2. Words as Bullets

Hell with his ego and attitude of dismissing our friendship.

I had enough of people showing me what I meant to them, how much of a bitch I was to them and what I should be doing with them. If our friendship meant nothing to him, then why I was seizing on the truth of the past and punishing myself with his moronic attitude. If I wasn't anything to him, then why to hurt myself over the thing.

Pulling myself up from the chair, I fled from the office and maundered my eyes to search for Piyush office which I had been instructed to go in. After some labor and wandering, with no trace in my mind, I was standing in front of his office.

I knocked on the glass door, which wasn't required because I could see everything going inside the room. I heard a small come in and entered in. The room was same as of Rajini Malhotra office, more like a replica of it.

Piyush was talking with Dhruv with a smile on his face, which Dhruv was mirroring as well. So, the cold attitude was just for me. I felt disturbed on perceiving it, and also with the fact that no matter what happen, this boy still has an influence on me which he used to have before. No matter how much I tried to ignore him, he knew which button to push.

I cleared my throat and their eyes locked towards my direction.

Finally, I got the awareness of Queens of gossip.

"Another intern, Sanchi?" I nodded my head to Piyush question. His dark brown hair was in spikes, black button up shirt with jeans were the clothes he chose to wear.

"Ah." His eyes swept from me to Dhruv. "Nice. Girl and boy, don't try to involve yourself in anything I have no desire to see. I like my work. . . " He thought of a better word, "Amicable, you could say." He walked swiftly back to his chair, ignoring the scowl on Dhruv's face and wide-eyed look of mine. He had no idea of what he was speaking. That's what I said to my brain.

He tilted back in his chair and hoisted his eyes up to see us with a blank face looked. His fingers snapped and my face came back to presence, not crawling on the comment he just made.

"If you both want to stand, then make yourself comfortable there only. The chairs will be occupied by my designs." I'd no idea why everyone liked to make a sarcastic comment. Sometimes I too make it, but this situation didn't feel like any of this. Quickly, I sat on one chair whilst the other was occupied by him. Just him.

I wasn't going to talk to him.

My eyes were on the glass table where some of the papers with designs on them were laid. One thing was different about this office. It wasn't tidy, but what could you expect from a boy, but I needed it tidy. The way papers were going over and another was such a mess of things and distracting from all the things I was feeling.

Hodgepodge of feelings was what I felt.

"I don't have a whole day to waste." His voice wasn't matching with the statement. "Long assignment in short, we've a fashion show in next four months, the theme is trend of the 80's. Need to refresh our minds with ancestors. Make a portfolio with the designs." His eyes slid from me to Dhruv. "I'm not giving you whole because that would be a disaster. You both are still in college. Immature." I bit my tongue to say last year of college. "You both will get two models, make clothes for them, accessories and everything - you know the deal. Give it to me by the end of this month. You've to do it together."

Okay, let me process what he just said. I and Dhruv had to work on a project and together. Not a problem. It's my daily routine to meet my old friend, talk to him, had him say I was dead to him and then do some new project with him. Not new at all, my foot.

Both our face swiped to face each other with a glare on our faces.

"We won't do it together." We said in unison.

Because being with him, seeing his cold face, cold eyes was like giving him a chance to damage me in back. Our position was rearranged. I didn't hurt him, but he did. He could do it and that was shown early only.

It could have been shunned if I had listened to him, not the words of others. But what had to do, was done. I wasn't a girl who he befriended in kindergarten, I wasn't a girl with whom he played, talked with, made fun with, cried with and nothing.

I was just a girl he had no idea.

I wish I could go back to time and make him understand my position, but it was late. And the fault wasn't entirely mine.

I changed and he left.

What friendship had he felt for me?

That thought made me angry and furious. If he cared about me, he would have stayed, not ran away seeing me change. He should have understood me, not hated me in return. It only proved that he never cared about me, he left me with saying one thing which always hurt me till now.

One sentence but held the power same. Words were bullets, and every single word had an accurate aim to my heart.

I wish I wouldn't have met you. Our friendship was a disaster. I hate you.

Fifteen words, fifteen bullets to my heart and I endured because I wasn't taken to hospital, no blood evolved out of the wound but then why it was hurting me? Why was the wound cracking again now? I had healed it with other friends of mine. I had sewed it back with my nature. It had no right to open again and bite me.

