Chapter Four

Alice

           "I can't believe he did that," Teresa says as we walk down the aisle of the store, glancing towards every type of clothing. We stop near the hoodie section with Juliet nodding her head while taking a few from the racks and trying it on her body. "I really can't believe he did that!" 

           "Well . . . you don't have to be so loud about it," Juliet frowns. 

          "It was—" 

          Teresa cuts me off, "—a low fucking blow!" 

          "Yup. My thoughts exactly," I chuckle. 

          She turns to look at us before throwing her hands up in the air in frustration, "Honestly Alice, why did you even date that guy? He's an asshole," It's clear how she seems to despise him more now but it got stuck in my head, wondering why we ever even dated and why we thought we could last. 

          It's very vivid how things weren't always beautiful.

         "He wasn't always an asshole," I mutter. "He was nice." 

         "Past tense. Was." 

          "Yeah, was. I just don't think I know him anymore," 

         Juliet places her hand on my shoulder as she smiles, somehow comforting me. Juliet and Teresa are completely different when it comes to handling things—she's more calm and wise while Teresa . . . well, she lets her emotions take control. She doesn't bother to hide how she feels and she expresses them with rage. 

          "It wasn't your fault," Juliet says. 

          "I know. It wasn't," I nod my head in agreement before thinking back of my past relationship with Eric, "But every time something happens, he would just blame me. If he got mad at something and it wasn't even my fault, he'd still blame me for not comforting him. He said I was overreacting and it made things worse. I was making things difficult for him. He even made me feel worthless and never good enough," 

          "You are not worthless, baby. You are enough," Teresa adds. 

          "I know, I know. I can't believe I let him hurt me," 

          "We are all vulnerable when it comes to love," Juliet responds, "We just love too hard." 

          I smile, knowing I have two best friends here with me that will always support me through thick and thin. They're my number one supporter other than my parents and I know I can always count on them. They show sincerity and I might even die for them. 

          My heart sinks at the bad memories of when I was with Eric. 

         It wasn't always terrible or awful but when things get bad, I kept thinking it was my fault. I wasn't allowed to feel anything, to show my true feelings and I couldn't express my thoughts without thinking that I might hurt him but it was so easy for him to hurt me. He said things that were scarring me emotionally and I was terrified of never being enough. 

          I was always blamed. I was always saying sorry. 

          Even when it wasn't my fault. Even when I was being honest. 

          I remember telling him how my feelings were as important as his. For the first few weeks, he acknowledged that but after awhile . . . he just went back to his regular self. He was selfish and he began to show it more and more after months into the relationship. Back then, I would always cherish our perfect time together, being happy and genuinely laughing or in love because I know it wouldn't last. 

          Truth be told, I had lost count of the many times I've cried. 

          However, it was more than the times I had laughed with him—it was draining me emotionally. It made me want to stay home and drown in my thoughts. It made me distance myself from my friends or from the things I used to love doing. He made me question my existence or if I was ever enough for him. 

          I had spent countless nights and countless times trying to fix back what I thought was my doing. At first, I believed everything he said and I began to push away my feelings just for him to be happy. I reminded myself that in every relationship, there is no doubt problems or issues but then, I realised that I was the only one that was putting effort to really make things work. 

          Even when I was being myself, I got hurt. 

          Why weren't my feelings being taken seriously? Why was I being called overreacting? 

          It was painful for me to endure and as time passed, as the days go by, I was drained. 

          No matter how many times he said he would leave, I begged him to stay. I spent hours crying when he turned off his phone as I wondered . . . I was the cause of it. He slept soundly at night while I kept thinking about our relationship, how I messed things up even when I didn't. 

          Why was I foolish? Was I too in love? Was it even love? 

          It was toxic. 

          It was not love. 

          "Hey! Watch where you're going—" Teresa exclaims which causes me to break free from my thoughts before bumping into someone familiar. 

          Just as I lean back to meet his eyes, they are already staring back at me. My eyes widen at the sight of this man in front of me because I am suddenly brought back to the memories of last month. "I'm really sorry, it was my fault." He replies, looking away from me and to my friends. 

          Juliet and Teresa seems to be in awe by his beauty as well which leaves me feeling a little bit odd. 

          "Damon?" I raise an eyebrow, catching his attention once more. 

          A short glimpse of his yellow eyes manage to catch me off guard but it left as soon as it came. Anyone would call me crazy for seeing a man's eyes change colours so I decide to let it slide and focus onto his smirk, "Alice." 

          "It's a surprise seeing you here," He adds. 

          "This is . . . Damon?" Teresa asks. 

         I turn to look at my two best friends, seeing them waiting for my answer. Teresa knew about Damon first and then she told Juliet about him too—she confronted me about not telling her but it just slipped my mind. After what happened at the charity event, I was confused for the whole week. I kept thinking about Damon and it leaving me anxious until it all just stopped. 

         "Yeah, wait—you remember me?" I question. 

