Chapter Twenty-two

Chapter Twenty-two

Chloe

“I…I can’t do this.”

The look on Sam’s face just about does me in. But I can’t. I have to stand my ground or that momentary look on Sam’s face will be on mine for months, if not years. Or forever. Because it’s been over ten years since I’ve gazed on this man’s gorgeous face and I’m still just as in love with him as ever.

“Then we don’t have to,” Sam says gently and takes his hands off me. I miss him right away. “I’m sorry. I thought you…I’m sorry.” He’s flustered and confused, and I can’t blame him. Because I do want to keep kissing him. I want him to undress me and fuck me until I’m screaming his name. I take a step back and blink away tears. “I really didn’t mean it was idiotic to kiss you,” he rushes out.

“I know,” I say quietly. “And I agree you were an idiot for not kissing me sooner, because I really like you kissing me.” Dammit, I do, and desire for him swirls deep inside me, but I have to fight it. I have to stay strong. “I just…I can’t.”

“I’m confused,” he says slowly.

“I…I…” Shaking my head, I look out at the lake as a tear rolls down my cheek. Sam gently rests his hand on my shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Chloe?” he asks.

My bottom lip quivers and I suck in a breath. I just need to say it. Get it out there so I can finally move on. “I’ve been in love with you since the day we met.” My words come out strangled, and I fight against tears. “When you promised you’d marry me if we were both over thirty and single, I knew the only way that would happen was if you exhausted all your other options and you had to fall on me as your backup plan.” Another tear rolls down my face. “You were always my first choice, and I can’t…I can’t be second.”

Sam’s hand slips from my shoulder, and I know this is it. The moment he tells me sorry, that he cares but doesn’t want anything serious and the joke is on me—again. His brows pinch together and his lips part. A moment passes before he says anything, and I don’t dare take a breath in that time.

“You were never my backup plan,” he says, and runs his hand down my arm, taking my hand in his. “Because I’ve been in love with you too.”

The whole world stops, and I’m not sure if I heard him or if I’m bordering on delusion so I don’t get my heart broken—again. I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. Did he just—no, there’s no way—but maybe…

“What?”

Sam pulls me close, wrapping one arm around me and cupping my face with his other, gently turning my chin up to look at him. “I love you, Chloe. I have for a while, and seeing you again made me realize just how much of an idiot I was for not saying anything sooner.” He puts his lips to mine, needing to kiss me before going on. “I fucked up before, but I’m not going to anymore. I love you, and I want to be with you if you’ll have me. I’m sorry for standing there like a drunk idiot the night of that party. I went after you, but you were already gone. If I could go back and change things, I would.” He rests his forehead against mine, and I fasten my arms around his neck. Sam has never been a share-your-feelings type of person and hearing him confess everything sends pulses of electricity right through me.

The lake gently laps against the dock, and the sounds of the night ring out in a chorus around us. My heart is beating away in my chest, and more tears fill my eyes. This is everything I’ve ever wanted: Sam, telling me he loves me. Hearing him confess his regret over the past, and how he wants a future with me.

And now I’m doubting even more that this isn’t a dream.

“Chloe?” Sam whispers after a few seconds tick by and I say nothing.

“I…I think you need to pinch me.”

“Why?”

“To make sure this is real.”

He tips my chin up. “Can I do this instead?” He softly kisses me, leaving me wanting more the second his lips move off mine.

“Yeah, that works too, but I think you need to do it again. Just to be sure.”

He smirks. “Just to be sure.” We kiss again, but this time it’s anything but soft. Sam holds me tightly, crushing my breasts against his chest. He kisses me with fervor, hands wandering all over my body.

Suddenly, he breaks away, taking a fistful of my hair. He looks at me like I’m the only woman in the whole damn world, like if he doesn’t have me now, he won’t survive much longer. “I love you, Chloe Fisher,” he breathes. “I needed to say it out loud again.”

