Chapter Forty-four

Chapter Forty-four

Chloe

I drop my bags in the kitchen and walk through my large, empty house, going upstairs to my bedroom. I’m always a little freaked out to come home to an empty house after I’ve been away from a while. I have a top-of-the-line security system, so logically, I know no one could be in the house without setting off the alarm. I can go through the activity log from the last few days too and make sure no doors or windows have been opened, giving myself peace of mind.

Though right now, I could use the distraction. I had a lot of time to think on the plane, and I came to the conclusion that while this sucks, I’m being dramatic. Single parents date with no issues.  But starting a long-distance relationship while taking care of a newborn is a lot, and I can’t expect Sam, who already works long hours at a highly stressful job, to be able to fly to California for a quick weekend to romp around the set of a TV show with me.

And there’s no way he can come visit me in Europe.

It wouldn’t be responsible of him to leave his new baby, putting the stress on Stacey. It’s a lot for them both, and while I don’t doubt Sam when he says he loves me and not her, they have to go through this together. Sam will do what is right and, as much as it will hurt to see him holding his child, we can make it work.

Can’t we?

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I arm the house alarm and strip out of my clothes. I take a quick shower, brush my teeth, and collapse into bed. I’m exhausted and have to get up soon to get ready for the meeting. But my mind won’t shut off, and when I finally do fall asleep, I dream about Sam and Stacey. In my dream, she’s tall, blonde, and gorgeous, looking like a supermodel version of Lauren. Their baby is adorable—of course—and Sam realizes he actually loves Stacey and wants them to be a family.

I wake half an hour before my alarm is supposed to go off and sit up, heart racing. Am I the villain here? I’ve written a few surprise-pregnancy books and the parents always get together in the end, professing the feelings they’ve been denying all along, and then become one big happy family. He loves me, but he obviously liked Stacey enough to keep sleeping with her. What if what we have wears off or he realizes I’m not all he thought me up to be?

Bottom line, the kid has to come first.

*

“Hey, big guy.” I pull a treat out of my pocket and wait for Spartan to slowly make his way over to me. I came to the barn straight from the meeting, needing some horse therapy. The terms of the contract were changed, like my agent said. Some were definitely in my favor, but a few others aren’t sitting well with me. Particularly having a ghost writer continue writing as me when the show will be heavily advertised as a Chloe Fisher Original. We tried to push for me to get final approval, and the network was open to it, I just don’t see how I’ll have time to do that and work on my own stuff at the same time.

“You’re off the hook for work today,” I tell him. “I had boots in my car but no breeches. And yes, you can laugh at me for wearing a pants suit to the barn.” I crawl through the fence and turn around, letting him rub his dirt-covered head on my back, not caring if the Gucci gets dirty.

My mind hasn’t stopped whirling since Sam told me his ex could be pregnant with his child, and now with the network saying they want an answer as soon as possible, I’m feeling overwhelmed.

Thank god for this horse. I stay in the pasture with him until I’m hot from the sun, and then take him into the barn and spend a good thirty minutes brushing him. The world melts away when I’m with Spartan, but everything comes rushing back as soon as I get into the car to leave. My phone was almost dead, so I left it in my car to charge. Starting my car first so I can get the AC going, I pick up my phone and see a text from Sam. He’s on-call this afternoon into evening, and goes back to working back-to-back shifts tomorrow.

Sam: I love you, Chloe. Always.

He added a little lightning bolt, and I smile at his Harry Potter reference. I call him and get his voicemail. Assuming he got called into surgery, I leave him a message.

“I love you too. Call me when you get a chance.” Pausing, I feel like there’s more I should say, but my mind blanks. I hate when people blindly tell you it’ll be all right. I heard it enough after my mom died and all it did was make me feel worse. Maybe things will be all right, but right now, they’re far from it.

I’m halfway home when my phone rings, but it’s Charles, not Sam.

“You’re back in LA and didn’t tell me?” he asks as soon as I answer his call.

“Stalker,” I shoot back.

“You make stalking easy when you post your horse on your I*******m stories.”

“Hah, true. And yes, I had to rush back here for a meeting.” I let out a sigh.

“And?”

“And I don’t know what to do.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, slowing at a red light.

“About the meeting?”

“About life.”

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“That…that I’m not sure on either.” Tears start to pool in my eyes.

“Where are you?”

“Heading home from the barn.”

“I’m downtown…want to meet for lunch? Our usual place?”

“Yeah,” I tell him. “I’ll be there soon.”

*

I stick my fork in my salad, pushing kale around my plate. I’m hungry but have no appetite.

“Spill,” Charles says, flicking his eyes to a little group of people who are gathered along the sidewalk. His security guards do a good job keeping them at bay, but I miss the days when we could go out to lunch and not have people gawk at us.

"You know about Sam.”

He wiggles his eyebrows. “The hot doctor. Yes. Tell me all about him.”

I can’t help the tears from coming. “He…he…”

Concern takes over Charles’ face. “What did he do?”

“I…I thought he was going to propose to me because he was acting all weird.” I close my eyes and take in a slow breath. “He took me to the lake and was talking about how much he wanted to spend the future with me and how he always knew it was me he wanted to be with. But I was wrong, so wrong.”

“He broke up with you?”

“No,” I reply and feel like I’m being dramatic all over again. “He…he said his on-and-off-again hookup came to him saying she’s pregnant.”

“With his child? I know, I know. I need to clarify.”

“That’s what she’s saying. They weren’t exclusive, and the last time they hooked up was June. He said he wants to get a paternity test to be sure.”

Charles leans back, looking at me for a few seconds before speaking again. “Where are you at mentally?”

“I don’t know,” I confess, voice breaking. “I don’t know what to do or what to think. He didn’t do anything wrong. They had a no-strings thing that he called off in the summer, and she just came to him recently to tell him she’s pregnant. I can’t be mad at either of them, and he still wants to be with me, but…but…am I an asshole for hating this? I feel so selfish.”

“You’re not selfish, and I think anyone would be rightly upset to find out their boyfriend got someone pregnant, strings or no strings. It changes the course of your relationship.”

“Exactly.” Tears roll down my cheeks and I do my best to wipe them away without smearing the makeup. “We’re already in different states. Being unattached to anything other than work was what gave us hope. With a baby, I can’t ask Sam to come here for the weekend. It just makes everything seem impossible.”

“Nothing is impossible, and I’m quoting you on that.”

“I know.” I let out a shaky breath. “But it feels like it. I’m here. He’s in Chicago. We’re going to be traveling all over the world for the next PR tour, and if I sign on as a writer to that show I was telling you about, I’ll be overseas for half the year.”

Pausing, I reach for my water and take a drink, trying to calm myself down. But it does little good. Because I can’t fight the thoughts anymore.

“I always felt like the universe kept us apart as a cruel joke. Like some outside force laughed as it watched me pine after someone I could never have. Maybe this is its final act. Finally letting me get a taste of what could have been before ripping it out from under my feet.”

Tears roll down my cheek. “Maybe I should have listened all along, because Sam Harris and I are not meant to be.”