         Damon doesn't seem to be interested in looking at anything or anywhere else but me. Both of his eyes are somehow piercing into my own which causes me to feel a little bit uncomfortable. However, his gaze is never challenging nor intimidating but they're soft and warm. It leaves a funny feeling inside. 

         "It's hard to forget you, Alice." 

         Oh. My. God. 

         He didn't just say that? Did he? 

         Damon probably meant it differently. 

          "Things did take a surprise turn that night," He adds, his smile widening. 

          Teresa begins to elbow me as Juliet stares widely, they both seem confused at Damon's response but they don't want to ask any further. 

          That night with Damon was confusing as much as it was romantic. Everything that happened went on smoothly, "Nothing happened." 

          I clear my throat before pointing out to my friends, "This is Juliet and Teresa." 

          "Nice meeting you, I'm Damon." 

          "So we've heard," Teresa replies. 

          "It's nice to finally meet you, Damon." Juliet says. 

          "Aha, I hope all Alice did was say good things." 

          "Never doubt that," 

          I roll my eyes, sighing. 

          The four of us standing in the middle as we unintentional form a small circle. My eyes continue to glance towards my two best friends as they glance back at me, trying to have an obvious conversation with our gazes while Damon furrows his brows in confusion.

          "Did you see that?" Teresa speaks up, elbowing Juliet. 

          "See what?" Juliet frowns. 

          "That! Do you see that?" 

          "No—ow!" 

          Teresa pinches Juliet by the arm which causes her to stare with wide eyes, trying to hide their remarks. "I think I saw them handing out free vouchers," 

          "I don't think—" 

          Juliet is being cut off by Teresa quickly pulling her arm, "We'll just be over there." 

         "Wait—" 

         The two of them walk away quickly, Teresa roughly pulling Juliet as she tries to struggle. However, Damon seems to be focusing more onto me than my two quirky friends. His eyes continue to search for mine even when I constantly try to avoid them. Never in my entire life would I imagine myself being this awkward in front of someone just because of their gaze. 

          "Right . . . uh, you've met Juliet and Teresa." I say.

          "They're your best friends?" 

          "Yeah, we've known each other since high school." 

          "That's nice,"

          'That's nice.' What does he mean by that? 

          "I didn't expect to run into you here," 

          He chuckles, "Neither did I." 

          "You live around here?" I ask, glancing down at this clothes. 

          Damon stands in his casual outfit. Even though it's a first to see him without his suit, I can barely say I know him that well—we've only met each other twice including now but seeing him in his pair of jeans and sweatshirt, I'd say he's pretty laid back. It's like he was running errands and he didn't exactly expect to run into anyone in the streets. 

          "No, not really. I have a family here," 

          "Oh, so you're visiting them?" 

          I instantly regret my question. Why do I seem like I want to know everything? 

          I should know to mind my own business.

          "Something like that."

          We both continue to look at each other while I struggle to not get lost into those eyes. They seem to be pulling me deeper inside and if I let myself get distracted, I'd fall deep. 

          "You must be very busy. I don't want to—" 

          "—are you free tonight, Alice?" He cuts me off. 

          Tonight. As in my best friend's bachelorette party. The main reason why we're all the way to Portland is because Juliet wanted to spend time together. We haven't met each other in a long time, all of us, and we didn't get the chance to even spend quality time in awhile. If it weren't for Juliet, I wouldn't be standing here.

          "Actually—" 

          "—she's free tonight." Juliet cuts me off which causes me to turn around and see her smiling, immediately linking her arm with mine.

          "What are you doing?" I whisper, raising an eyebrow. 

          "Trust me," 

         Damon clears his throat, "Only if you're free. I don't want to bother your night," 

         "It's my friend's—" 

         "Alice's free tonight." Juliet grabs me harder, "Do you want to take my girl out tonight?" 

         My cheeks immediately heat up at the sudden response while Damon glances towards me with a smile, seeing him keeping quiet and not denying anything. "There's this fine restaurant that serves really good steak. I'd like to take you out for dinner," He says, looking at me. 

          "I . . . I'd love that," I smile, nodding my head. 

          "Great. I'll pick you up—" 

          "No, no, I'll meet you there." 

          "Okay, I'll meet you there." 

          My eyes wander down to his lips, seeing them curving up into a smile. Regardless of my two dumb friends standing beside me, it feels like we're alone despite the loud noise coming from our surroundings. How can someone be lost in one another? It's a question worth asking but it wouldn't be fair to others, no one understands well enough about attraction. 

          Some say it's all about desire, about intimacy but what I can say, it's deeper than all that. 

          "Can I have your number?" He asks, handing his phone. 

          "Yeah, of course." 

          My fingers swiftly type in my number before pressing dial, receiving a call from him; easy for me to know it's his. 

          For once, I finally feel like I'm having a breath of fresh air. After all these years, I was holding myself back and I was struggling but I never noticed. My heart was always longing for something, for someone and even though I kept telling myself that I was okay and I was fine but I was not. 

