Conceit & Kindness

Be the real you.

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Dear Diary,

Today was a very significant day in my life. The day for which I was procrastinating since I was born, the day which dared to change everything for me. The day brought me utter contentment and brutal discomfort.   

"Jessica,"

I closed the diary and ran downstairs, my mother was yelling at me for too long. I was trying to be indifferent to her voice, but I cannot bear it for too long.

The house was garnished with flowers and lights, everywhere I could hear whispers of everyone.

My sister is getting married and today is her engagement.  She must be getting ready now.

I glanced at the ceiling to the well-furnished wall, the walls which were empty before are filled with passion now.

"Jessica? What are you doing? Come here!"

Her voice never changed, at least not to me. There was no calmness, no deity full of joy, no tenderness in her voice.

Her voice was plain making me shrink every time whenever she mumble my name.

"Go get dressed, and don't you dare to carry your diary to the function!"

Her eyes were terrified, I could see her glance of her at me,  she was hiding something, I know.  She wants me to change myself, she wants me to change my hairstyle, my dress and everything. And why wouldn't she? After all, it's the day of the engagement of her daughter.

She didn't notice why I was not groping, she is outrageous at handling tasks and I am one of them.

"Yes. I am going," I mumbled and walked away.

I could feel all eyes on me. The stares, the whispers everything was evident to me.

Therefore, I ran to save myself to my empty room.

I moved the curtains and saw the dark clouds in the sky, I have never admired nature before. I have never admired its freedom, the freedom of an inviting depth it carries, the freedom of becoming what you want to be.

I sat near the window on the chair and took out my diary,

Dear Diary,

The sky is immensely gloomy

I heard her voice again. Demanding this time,  therefore, I got up to glance at my figure in the mirror.

Pale body, pale eyes, paler lifestyle. Everything is pale about me.

The outfit which she wants me to wear is not helping either. It was laying on the bed.

The yellow and silver lehnga is furnished with beautiful stones to highlight its greatness even more. 

I have no idea how to adjust myself to this outfit, I have always been in a nutshell and never believed in appearing in the notoriety.

My hair was in a messy bun, I was wearing a loose shirt with loose pants.  How am I going to adjust myself in a lehnga that I never wore before in half an hour?

And if I didn't do anything my parents will kill me, I know they can.

I loathe getting dressed and pretending to be the person I am not, I hate it!

I remember the time when I was asked to wear a dress on my tenth birthday, that dress was too furnished for a little girl like me to flaunt everywhere.

But in the end, I had to do as it was ordered, whether I am going to be hurtful or not, it never matters.

I changed my outfit and glanced at myself in the mirror.

I combed my hair which was naturally curly making it even hard for me to do the task in a limited time, but in the end, they were resting on my shoulders.

Later I applied some lip gloss and that's it!

I am done with preparing myself in a contaminated manner to adjust to society.  

She also gave me heels to wear, but I am not going to use them. They are horrible, just staring at them my mind is spinning in all directions. I can feel myself wearing them and falling on the ground at my sister's engagement. When she was going to make a memorable day for her I will ruin it with these bloody heels!

I can sense everyone's stare when I  will be tripping.

I can sense everything from my fall to getting into the spotlight.

No!

I will not wear them.

I took out my sneakers from the box that was hidden behind the table.

The dirt was evident there making me reliable that I have not used these in a long time.

I too emerged in my room with my diary, conversing with it in every possible manner to pour my heart out.

Maybe I was waiting for today to mark everything straight in my life, to finally furnish the hidden treasure in my heart, but it didn't occur, I know. It will never occur now.

I cleaned my shoes with old cloth and wore them.

In no case, anyone will find out that I  am wearing shoes instead of heels in this lehenga. They were hardly visible due to the immense length of the lehenga.

"Jessica? Are you ready?" A knock on the door alarmed in my senses; a person is asking me to come out and showcase to everyone who am I?

"Yes-"  I mumbled.

"Come down now!"

It was more of an order than a simple gesture to invite a person to a ceremony.

I closed my eyes, took a long breath and fidgeted even more in my place.

Come one! You can do this!

I clutched my lehnga and opened the door, taking a little step to sense the sensitivity of the situation before quickly hurrying downstairs before anyone could notice my presence.

Without making any noise with sleepy feet I came downstairs.

Everything is going incredible now. No one is glancing at me as planned, no one knows that  I am the bride's younger sister.

Then my father came.

He finally showed his presence to me.

He knew I was hiding in the crowd, still, he manages to spot me in thousands of faces.

His aura was filled with superiority, the moustache was telling the stories about his warrior lifestyle.

And at that moment I knew he was the man with a mission in his penetrated eyes

"Everyone, meet my younger daughter, Jessica."

Nothing can be worse than thousands of eyes glancing at you at the same time.

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This is a beginning of a new story with new characters.

Support me in this journey.

💖💖💖