1. Trip To Past

Marriages should be banned.

That's the only thought which flows through my mind whenever my parents look for a boy. I was a fish put on the market with others settling a price on me. My eyes maundered the area of my garden. Green coating the ground, bushes making the border and in the center a bamboo set of chairs and table placed.  The sky was clear with no sign of clouds in them. No sign of wind was felt by my bare arms to rise a tingling effect on it.

Someone cleared their throat from my side. I rolled my eyes and faced him with a fake smile which means I was seconds away from killing him. His eyes were black, hair made up with button up shirt and jeans. The anxiety was clear in his voice but in me, I was paranoid to no extent.

"What are your interests?" He asked while rubbing his hands on the jeans cloth. He was nervous, but there was a thing known as manners.

Right now, killing you with my hockey stick.

Platting my hands on my frock suit, I replied, "Partying, shopping, smoking, drinking and you know usual." The things which most of the Delhi knew. I was a party going girl and nothing could make me stay in my place.

He stirred awkwardly in his seat. Good for him. I wasn't an object to be presented to you.

"I think we should go now." Because the more time I spend here, the more annoyed I was getting.

"What about me?" He asked in astonishment.

I bobbed my head in confusion, then remembered what he was asking. "No need. I know enough about you. Going in girls hostel, getting hit by their warden, stealing booze from low cheap shops, and not to forget ogling girls in free time."

As soon as I was finished, he was flushed. I didn't give any chance of reply when I went inside to join my parents and his. My eyes zeroed on his mother, who was eating like she owns this house, and my dad was offering her more to eat. Mom was sitting beside dad talking to his sister.

My older brother, Rakshit, was talking with his wife, Megna. All were sitting in a circle around the living room table, talking and avoiding I was standing behind them. The living room was big with sofas in the middle and a staircase going in the middle which split up in the first floor. The chandelier was swinging on the roof, providing a golden yellow light to the guest sitting in the room.

Maids putting food on the table and people eating and talking.

Here they were setting up my price.

I cleared my throat to let them snap their direction to my face and the boy whose name I didn't care to remember anymore. Dad's eyes met mine and he asked only one question, "Do you like Tushar?"

Oh, that was his name.

Ishika should have messaged his name also when she messaged all about him. I saw her standing next to my brother and seeing him with her awe eyes. She had a crush on him, but what she didn't see that he was married with ten years old kid.

Stupid crush.

They always make you mad, like mine in school which I couldn't forget to this date of my life.

"Yes, I do." A happy smile cracked on everyone's face. From the corner of my eye, I saw Tushant was also happy on my decision. The plannings of the Rokha started buzzing in the room. I swiped my head here and there where Ishika was giving me a wide-eyed look, meaning what about my dream of fashion designing and I hated arrange marriages.

Yes, I do hate them.

They display girls like they were some object to be sold off. I hated this thing of showing girls to the boys.

"But-" My voice echoed in the room. "Tanish family will not get a single penny or gifts as you put from our side. Then only I will marry him."

That was the time for quietness in the room. Mom and dad gave me a stern look, exhorting me to behave myself. I was just preserving their money to be lost to a bunch of these greedy people. I fiddled with the bracelet which was on my right wrist while they were gawking at me, but his mom and dad were talking in hush voices. Tanish remained silent, and let them talk.

"My name is Tushar." He corrected me in a hushed voice.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever." Who cares what your name was when I wasn't going to memorize it anymore.

My phone beeped, and I saw the message from Mehak.

Where are you? Forget about internship?

I hadn't forgotten anything. Today was the day, I would join Mochlin Fashion studio, one of the famous studio was known for its stylish clothes all over India. They had opened two vacancies for new forming designers in this summer.  I applied and luckily got selected. The day I got the letter of acceptance was the best day of my life.

But since I was in last year of my college, my parents think it was the time for me to get married.

Hello, where did my ambition go from here?