         I was scarred by my past relationship and it made me feel like I was nothing. It made me feel as if I was nothing special or anything new—standing here, in front of Damon, feels like a fresh start. His eyes and his smile, they attract me in ways I can barely explain. I've never felt this way before and I don't understand why because I barely know the man . . . I can only say he's handsome. 

          Yet, it feels like I've known him for a long time. 

          It's like I've been waiting for him my whole life. 

          "I texted you the address. Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up?" 

          "Yes, I'm sure. I don't want to trouble you," 

          Damon nods, still looking at me. "But I would like to drive you home." 

          "Okay," I smile. 

          What are we? High school sweethearts? My heart feels like it's going to thump out of my chest and my stomach feels like there is a whole damn zoo. As soon as I hand him back his phone, our fingers touch and I immediately look up into his eyes—wanting to see his reaction at the sudden warmth filling my body. He clears his throat before smiling, as if shrugging it way while I blink in confusion. 

          I felt that. 

          A rush. A wave. It was something. 

          It went as soon as it came and I'd think my mind was playing tricks.

          "I'll see you tonight at eight." 

          Damon smiles one last time before walking away, leaving me to stare as he leaves.

          "What just happened?" Teresa asks, squealing in excitement as she pulls me in for a hug. My lips continue to curve up into a smile before trying to calm myself down but I can't help it. The excitement, the thrill has gotten to me and it feels as if I was eighteen again. 

          "I have a date tonight," I mutter. "With Damon," 

          Time doesn't exactly fly when you're overly excited about something. It feels as if nothing is going to make it move faster but I manage to clear my head away from thinking about Damon as I try on a dress that Juliet forced me to buy earlier. It's a square neck sundress that accentuates my collarbone with a little hint of cleavage, tugging onto my curves nicely as it falls short on my thighs. 

          I stare at myself in the mirror, liking how I look. 

          My makeup brush glides onto my cheeks as I apply a little bit of blush before finishing off with my favourite lipstick. This would work just fine as I appreciate my makeup, all I did was apply foundation and the rest just came on smoothly. 

          I glance at the phone, looking at the time: 7 o'clock. 

          "It's okay Alice, don't be nervous." I mutter to myself. 

          As I walk out of my room, I bump into Ian who seems to be a little surprised at my outfit. He continues to stare down at my body before pointing out at my face, "Where are you going, sweetheart?" 

          "I'm going out." I reply. 

          "With the girls?" 

          "With a guy." 

          "On a date?" He raises an eyebrow, confused. "Who did you meet in town?" 

          "Just some guy I met back in New York," 

          "And . . . he's here?" 

          "Yup, I'm going if you would just—move aside," 

          Ian grabs my arm, "Baby, who is it?" 

          "Damon," 

          "Damon?" 

          I walk away from him as I put on my jacket, immediately seeing Juliet smiling widely at me. "You look beautiful. I love that dress on you," 

          "Thanks. You picked it out for me," 

          "You have a nice figure. Flaunt it," 

          "Haha, I'm not trying to get him to sleep with me." 

          "There's nothing wrong with that," She winks. 

          My cheeks heat up at the thought but I push it away. This is just a date where we'll be able to get to know each other better and there's no use in thinking about anything intimate—it's not my intention. 

          Eric steps out of the kitchen as he stops dead in his tracks, eyeing me. Both of his eyes wander down and up to my face before clearing his throat, "Am I missing something?" He asks, looking at Juliet and back at me. 

          "Oh, nothing. Alice just has a date," Juliet replies, arms crossed.

          "With . . . who?" 

          "It's none of your business, Eric." I respond. 

          "You can take my car," Juliet hands me the car keys and I immediately step out of the cabin, making my way towards her car—without thinking about Eric or his reaction. It pleases me to know he's actually jealous and it satisfies me to know that I've fully moved on. 

          I start the car before driving down the road. 

          As soon as I've arrived at the destination, I glance around to see people walking down the streets as they chatter. It's a casual evening here in Portland but there is no sign of Damon. Then again, I am actually fifteen minutes early. 

         I step out of the car, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear. 

         A stray cat manages to catch my attention as it limps, walking down the dark alley. My eyebrows furrow at the sight as it meows out for help but as I try to get closer, it continues to walk away. I sigh before following it down the dark alley, away from the crowds and noise without realising that I've made it far enough to lose sight of the car. 

         "Come here, kitty." I call out. 

         A dark figure appears in front of me which causes me to stop walking, trying to take a few steps back but both of my paths are blocked. Two men are nearing me which causes me to panic, gripping hard onto my bag. Just as I open my mouth to scream for help, the man lunges forward as we fall onto the ground. My mouth is covered with a napkin as I inhale a weird scent, my arms pushing out, struggling. 

         My scream is muffled as my eyes begin to close, somehow falling unconscious.