“I love you, too.” I rake my fingers through his thick dark hair. My voice is still weak from so much emotion. “I have for so long.”

He kisses me again, running his hands down my body. One hand pushes between my thighs, and the other gathers the hem of my dress, balling it in his hand. The wind picks up, blowing in warm air from the lake. My eyes fall shut and I inhale deeply, desire flooding through me. My breath comes out a little ragged, and my entire body begins to tremble.

Sam’s tongue pushes past my lips and he parts my thighs, stepping in closer. His fingers brush over my core, and my knees threaten to buckle. I hold on to him tighter to keep from falling. He’s already undone the tie at the back of my dress, and he continues to kiss me as he brings one hand to my back, feeling for the zipper.

Something splashes nearby in the lake, but it does little to distract us. Sam stops kissing me, looking into my eyes as he slowly undoes the zipper of my dress. He’s doing it on purpose to tease me, and if he keeps taking his damn time, I’m going to shove him down on the dock and climb on top. I’ve waited years for this, wanting and loving him in secret.

I need him. Now.

Sam gets the zipper down and moves his hand up, slipping it inside my dress, fingers settling right over the top of my ass. I run my hands down his chest, stopping at the waist of his pants. My breasts rise and fall with my rapid breathing, and I desperately try to undo Sam’s belt.

“Patience,” he tells me, deep voice rattling right to my core. “We have all night.” He grabs my wrist and pulls my hand away. “I’m going to take care of you first.” He spins me around, gathering my hair in one hand and puts his lips to my neck. I lean back against him, feeling his cock hardening against me. He kisses and sucks at my neck, sending pulses of pleasure right through me. He lets go of my hair and sweeps his hand down my body, slowing down as his fingers pass over my nipple.

I’ve always known Sam’s no stranger to a woman’s body, and tonight is not going to disappoint. I just hope I’m good enough for him, to make him feel as good as he’s going to make me. I’m far from a virgin, but don’t have the experience Sam does. I don’t enjoy sex when I’m lacking an emotional connection, and it’s hard to connect with anyone when you’re in love with someone else.

But now…now the man I love is going to fuck me hard. And it’s going to be fucking spectacular.

Sam gently nips at my neck and brings his hand down between my thighs. I gasp when his fingers go over my clit, covered only by the thin fabric of my panties. I rest my head against him and part my legs at his urging.

Laughter floats over the lake and I open my eyes, startled to see a boat. Right. The rest of the world still exists. I’d forgotten all about it. Sam either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. His fingers dance over my entrance again, feeling how hot and wet he’s making me—and he’s hardly even touched me.

“Should…should we go inside?” I whisper, afraid if Sam stops touching me I’ll combust before we make it into the house. Without saying anything, he spins me around, kisses me hard, and then picks me up. My legs go around his waist, and I cling to him, kissing him as hard as I can as we stumble our way to the house.

Somehow Sam manages to open the gate with me still in his arms, setting me down only when we get to the door leading to the screened-in porch. I make a desperate reach for the latch, missing it twice before I can push the door open. We tangle together again, desperate to peel each other’s clothes off. My dress is hanging off one shoulder now, and Sam takes one step back, looking at me in the pale light.

“Take it off,” he tells me, and my breath hitches in my chest. Normally, I’d be shy to be on display like this in front of anyone, but not Sam, not with the way he’s looking at me like he needs me as much as I need him. I push one strap of my blue dress down my arm and slowly move to the other side, letting the other fall. I hold it up at my chest, waiting a beat before letting the dress fall to the floor in a whoosh.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he tells me, struggling to restrain himself. He runs his eyes over me, letting me know exactly what the sight of my body is doing to him. I’ve had men look at me with desire and hunger before, but never like this. Sam wants me in an obvious way, but his want is more than physical, and this is the first time I’ve ever been intimate with a person in such a way.

Sam closes the distance between us and puts his lips to mine. The heat pulsing through me intensifies, and I’m afraid I’m going to explode. I wrap my arms around Sam, opening my mouth and deepening his kiss.

