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2024-10-29 19:42:56A list of songs that go through my head when writing this book
Dandelions by Ruth BWhat do you mean by Justin BeiberCan you hold me by NF ft Britt NicoleTime by NFThat way by Tate McRaeSix feet under by Billie EillishHurt you by The weekend ft GesaffelsteinI hate you, I love you by Olivia O’Brien ft GnashEuphoria by Jungkook of BTSLove song by Rihanna ft FutureWe don’t talk anymore by Charlie Puth ft Selena GomezWait by NFMinefields by John LegendMake it right by BTS ft LauvStitches by Shawn MendesHollow by Victor RayRelated chapters
DAMAGED CHAPTER ONE: ELICIA
Class of 2015 (July 16)We threw our red caps in the air celebrating the end our high school years.“Happy end of high school babe.” My boyfriend, Jason said kissing the top of my head as we walked out of the gymnasium.“Oh please, go do your PDA somewhere else,” Jeremy spoke as he took me out of Jason’s grasp. Jeremy, Jer for short was my best friend since I could remember. “We should go to the after party,” Madison, my girl best friend said as she removed her gown. “Dinner reservations with mom and dad.” I say looking towards Jer, my best friend to back me up since I did not want to look like I was ditching some quality time with my friends.“Yeah, dinner. I almost forgot.” Jer said and I mentally facepalmed myself for Jer’s awkward back up.“You guys could join if you want, I will just text mom. “No, it’s fine. I could use the alcohol.” Maddie says looking at Jason.“Jace, are you coming?” I ask my boyfriend.“I promised the boys that I would be there with you but since you aren’
DAMAGED CHAPTER TWO: ELICIA
Day of the accident (27 July) “Hey mom, is El ready?” Jer asked mom as he took a seat near the island in our kitchen. Jer came to take me out to a party of a friend of his. “I think so, she was looking for her purse a few minutes ago.” my mom replies as she tosses an apple to Jer. “I swear you are growing taller by the day.” Mom says standing on her tip toes ruffling his hair. I walk into the kitchen in my black skinny jeans and a plain white tee paired with white Nike snickers. “You could have at least tried to look nice,” Jer says and I hit his head with my purse. “Ow, that hurts you. Dweeb!!!” he says scratching his head. “Serves you right.” I say and mom just laughs it off and kisses both of us goodbye. “Make sure you guys are home by midnight.” “Yes, mom.” Jer says saluting mom. “And make sure you drag El everywhere you go, she tends to be a loner at times.” my mom says whispering a bit at the end. “MOM!!!!!!” I say rolling my eyes. “Can you drive, I feel so out of it
DAMAGED CHAPTER THREE: ELICIA
I wonder if anyone knows that the end of a car accident is the beginning of hell, recovery and endless pain.Yet the road remains the same and people continue driving through it.Apparently a month and two weeks later, the mid September; the month I was supposed to be at UCLA (University of California and Los Angeles) with Jeremy I was seated in front of a woman named Lydia. Late thirties, slim, dirty blond hair and very beautiful. She had a welcoming aura around her at all times and she tried her best to get me to talk but she failed dismally for the past two weeks. Not that I did not want to talk because I wanted to but I could not.I do not know what was happening to me it was as if I had lost the ability to produce sound. “Your mom said you had a nightmare yesterday, what was it about?” “Did you have a dream about Jeremy?” She asks and I winced at the mention of Jeremy's name. It’s still difficult to believe that he was gone.“El, talk to me.” I just stare at her and she si
DAMAGED CHAPTER FOUR: ELICIA
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••Journal entry 101 You showed up again today. The usual routine you climb up the stairs of the same unfinished building that is right across our house and you sit on the edge of the building.I get to see you every day for an hour and a half before you take off in your black Jeep.Most times you just sit and stare into space, thinking I guess.Sometimes you come to dress your wounds, and l wonder what causes them.They are not just minor wounds, they look deep and you wince every time you dress them.Who causes them, do you get into fights? Are you one of those boys that parents tell their daughters to stay away from?This time it's not an arm wound, a head wound rather it's an abdominal wound. It looks deep and painful.You close your eyes in pain as you let the alcohol sink in to wash off the cut, avoiding infections as well. How come you are so good at dressing yourself, l know
