Chapter Forty-three

     Chapter Forty-three

Sam

“What?” Chloe asks, and the smile on her face fades away.

“My ex says she’s pregnant.” I swallow the vomit rising in my throat. Time slows, and I watch Chloe, heart racing as I wait for her to reply.

She pulls her hands from mine. “That is…that is definitely not what I thought you were going to—what?” She shakes her head.

“Stacey…my, uh, ex, told me she’s pregnant and I’m the father.”

 Chloe, clearly stunned, steps back a few paces, dangerously close to the shallow shoreline. She brings a hand to her face and rubs her temples. Seconds tick by, and they feel like years. Say something, Chloe. Please. Anything.

Finally, she opens her mouth only to close it again. “Your ex-girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” I say, and a weight comes off my shoulders, though judging by the look on Chloe’s face, a heavy weight just landed on hers. “I know it’s a shock. It was for me too.”

Chloe closes her eyes, rubbing her forehead. “What?” she repeats. “I…I thought…I thought you were…you’re seeing other people?”

“No, I’m not. She came to me recently and said she just found out she’s pregnant. I’m not convinced the kid is even mine. We, um, we haven’t been together since June.”

“June?” Chloe echoes, closing her eyes again. “So…she’s…she’s…like halfway through the pregnancy already?”

“Yeah. She says it’s mine, but I’m getting a DNA test as soon as I can. Until then…I honestly don’t know how to go about this,” I admit.

“I don’t either,” she replies quickly and takes another few steps back before turning to look out at the lake.

“I’m so sorry, Chloe.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” she says after a moment of hesitation. “You didn’t do anything wrong, not really. I had my fair share of hookups in June too.”

“Really?”

“No. I was trying to make you feel better.” Her hand goes to her forehead, and she closes her eyes for a moment. “I can’t believe I thought…” She shakes her head at herself and then suddenly stiffens. “If you have a newborn, you won’t be able to travel overseas to visit me.” She says it as the thought occurs to her, but then looks guilty. “Not that you should be worrying about that. A, uh, baby is a big thing. Bigger than coming to see your girlfriend.”

She angles her body toward the lake, and I wish I could read her thoughts right now. Is she running everything through her head the same way I am? Trying to desperately figure out a way we can still make this all work out?

“Now I’m sorry.” She whirls around and steps back to me. “This is a shock to me, but it has to be even more so for you. How…how are you dealing with all of this? And Stacey? How has the pregnancy going for her?”

God damn, this woman. She’s so kind and caring and more than I’ll ever deserve. “I don’t think it’s fully set in yet,” I tell her. “And there’s a small part of me—okay, a big part—that’s hoping this kid isn’t mine. And I don’t know if that makes me a piece of shit or not, but I…I don’t want to start a family with anyone but you.” The words tumble out of my mouth, bringing me some relief to finally say them out loud. “But if it turns out that I am the…the father…I want to be a good dad.”

“You will be a good dad,” she says without missing a beat at the same time she’s trying to blink back tears. “Does your mom know she might get another grandkid?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I told my brothers right before we left. I, uh, want to wait to tell anyone else until I get the results from the paternity test.”

“Do you have to wait until the baby is born to run the test?”

“No, they can safely be done during pregnancy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. There’s a noninvasive test we can do as soon as Stacey gets her first ultrasound to make sure she’s not carrying multiples. She should get the ultrasound soon.”

“That’s why Mason was acting odd,” she says quietly, as if talking to herself. Letting out another breath, Chloe pulls away from me and walks back toward the lake. I catch the confliction on her face and hate that I’m putting her in this situation. She’s upset—of course—but feels bad for being upset. She has a heart of gold and I’d pummel anyone who dared hurt her.

So what do I do when the person who keeps hurting her is me?

“And it’s probably one of those tests that takes a while to get the results in, right?”

“I’d assume so. I haven’t looked into it that much. All I know is it’s a safe way of finding out who the father is before birth. It just requires a blood sample from Stacey and salvia from me.”

Chloe wraps her arms around herself and bobs her head up and down. “It’s neat how far technology has come. If that’s even considered technology.” She picks up a rock and tosses it into the water, watching the ripples circle out from where the stone sank below the surface.

“Until then,” I start and take a step toward her, “I’m going to assume it’s mine and be there for Stacey. I don’t want to regret anything, ya know?”

Chloe sniffles and quickly wipes her eyes. “Of course. I’ve always admired how much the Harrises have valued family. And this kid—it could be your son or daughter.”

The thought of having a son or a daughter makes me almost dizzy. I’m not ready to be a parent yet, and I’m definitely not ready to try to navigate fatherhood with someone I can never love in return.

“This is all overwhelming,” I admit. “I don’t know what to do, but I do know I want us to be together. You are the one I love, Chloe. I know this changes things, but we can still be together.”

Chloe nods and more tears start to fall from her eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s, um…um…how, Sam? I’m in LA and you’re here, and once you have a baby, how are we supposed to travel and see each other?”

“We’ll figure it out.” I reach for her hand. “Somehow. I want to be with you.”

“What we want and what…what is right aren’t always the same.”

My heart lurches in my chest. Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say.

“Maybe…” she continues. “Maybe the universe kept us apart for a reason before. The timing was always wrong. I was too young. You had a girlfriend. I moved away…I thought we were kept apart so we could fight to get back together but maybe…maybe it’s just not meant to be.”

She wipes tears from her face and turns back around. “Sit with me?”

“Of course.” I put my arm around her, and we move a few yards down the lakefront, sitting on a large rock. Chloe keeps her arms tight against her body, staring out at the lake. A few minutes pass in silence.

“If the baby is yours,” Chloe starts, voice thin. “Then what?”

“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “Stacey and I will have to work out the details. Just know I want to be with you.”

“Is that what Stacey wants?” she asks carefully.

“No,” I go on, continuing the honesty. “She…she thought we would get back together once I found out she was pregnant.”

“Oh, wow.” Chloe pulls a section of her hair over her shoulder and starts twisting it around her fingers.

“It was never serious between us,” I remind her. “And I was always upfront about that. I knew I’d never love anyone else because I was still in love with you. I am still in love with you.”

Chloe just nods and lets her head fall against my shoulder. It feels so good to have her against me, and the thought of her not coming back kills me.

Her phone rings, vibrating in the pocket of her winter jacket. She pulls it out just to silence the call.

“I never took Stacey home to meet my family and I never met hers,” I go on, hoping that I’m reassuring Chloe. “I really wanted to keep things no-strings.”

“And now you could be sharing the biggest commitment with her. I’m sorry,” she apologizes again. “I don’t mean to sound petty or bitchy.” She pushes her hair back. “I’m coming off as selfish too. If the baby is yours, then you should be there. I want you with me, but again, what we want isn’t always the right thing. The baby will need you, and I know you’re going to be an amazing father for that child.”

I swallow the lump in my throat and try to find the words that will make everything okay. I come up empty-handed and instead take Chloe’s hand, holding it and never wanting to let go.

Her phone rings again, and the same name as before flashes across the screen.

“Should you get that?” I ask.

“It’s my assistant. She’ll leave a message if it’s important.”

We sit in silence for just a moment before Chloe’s voicemail alert goes off. Sighing, she listens to her message, frown deepening.

“Everything okay?” I give her hand a squeeze.

“In theory. My meeting got moved to tomorrow and my assistant changed my flight so I’d get home in time.”

“When do you have to leave?”

“Tonight.”