All by myself

The day came when he had to leave. I was moody, I made him a cheese sandwich for breakfast as he was in the room making his final preparation. He came downstairs to see me packing up His breakfast. "Baby you know you don't need to do that, you know how I feel when I eat in the morning," He said to me, I was quiet the whole time and he clearly understood I wasn't in the mood and I was still sad about him leaving. We made our way to the car as I took over the driver's seat, I checked my wristwatch, started the engine, and drove off. There was silence between us but to be honest I just had nothing to say to him. I felt numb the whole time. "Will you just talk to me at least before I go?" He broke the silence. "What do you want me to say?" I asked back. We got to the barracks, I got out to get his luggage from the back seat while he turned to my side, I felt weak as he hugged me so tight, there and there I cried so hard that I had to gasp for air. We kissed and he promised to always reach out the best he can. I nodded as we separated. I stood there and watched him leave. This was by far the saddest day of my life. I couldn't stare anymore, I got into the car and zoomed off. I didn't want to be alone so I went to my parent's house, parked my car just in front of the garage, got out and made my way to the front door, rang the bell to get their attention. My kid sister, Hailey got to the door, she hugged me so tight and walked with me to the sitting room.  My parents were having their breakfast. Mom was so happy to see me come by, she ran to me and led me to a chair. I sat there, quiet for a while, and slowly tears began rolling down. He wasn't dead but I missed him already. "Don't cry princess, he'll be back" dad said to me. I felt a bit better when I discussed their pressing issues. The topic changed to a boy who my sister was crushing on. I couldn't help but laugh at her funny gestures about every event she had with him. I got tired and decided to rest. I got to my room, nothing changed about it. Still got the designs on the wall and my cheerleading trophy I won way back and also pictures of my friends. Laid on the bed with a lot of thoughts, my head was full and I didn't realize when I had slept off.

A few hours later, I heard my phone ring. I got up to get my bag from the floor and checked for my phone. It was a strange number, it took me a while to answer. "Hello," I said, waiting for an answer. "Hey baby" I could recognize the voice..that was my husband, I jumped up with excitement and anxiety about what he was going to say, maybe he would say he was asked to go back home. But I was disappointed when he said he called to check up on me and that they were already at the camp. My tone automatically changed and he noticed from the way I replied. In the background, I could hear the commander calling them to gather. "Baby I have to go, I'll call you when I have the time". He said and hung up. I laid back on my bed. It was a relief hearing his voice, "He'll be fine" I said to myself.

I spent days with my parents till I knew I was okay to start living on my own again.

Months after months passed, communication with my husband kept reducing. Oh yeah, my heart kept skipping anytime I watched the news of the war, how people were slaughtered and how the Russians outnumbered them. I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I started blaming myself for letting him go. I would have insisted he stayed.

 it got to the point I stopped hearing from Rolly. I never wanted to conclude that he was dead. We never heard from them again even though the reports were not helping at all. Julie always came visiting letting me know the news as it breaks, regarding the war. I always made sure to visit Rolly's parents and sister Mellisa, they made a great in-law for me, they never made me feel alone and tried to make sure I was eating well and taking good care of myself. 

 5years passed and we still haven't heard from either Rolly or the government about him. I got tired, I got immune to the way things were. I kept loving him every day and still waited for his return but I was wrong, he never came back for me.

 I got advice from friends, customers, and even my family to move on with my life but I never listened to them, I kept believing he would return. 

One day, my regular customer, Kelly, walked into my flower shop to get some flowers as usual, and as every curious customer will be about how my life is and how I'm coping without my husband. I told her I was doing well and I'm still staying positive.

"You know you don't have to wait for him, maybe he's dead, who knows, no one has heard from them, and besides you're not getting any younger" Kelly said to me. These words struck the wrong chord in me and made me angry. "Why would you even think he's dead? My husband isn't dead, okay? I'm sure he's somewhere maybe in some forest far away that they can't reach or maybe they're in the woods' ' I said this trying to feel better but I couldn't help but burst into tears. Kelly consoled me, we later talked for a while and she left.