DAMAGED CHAPTER FIVE: ELICIA
To pass the time before University as it was already October I decided to work at a nearby Café, Plaza Café; it was approximately 10 minutes from home and five minutes from my mom’s workplace Cedars Sinai Medical Centre.Sometimes my mom and her co-workers came to eat at the café. I started working at the Café to avoid staying at home alone it was becoming boring, worse without my best friend. Lydia recommended as it was something light, that would not trigger anything and she said and I quote ‘Keeping myself a bit occupied’.After Jace broke up with me I did not tell my mom because she would have ended up worrying about trivial things.I was surprised I handled the breakup well or maybe it was because I had already started noticing the distance Jace was keeping and braced myself. As l was driving home from work around 6 pm. l spotted rooftop from across the street holding a pink and purple heart-shaped balloon.A little girl probably around the age of 8 approached him with a huge c
DAMAGED CHAPTER SIX: ELICIA
I head home with a smile of victory and butterflies in my stomach.As soon as l got home, we made supper with mom and ate. “How was work?” she asked as we finished eating.“Work was okay, l came straight home after.” l said.“It usually takes 10 minutes but you took 25 today. Did you stop by somewhere?” she asks curious.“No l didn't l just came straight home.” Now that l think about it l spent more than 10 eavesdropping on his conversation, not that l heard anything.“Jason and Maddie came looking for you.” My mom informs me.“I told him not to come looking for me.” l say my voice distasteful.“You never told me what happened between you two. You and Jason were inseparable.”“l don't want to talk about it Ma.” l say and continue to eat.“How come Jason doesn’t come over anymore did you guys have a fight or something?” mom presses on.“Quit it ma, can't l have a quiet meal for once in my life? If you are not asking about my depression you are all into my business, just stop.” l say b
DAMAGED CHAPTER SEVEN: ELICIA
After he leaves the café, work goes as slow as it can get.Soon my shift is over and l head straight to Lydia’s office.“You look rather cheerful today, how about we unfold today’s events?” she asks.“I spoke to Rooftop!” I say more like yell in excitement.“Someone is excited.” She smiles and l smile as well.“This is progress, huh?” she adds.“I know right.” I say smiling to myself.“As much as l am glad seeing you happy I should not encourage this. It is good that you are speaking your mind now, being more open but investing your emotions into something or rather someone could bring you back to square one.” She says and stares at me intensely as if waiting for my reaction before she says something else.“Go on.” I urge her.“You seem to like this guy l can see that but it is not healthy. You don’t even know him well enough to feel anything for him. What if he wants nothing to do with you?”“Have you ever thought about that? This isn’t about you being involved with someone, you are
DAMAGED CHAPTER EIGHT: ELICIA
Today he was not treating any wounds, now that I think about it he had no scars when I saw him at the grocery store.His stepdad is no longer beating him up l guess or he is just on break from the beating or maybe the money he is sending is not short. As I am deep in thought l never noticed him looking in my direction.After winning my own battle in my mind I am brought back to reality to look at where he was sitting but my breath is caught in my mouth when I see him staring at me. I lose my balance and fall outside the window, lucky me the distance from my room to the ground is fair. I just scratch my knees and elbows but I do not even feel it because of the embarrassment I felt. I do not dare to go back to my room to check if he was still there instead I start watching TV eating my fudge cake and ice-cream.Embarrassment eating, if that's a thing.As I am eating I am interrupted by a knock on the door.I freeze afraid it was Treadway behind the door but to my disappointment it w
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DAMAGED CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: ELICIA