"Oh, I didn't know I will ask you guys about it." Piyush voice brought me back to reality. He knelt closer on the table with his finger drumming on the glass. "Should I change something in my office, my clothes or anything which you both like?"

"How about your spikes? It feels like you got an electric shock." It wasn't me but Dhruv. One thing about him didn't change. His humor.

Piyush eyes tightened. "Anything else, Mr. Malhotra?"

"No need. I will think about it later. But don't worry, I will email the list. Just give me your email." Dhruv took out his phone, to type the email in it. I consumed the chuckle. Piyush face reddened on Dhruv's remark. He should have known about his nature before meddling his business in. Dhruv never stayed quiet, he had a habit of replying even if the question was supposed to be sarcastic.

Piyush leaned back. "Anything you want, Ms. Talwar?"

I saw the blunder of pages on his table. "Cleaning the-"

Before I could complete, he cut me off. "Shut up you both. You're my interns and I'm your mentor. You work under me, I don't work under you. You'll work together as a team. Sort whatever thing you both have. Don't do this hate-love thing in front of me." We both didn't dare to answer his statement, because before we could he rose from his chair and gave us a look of arguing back.

He smiled, when we both didn't reply. "You both learn fast. You both can go for today, enjoy your time as the first day. Come tomorrow, start work. Need any help, I'm there for you."

I waited for him to stay anything but he didn't reply. "I said go, shoo away. I've work to do." He waved his fingers in the direction of the door.

I got up from my chair, and Dhruv mimicked my steps. I went out of the room and bent against the wall adjacent to the door. The first day, first assignment and I had to work with a devil itself. Sucking a deep breath, I made my mind ready to work with him.

If working with him was a way to achieve what I desire and show my parents I could do anything, then let it be.

I was ready to face him.

Taking one more deep breath, I made myself walk with my chin held high and ideas ready to form for 80's theme. I need a backup with watching the movies which I always avoided. I never liked watching those movies, and now they were shoved up in my face to see and make designs with.

Piyush said we both had 2 models. How about he worked on and I worked on another. It was a way by which we both could avoid each other presence. But I need to behave professionally. I would finish my college soon. It was my last year. One rule of work was to never let your professional and personal life heckle with each other.

This sounds like a difficult thing to follow now.

The sky was a mixture of yellow, orange and red color, marking the falling off early evening because of the winter. I should have taken a coat with me before going out of the house.

I had no idea when I reached downstairs, and going to my car but I saw a figure standing outside my car. He was talking on the phone. Avoiding the coiling expanding in my stomach, I approached him. We were going to talk. It was our habit whenever we disagree on something, he would wait for me anywhere, fake a call on his phone to duck away from eyes of others to not look like a fool. His eyes fell on me which wasn't a much tough task to follow.

I was 5'7 while he was near 6'1 or something. He ended the call and faced me. Folds still formed in his eyebrows like before when he was thinking something deeply. As a child, I would swipe my fingers and straighten them. It was such an innocent act. But now it wasn't innocent at all.

"How are you, Sanchi?" His lips formed in a sinister smirk.

My face was half confused, half intrigued in his question. Dhruv was never interested on knowing me before. Even when I was with his best friend, he would ignore my presence and behave like he never knew me in a first place.

"What you want, Dhruv?" I wasn't in the mood of any joke with him.

He would never behave this sweetly without asking anything in return. His smirk left his face and a cold look came back.

"Leave this job."

"Why?"

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Girl without brains."

I scowled deeply. Who did he think of himself? I wasn't some highly intelligent girl, barely passed my exams, my parents always had a paranoid look on my marks, but I was convinced. Seriously, who was going to remember my marks? Because I myself, didn't remember much about my marks, so why others would?

"You're saying like you've grabbed some Einstein prize for your intelligence." But no matter what, no one had a right to say anything about my marks to me. I was defensive about them a lot and somehow it angered me when some made that comment.

Snorting, he shoved his hands in his jean pocket. "At least, I've some brains unlike you. Did you get some pimples or something because the only thing I see is powder on your face." I fist my hands at my sides, he didn't know anything. If I remove my makeup, people would see the truth. Makeup had become my armor to face the world with confidence.

Sanchi, don't let him break you.

"I should be flattered you see me," I retorted back.

"Sanchi, Sanchi." There was no warmness left in the fashion he said my name. "Haven't you got enough boys trailing you like a lost dog, that you're looking for some more?"