Both of Sam’s hands go to my ass. He gives it a squeeze and I’m very aware that the only thing keeping us apart is the thin lace of my black panties. He brings me to him, and I fasten my arms around his shoulders.

In a swift movement, he spins me around, pressing my ass against his hard cock. He urges my legs apart and runs his hand down my stomach, slowing when he gets to the top of my underwear. My breath leaves me, and Sam puts his lips to my neck. I lean back against him, not sure how much longer I can stand this. He’s hardly touched me and I’m basically melting right here on the floor, wanting him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.

He’s moving slow on purpose, somehow able to control himself, and inches his fingers down. I hold my breath, desperately waiting for him to give me more. He sucks at my neck and curls one finger over my clit. My lips part and a moan escapes me from that small movement. He moves his finger back, rubbing me again, and it feels so fucking good.

And then he lets go, stepping back so suddenly I almost fall. I start to turn but Sam is already there, hands clasping around my waist. He pushes me forward and I stumble back, holding onto him as he pins me between his body and the wall.

“Chloe,” he breathes, and hearing him say my name is one of the most erotic moments of my life. “Touch yourself. I want to watch.”

Okay, now this is the most erotic moment in my life. I swallow hard, unable to take my eyes off Sam’s. He puts his lips to mine and takes my hand, moving it between my legs. With our fingers together, I rub my clit. Sam takes his hand off mine and steps back, watching me touch myself.

My lips part and I arch my back, resting my head against the wall. I let my eyes fall shut but can still feel Sam’s gaze on me. I bring my hand up only to push it back down, inside my panties. A growl comes from deep inside Sam’s throat, and he comes to me again, pulling my hand from my panties. He presses himself between my legs as he kisses me and runs his hands down my body again.

I can feel his big cock through his pants, and it sends a thrill through me. I’ve never been with a man this large, and I know it’s going to destroy me in the best way possible. My hands go to his pants again, fumbling with the button. Finally, I pop the button right as Sam kisses me, and his cock forces the zipper down. He groans when I touch him, taking in the sheer size and girth of that thing. There were always rumors about Sam being well-equipped, but having him against me like this is intimidating.

I push his pants down as we make out, Sam’s hands exploring my body. He steps out of them and drops to his knees, mouth going to my core. His breath is hot against me, and I gasp as a shiver makes its way down my spine. He looks up, gaze promising what’s to come, and kisses my stomach.

Slowly, he slides his fingers under the sides of my panties and rolls them down, letting them fall when they get past my knee. He kisses his way down my thigh and lifts one of my feet, taking my underwear off so now it’s just hanging around one leg.

Then he widens my legs and dives right in between, mouth open. His tongue lashes against me once, but then he stands up, leaving me quivering before him. He kisses me, hand going between my legs. This time, I won’t let him tease me. I can’t handle any more of it.

I grab his wrist, keeping his hand between my legs. He works his fingers, rubbing my clit and then pushing two fingers inside me, finding the spot that brings me right to the brink of orgasm. He moves his lips to my neck, figuring out fast that I’m a sucker to be kissed in that spot.

“Don’t you…you dare stop,” I pant.

“What are you going to do if I do stop?” he whispers right back, rubbing my clit again. My entire body is tingling, so close to coming.

“I’ll…I’ll finish myself while you watch and then send you on your way.”

“Damn,” he croons and nips at my skin. He speeds up his movements, and only a minute later, my legs are shaking as the orgasm ripples through me. I cling to him, legs no longer working, and let my head roll back against the wall again as pleasure rolls through me. My pussy spasms around Sam’s long fingers and my ears ring. Before I can open my eyes or even form a coherent thought, Sam picks me up and grabs my beach towel and spreads it on the floor. He lays me down on it and goes right between my legs.

Holy fuck.

