Healing

On the 12th of August 1995, I was seated on the couch watching my favorite show "Best Friends' ' with a bowl of popcorn I made that evening. When I got a call from Julie and asked what I was doing, I told her I was watching my favorite program. And then she told me to check the latest updates from the government and that I had to tune in to the news channel. I didn't wait a second. I changed to the news channel and the update was that "The Military Camp was burnt down leaving no persons alive". I tried to find my voice as Julie kept calling my name on the phone but I paid no attention to her. I broke into hot tears, not saying a word to her. She kept calling my name but I was in no mood for pity. I hung up and continued pouring out those tears. I was so out of control I threw my bowl of popcorn away. Cried even more and bitterly. I shouted my husband's name aloud. "Rolly, Rolly... I warned you but you wouldn't listen. I told you not to go, but now you wanted to let everyone know you were brave and now you've made me a widow. I hope you're happy now." I screamed. 

After hours of crying and wailing, I'd develop a headache. It aches so bad I couldn't help but hold my head in my hands. My phone kept ringing, Julie and my family had been calling. But I was still not in the mood for calls, so I decided to turn my phone off. 

I woke up the next morning, I didn't know when I slept in. My head was still banging, and I was reminded that my husband was dead. Last night's event kept replaying, I looked beside my nightstand, I took our wedding portrait and looked at the man I married, The one who left me a widow even though he's been gone for a long time his  Memories of us were still fresh in my head. Tears filled my eyes, my sight was blurry, I placed the portrait upside down and made my way to the kitchen counter to take some medications for the headache.

Knock knock (someone was knocking)

"Who could that be?" I asked myself. I was a little upset because I wasn't ready to attend to any visitors, but I knew they were not only visitors,  I knew it would be Julie or my family.

I was panting as I sat at the stool at the counter. Still figuring out if I should go check who it was. The knock got harder. I walked fast to get to the door. I opened the door and saw my parents staring at me with rage and pity, 

"What took you so long to get the door? And why did you turn off your phone" my mom asked as she wrapped her arms around me with tears rolling down her cheek? That was the last thing I ever wanted, I didn't want to cry nor did I want to see my mom cry, but I don't know when I'd burst into tears too. I didn't know how long we stood there, but I was sure I was crying so bitterly in my mom's arms. After a while, she brought me in. My dad followed likewise. We sat on the couch, my eyes were so red and I was so bitter that I wanted to let out my pain. I was filled with rage, bitterness, and pain. Mom kept stroking my hair and wiping my uncontrollable tears. I laid back on the couch while mom went to make something for me to eat. Thoughts ran through my mind, how does one become a widow? What should I do from here? Why has Rolly caused me so much pain? Why did I even agree to marry him in the first place when I knew so well the state of his job? There was no answer, and it was just useless because it was too late. I guess I have to agree with what everyone says. Move on. But how?. "I told him not to go, mommy I warned him, mommy, mommy just take a look at me. I am a widow at my age and my marriage didn't even last for long"  I cried and said. Mom kept consoling me "I know my dear, you're young and beautiful, I believe you will find someone else." She said "mommy how I loved Rolly so much, I don't think I can have any other man in my life. *wails* Rolly has made me a widow so soon...ahhh" I said as my feet fell to the ground with my hands and on my head and tears rolled down my eyes. My dad lifted me as he patted me "You'll be fine my dear"I kept crying as I laid my head on my mom's head. "I should make you breakfast, I'm pretty sure you've not had a proper meal since you've heard the news." Mom said. She stood up and made her way to the kitchen while I laid properly on the couch. After a while, my mom came and woke me up, "Here, get up and have something" I didn't know when I'd fallen asleep. I woke up holding my head in my hands. "Your headaches?" Dad asked. I was so tired to reply but I only nodded. Mom asked if I had any pain relief drugs. I directed my hand to the counter. Mom had served me pancakes and milk, I didn't have an appetite but my parents beckoned me to have some food. After a long silence, I was done eating. My parents advised me that I should move on with my life and open my heart that I'll find love again. But I wasn't interested in what they had to say. I just stared at nothing with tears flowing through my cheeks. "I think you should come live with us for a while, I can't bear you living alone during this time," Dad said to me. But I wasn't sure I wanted to. "I'll be a fine dad. Mom tells dad I'll be fine" I said this looking at her mom. "Baby, your dad is right, you can't live here alone and besides I know you won't be eating well. You should come live with us until we can say your fit" Mom affirmed. "Go freshen up and I and your mom will arrange a few things you will need," Dad said to me.