"Not my mistake if they find me beautiful."

"Or more like a dumb girl who is ready for anything." His words stung badly. Why couldn't he see how much his words were hurting me to an extent to which I had no idea how to take? And why I was standing here and listening to me? "Is it true that your parents are looking to marry you or more like free them from you? What did you do, Sanchi? Whose life you made miserable again? Whose boyfriend you stole again?"

I was always the girl who stole others boyfriend or a girl to make other girls jealous but not the one who could be a permanent girl for anyone's life.

Miserable, I made many lives miserable in my first year of college. Became bitchy, made others down because of their status, think me as of a damn rich and beautiful girl but one thing and everything crumbled down.

My teasing, or more like ragging someone cost me something which I didn't want to remember.

"What about you, Dhruv? Still like that Alina girl? What your best friend will think when he learns that you used to like his girlfriend?" I shut my mouth down when I saw a jaw clenching. "Oops, hit a nerve?" I wasn't going to give him a chance of hurting me alone. He needed to get a spice too.

"I don't like her." He was defensive like always.

"I said used to. Your first crush. They say you never forget your first crush."

"You're the same bitch you were before. I thought you changed, but people like you never change. Glad that you aren't my best friend." He sneered, pure hatred on his face.

I replayed the word he just said to me. "Mutual feeling." But it was a lie. I wanted him back. I needed my best friend back. My old best friend back not the one who was standing in front of me, who wasn't seeing how his words were affecting me. He too believed the rumors. This wasn't the Dhruv which I knew. He was someone else, copying my his actions.

His eyes clouded with rage.

"Leave the job."

"No."

"I don't want to work with you but I know you want."

"Don't give yourself such a title. I'm not even interested. It's just a year. I'm too bearing you."

"Bearing me? I'm the one who is bearing you. Being with you is like a nightmare come true."

I sweetly smiled back. "Sorry, I couldn't be your perfect girlfriend." He hated the word perfection to no end.

"You can never be a girlfriend of anyone only." I needed him out of my view before I do something I desired. "You're a headache to be taken care of."

I knew what his sentence really meant.

"You're such an asshole." My eyes sting at the back of my head. "I hate you."

"You know I could say hate is such a strong word which I should be saying, not you." He would never forget what I really did to him, how I made fun of my own best friend because I wanted to be popular in school and how much he hated me in back.

Before I could say anything, I heard a voice from behind me. Turning around, I saw a girl nearly one-year-old crying and in the hands of the girl which I always hated to see. It was such an expecting day of events. I knew why she was here.

She came forward with a smile on her face. As soon she saw me, her smile started to wilt but she maintained in. I had an idea of the fading too. Nobody likes to be in the present of your boyfriend ex-girlfriend. She gave me a polite smile but then whirled her head to Dhruv's direction.

"How was your day?" She asked him.

His eyes met mine before he turned to her with a grin on his face. "Peachy. Met with a devil."

Alina raised her eyebrow at him. "Who can be more devil than you?"

"What are you doing here?" He asked her but my eyes went to the small girl in her arms. She had small brown eyes, black hair, and a button nose. Her skin was fair with red cheeks. I wanted to touch her because she was a cute child.

"Ria wanted a ride of New Delhi, so giving her." Her eyes went to the girl. Alina eyes then skidded to mine. "How are you, Sanchi?"

"Fine," I replied back with a smile which I wasn't tasting from inside. How she always smile without having no worry of the world? I wish I could be that free of the world and smile always.

She nodded back, awkward standing near me. Same here.

I should leave them but before I could do, again something stopped me.

"Did she trouble you? You don't have to care about her always. I was coming to your house only."

"I know. I know but she is cute." Alina gave eyes went to the girl as she cooed her, "Dhruv, I'm in love with your daughter."

My mouth was wide open. That revealed the brown eyes like his father. That girl was the daughter of Dhruv. My eyes went to his which were gazing adoringly at Ria. But nobody told me about him getting married or anything. I never heard any news. I knew he left his house and started living in an apartment but him being married and having a daughter wasn't known to me at all.

"Because her genes came from her dad." He took Ria from Alina's arm.

Nausea kicked my body. I wasn't used to seeing this. Something happened in my heart with a jumping thing of clenching. I should be happy knowing my best friend was settled but the feeling wasn't coming.

I felt like I lost something, but how could I lose something when I never got him in a first place?

