0.5
I don't remember what kind of drinks I had at the club last night but I'm sure it was hard liquor because my head feels like it's about to explode.
I don't remember everything that happened in details last night ‘cause I was still in a state of shock on how the hell did I get back to my hotel room.
I finally adjusted my eyesight and take a good look at the white ceiling which was above me. I noticed that there was a huge-ass golden chandelier hanging over me. The scent was unfamiliar too but it smelled like roses and I wonder if the hotel service cleaned my room for me.
I groan in satisfaction, God this bed is softer than I remember.
I snapped myself out from my thoughts, wait.
I don't remember having a huge-ass chandelier above me in my hotel room.
I stared at myself and for a second I thought I was in my hotel room but later then I realized that I wasn't. I am in someone’s room, on somebody’s bed and lying down with an actual freaking person next to me..
Holy shit!
I quickly grabbed the blanket over my chin and prayed that I wasn't naked beneath this white sheet. I clearly remember, I was wearing a tube dress with a huge top cut low which showcased my cleavage but I was feeling bare underneath this sheet.
Please please please not be naked. I chanted mentally.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes at the same time pulling the blanket up. Slowly, I being to open my eyes and to my surprise, I quickly covered myself back with the blanket as soon as I saw a man's bum facing towards me. He was completely butt naked. Fully naked. He was facing his back to me and Jesus Christ this guy has a long brown messy hair.
We had sex.
That’s without a doubt.
Holy shit we really had sex.
We clearly and undeniably had sex because he's naked and I'm naked. We're both naked in one bed!
Shit shit shit.
I had sex with a stranger but where am I? Is this his house? His hotel room perhaps? Where in hell am I and where are my friends? Where's Nina? Where's Beth? Oh my god. Where are they?
I try to remember what exactly happened last night, from one detail to another detail. I tried to recall how in hell did I end up in this room of someone that I don't even know of. But my thoughts were scattered and have failed me as soon as I didn’t know how to trace everything that happened to me last night.
I slightly pulled my head up and saw an unopened box of condom on top of the side table drawer. A fucking box beside his bed.
Jesus, that means this guy is a one big time fucker.
I couldn't help but ask myself how many women he slept with already knowing he has that box next to his bed. If we did have sex, I wonder if we use that last night, though I'm mentally praying he did, but a voice still worries in the back of my head because it is still unopened.
As I think of the entire situation more, my head begins to hurt more like hell. I cannot believe I actually had sex with a stranger. I have always promised myself that I wouldn’t be that kind of person, although we all have different kinds of needs as a woman, I still don’t want to be involved in situations like this.
What would this guy think of me? A virgin just giving away her virginity to an actual stranger. I feel so disgusted of myself.
After being emotional, I finally managed to recover from it and carefully pulled myself up from the bed. I felt pain in between my thighs. I feel my entire body aching, like my whole body parts were completely swollen. I begin to search for my clothes and I was completely stunned with what I saw.
My clothes were literally everywhere. Scattered everywhere.
How wild was I last night?
My white bra was near the door, my white underwear was on top of the couch, my dress was near the nightstand and my heels were distant from the other pair. I ran towards them silently, tip toeing my way to each of my stuff while picking them up like I was a thief inside this room.
I stare at the other clothes which were scattered too and there was a pair of black skinny jeans being inside out, a white dress shirt near the foot of the bed and a black boxer brief which was near my feet.
This kind of view is totally shocking for a virgin like me.
When I finished putting my clothes back on, I stand in front of the door and was ready to leave. But I paused before reaching the knob as my hand was in midair.
I still haven't found out who the guy was. I need to know the face of this man who took my virginity.
My virginity.
Someone who didn’t love me and someone who didn’t I know actually got my virginity. It may not be that important to anyone else but to me it is. I never wanted to give it away just like that but I did.
I fucking did.
I feel sick to my stomach thinking about what I have done last night. I wanted to cry and pull him out of his bed and slap him but then maybe it wasn't his fault? What if I wanted what we did last night? What if I willingly said yes to him? But I don't know what exactly happened last night too. What if he forced me to sleep with him? Or what if I was the one who initiated everything or obliged to what he was saying and doing to me?
