in the hope of hearing an explanation—an explanation that likewise confuses me. Indeed, I had no desire to marry Chrisanna. It was a guilty pleasure that I was running from. Yet, I recall the absurd dilemma I was in yesterday when I received her message. My stomach dropped and I typed that message out of nowhere. I still don't know why I did that and I don't want her to ever find that out."Samuel, I'm talking to you", Kylee screeches, dragging me back to my senses.A sigh of distress escapes me as I look at her. "Listen, little bug", I touch her cheek. "I'm really sorry you had to take this blame for me. But this is the first time I have asked for something. From you"Her raging eyes gradually cool down as she blinks at me, nodding."You can at least do that for me""I can", she looks at me with her confusion-filled eyes. "But I can't understand why you did it. If you truly wanted to marry her then—""No", I snap, stuttering the next moment. "I never
Chrisanna "Ms Corinna wants a beach-themed shoot. She emailed me last night", Phoebe tells me as I scatter all the pictures of some locations from different angles. "Great! She has a shoot scheduled for tomorrow. How are we going to get the location ready in less than 24 hours?" shrugging, I toss the notepad at Derek's face. Accidentally. "Sorry, Derek!" I scoff. "Go and pick up the goods soon as possible. I'll have to shut down before the afternoon"Derek fixes his hair which was definitely not that affected by his face getting slammed."Miss C, are you okay?" he groans."Derek, it'll be better if you pay attention to your internship rather than my mood!" I snarl at the nineteen-year-old boy as he nods and walks straight out of the room. Paxton and Mayla scramble to return to their work as my gaze falls on them.When I'm working, I'm never in a bad mood. I enjoy working and am not rude to my coworkers. However, I have been unable to maintain a positive attitude since my marriage.
Chrisanna Samuel's eyes fix on me without any movement as I make the pillow bridge again. He rolls his eyes and looks away as if he's done with me. I'm so tired of this attitude when he acts like I'm getting on his nerves. I set a pillow against the headboard and lean against it, holding my tablet as I focus on making a theme board for my next shoot. I hear him opening the closet but don't give much attention to it, instead, I hold my focus on the tablet. It takes me a while to balance all the colour palettes with the dress code. I finished a lot of stuff in one sitting and finally exhale a sigh of relief, closing the tablet.Surprised, I find Samuel still digging inside the closet. He throws his clothes on the bed and again folds them. I realise he didn't come to bed and he had been near the closet for forty minutes straight.Don't talk to him.Don't call him.I shouldn't care. I keep ranting this to myself. However, I can't ignore the anxious look on his face."Samuel!" I call h
Hello, everyone. This month has been a really bad one. After I posted the previous chapter almost 10 days ago, I was doing pretty well. None of my family members nor I have ever suffered from Dengue before which is why I had no idea that after the fever decreases abruptly there is a higher chance to have a very bad fever after a couple of days. I wasn't fully recovered. Had to get admitted in the hospital. I really tried my best to use my free time to write something but it was next to impossible. It's been two days since I have come back home and doing pretty well. But due to a gap in writing, I'm unable to get motivated to write the next chapter. Must be an absurd request but please let me know in the comments how many of you are still with me, waiting for the rest of the chapters, so I can have some boost in motivation and push myself to finally get back on track. Thanks in advance for all the good wishes. Hugs?
ChrisannaYou know what's the worst part of this phase? I know every bit of change happening in my body and my mind but people around me— who love me— are trying their best to hide those changes I may not see but feel. I snuggle into Samuel's arms after breaking the kiss and exhaling deeply as his grip tightens. I feel his heart racing, faster than ever.He thinks I didn't notice anything. But I did feel everything. I felt the sudden change in his voice which he tried to hide. I felt his hands suddenly moving more gently than ever as if he was scared to touch my hair, as if he feared the more he'll mess with them the more they'll come out. He thinks he can prevent them from falling anymore. Maybe. But he can't.I know everything. I feel everything.I feel him. He can't hide. He can't lie. "You're feeling well? We can cancel the date if you want to", he asks me, squeezing my shoulders gently. "No. I wanna go""You sure""Hmm", I lift my head and smile at him. *We spent the rest of
Samuel"I'm sure I was born only to meet her", I say, smiling down, midway through my speech— among the group settling in a circle during the weekly meeting. "Every good thing that happened in my life— all revolved around her. I just don't know how that's possible. I believe that I was born for her. Just to meet her and love her. There's no damn purpose in my life. There haven't been any"My breath hitches as I look around at all the smiling faces."Do I look better to you all? Like better than how I was when I came to the first meeting?" A tinge of anticipation stirs me up. "I just don't want to go back to the worst phase of my life anymore. And I'm so fearful that it would happen if I keep watching her struggling. It's very painful—" I struggle to speak.Strangely, it didn't happen ever since I started coming to the meetings and I always talked fluently.As I struggle to speak, my phone rings. Even though it's not allowed to carry phones while in the meeting, I'm allowed as I discus