I wasn't against marriages, but I wanted to make a name for myself and fulfill what I had desired from my childhood. To become the famous fashion designer of India and show my clothing line to the country. No boy could enter my life and snatch my dream from me.

I messaged back.

Will be there soon.

"Any questions?" I asked them.

His dad rose from his seat. "We'll tell our decisions by tomorrow." I nodded my head back and went back to my room. This heavy dress was getting on my nerves.

Trudging towards the closet, I brought out a denim and a top. Quickly, getting out of the dress, I pulled my clothes in, not the one which my parents made me wear. One more thing to be set up. I should look like a traditional girl. Not the girl which I was in real.

Approaching the dresser, I removed the makeup of the dress and applied the one matching to my dress. I saw my figure last time in the mirror. I looked perfect, no sign of imperfection was on my face. My room was always tidy, I hated when things were out of place. When I was ready, I snatched the car keys from the dressing stand and went downstairs to meet my parents.

Dad was fuming in anger while mom was trying to control his anger. Rakshit was sitting on opposite sofa seat with his hand clutched to his forehead.

This was the fifth boy I rejected.

I tried to sneak out of their trance of voices but not in my luck. Dad stern voice stopped me in my tracks. Here comes the showdown on why I behaved like this, why couldn't I just be a good girl and act like they wish for me to do.

"Where you think you're going, Sanchi?"

Turning around, I saw dad's eyes were on me with anger hidden behind it.

"To fashion studio." His eyes went sterner on my answer. They weren't against my dreams, but they were thinking if I didn't get married now, then I would never get married because of the rumors.

But not once, they asked me if they were true or not.

For everyone, I was a girl who parties hard, change her boyfriends every month, smoke, drink and was easy to be slept with. I was a type of easy to get girl.

"What explanation you've for no money thing?" Tons which you wouldn't be able to hear from my tongue.

"You were giving dowry to someone for marrying me!" And that hurt a lot.

Why couldn't you see how by giving money, you were making me lose my respect too?

"That is known as gifts which are given to bride's new family."

I snorted on the name of gifts. "Giving a new name to dowry won't change anything. You were selling your daughter."

He sat down in defeat, and saw with those eyes which I was familiar with. I just let him down in front of some strangers, but it wasn't my mistake. I wasn't just made for some marriage, getting tied down and be a housewife. I had some ambitions in my life and nothing could stop it, not even my own family.

"How I was selling you?" He waved his hands in the air, which he always do when he was tired of me. I was too tired of all these seeing things, but not once you asked me.

"By giving them money, as you put it gifts. I'm not any object." I said nothing more and left the living room. Going in the garage,  I sat in my car and started driving it at high speed. My anger was transforming with the high speed of the car.

Marriage.

Gifts.

Dowry.

Arrange.

Selling.

All those things were blowing one by one. Tears settled on my eyes when the words of dad came back to me.

You're that type of girl whose marriage will be tough.

I swirled my car in a rash movement. My breathing was becoming labor. In the end, I screamed loudly in my car with my chest huffing in and out. Opening the phone, I saw F* post of the person who was always in my mind even after 3 years. I always like tormenting myself with hurt.

Kabir Oberoi.

I hated this guy to nothing. Why play with me when you never felt anything towards me in the first place? Why kissed me in front of that girl who meant so much to you? Why came back to my house to apologize for your actions? Why showed me that smile which made up my day for a month? Why did you do everything?

He was standing next to her girlfriend, Alina with a goofy smile on both of their faces but one thing never left from their eyes, love which I hated to nothing. I put my phone on the next seat and took some breaths to calm my anger, but it was futile.

I no longer had a crush on him but hated him for all the things. I changed myself for him, tried to appear perfect, went to every party where he went and gave him my first kiss.

Such an idiotic girl he had turned me into.

***

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door of the car and saw the building with a grin on my own face. The building was huge, with dark glass panes covering the outer layer which shined when light fall on it.

Here comes my dream.