I’m still reeling from the first orgasm as he dives in between my legs, licking and flicking his tongue over my already-sensitive clit. I’m almost on overdrive, and don’t know if my body can handle another—oh fuck. Yes, yes it can.

I put one hand on Sam’s head, tangling his hair between my fingers. He alternates between licking and sucking my clit, and it doesn’t take long before my mouth falls open and my body shakes from the intensity of another orgasm. I gasp for air as the world spins around me. Sam moves over top, kissing me softly.

My eyes flutter open and shut, needing to look at Sam’s handsome face. I’ve imagined this day for years…wondering if actually sleeping with Sam would be as good as I hoped it would be. And tonight he’s proven that it’s even better.

But he hasn’t even fucked me yet.

“Where’s your room?” His voice is low, heavy with want, and rattles right through me.

“Up…upstairs,” I pant, and he scoops me up, strong arms holding me against him. He knows there’s no way I could get up and walk right now, and he effortlessly carries me up the stairs.

“First door,” I tell him, and my heart, which was finally slowing down, starts to speed up again as I think about Sam pushing that big cock inside of me. He lays me down on my bed, and I suck in a breath, pushing up on my elbows.

He pulls his shirt over his head, dropping it on the floor. The outside lights dimly light the room, giving me just enough to admire Sam’s muscular body.

He moves between my legs, and I bend one leg up. “You are everything, Chloe,” he breathes and puts his lips to mine. I reach down, pushing at the elastic of his boxers. He helps me strip him bare, and now we’re together with nothing in between us. “I never should have waited to tell you I love you.”

He lines his cock up with my entrance and kisses me, waiting just a beat before pushing inside. I cry out from the tight fit. Moving slow at first, he pushes all the way in and then slowly pulls back, only to thrust in again. He repeats it over and over, fucking me harder and faster with fluid movements.

“You are so fucking hot,” he pants, pushing his cock in balls deep. I open my mouth to tell him that he is too, but I’m overcome with pleasure again and my words turn into a loud moan. I’ve never come from penetration before, and I’ve had some very eager contenders swear they’d be able to make me.

The orgasm comes from deep inside, spreading through me like wildfire. My pussy contracts around Sam’s cock. My toes tingle and I see stars floating above us. Sam’s breathing becomes ragged, and he pushes his cock deep inside me, holding it there as he comes.

Holy. Shit.

The world is spinning. My heart is racing. And Sam told me he loves me.

He kisses my forehead and slowly pulls out, lying next to me and wrapping me in his embrace.

“I love you, Chloe Fisher,” he says, voice still breathy. “I’ve loved you for years. I needed to say it again.”

“I like hearing it. And I love you, too.”

He pushes up on one elbow and brushes my hair back. “I’m sorry for being such an idiot before. I never should have let you run away.”

“You shouldn’t have, but I forgive you. We were young. I’m not going to hold it over your head forever.”

“Good.” He smiles and kisses me again. My heart is racing and I’m sure it’s going to be that way the rest of the night. I slip away to use the bathroom and clean up, hurrying to get back to bed and next to Sam. He spoons his large body around mine and slowly drags his fingers up and down my arm. I want to stay awake and soak up every second of this moment. Things finally fell into place, and I know there are still details to work out, but for right now, everything is how it should be.

*

“Good morning.”

My eyes flutter open, and I turn my head up, looking at Sam. I’m still enveloped in his arms.

“Morning,” I say back, voice thick with sleep. I stretch out and roll over, resting my head on Sam’s chest. “You were right.”

“I usually am, but I’m gonna need you to specify this one.”

“You’re an idiot.” I splay my fingers on his bare chest. “We could have been doing this for years.”

He pulls me closer and kisses my neck. “We’ll have to make up for it.”

“Mhhh,” I moan, agreeing with him. “But let me pee first.” My eyes flutter shut, and I lie there for another few seconds before finally forcing myself up. I can feel his eyes on me as I walk butt naked out of the room and into the bathroom. I clean myself up as fast as I can, quickly brush my teeth, and run a comb through my hair.

