There's so much running you can do from the truth before you finally accept it. I'm not the type to promise girls; rainbows, flowers and forever. And even when I do, they won't believe me because I'm not the type that they can easily trust. If it was Jamie with his boring flannel shirts and glasses, everybody would trust their hearts to him easily and that I hate the fact that for once I'm jealous of him. With me, it's good that they distrust easily anyway. Lack of expectations won't hurt them, the problem is that I wanted them to have expectations or a little faith. At least now I know better and I'm going to accept myself fully for what I am. The blue nano lights of the club were bright enough for me to see what was going on around me. Everyone was drinking, dancing or making out in their most skimpy outfits and seductive scents. This isn't my usual scene. Yes I do frequent bars and clubs but I've never been to this particular one. It was reserved for the one percent of the elite
I knew when Luka withdrew from me. I could see it in his gaze, his body language. The way he flinched away from my touch, the look of distrust in his eyes, the clenched fist at his sides and the emptiness when he looked at me. I want to take it back. I want to take the whole of yesterday evening back and start from scratch. It felt like he was locked away from me and he didn't have to curse before I felt it. It's the same thing I'm feeling right now. "Bella," Paula's voice sliced through my thoughts and I got up to my feet from where I sat waiting for them. Luka was beside Dylan. He had changed back to his own clothes and Dylan was assisting him to put his bandaged hand into the sleeves of his jacket. I couldn't read his expression to know if it was okay for me to go to him or whether it isn't. "I didn't know you were around, why didn't you come in?" She asked with her brows raised looking from me to Luka trying to understand what was going on. Because I'm not sure he wants me
Starlight restaurant; the overhead sign read and I sighed heavily. If I wasn't so fed up with missing Luka and not being able to do anything about it, I'll go back home at this point. From where I stood looking in, the restaurant looked busy. What if Dylan throws me out or causes a scene? After all, I didn't call ahead, I just showed up at his mother's restaurant where I found out he was interning after stalking him on instagram.It's been one week. Seven whole days of living like this. If I ever needed a confirmation that living without Luka was hard this was it. Being apart without any kind of communication is even harder. I find myself staring at my phone hoping it will ring indicating that he is ready to talk to me now or typing and deleting messages because it doesn't even come close to fixing what I did. I don't even know how he is doing since nobody seems to be talking to me right now. Was he still not talking to anyone?I wanted to go over there but shame wouldn't let me
LUKAI could feel everyone giving me worried glances, after all it's been one week since I spoke to anyone about anything so it's understandable.The way my right hand was bandaged wouldn't let me make a fist or hold a spoon properly. I tried raising the silver spoon in my left hand to feed myself some of the creamy brulee soup that was for dinner but I spilled most of it and threw the spoon back into my plate with a loud clang and let out a string of curses. I picked up the bread that was in a woven basket in the center of the table and bit into it leaning back to judge everyone's mood before saying what I had to say. "I passed the GED." My announcement got everyone's full attention as it was the first statement I've said to anyone in more than a week. I could see the relief in Leonardo's face as he exhaled visibly. "So?" My father asked cutting off my mom who looked like she had something to say. "I'm moving away to college. I did apply to some places already, and I've gotten s
"Oh. My. God." Tammy screams with her hand going to cover her mouth. I sighed heavily feeling my own eyes fill with tears. This was my exact reaction. At first I was elated when the truth came out, but then I thought about Tammy and things just changed. It must be difficult, hating him all these while. Being able to channel the pain of that night at someone but not the person was faceless and she really didn't know who. I could see the confusion in her eyes, followed by the refusal to accept what Dylan and I were saying. She got up angrily and pulled out her hand from my grasp and started pacing. Her hands went to her ears to pluck her fingertips and block them so she couldn't hear anymore of what we were saying and we let her. "No. No. It was Luka, he did this to me." She repeated over and over while pacing. Except it wasn't Luka. In fact, Dylan and I didn't need do much diggibg, because the moment I told him how long ago it was and what night it was he was sure it wasn't Luka. L
I took the bus back, needing the walk to the station to clear my head. My phone was tucked away in my pocket in silence so I was not aware that it had been ringing till I stepped inside the house only to find my mother already home. "Mom," I called softly, finding her hunched over the breakfast bar, with the smoke detector alarm whirring loudly. I looked around to find Annie only to find her slumped and leaning beside the kitchen door with her inhaler in hand. Annie-Marie was asthmatic, she must have had an attack or something while I was gone. I went to her and squatted in front of her as she tried to take in shallow breaths, while my mom opened the windows and was trying to clear off the mess Annie made. My mom turned around and dug her fingers into the pocket of her scrubs, "where were you?" She wasn't dreaming, the cold deadliness in her voice was enough to let me know the severity of this. "I…I..I just stepped out for a minute. What are you doing back home so early?" No way
"Where were you Isabella?" She asked again and I sighed before closing the door and throwing the key into a bowl beside the door where we usually dropped the keys and other miscellaneous items. "At Dylan's." I answered honestly and pulled off my vans. "And who is that?" Scowling at me. "My friend." I answered slowly and stood at the bottom of the stairs. "What was so important that you had to sneak out for?" I couldn't tell her the full answer, so I shuffled on my feet, shifting my weight from one to another. She got up with a loud hiss, "it's like I don't recognize you anymore nowadays. The need to defy me, the secret meetings, the lack of attention. Is this all tied to your relationship or what?" I kept quiet not knowing how to explain all that was going on or where to begin. "This isn't over, Isabella. We will finish this discussion in this morning. Also, I disconnected the Wifi and took your laptop and you're grounded till you're thirty." With that she got up and went back u
The atmosphere in the house the last two was strained. My mom was acting like I didn't just tell her that I want to go off and live with a boy by ignoring me. While my sister was tiptoeing around the both of us scared to blow everything up. I know what my mom was trying to do. She was deliberately not making an issue out of it and giving me time to see the futility in what I wanted to do. Not this time though. Ignoring what I said isn't just going to make it go away or make me reconsider. It wasn't a fresh thought that I haven't thought over. School here basically ends up with me being bullied nowadays. Maya and her clique had decided to make my life even more miserable than it already is day by day now that Luka was no longer here. I find myself randomly wanting to tell him about something that happened during the day or wanting to just smell him or feel his skin on my fingers. So, no. This is not a phase I'm going to grow out of. It's something I've made up my mind about. A