"Sanchi, you okay?" I nodded back.

"I should go." Leaving them, I sat in my car. From the side mirror, I saw Dhruv eyes on my car but soon when Ria started crying, his eyes went to her and forgot about me like always. I wanted to say something, just anything to know how he got married, how he found the one which he always dreamed about, how that one girl made him so happy but remained quiet and drove away from the parking lot.

So many things had been changed.

But one thing didn't change till now.

My need to have my best friend back.

I knocked on my dad's door because he wanted to see me. I heard a small come in. Going in, I saw him in his study with a book in his hand and a frown on his face.

"Dad?" I called him and his eyes went up to see me. He was sitting in his chair with an hourglass going down with the sand. Time was slipping away and away.

"How was your first day?" I walked forward and sat on the chair opposite to him.

Disastrous. "Nice," I replied back.

He nodded back and put his book on the table. "Sanchi, you need to see what I'm trying to say." And dad, you too need to see what I was trying to say. I didn't want to marry some stranger. Why couldn't you see it?

"Dad, I'm not ready yet." Which was true. I was just 21 years old, and not mentally and emotionally ready to handle a marriage and get tied down.

He sighed deeply. "Why don't you understand? If you don't get married now, then no one will get ready. After what people say about you . . ." He trailed off. My jaw clenched on thinking what people say about me. Even Dhruv said the same in the evening. That's what people think about me. Nobody was trying to see what I was really. The truth of my life was in ashes which got mixed with the atmosphere. The lie of my life was burning with a crackling fire for everyone to see.

Nowadays, buying lie was easy then to search for truth.

"I'm happy being single." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You'll be more happy being married too." He got up from his seat and went to get his file. "Meet Mr. Bansal son on next Friday." I was about to protest when he stopped me. "Just meet him. I'm not saying get marry right away which I think will be wrong. Right away marriage without any jewels," He lifted his eyes, "Such a disappoint for you."

I chuckled and his eyes were amused too. He knew me too well. I want a grand wedding with jewels, dresses, and makeup. I loved my dad but whenever the topic of my marriage came upon, my annoyance always reached a point. It always swam in my veins.

I looked here and there to avoid looking at him.

"I got a call from Kapoor's family." His sentence was enough to make me snap my head to his direction again. The sudden movement of my neck caused a little pain but I neglected it.

"What they want now?" My voice was on a brink of quivering with me going to my knees and blame myself for the thing I had done. I managed to pull on a blank look but inside I wasn't feeling blank. Each sin I had done was coming back to me again and again.

Her begging for me to stop and leave her alone. My laughter on her condition.

He wiped his thumb over his eyebrow. "Usual."

"How is she?"

"Same as before. She showed some movements but-" There was no way she could walk again. She was tended to a wheelchair for the lifetime and nothing could make her move. She had to spend rest of her life in there only. And I had to spend rest of my life with the guilt only.

I stood up from my chair. "I'm going. Work and college tomorrow." I didn't want to talk more about it.

He gave a smile in return. "I handled everything. Don't worry." Same words like always but I couldn't stop worrying. I'd something bad, very bad and I could have stopped it. I had the power to stop it. People warned me but no I had to tease her every single day on something which wasn't her fault.

I was such a mean and selfish girl.

"Thanks, Dad." For saving me from going to jail. For saving my future. But I couldn't do the thing which you were asking me.

I was still selfish. Selfish for my respect and dream.

I left his study to back to my room, but before I could reach my room, the phone started ringing in my hand. I picked it up quickly and wiped a fake smile on my face.

My boyfriend, Ajay.

"I'm kind of bored. Want to spend some time at my place? Nobody's home." The only thing which he said to me always. My eyes went here and there. It was better to spend some time with him and forget everything which was bothering me.

"Sure. Be ready." Because that was the only way for me to forget the things which I could forget. I never told my parents about him. They would never get ready for him, mainly because he was the son of dad's rival company.

"Always. I love you, Sanchi." But then why I couldn't feel the love which a one get from their boyfriend. Maybe I was just thinking too much.

"I love you too, Ajay." He hung up the call, and I did too.

But why confessing to him felt like a lie vomiting from my mouth? I lie always and he didn't try to see if it was truth. He was looking for fun and I was using him in return.

So in the end, what Dhruv said was right. What people said was right.

I was an easy to get girl because people got the lie, not the true nature of me.

And that hurts too much.