Chapter One

I don't know how to start again. I think everything is back to zero, and after leaving his place and life, it's as if i also lost a certain part of me. 

My phone vibrated on the table and i can guess it fifteenth attempts since earlier i sat here. Layla Rae is on the caller ID. Oh jeez, mom. Why do you have to be this persistent?

Yeah, right. Because i disappointed them big time and they are enraged now because their ace of a daughter has accepted the divorce offered by her oh-so loving husband. Note the sarcasm.

I took a very deep breath before i decided to answer the call. 

"Mom," i uttered as i readied myself for her to burst out.

"You wench! What have you done?! Why would you sign the divorce paper? Was that all you've got, huh? We didn't teach you to be this weak and pathetic, Atasha!" She was hysterically saying on the other line. 

I inhaled sharply. Nice. They didn't even ask me first about how I feel. Of course, when did they consider my feelings as their top priority anyway? I never learned.

"He was asking for a divorce so, i just gave it to him. What do you want me to do? Beg him to stop and reconsider me as his wife? Be desperate and force myself to stay still in his life---"

"Yes, Tasha! Because that's the right thing to do!" Her voice has raised its tone this time.

I stiffened. "What?" 

How could she say that...

"Oh please. Don't tell me you didn't even fall for him in that span of week? That's way too impossible. Every woman is getting hooked to him, a rich, hot and wise young tycoon. Lorcan's definitely a catch! How stupid of you to let him go!" Yes. I guess i really am stupid.

But what can i do? That's how i love, the way of love i know. To let go because the person i love asked for it and I'm willing to give him the happiness he wants even if it doesn't count me.

"There's no love between us. I didn't fall in love with him, mom." Liar bitch! 

"What?! W-well then, if that's the case... there's still a lot of ways to fix that! Love can be taught and learned. Now, go back to his place and beg him to take you back. If you need to fall on your knees then, go---" i cut her off immediately because i just heard some ridiculous words!

"No! I would never do that! I won't stoop that low for that man or any man. If he doesn't want me as his woman then, suit himself." I remarked bitterly.

"You stubborn wench--" 

I didn't let her finish her lines and ended the call instead. Putting back my phone on the table, i ran my fingers through my hair and let out a frustrated sigh. I probably look like some problematic divorced lady.

"Was that Aunt Layla?" A blondie voluptuous girl with a pair of aquamarine eyes has come out from the kitchen.

And she's my no boyfriend since birth, party girl best friend since grade school. Sydney Hamilton, the hottie bubbly fluffy proofreader slash editor in a famous publishing house in the Central City. 

"Yup," i replied absentmindedly, popping the 'p'.

Sydney squinted her eyes and slightly pouted. She's actually holding cups of coffee as she walks towards my direction which is the center table. I set aside my phone to give her some space and also, pulled the unoccupied chair. 

This is her house after all and I'm just a visitor. Err-- if that's how she pertained to me. A broken friend staying in her humble abode rather.

"Sometimes i don't get your mom's logic," she sat on the chair while nodding her head repeatedly. She looked at my stressed face and sighed. "Well... oftentimes rather. Why don't you try explaining to them personally? I mean, you're their daughter so it's impossible for them not to consider any of your rants and understand where you're coming from! That's how family works!" She exclaimed as a matter-of-factly.

I threw her a bored look. "Unfortunately, our family was just merely blood. I know you know that ever since, Syd. It's useless to argue and explain words by words to them. Their ears and mind were severely covered." 

"Oh, right. How insensitive of me to forget that..." She chuckled awkwardly. 

I didn't make a response and just took a cup of coffee and sipped on it. I can feel her worried eyes lingering on me. I can even hear her questions through that expression of hers. Ah, my very transparent friend.

After a moment of silence, only the wall fan and our sips on each coffee can hear, she spoke up again.

"What are your plans now? I support you with your decision to let go of that good for nothing asshole ex-husband of yours but..." She paused a bit, my lips curved a smile with the way she cursed Lorcan. "But what if there's still something from him that is left in you? Something he might have a hold onto." She said, eyes were suspicious yet still has a hint of concern.

"What something are you talking about?" I asked, totally confused.

She rolled her eyes at me and stressfully brushed her hair through her fingers as if I'm the most stupid person she ever met.

"Don't you get my point? He was the man who took your innocence, Atasha! Therefore, there's a huge possibility that what happened between you two has resulted into something---" i cut her off and started shaking my head.

I clearly get what she's trying to imply. But hell, no!

"No, no, no. It's impossible, Syd..." I defensively countered but the truth is, I'm slowly feeling so nervous about this matter.

"It's too possible! You two didn't use any protection, remember? A one fucking night stand." She smirked devilishly and somehow, i can see through her eyes the accuracy in her words.

Shit then!

Frustrated, i cupped my face harshly. "We're not yet sure. I have to buy packs of pregnancy tests first..." I said firmly.

"That's my Tasha!" Syd grinned widely. Why does she look so happy while I'm in a total distress, anyway?

I just rolled my eyes at her.

