Chapter Four

I still can't believe that I'm now entering motherhood. I'm no longer alone in this body because there's a life growing inside my tummy. 

Luckily today, Willms Enterprise approved the requests for leave from the employees. Mr. Williams sometimes can be amazing, huh. But it's perfect timing for me since i already set my appointment with an obstetrician today and this morning, I'm wearing my mid length brown skirt, white top beneath my beige cardigan, putting my foot into the one inch stilettos i picked on the shoerack.

Surveying myself through the standing mirror, i can finally say I'm all ready to go! And Sydney's with me, by the way.

"Let's go, hot momma!" She grinned as she saw me walking downstairs.

She looks sexily fluffy in her belted Gucci sleeved dress and Gucci sandals. I giggled and followed her to her Ford Everest. Yup, we're gonna use her car today. The ever supportive friend of mine even filed a one-day leave on her work to accompany me. Look at how sweet she is. Her future lover is definitely one hell of a luckiest man on earth.

"Good morning, ladies! I suppose you're Ms. Atasha Rae?" A woman in a lab coat welcomed us with her all-teeth smile. 

I glanced at Sydney before nodding to the woman. "Uh, yeah."

"Cool. I'm Dr. Lacey Evans. Come inside, come!" She enthusiastically invited us to her clinic. 

She even toured us first around before we went into the main room. She made me lay down on the bed, there's a medium size screen on the upper side, i guess that's what they called an ultrasound machine. 

She positioned herself on my side while holding a small device. I think i've already seen that thing before and if i can remember it clearly, it is a transducer. Meanwhile, Sydney sat comfortably on the couch on the left side. She gave me a thumbs up, it successfully made me smile as i nodded at her. 

"Breath normally, mommy Atasha. Try to relax yourself. Now, let me hear the baby..." She started putting the transducer on my tummy.

I don't know what to feel, my emotions were rumbling in my system. Nervousness is among them but above all is excitement and thrill. I mean, who wouldn't be excited to see the image of her child, right? I think that's the most priceless moment in a woman's life. 

"You're one week pregnant, Ms. Atasha Rae. Congratulations! Look at your angel here..." Dr. Lacey was smiling as she moved herself to make me see the screen behind her.

And there... I can clearly see my baby, its little form. Oh, my baby... How wonderful. My eyes watered in so much joy. My heart feels so full. I feel so overwhelmed. I think all the nervousness i have been feeling since yesterday was totally replaced and now, I can't take off my eyes from the screen anymore. 

"Oh my gee! This is so fetch..." Sydney went to me to take a closer look at the screen. Her eyes were glistening with slight tears. I can tell that she's so happy for me. 

"Remember to always keep calm and avoid stressing yourself out, okay? The baby is still vulnerable in these early weeks so better take everything easy." Dr. Lacey reminded me after a while.

"Noted, Doc!" Sydney answered for me which made us smile. She's like the second mother here. So cute.

"Uhm, Dr. Lacey... Is it okay for the baby if i work? Like you know i can't just resign since i just got hired recently..." I inquired. 

"Hmm, of course you still can, Ms. Rae. Just don't overwork yourself that might cause complications. A light task will do, alright?" She clarified. I blinked and with an understanding smile, i nodded.

After thanking and paying her, she gave me the printed image of the ultrasound. As if a fragile crystal, i held it so lightly with my trembling hands. Tears were pooling in the corner of my eyes again. Sydney was half-hugging me as she peeked at the picture, too.

"It looks incredible, Tash. You're gonna be an amazing mom..." She murmured heartily.

"I'll try my best to become one..." I uttered, caressing the picture, my heart swelling in happiness. 

I burst into tears unknowingly. She chuckled and pulled me for a hug, i sobbed in her chest. Gosh, i feel so dramatic. Probably because of pregnancy hormones. I'm becoming an emotional preggy now but then again, i can endure everything just by having my little one in me.

I was just wondering why Dr. Lacey never talked about the father of the baby because that was one of my expectations, for her to ask about it but instead i heard nothing. Guess i'll just have to consider it a good thing then. I don't want to talk about Lorcan either anyway. 

"For the coming weeks, you might finally have a baby bump, knowing that you're hiding it from your ex-husband..." Sydney pointed out, or more like reminding me as soon as we entered her Ford. 

"I know, and I'm determined to keep it that way," i sighed heavily. She glanced a bit at me. "But I also want to hide it from my family..." I said in a sure tone while slightly caressing the picture of the ultrasound.

"What? Why? Don't get me wrong, my support is always with you, Tash. But don't you want to see them being happy because they will finally have a grandchild from their daughter?" She tilted her head, eyes remained on the road.

I hope it's easy as it is said.

"It will never happen, Syd. Trust me. They might as well use the baby against me, against Lorcan, to make him take me back again even if it is against his will. I know what Dad can do, he's worse than mom. Whenever it's about our company, he's the most cunning man i ever knew." I said, bitterness lingering in my every word.