Off to UCLA I have always been dreaming of going to the same college with my boyfriend and now that dream is coming true. The next day mom drives me to school. Treadway drives his car with Mick and Vee. Once we got to the campus, we checked-in and helped each other to carry our bags into our dorm rooms. "You have the same room number as mine," Treadway says. My dorm room number was 65E and his dorm room number was 65B. We got to my room first and knocked; a Chinese girl around my age opened the door. "Ni hao." I greet her and she smiles. "Knock it off I can speak English just fine." She says and I pick up an American accent and l smile at her as well. "You must be Elicia Rae, I am Nicky. get in." she says and we all get in and leave the luggage in my dorm room. "I will be right back; I need to help him settle in." I say to my roommate Nicky. She winks at me and we exit the room to go to Treadway's room. Apparently Treadway had no roommate, it was a single's room, s
DAMAGED CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: ELICIA
As soon as I reach home I freshen up and went to pick up Valerie from school. After the shooting at the court, the man who had shot Treadway was arrested and he confessed that he had planned this whole thing with Ron and this lengthened Ron's sentenced as he had attempted to murder Treadway. Treadway was sent to hospital, he had lost a lot of blood so as soon as he arrived he went straight to surgery and they managed to remove the bullet, luckily it had not hit any vital organs.And it had been five days since he was operated on and he was unconscious. Mom managed to enroll Valerie to grade one, and she had been going to school for three days now and it was a Friday, a half day and mom had gone back to work so I had to go pick her up. At Val's school. "El!!!!" I turn to see where the sound is coming from and I am engulfed into two tiny arms. "Hey Val, missed me?" I ask hugging back and lifting her up. "Of course, how is Way. Did he wake up?" she asks me as I place her on the pa
DAMAGED CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: TREADWAY
Day before the court date, I went to see Michaela and Valerie and told them what happened. "I am glad you finally took a step against that bastard." Michaela says venom lacing her words."It was Elicia, who had the balls to do all that. If it was me alone, I would still be sulking." I tell Mick and she raises a brow. "What?" I ask her."Who is Elicia?" Mick goes on to ask. "My girlfriend." I say and see pain flash in Mick's eyes. I knew Mick liked me from High school but I could not just bring myself to ask her out, at first I did not want it to seem like I was dating her because of my situation so l restrained myself but after I met Elicia I figured I never liked Michaela more than just a friend. Elicia showed me what real love is. "My brother has a girlfriend!!! My brother has a girlfriend." Valerie chants running around the kitchen where we were talking with Mick. "It was high time you came to take your crap car that's in my garage." Mick says snorting."You wish you had one
DAMAGED CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: ELICIA
Time flew and it was already April and I was looking forward to my college application response as they responded April-May.I told my mom what was happening with Treadway and she wanted to help him so she talked to a friend of hers Mr. Gentry who was a lawyer and he wanted to help as well. "You have to bring him here so that we set the facts straight, take him to court and put this monster behind bars." Mr. Gentry said to me and my mom.The next day at work I told him what had happened and how Mr. Gentry wanted us to drop by his office. "What? You went behind my back to do all this El. Why didn't you tell me before doing anything?" He questioned me angry."I don't understand why you are angry at me; I was trying to help. Don't you want him to go to prison?" I ask him raising my voice to match his."That man is sick in the head if he comes to realize that is what I am planning, he will overdose my mom and kill her. Did you think about that?" He says exasperated."I---," I try to say
DAMAGED TWENTY-THREE: ELICIA
"Treadway." My mom acknowledged his presence as she passed a salad bowl to him on the dining table which he awkwardly accepted. "Good evening mam." Treadway greets my mom back with a hesitant smile. I could see he was so nervous so, l held his hand reassuringly under the table and he relaxed a little. "Good to have you here and please call me Carol." My mom smiles at him. "Thank you for having me, Carol." He says formally and I had to try so hard to control my laughter from how awkwardly he was behaving. I loved that he was embarrassed and he was trying to impress my mom. In order to be embarrassed, a person has to care about the other's opinion first so this showed that he cared about my and my mom's opinion."No need to be so formal you can call me Carol." My mom says smiling trying to be a bit accommodating so he wouldn't be so on edge and he nodded. "So, what do you do?" my mom asks."Mom, please. " I plead with her not to get all personal with him. "No it's okay. I am cur