ChrisannaIt's like a script they have all memorized. "Line dance", Uncle Colton says, getting up and walking towards the music player. "Darn. I hate it!" Eric snarls. "All dancing like soldiers""It's fun. We do it every time in family gatherings", Judson says, flickering a smile. "Seriously! Are you a 50-year-old in the body of a 17-year-old?" Eric grimaces, making Judson silent."Stop bullying him, Eric", Kylee shoots him a glare."Opposite attracts— shit is real", Charlotte laughs her lungs out, taking sips from her drink."Okay, you all", Uncle Colton turns the music on. "Get into a line"As everyone takes place for a line dance, Samuel helps me to get up."You don't need to match and move that much, okay? Just enjoy", he says. "Don't stress" I nod and notice a few people from the park have also joined. The environment seems to come alive with the rhythm of the dance as I weakly copied Charlotte's steps who is standing before me and briefly look at Samuel beside me. He has a
ChrisannaThe sun-kissed park provides a picturesque setting as the sprawling green meadow unfolds in front of me. Towering trees with long branches surrounding us leaves gently rustling in the soft breeze. The vibrant colours of blooming flowers dot the landscape.I inhale deeply, swallowing the canvas before my eyes. It all seems so new and mesmerising. I haven't inhaled fresh air for months. More than half of the last five months were spent within the four walls of the hospital and I also didn't wanna step out.I miss my old life so much. I look yards away, taking every inch of the view, watching kids playing around, families conversing and groups of friends laughing aloud."It's really hot over here", Samuel comes beside me, blocking the sun rays straight hitting my face as how tall he is. I look up at him and smile, finding Zoey curled around his neck. "I missed this heat""In that case, I think you had enough of it", he slides his hand behind my back and I keep smiling at Zoey
Chrisanna Stage III. As hard as it is to accept, this is the reality. It's been weeks since I've been back to the hospital. Again.And it sucks. I'm going through radiation therapy now. Even though my breasts were removed, cancer spread beyond that area to nearby lymph nodes surrounding tissues, chest walls, and skin.My skin burns, itches, and aches most of the time. I feel tired even pushing my eyelids and sometimes it's even harder to breathe. Although my stitches are gone, leaving those lifelong scars, the soreness and fatigue still wake me up every night. But now I have learned not to cry out. I have learned how to live with this discomfort and pain. Among everything, my life is just standing still. It seems like I'm stuck in a loophole where the world is running at a fast pace and I'm just standing there. I don't feel the same anymore. I'm not the same. The changes haunt me. I find it hard to accept myself. And every time I try to speak my heart out, I can't. They don't
SamuelChrisanna had to spend the next week in the hospital. As she preferred, Aunty Ivanna was there for her most of the time. I rarely got to spend time with her as the nurses and doctors had to check on her every half an hour. She might need a few weeks to recover from the surgery before the radiation therapy starts. According to the doctors, she'll need more than a year to get past all that and it depends on her recovery whether she'd need more therapy or not. However, I'm more concerned about the woman she's turning into— completely different from what she was. She barely speaks to me. She just stares at me whenever I am there as if she's talking to me through her eyes and I feel dumb and desperate when I can't bring myself to understand what she might want to say.I try to be there for her as much as I can but I wish I could do more. To ensure I'm in a better state of mind, I regularly attend my therapy sessions. Connor introduced me to a group and I have attended two meetings
ChrisannaNo amount of willpower, confidence, and support can prepare you for this— no matter how strong you try to be— it's never that easy. The day I was diagnosed with this disease again, I was so sure that I would overcome it— again. If a seven-year-old child can fight, then a twenty-five-year-old grown-ass woman can definitely fight and win. But little did I know that, it's not the same— and never that easy.The more I was sucked into this illness, the more I realized it's not the same. It's more painful than anything else. Either I lose something that defines my identity, or I lose myself. Either way, I have to lose. Spacing out of reality, I look down at my hands, clasping and unclasping them as my eyes dart to the wedding ring, glistening on my finger. My thoughts slip away from one direction to the other one as Samuel's face flashes in front of my eyes. I haven't seen him for two days— ever since I was admitted to the hospital for surgery. I met no one as I requested them
SamuelI wasn't honestly expecting something like that. There's barely any word I can form to speak when she stares straight into my eyes with a blank face. Her voice barely shakes and her gaze doesn't even flinch.This is not anything like Chrisanna. Chrisanna is all about expressing. She doesn't believe in being or looking emotionless— cold and rough. She should have been nervous, scared, or hurt while saying such a huge thing to me. At least— to me!I had seen changes in her behaviour lately but it's something painful to watch.She keeps staring at me, waiting for an answer when I was completely spaced out. I shrug, clearing my throat."Okay""It's awful", she doesn't blink— and her voice is ice cold. She should be flinching and groaning in frustration and maybe in anger. There's nothing!"It's not awful", I exclaim, immediately sliding my palm around her jaw. "It's a way to heal you""Yeah. Just throwing away a part of my body isn't awful", she groans, making me unsettled."No.