Upon knowing the possibilities, i realized I can't stress myself out over things i have no control with. Thinking that there's a life slowly growing in my womb scares and thrills me at the same time. But every time I remember how unsure it is to give him or her a complete family, my heart is being twisted countless times. An innocent angel doesn't deserve complicated parents.

The other day, i woke up to do my morning routine and fulfill the goal which is to find a temporary job and apply as a secretary, janitress, staff or whatsoever. I'm still staying in Sydney's house though. As i was done with my hair and feeling satisfied with my pencil cut skirt and ruffled sleeveless white top covered in blazers, i marched downstairs only to see the empty dining and living room.

Syd was probably on her way now to her work. What a productive employee.

Taking a single slice of loaf bread, i headed out of her house and locked it before turning my heels on my Mazda. I heaved a sigh before starting the engine.

Trying to become an independent woman isn't that easy at all. But carry on, this is part of being a brave soul, yeah. Ugh. It's gonna be a long day for me. I can already feel shits all over my way.

"Atasha Lovelle Rae from Caventry St., and i would like to apply for uh... secretary or anything available here in your company." I smiled pleasantly at the staff on the front ground floor.

She took my resume and scanned all the details through her rounded black eyes behind gleaming glasses.

"Just go upstairs and click the elevator to the 13th floor, miss. You're gonna be interviewed by our boss himself." She informed me in a monotone and handed me back my resume.

I thanked her shortly and followed her instructions then. On my way to the 13th floor, i saw some women dressed in the same corporate attire as me. Slightly conscious, i stepped into the personal office of the CEO and there, in his swivel chair, a man who looked two years older than me, tall, fair and well-built has welcomed me with his charming smile.

"Another applicant? You're a goddess for someone aiming to be my secretary. Have a sit, please." He boastfully said and gestured to me.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Another sperm specimen full of guts. Great. 

Like what usually an interview works, he made me tell about myself and personal details. I just find his stares awkward and the way he laughs sounded like a maniac to me, or probably I'm just being judgmental again.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Miss Rae?" He asked afterwards.

"Is that still part of the interview though?" I cleared my throat and shook my head. "No, I don't have." But an ex-husband, yes...

"Cool! Congratulations then, you're hired!" He suddenly announced, full of enthusiasm. He stood up and i absentmindedly followed as we did handshakes.

O---kay. That fast? I haven't even gained sweat!

"Err. Thank you, Mr. Williams." I said with an awkward smile. 

"Just Seijan for you, Miss Rae." He laughed at his own suggestion. 

Oh boy. My boss is freaking weird and seemingly a duplicate of my cheesy suitors back then.

"Anyway, you can start now. Don't worry, I won't go hard on you." He winked at me before going back to his swivel.

What the hell was that?

You are supposed to put me on a work under pressure, you weirdo boss.

Well, on a second thought, i might as well use it for my own advantage. Light worker, huh. Not bad at all.

After i did my initial duties as a newly hired secretary, i decided to wander around the company. Willms Enterprise isn't that small nor big either. Unlike L.A Holdings Inc. which triples bigger than this and an arena. That's why it is considered as the top performing incorporation nationwide but let's not talk about its CEO anymore to maintain the mood. He's probably busy now typing on his laptop while having his brunette secretary on his lap.

Damn you, Amadeus!

At last, after murdering them in my mind, the elevator opened for me to step in. But i was too stunned to speak as soon as i saw who was currently going inside, too. Speaking of the devil i was trying to get rid of. 

My ex-husband gazed coldly at me, looking so intimidating in his black slacks and coat. He's darkly handsome with his slightly messed up hair though.

Wow, Atasha. After everything, you can still compliment him? You stupid neglected ex-wife!

I acted cool and composed as I entered the elevator where he's in. God. He's even alone! Where are his men? Or beloved secretary perhaps? What is he doing here? 

Don't tell me...

Oh shit! He's a freaking business partner of my boss?! Just how the world can be this small!?

"After getting divorced, you have all the rights now to get yourself a new man, huh. Finally, a freedom to flirt while on duty." Suddenly, Lorcan's deep baritone voice reached my ears. 

Fists clenched, i turned to him with death glares. How dare him!

"Don't accuse me of something you usually do, Sir." I emphasized sardonically. His eyes widened a bit but it was short-lived.

"How i loathe that sharp tongue of yours. So, you're not denying it? You're really planning to get along with another man now?" He began stepping closer, i automatically stepped back. His eyes were icy, deep seeping through my system. 

"And what is it to you?! We're already divorced, right? You have no more hold on me and i'm not yours anymore! So, please--" i was about to push him but he even got closer than ever!

His body almost pressed into mine, he leaned closely. Oh God. What is his problem?!

"Uh-huh? And what if i change my mind? What if i steal you from your potential lover, miss? You're mine to begin with, anyway." My eyes widened, he breathed on my neck. And that's when i lost it all.

The elevator clicked as it opened. He was smirking darkly and moved away from me, stepping himself out, leaving me dumbfounded.