DAMAGED CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: ELICIA
As February started, I applied for psychology at UCLA. The following weeks were filled with Treadway showing me that he was serious about me.Andre asked if him and I were dating and I was afraid he would say no because he seemed like someone who liked his life private but he said yes. This made me feel special. He walked me home every day and at weekends he sometimes came to see me when mom wasn't around. We texted at times, he wasn't much of phone person instead he was a rather be with person. I was glad l was one of the few contacts in his phone. Sometimes I would bring him food at work and packed him a few lunch boxes when he visited home.We went to meet Michaela and Valerie turns out my suspicions of Michaela being his wife and Valerie being his daughter was wrong. Valerie was his little sister and Michaela was a very close friend of his who offered to stay with Vee. One day as he was walking me home I decided to ask him the question l dreaded the most. "You remember th
DAMAGED CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: ELICIA
The next day at work was really awkward, I fell a couple of orders. Treadway was looking at me the whole time. I was a nervous mess and thank heavens lunch came in a buzz but to my dismay Treadway and I were staying behind because we took turns to go for lunch. He came to talk to me at the counter as there were no more customers coming in. "Hey El." He says making me acknowledge his presence. "Hey." I say and the air becomes very tense, one could literary cut the tension with a knife.I didn't know what else to say to him, he was quiet as well but he mastered the courage after a couple of minutes somehow. "Are you still thinking?" he asks awkwardly."No, I---, " I am cut by a customer who wanted to order. From then on-wards the coffee shop was flooded, we barely managed to have our own lunch and we never managed to talk until it was dismissal time. -------------------------Sorry baby, I don't think I will be able to pick you up from work I have surgery within 30minutes so l a
DAMAGED CHAPTER TWENTY: ELICIA
"This is where you say something El," Lydia whisper-coughs as she pokes me discretely. I cough a few times before answering."I need time to think about it." I say surprising both me and Lydia. Treadway nods and bid his goodbyes to both Lydia and l. "Oh my God!!!!!" I scream right after he closes the door."Keep it down, he hasn't left yet." Lydia says hushing me. After pinching myself a few times I eventually realize that it was not a dream instead it was reality. "I thought you were head over heels for this boy. Why did you not say yes?" "I am stupid. I am so stupid that's why." I repeat those words a few more times looking at Lydia. "It's called being rational. And I am surprised you were so rational considering how much you like this boy and how you have been mopping the past weeks." Lydia says smiling at me."You are just saying a fancy word to make me feel better about myself. What if he decides against it tomorrow? I am so screwed." I over dramatically say."Ha, that con
DAMAGED CHAPTER NINETEEN: ELICIA
“I don’t even want to talk about it, it was so embarrassing.” I say moving to sit by the window, my usual sit. “I wish I was there,” Lydia says laughing and I glare at her. “There is something I want to know.” Lydia informs me and I nod my head allowing her to go on and ask. “How exactly are you dealing with this because I am not seeing any progress the only difference is that you are no longer crying all the time. How are you moving on from this whole situation?” I knew she would ask something along these lines that is why I was hesitating to go for a session. “I do not think I am dealing with it, I am not making any effort to move on.” I say and Lydia nods. “You think he is just going to walk up to you and say he likes you back? Why are you not moving on?” “No that I am expecting him to come to me or hoping he will but I don’t know I just want to experience all of it up until it no longer hurts to look at him. Right now I cannot spend five minutes near him without wanting to