Sam isn’t in the bedroom when I get back. Clanking dishes echo from the kitchen, and I smile as I grab a pair of sleeper shorts and a tank top. I get dressed and go downstairs, finding Sam by the coffeepot. Two mugs are out, and the smell of coffee fills the air. He’s wearing just boxers, and his hair is even messier than usual. I smile, feeling all hot inside since I know his hair is messy due to how much time he spent between my legs last night.

“I could get used to waking up like this,” he says, pushing off the counter and coming over to me. He wraps me in his arms and kisses me, slow and gentle at first. He moves one hand up, balling my hair in his fist, and pulls my head to the side, lips going to my neck. He remembers exactly how much I like it.

I slip my hand inside his boxers, wrapping my fingers around his cock. I pump my hand up and down, and then push him away, dropping to my knees.

“Fuck,” he groans as I pull his boxers down and take his cock in my mouth. One hand lands on the top of my head, taking a tangle of hair in his fist. I start slow, sucking and licking my way up and down his big dick. Then I take him in my mouth again, hoping I don’t gag when I try to fit that thing deep down my throat. Sam moans, tightening his grip on my hair, and I relax my throat, sucking hard as I take him in deeper. He stops me right before he comes and pulls me up. Kissing my neck, he reaches inside my shorts.

“You’re wet already,” he breathes, breath hot on my skin.

“You make me wet,” I groan back, pussy begging for more. He runs his finger over my clit, and I let my eyes fall shut. “Take me upstairs.” Unable to break apart, we stumble our way through the kitchen and end up falling together on the living room floor.

The large floor-to-ceiling windows are right next to us, and if anyone was out on the lake today, they could see inside. But that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is Sam and getting him naked and on top of me.

And then inside of me.

He strips me of my sleeper shorts and moves over me. I reach down and grab his cock, rubbing the tip against my clit. I’m already turned on, already close to coming. And so is Sam.

Holding himself up on his elbows, he kisses me right as the orgasm ripples through me. My center contracts wildly, and without waiting for the climax to subside, Sam pushes that big dick into me. It sends another jolt to my core, and I cry out.

“Fuck me hard,” I pant, feeling another orgasm building on top of the other he just gave me.

Sam delivers, and I come hard the second time, just moments before he does. Both breathing hard, Sam rests his head on my forehead, holding himself there as his cock pulses inside of me.

“Yeah,” he pants. “I definitely like this morning routine.”

I run my hands over his muscular back, ears still ringing from that intense double orgasm. “Me too. It’s a good way to start the day.”

“The best.” He kisses me and slowly pulls out, reaching down for my shorts. I get up, going straight to the bathroom to pee and wipe myself up. Sam’s boxers are in the kitchen, and the coffee is done when we both get back there the second time.

“Want to take that outside?” I ask, watching Sam pour two cups full.

“If you do, yeah.” He sets his cup down and takes me around the waist again, looking into my eyes.

My body is still humming, and his words only add to it. I’ve been floating on cloud nine since last night when he told me he loved me. Throw in the amazing, best-I’ve-ever-had sex, and it’s not surprising why I’m still hovering with my feet off the ground.

“I have to go back to Chicago tomorrow,” he says, and suddenly I’m crashing onto the ground.

He told me he loves me.

And I’ve loved him.

We finally kissed, finally made love, and it was better than I could have ever imagined.

But that’s not where the story ends, happily ever after. No, we have life and jobs and the very real fact that I live in LA and he’s in Chicago.

He plants a kiss on my forehead and gets both mugs of coffee. “I work on Wednesday, so I’ll need to get a good night’s sleep tomorrow night.” We slowly make our way to the screened-in porch.

“You work twelve-hour shifts, right?” I ask, remembering him mention it during dinner last night when he and Rory were talking about life in the OR.

