A new life

Few days had passed, a date was set for my husband to be buried and that of his colleagues who died in the war. I was still sad and weak about the whole thing but I’d to be strong. Julie, my friend, was really helpful and she tried to support me the little she could.

The day came and everyone was dressed in black. I couldn’t still believe I’d one day, any sooner be dressed up this way to mourn my husband. I’d managed to dress up in a black short gown with my hair tied up in a ponytail and my fascinator on my head. My mom came into my room, “Are you ready? She asked while she walked to me and embraced me from behind. I nodded and turned to her. And hugged her tightly. “You’ve always been a strong girl and I know you’ll be fine.” Mom continued. We made our way out to the living room. Dad and my sister, Hailey, were already waiting for me. I was a bit anxious because I didn’t know what to expect and I haven’t met people since I heard the news. I was also scared of meeting Rolly’s family but I just had to. 

We got to the place where the burial was held. 

There were quite a lot of people present, Rolly’s friends whom I last met at my wedding. I couldn’t hold my tears. I decided to put on my shades and went closer to the event. I felt all eyes were on me when I walked closer. Some people came to my family to hug and show condolences. We sat down as the procession started, a little sermon and condolence messages from different dignitaries. Pictures of all the armies who died during the war were laid including my husband as well as roses on each portrait. After the sermon, we were asked to stand and show respect as we walked to each portrait and dropped our flowers. When I got to my husband’s portrait, I was so weak I’d wailed even more. I can’t believe I’m never going to see him again. Oh, the man I loved so much and promised he was going to stay forever but I was so stupid to believe that. Memories started replaying, I couldn’t help but fall on my knees and screamed his name. I could feel people behind me trying to get me up. Ahh, it was hard for me to bear, how would I start my life again. 

I was carried to my seat, everyone came holding me down. I was a bit quiet, but I knew I wasn’t the only one affected, other women and their families were wailing in pain but one would say I was quite younger and newly married.

After a while, Rolly’s family came to where we sat. Melissa, Rolly’s sister, gave me a big hug. I hugged her so tightly. “I’m sorry Meghan, but we have to accept what has happened and we can’t question God. Rolly has been a big loss to us as well but there’s nothing we can do. We love you and with the short time we had, I know you’ve always been a wonderful daughter to us. You could always come by if you want. You have a bright life ahead and you’re beautiful, young, and smart, I believe you’ll find love again.” Rolly’s dad said and gave me a big hug likewise his wife. I gave in a little smile with my bulgy red eyes.

After everything was done we all went home. 

Weeks turned weeks, months to months. I was still living with my parents and during these periods I was always at home alone or my flower shop. I showed no interest in anything. I just came back from work, as usual, trying to put up a sale of the house. It was a hard decision but I just had to, there were a lot of memories from the house. The last time I was there was I’d to pack up my stuff and Rolly to his parents. A sale post was hung up in front of the house. 

Knock knock

I wanted my privacy and I thought it was time to pack out. “Yes, come in,”  I said. It was my mom again, she always wanted to be around me and always talking out of staying alone. “Hey baby, has anyone called for the house yet?” She asked. “Yes, someone called this morning and has decided to make a transfer for it” I replied and looked up. My mom came even closer and sat on the bed, as she found my hands. “Hey, I would love you to come with me to my friend's son’s wedding.” She said and smiled. I wasn’t happy with this discussion, I knew what she was driving at. No one is going to make me rush or push me into loving anyone. I thought to myself. I gave my mom a stern look as I slowly removed my hands from hers. “Mom, I’ve told you, again and again, I’m not ready to find love or hang out or do whatever okay? I’m fine the way I am and I can’t just put myself on a spot anymore” I said. “But...” “But nothing Mom” I cut in. “You're going to stop bringing up discussions as these” I said to her. Mom was quiet and I knew I was a bit harsh but I just had to make my points clear. They were all being too hard on me. Mom stood up, patted my shoulder, and left. I felt a little guilty but I knew we would come around.

After a while, I slept in.

“Dinner is ready”  I woke up immediately, that was my sister. “Okay, thanks I’ll be down soon”  I replied. I got up, wore my blue Jean with my red tank top and my pair of vans. I made my way downstairs as I tied my hair up. Everyone was seated, Mom was up dishing out food for everyone. I needed to say something to her and everyone, there was so much silence between us. “Mom I’m sorry for the things I said to you or maybe to everyone as well, I know you all care so much about me and want me to move on with my life but you see it’s not easy for me like you think and I feel like you all are being so hard on me. I hope I get better with time but forcing me or talking me out is not the best option for me, so please everyone should just let things be the way they are” I said and gave a big sigh of relief yet tensed, I wasn’t sure if those words came out right but I hope they all understood my point. The room was quiet, no one said anything and I was becoming uncomfortable. Did I say anything they didn’t like, I thought to myself. “I understand dear, and we all try our best to respect your decision. You mean a lot to us that’s why we don’t wish you to see living in pain and all alone. But it’s fine” mom replied as she broke the silence. I was happy those words came from her. “I love you Mom and y’all”  I smiled and said. “I love you too baby, now let’s eat before the food gets cold” mom replied.