Walking on the pavement, I gave my id to the watchmen and he allowed me in. As soon as I entered in, my eyes were widened in surprise but a feeling of happiness was too going in my stomach making it harder to control my excitement any longer.

Big posters of models were glued on the walls, people walking here and there in hurry  with  papers in their hands, marble floor covered the ground. Walking in awe, I reached the reception.

A girl in her thirties was typing on the laptop. Her hair was black with a darker tone skin. I coughed for the attention and her head snapped up in surprise. She gave me a warm smile and stopped typing. She had tight pulled up cheekbones, her hair was in a bun, and a button nose. Her lips were thin which had light lipstick on it.

"I'm Sanchi Talwar, new intern for designing," I spoke up. She seemed confused and then something clicked in her head. She again went to the computer, typed something on it and faced me again.

"Can I have your id?" I passed my id to her, and she checked it. "You'll find the designing corner on the first floor, there you will meet Rajini Malhotra." My eyes widened in surprise again.

Rajini Malhotra was the owner of the brand Mochlin, the building in which I was standing. She was leading fashion designer of India.

I nodded and took my id back from her. I avoided the elevator and took the stairs to go upstairs.

Jogging up, I saw the designing corner, my new home for a year. A long table was placed in the middle, with papers, clothes, pencils sprawled over the surface, mannequins were on the corners of the room, bean bags were here and there. Light bulbs were hanging on the roof. White and black color was the only thing which covered the walls and floor of the studio. Mirror covering one full wall. People discussing the planes of the things.

I had been dreaming for this from my childhood and I saw I was closer to my dreams. My eyes went to my feet. I could do it. I would prove that I could do something to my parents and that I was not just made for marriage and that my party life wasn't bad.

Maundering my eyes, I searched for Miss. Malhotra and saw she was on one of the tables, talking to someone while her eyes were on the paper. I wore a smile and went to her direction.

Always show confidence, be perfect, show you're no less.

"I think the ruffles will make it better." She said to one of her employers. I saw the design and a frown appear on my face. The ruffles weren't needed. It was fine with the way it looked.

"But ruffles will make it heavier." I clamped my mouth shut. Who speak those words to their boss on the very first day?

Every eye on that table set upon me, watching me with hawk eyes. I loved when people stared at me, it felt like I was some important to be paid attention to it and I wasn't ignored by anyone. But this moment didn't feel like any of these. I wanted their eyes off my face and back to the design.

"How that would make it heavier?" Her question was serious like she wanted the answer in this moment. I knew her and how she never handled any jokes in the place of her work. She always wanted perfection in every one of her things. She was my idol on perfection.

Perfection was what matters.

People who weren't perfect never got any place in the worlds, other people always put them away. That was my mantra of life.

Clearing my throat,  I spoke up, "It already has heavy work on it and ruffles will make it heavier. The girl needs to handle the dress with elegance and with the heavy work, either she will be elegant or fall down on her knees."

After my answer, everyone saw me with hawking eyes again. She peered the dress again and nodded back.

"Right." She mumbled slowly in her voice. "Everyone back to work." She gave me a smile and approached me.

Her arms opened and she hugged me. Her long arms circled around my waist. Breaking away from the hug, she smiled at me.

Her ombre hair was the same as always because she hated her natural black color. Her dark eyes showed work and experience. She could be a model if she had desired but she only wanted to be a fashion designer.

"Such a long time, Sanchi. I haven't seen you much in the home." Because coming back wasn't any option anymore. Everything that related me to him had been broken since that day only.

I pulled on a fake smile and gave out an excuse, "Busy with studies."

She nodded back and motioned me to follow her. Some people went to my side, some stared at my back, wondering who was I to get the attention of her and some were busy with their work, which was better. I never hated stares then this right moment. Following her, we reached her office. The door of the office was made of glass, in the center was a table with glass surface and a  leather chair within them. Back of the wall had the covers of famous magazine.

Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Stardust, Elle now and so more.

"I was shocked when I saw your form." Her statement brought me out to present. She sat on the leather seat and I sat on the opposite chair. "Impressive portfolio you've got."