“Yeah, but I can easily get stuck at the trauma center for longer.” He takes a sip of coffee. “I shouldn’t say stuck, that makes it sound like a bad thing.”

“Even I don’t want to work any longer than I have to,” I tell him and go out the screen door. “And I can work while day-drinking on the couch.”

Sam chuckles. “Lucky.”

“Oh, I know. How do you get held over at work?”

“Sometimes surgeries take longer than we expected, or someone will come in right before it’s my time to leave. I don’t just stop as soon as the clock hits seven.”

“Makes sense.”

We left the blanket on the dock last night, and I give Sam my coffee so I can shake it out and then fold it for us to sit on. I dangle my feet over the water, not as scared to stick them in since it’s daylight.

“I work Wednesday through Friday this week and then have Saturday off and am on-call Sunday evening,” Sam starts. “I don’t know if you’re able, but I want you to come to Chicago for the weekend.”

I just took another drink of coffee and turn, looking at him before I can answer.

“If you want to,” he adds and puts his coffee down. “I meant what I said, Chloe. I regret not making things right between us just as much as I regret not telling you how I felt from the start. I know we’re miles apart.” He pushes my hair back. “But I want you in my life.”

My heart flutters. “I want to be in your life too.” I set my coffee down and loop my arm though Sam’s, resting my head against him. “And I’d love to come be with you this weekend.”

“I can’t promise you’ll have time to write.” His full lips pull into a smirk, and he runs his hand down my arm. “I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you.”

My heart flutters and desire floods through me at the thought of Sam’s hands on me again. “I’ll call it book research. I do write romance, after all.”

He cups my faces with both his hands, turning it up so he can kiss me. He pulls back just enough to look into my eyes for a moment, and in that moment so much goes unspoken.

It took us years to get to where we are. Things feel right—finally. But I have to go back to LA, and he has to go to Chicago. To say that sucks is an understatement, and I don’t allow myself to think of the logistics of it all.

“I haven’t seen you in years and the thought of going a week until I see you again makes me miss you already,” I breathe.

“I know,” he says back. “We’re finally together and have to be apart. But we are together, Chloe.”

His statement is almost a question, and I tip my head up, lips brushing over his. “Yes,” I whisper, unable to help myself. I kiss him, and Sam’s arms go around me, urging me onto him. Forgetting once again that we’re not exactly alone out here by the lake, I straddle Sam. He kisses me harder, tongue slipping past my lips.

Something splashes in the water at the edge of the dock, startling us both.

“It’s a fish,” Sam tells me, and I turn just in time to see it swim under the water. Laughing, I rake my fingers through Sam’s hair. “I get two or three days off in a row at least twice a month. I could come see you in LA.”

“I’d like that a lot.” I’m smiling as I talk, envisioning waking up in my bed next to Sam, and then getting coffee from my favorite little café on the way to the barn. In my vision, Sam is just as excited as I am to see Spartan, of course. But then I imagine him leaving, and the idea of only seeing each other a few times a month crushes the hope rising in my chest.

Stop it.

We can make it work.

“You can stay with me any time you want,” he rushes out, sweeping his hands up my back. “I’ll be at work, but knowing you’ll be there when I get off would be so fucking nice.”

“I will most likely be naked, waiting for you with a home-cooked meal.”

“Now you have to come stay with me.”

“Well, until this book is done, I won’t be cooking or cleaning much at all. If it wasn’t for my housekeepers, my house would be a disaster when I’m deep in the writing cave.”

“You need the day to work, don’t you?” He slips his fingers under the hem of my t-shirt.

“I should spend the day writing.”

“I should go and let you work,” he says, yet neither of us make an attempt to get up.

“In a minute.” I rest my forehead against his, sinking deeper onto his lap. I can hear boats going by behind me, but I don’t care. I’m here. With Sam.

It’s everything I ever wanted, and I’m terrified if I get up and we go our separate ways—even just for a few hours—what we have right now will fizzle out and things will go back to how they were before.