So, there's no way that i will tell them about my pregnancy. I love my family but i hate them more for being so indifferently greedy, power-sucking ones and it's an enough reason for me to not give them the trust.

"Let's go to the mall!" Sydney suddenly exclaimed, she was even giggling about her own idea.

"Huh? Why?" Is there something she needs to buy though?

"Duh. Baby things! We're gonna shop for your baby's things!" She said in a sing-song tone.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "But, Syd. It's still early for that! We don't know the gender yet. We still need to wait for about 14 weeks..." I said as a matter of fact.

"It's better to be advanced, dear! Don't worry about the penny, i got you." She glanced at me to give me a sideward wink.

Instead of complaining more, i just let her do whatever she wants. Seems like someone's really ecstatic about my maternity. How i wish my family could be like that, too. And in my sweetest dreams, i could see the smiles on Lorcan's lips while touching my tummy, whispering gentle words as if the baby could hear him. 

It was a mere scene that's part of my wishful thinking. Because in this reality, he's far beyond that. He was never sweet, and he will always be unreachable to me... to our baby.

Sydney clicked her car keys the moment she stepped out of her car after me. I clung to her arm as we headed to the mall, grinning from ear to ear. People go round and round, it's not a very busy day today, huh. Thankfully, the end of the week is coming! Ugh, i can't wait anymore. This week had been tough for all of us.

"There's the baby's stuffs!" Syd excitedly pulled me to the area she pointed out and i let her.

It's enormous inside, lots of shoppers pass by and by and I'm kinda upset that some of them might recognize me. I mean, my family isn't that popular in this city but still, I can't depend on that thought to stay calm knowing that there are few who know the Raes and worst, some of them were also the invited guests at the wedding in the courthouse before!

"Tash, look! This sky blue blanket is so boyish! If the baby is a boy, this is perfect for him!" Sydney shrugged off my intrusive thoughts.

I looked at the item. "Hmm, okay. Let's buy this. But what if it's a girl?" I asked eventually.

"Jeez. Then, let's buy a pink one! Easy-peasy." She was grinning towards the blanket shelves.

Ooh, baby. Look, you have a generous godmother here. 

I giggled at my inner thoughts. 

After the blankets, we went to the cribs and toys area. My heart swelled in glee while looking at these cute stuffs in front of us. I can literally feel the surrealism of being a mother. It still feels like a dream but now I'm living in it. Indeed, a beautiful blessing i would wholeheartedly embrace.

"We're so ready for you, baby!" Syd raised up the shopping bags of the toys and other baby essentials as we headed out of the last shop.

It made me smile, I'm holding the crib by the way. Indeed, we're so ready for it because we almost bought everything, like a complete package. Feeling satisfied, we walked through the 2nd floor of the mall and decided to wander around since we still have time. It's also been a long time since we went shopping like this, you know busy besties. Sydney who was a workaholic and me on the other hand, who was busy trying to be a good wife. 

But still ends up getting divorced. 

Heck, nevermind about it. Let's not ruin the mood.

"The hell!" Suddenly, i halted and pushed Sydney for us to hide through the glass wall of a certain boutique.

"Hey, what's the matter?" She looked at me, bewildered.

I can see my frightened expression through my reflection on her eyes. My heartbeat is racing so fast due to the adrenaline rush.

"My brother is here! I saw him, he's just meters away from us!" I said in a horrified voice.

Her eyes widened as she looked in the direction ahead of us. I immediately pulled back her hair because we'll get caught if she keeps doing that! Silly Sydney!

"Oh, Kaden? What is he doing here anyway?" She looks so confused. Well, me too!

We both know my brother isn't fond of going to this kind of place, especially in public ones! And to add up to my panic, he has his men around him. They are all bulky, wearing all black suits and shades. Kaden Rae is really here and come to think of it, it's like he's searching for something... or someone.

I gestured to Syd to keep quiet and carefully, i peeked at my brother's direction and his puppets. He looks intimidatingly scary in his emotionless face as he fishes out his phone from his slacks' pocket.

"Hello, mom? Some of my men reported to me that she's here with her friend... Yeah, i'll work on that. We're gonna search the whole area then... Alright." 

"Oh, fudge." I can only utter.

He's not up for something to buy. He's actually seeking for me. They are after me. How could it slip from my mind? They can even do things worse than this if they needed and wanted to.

Thanks to my lip reading skills and sharp hearing, it all sank into me. I clenched my fists and faced Sydney again. She looks so eager to know what's happening. 

I can't believe this! Dang. They can't really give everything up, can they? They just can't let me live peacefully without gaining something in return. 

"Tash, is this a coincidence?" Syd asked in a bothered tone.

I firmly shook my head. 

"Definitely not. Our parents sent him here to make me go back home." A home that never feels like it is.