The thought almost makes me want to cry again and get angry towards myself. I'm such a bitch!
I turn around and stare back at the bed. My mouth opens in shock.
There's blood on where I laid down a while ago.
I feel my cheeks burning because of shame is creeping under my skin and I knew I had to leave right away without letting him know that I was going because what we did was embarrassing. Staining his bed is already too embarrassing for me to take in.
Talk about the walk of shame Miranda.
Now you just gave your virginity to someone not important to you, who doesn't even care about you.
I wouldn't want him to think that I was an easy girl but then I turned out to be, because here I am inside his bedroom fully naked just a second ago with the blood stain on top of his sheets. Shit Miranda.
Gosh this is embarrassing.
I think to myself, “You were just influenced by alcohol and you didn't know what you were doing all along.”
Whoever this guy is, I really don't want him to remember me or what we did last night. I'm sure he doesn't even want to remember me too. As much as possible I don't want him to talk to me ever again. I don't want to remember this thing that had even happened to us.
To me, most especially. I don't want to see him again and I don’t want to remember that this even happened.
Wait...
How will I not see him again if I don't even know how he looks like?
Now I'm curious about how he looks. I had to know maybe a peek won't hurt. I need to know what he actually looks like. I need to look at his face.
What if I gave my virginity to someone who is really old or to an ugly old man? But his butt didn’t really look all too saggy.
What if I gave my virginity to my teacher in high school? Or it could be someone worst. Oh my God! I have to know who it is and if I wont know, it would be much of a trouble for me in the next days.
I tip toed my way back to the bed carefully, like I was a robber, and took a deep breath in before I could stand in front of the man sleeping on top of his bed who I gave my virginity to a one drunken night.
As I finally stand next to the bed, I froze and stopped myself from breathing.
No fucking way.
It's Satellite Patrol’s lead vocalist, Hugo Saintclare.
1I quickly pulled my hands up to cover my mouth out of extreme shock.No, this cannot be actually happening. There’s absolutely no way.Relax Miranda. Don't scream or else you'll wake him up. I thought.I try to shake my hands in front of me while my heart was racing inside my chest. I pinch my cheeks to see if I was dreaming or if this was one of my wet dreams of Hugo Saintclare in it, but it's not.This is real.This is actually happening to me.This just fucking happened.Holy fuck, Hugo and I had sex.We literally had sex.I tried to rub my eyes to triple check but it's really Hugo sleeping on top of the bed. I'm definitely not hallucinating and definitely not making things up because he is actually right in front of me.I have never imagined that this could happen. I never thought I could be this close to seeing the Hugo Saintclare. What was more shocking is that, I am not screaming or fangirling hardcore because I am still in a state of shock.I can feel my blood rushing throug
1.5He rushed to the bathroom, perhaps he was thinking that I was there. If he is looking for me, he should have thought about wearing something first. He finally walks out of the bathroom and I began to pray that he won't walk into this closet because I wouldn't know what to do if that will happen.He stood next to the closet where I am actually hiding and my heart just leaped out of my chest and my soul begin to leave my entire body. But then he stopped and didn't continue opening the closet's door and I was saved from his phone ringing."Hey Leon." Hugo greets.Hugo looks so troubled and of course he should be, seeing a bloodstain on his bed with no woman in his room would totally ruin his career. But don't worry Hugo, I won't let that happen. I will not be the reason to ruin your career even if it means hiding everything. I will forget this day even existed but I won't forget what I saw around here."You need to come here in my room. I need to talk to you." He keeps running his f
2"Miranda!"Beth and Nina exclaims in unison as they rushed towards me once I entered our hotel room. Both of them hugged me tight and I tried to smile ruefully, keeping my tears to myself but I still feel so disgusted of what I did from last night.Riding all the way back to my hotel, all I thought about inside the cab was the embarrassing things I did when I was drunk and of course how I ended up having sex with the Hugo Saintclare.Moreover, it still has not sink in that I actually talked to Landon so casually inside an elevator without screaming at his face and busting his ears. But the traumatic part is the drunken sex with Hugo. I still can't believe I gave him my virginity like a snap of a finger.The bloodstain. The look on his face, I sigh inwardly recalling about it again.In the cab, I wanted to take a three-hour shower because I feel like I'm a dirty woman, not because I had sex with Hugo but because of that shameful things that I could have done last night that I don'