I thanked her, and my eyes went to the picture laying on the table and something happened in my heart. It had been such a long time since I talked to him, been with him, did something free and be me, not some perfect girl.

Fun was what always remained in our life forever. The carefree smiles, teasing each other and been whenever one fall down. We were children but the bond was strong to never be broken. But I guess, things change and people too.

Time and situation change everyone and in the change I too changed but the price was so heavy.

I diverted my eyes quickly. Staring at it would only bring bad memories. He was gone and that was the truth. He hated me. Hated me for what I had become and how I hurt him every single day.

She checked the time, "'Where is the other intern?" She mumbled slowly in her breath.

"How's everything going in home?"

"Fine."

"I heard your parents are looking for your marriage." Again, that word. Why didn't this leave me? I wasn't interested in getting married.

I said nothing but just nodded my head back. They were trying to sell me, not to marry me. I was a party going girl, had a number of boyfriends, came home late, did some smoke and girl like me only get married if we gave some gifts to the boy. Because my respect was gone according to them.

"You and the second intern will work under Piyush. He will assign you projects, make sure you be in everything and take you in any important photo shoot and fashion show." She informed about the details.

Piyush would be my mentor for a year and a new project was starting in which I and the new intern had to work together and show it by the end of three months. Before she could say anything more, the door opened and I heard the voice which I had always tried to avoid in school even when I was with Kabir, I always avoided him.

"Sorry ma, got late. Traffic." I didn't dare to turn around. Ms. Malhotra eyes went to the back and she smiled her motherly smile which I had seen from my childhood. Her heart always melted on the site of her son.

She stood up from the seat and went to my back to greet his son. In a minute, he was sitting beside me with my eyes trained on the table, and hands clenched at my sides. He couldn't see me because of the curtain I had formed by my hair.

"Meet the second intern, Dhruv." My eyes widened in shock. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't work with him anymore. But I wouldn't let one single person and our bad relationship to spoil my dream, no one had that right.

"Hey." He said from the side. I gathered the courage.

Sanchi, it was in past.

Forget it.

Forming a new smile, I snapped my head to his side. It took a second for him to see it was me. He looked the same like before. Black curly hair which I used to love, light brown eyes which always smile at me and brown skin which people made fun of because he wasn't fair, but to him it never mattered. He was always happy with his imperfections.

His eyes widened on seeing it was me sitting beside me.

"Bear." He whispered the name and literally, I felt something in my heart. It was the name he used to call me. It had been three years since we both saw each other, six years since we both talked to each other. The last time he talked was when he found me crying because of Kabir.

"Hey, I'm Sanchi." I forwarded my hand for a shake.

He recovered from his shock, and his eyes went to normal cold look for me which I had grown used to.

"I knew it already." He turned away his head to his mother.

Dhruv Malhotra, son of Rajini Malhotra.

"Since you both know about each other from childhood. Best friends-"

Dhruv cut his mother off, "Ma, I don't know her."

Her mother skidded her eyes between us and she sighed. This had been going from past six years. He always says he didn't know me like our friendship was nothing in first place. Maybe he was right, I too didn't know him anymore.

We were strangers, not best friends.

"Okay, I have told Sanchi everything, she will tell you." Her phone rang, and she picked it up and put it down soon. "I've to go. You'll find Piyush in the next office."

She stood up from the side and went outside of the office as fast she could. She must have sensed the awkward air lingering on the top of us like clouds. The sky was clear outside but inside I was becoming nervous and heavy clouds were forming in me. Such a long time but still I needed my best friend back.

We sat for some uncomfortable minutes when I decided to pop up the silence bubble, "You know me, Dhruv. I was your best friend."

I hated on how he always denied our friendship.

He chuckled deeply, "My best friend is dead." He stood up from his seat and went away of the office like he couldn't handle being near me anymore.

Dead.

I was dead to him. He was right.

Sanchi Talwar from his childhood was dead.

I killed her.