2.5Both of them started screaming loudly and started pulling me back and forth as if I did something really great last night. They were happy for me. They were even happy that Hugo was the one who got my virginity. Well, it is something to be proud, I mean just of a little bit of it. because he is actually freaking Hugo fucking Saintclare from the freaking Satellite Patrol but there is still that shame since he met me in my drunken state. If he'll remember me, he will assume that I am that kind of woman and that I have always been an easy girl my whole life.Seven years later."MOM!! MOMMY!! MOM MOM MOM MOM! I can not find my Ironman shirt!""Honey it's on the top drawer!" I yelled back."Mom I can't! It's not here! Moooom!!"I grunt inwardly as I was quick enough to wipe my hands over my apron after washing the dishes. I pulled it off from my body and ran upstairs to see Benedict still wearing his black jeans with no shirt on him. All of his clothes from the top drawer were scatter
3"Nervous?" I asked Ben with a smile."I am." Ben nervously smiles back but with eagerness in his eyes."You'll be doing great on your first day baby. You always do."When we arrive at his school, I held his hand tight as we walk together to the building. I can tell he was nervous but he was trying his best not to freak out. I walk him to his classroom and to be honest, I feel like I was much more nervous than Ben when we reached his school. I know how it goes in schools and there are always going to be bullies which is one of the reasons why I am scared about. Ben’s a very nice kid and he’s too good that I am scared other kids will bully him because he doesn’t have a father.I squat down before him as I push his curly hair off from his forehead. He smiles at me sweetly and kisses my cheek then hugs me."Thank you for driving me to school for my first day mommy." He says too adorably that it’s warming my heart.I kissed his temple and pulled myself away from him as I smile back tryin
3.5When you’re a nurse, you're always needed in every part of the hospital. Everywhere. It's crazy tiring. But you know, it's a good feeling to be able to help to other people. Seeing them smiling at you and thanking you for things you do for them, it's such an amazing and extremely rewarding feeling. I love helping people just as how it also hurts me seeing a patient expire.Since high school, I wanted to be a nurse by choice because I know I can help my countrymen. I was inspired by the nurses on that movie Pearl Harbor which was really a brave thing for them to do. Ever since after I saw that movie, I wanted to be one someday.Look at me now, a licensed nurse.As the hours pass by, another tiring day came to an end and I hurriedly grabbed all of my stuff to fetch Ben. I got inside my car and drove my way to his school. When I got there, I was right on time when Ben was rushing out from his classroom. I squat down as he rushed into my arms with a smile on his face. He hugs me tight
4Hugo’s blue-green eyes were still staring at me, they look intense but at the same time calm. I think he is trying to figure out where he could have seen me or maybe he knows already about me. Did he already figure out who I am? No, it was seven years ago. There’s no way that he would remember me, that was seven years ago.Relax Miranda.Relax.Don't freak out.I'm sure he doesn't remember you. It has been seven years after what happened to the two of you. I'm sure he won't remember any of that night because I think both of us got insanely drunk.I smiled away my nervousness. "Good evening sir."Sir? I could barf at myself right now for how I address him that after having sex with him. Jesus Christ, my armpits are sweating.I guess we can actually call it as our first proper conversation because I can’t consider something that happened years ago as counted since I was intoxicated. Also, nothing comes to mind when it comes to that sinful night.I still don’t know how I acted.I clea
4.5I feel my pupils dilating after what he said but I quickly recovered from it the moment I realized that I seemed too shock. Miranda, remember he meets millions of people day by day and it’s something that you don’t have to worry about. But then hearing him say that I look familiar makes my heart leap out from my chest. I slightly pulled my arm away from him before he releases me."Sorry for grabbing you." He apologizes right away, while he puts back his hands into his pockets."It's not a big deal, sir." I answered and I still feel awkward addressing him sir.I gaze at my feet and his leather shoes were shiny as fuck that it’s too blinding. I pulled my head back up and stared at Hugo’s luring blue-green eyes which were still glued on mine."Have I seen you somewhere else before?" He asked while furrowing his eyebrows.He looks serious and I am sure he means that. Shit, he recognizes me. He freaking recognizes me!I clipped my opened mouth, "W-well... Some people always have mistak
87 T H E A Sebastian committed suicide. He ended his own life with a gun in his head. No one even knew how he had a gun in the first place and no one had any idea he was going to do that. He was supposed to meet Ben and the others tomorrow for a reunion. He was supposed to live a new life after being sentenced in prison for seven years. He was supposed to live in a tropical place and start a new life for himself. He was supposed to live a life filled with dreams now that he is out in prison. Sebastian was supposed to live. I was supposed to forgive him. The autopsy report stated that it happened around twelve midnight which means just a few hours after he left our home. I have never felt so depressed in my entire life that I wasn't even able to tell him a lot of things that I wanted to say. I didnt know what I was exactly feeling, completely lost in my thoughts and emotions after Sebastian's passing. I knew that there was something wrong in his eyes when he talked to me becaus
86T H E A"How have you been?" He asks.Sebastian wore blue, white and light pink plaided top, a pair of faded jeans and a dirty white sneakers. He looked older than the last time I saw him and his hair has gotten longer too. He looked different, but those eyes still frightens me.Those merciless eyes.I couldn't stare at him longer and I had to look away from his gaze. I clear my throat, "I have been well." I answered."I'm really glad that you are." Sebastian tells me."Um, do you want to drink something Sebastian? Tea?" Ben offers.I quickly held his wrist, stopping him from leaving me alone in here and stared into his eyes as I said to him. "Please don't leave me here."Ben stares intently at me before he turns to Sebastian who speaks, "You dont really have to offer me anything."I bite my inner cheek and breathe in some confidence before I faced Sebastian. "What are you doing here?"Sebastian stares at me eagerly."What do you want?" I asked firmly."I came here to see if you ha
85T H E AI couldn't sleep the entire night as I was bothered about Sebastian's release happening in just a few hours.Thoughts were filling and piling inside my head one over the other and I don't know if this was going to let me sleep at all.So I slipped out of the bed where Ben was sleeping soundly and headed out of bedroom to get myself a glass of wine from downstairs. I hate myself when I turn to alcohol every time my thoughts are fogged up and fucked up. I hate when there are questions left unanswered and my solution is alcohol.I hated it.I hated it so much I hate myself too.I finished two glasses of wine and spent almost thirty minutes just sitting on a chair where I tried to drown and sort my troubled thoughts. I finally pulled myself up and headed back to my bedroom only until I saw Xavier heading out of his room, crying. I rushed to his side and wished that he wouldn't smell the stingy scent of alcohol from my breath."Xavier." I cooed. "What happened?""Mommy I had a n
84T H E A“Why didn’t you tell him?”Benedict's question still lingers in my mind.Why didn't I tell Sebastian back in the day?I have been asking myself that same question over and over again for the past couple of years. I used to tell myself that I wasn't ready and I know I wasn't ready. I lied to myself when I said I was ready to confess to him about our child but I was absentmindedly denying the fact that my mind was filled with so many thoughts as soon as I faced Sebastian.When I saw him, I was reminded of how he raped me mercilessly. When I saw him, I was reminded of how dirty of a woman I was. When I saw him, I was reminded of how I didn't want this baby to be born if only it hadn't been for Ben.Ben has always been my rock and my strength after everything that happened to me. All these years, he accepted me no matter what and I have been beyond blessed to have a man like that in my life.That kind of love and care he showed me is going to be something I didn't want to waste
83T H E AI stare at my own reflection in front of the mirror, I gained weight but I look different compared to the old me a few weeks ago. My eyes travelled down to my baby bump and as I turn to my side, I feel more anxiety building in the back of my head. I am not confident enough that I will be a good mother to this baby once it’s out when I know this baby came from a man who I trusted so much but just raped me. My bump is starting to show now and I know I have a lifelong responsibility waiting ahead of me. I just hope I will be responsible enough.I rub my hand over my small tummy then smiled at myself.“You will be fine.” I told my baby.Ben is here for me and for us. He always has. He made everything feel better. He made me better and happier without asking too much in return. He is a very selfless man and I owe him my life. My everything and all that I have left.I breathe out heavily and tucked my hair behind my ears as I stare at myself wearing this white dress and white ba
82B E N E D I C TShe stands by the balcony sliding door, staring at an empty space wearing my shirt and some pajamas. Standing here afar from Thea, looking at her, I can see and I can feel that her mind is full. It’s full of endless thoughts and worries. I wish I could take some from her restless bothered thoughts and I wish I could help her with what she is going through.Thea is strong but I don’t want her to have another breakdown. I hope I can share the pain and confusions she is going through right now. I wish, at least I could make her happy despite of what has happened lately.But I don’t know what to do as well.I am bothered too, restless, anxious, troubled and angry. I still have this growing hate in me and unwillingness to befriend Sebastian.I hate him.I walk towards Thea and wrapped my arms around her. She didn’t budge but still sets her eyes out the window. “There are no stars tonight.” I say.She sighs heavily.“Aren’t you hungry sweetheart?” I ask.She didn’t answer
81B E N E D I C T“The CEO of Saintclare Enterprises , finally off the market!!”I read mentally the newspaper’s headlines as soon as I got into my office. I scan through the magazines which were also over my desk, and the headlines were also all about me.I sigh. “I knew this was gonna come out first thing in the morning.”The phone on top of my desk rings, I quickly picked it up, “Yes.”“Mr. Saintclare everyone is calling in for an interview with you. They’re all asking if you have any available time.” I can hear telephones ringing from my secretary’s background.“Cancel all interviews. Tell them I have a busy schedule up until next week.” I hung up.Suddenly the phone in my pocket rings. I stare at the screen and it was Mrs. Brown, my PR.I sigh as I answer, “I know what you’re going to say.”“It’s everywhere. My phone has been ringing since six o’clock this morning. I don’t know what to answer them.”“Did you say anything about Thea?”“No. Not unless you tell me to. I’m only wait
80BENEDICTI stare at Thea, and she has been looking out of the window for minutes now. I know she still has a lot of things in mind with what has happened lately and I’m sure she’s tired of thinking about it too. She has talked to Khaleel and I have had talked to him too. Despite her past, we wanted to keep it to ourselves than letting the others know about it. They wouldn’t understand what she went through to survive and it isn’t our story to tell.I have asked myself a couple of times why she had to choose such job but then I didn’t have the courage to ask her. I don’t want her to feel bad about herself and the more I ask about her past, the more she would think it bothers me.Honestly, it has been in the past and we all have had done crazy shit a thing or two. All of us deserves a second chance and women like Thea who strives hard to change herself to become a better woman deserves more than that. I am proud of her and she knows it.A smile creeps on her face as soon as I rubbed
79THEASometimes, in our lives there are instances when you just want to disappear because of awkward situations or embarrassing moments. And right now, that’s what I want to happen. I want to teleport to another place far from here.It feels like everything inside my system malfunctioned and brain feels dead. I have never felt more disgusted of myself and my past than how Sebastian is embarrassing me right now in front of Ben. No one has ever made me feel so little of myself, only Sebastian.This bastard. This one of a hell man. I wish he dies.My tears were just flowing from my closed eyes and I feel this growing pain against my chest. I try to breathe in but the pain grows as I exhale so I remained quiet. I don’t want to face anyone or see how they look at me with disgust and filth. I just want to disappear like one pop of a bubble or run out of this house and never look back.But I cant, I know I have to face them now. I have to face Khaleel. I have to face Benedict even if it’s