Ikatlong Kabanata - Panaginip ng Nakaraan

"Umm… takeru…" I mumbled his name as he slowly thrust his big thing inside my back hole.

I couldn’t see his face, but I already knew what kind of face he was making during our sex. I felt his vibrating chest in my back as I heard his panting behind my ears as he leaned a little. He bit my ears a little and licked my earlobes.

It made me shiver whenever he did this to me. For some reason, it makes me even more sensitive while he’s thrusting his big thing inside me.

"Aoi…" he moaned my name.

We started having sex as soon as he came. I felt that there was something wrong, but I drowned myself in pleasure.

After having sex, he carried me to the bathroom, and we stayed there a little while.

"Aoi.." he called me again, hugging me from behind.

I looked up a little to see his expression, but I couldn't, and it made me frown. "Takeru," I said, turning to face him. "Is there something wrong?" I asked.

It makes me scared whenever he’s acting like this. I know I shouldn’t because we've already been mates for almost two years. He’s also always taking care of me whenever I am not sick or in heat. He never argues with me on small matters. Things like this feel surreal for everyone. We fought, of course; we’re just a normal couple like everyone else, but we never fought over some trivial matters.

He shook his head. "Nothing."

My brows furrowed. "Takeru, I know that you know that I know when you’re lying, right?"

He looked away and hugged me even more. "I really had no problem," he said as he buried his face in my shoulder. "Do you believe me?"

"No, I don’t." He flinched. "But I trust you," I added.

We stayed like that for a while, and then he took care of me. This kind of thing is normal for me now.

Noong una kaming mag-sex I was embarrassed when he did all the care I needed after sex. Hindi ko kasi ine-expect na ganito siya. It made me feel even more secure and loved.

"You trust me?" he said, tilting his head.

I raise an eyebrow. "Is that even a question?"

He shook his head immediately and helped me put my robe on my body. "No, not at all."

Our time together decreases after that day. I knew that his family didn’t like me when he introduced me to them. It hurts me so much, but I gather all my courage and my strength to face them. They said that I wasn’t enough for Takeru, that I wasn’t the right omega for him. They also said that I ruined Takeru's life by letting him bite my neck.

Hearing those words from the people who grew up with Takeru hurts me the most. Since that day, I have refused to see them. There was some invitation from them that I needed to attend to, but I did not. I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of them.

They hate me because I have no proper background.

As the days passed by, napapansin ko na pagabi na nang pagabi ang uwi ni Takeru. It’s not that I am complaining, but I felt that it was kind of odd. Before, he said that he wouldn’t stay outside for too long because he wanted to go home and have a rest beside me. However, right now it’s not.

When I heard the door click, I knew that he was already here. "You’re here," I mumbled as I welcomed him.

He frowned. "You’re not asleep yet?" he asked.

I smiled a little. He reeks of alcohol. I shook my head. "No, I was waiting for you," I replied.

He did not speak but kissed me on the cheek. He then went to the bathroom to take a shower. Every night, the set up was like that.

Then, one night.

I frowned. "Takeru…" I mumbled.

He looked at me, drunk. "Oh, Aoi." I flinched when he said my name indifferently. It was as if I was the same as the others to him.

What’s going on?

Not only that… "You… you smelled another omega…" I took my next step forward. "What the heck are you doing, Takeru?"

I felt like I was going to burst. I held my tears as I looked at him. He smelled himself and shrugged. "I don’t smell it at all."

"Of course you won’t be able to smell it because you can only smell mine!" I raised my voice a little.

"Aoi, you’re over reacting."

My jaw dropped. "W—what?"

"You’re over reacting. It's not like I can have sex with another omega," he stated.

Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa sinabi niya. I felt like my feet were glued to where I was.

"Takeru, what the hell are you talking about?"

I’m quite confused. He’s not like this. Why is he being like this?

"Let me take a rest, okay? Don’t make me argue with you." He then gave me a dominating pheromone.

What he did broke my heart into pieces. He had never done that to me before, and he even promised me that he wouldn’t ever do what the other alphas did to their omegas.

He was the one who reeked of alcohol and had another omega’s scent, but he was the one who was angry. Takeru, what the hell is going on?

I liked what he did. I did not talk about it.

In other words, for days we did not talk. He even tried to have sex with me, but I couldn’t. His having the scent of another omega without even explaining to me feels like betrayal. I waited for him to explain that, but he didn’t.

"I’m tired. Let me sleep." I brushed his hand on my hips.

"What the fuck!"

I flinched a little but did not budge. I heard him complaining about it, but when the call entered his phone, he then cursed more as he answered it. He did not even say good bye to me when he left.

Hindi siya umuwi ng ilang araw. Naghintay ako pero hindi pa rin.

I sat down on a sofa and turned on the TV. But, I guess that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I felt my chest being squeezed, like it was being torn into pieces, stabbing knives.

I couldn’t help but sob as I watched the news.

"The only hire of the Orries family is finally engaged! Everyone did not know that he’s currently dating the only omega of the Robert family, Shion Robert. The engagement between them was revealed by Takeru’s family and told everyone that their family as well as Takeru Orries are serious about this matter—"

I turned off my phone.

Why?

Hindi ko mapigilan ang hindi humikbi habang pinipilit ko na kumalma but couldn’t. Even breathing is difficult for me, as I violently patted my chest.

Why are you doing this to me, Takeru? I thought you were ready to have a family with me anytime. Why are you doing this to me?

Is he the one? Is he the owner of that scent? Was he always with you whenever you got home late?

I felt betrayed.

I cry even harder.

Is that the reason why he did not go home for days? Was it?

I felt like I lost all the rationality that I have in my body as I lost my strength as well. I stared at the nothingness as I cried.

My mind was full of chaos. I felt like I wanted to die. I even heard a lot of ringing in my phone, but I couldn’t even pick it up.

Will he come home tonight to end things between us?

I sadly smiled. I lay down on the couch as I still sat staring at nothing. I don’t know which is more painful, my heart or the back of my neck where his mark is.

I sat up when I heard the clicking sound of the door unlocking. I stared at his silhouette in the dark.

"Why is it so dark here?" I looked away before he opened the light behind the door. I did not look at him, I let him speak once again. "What are you doing there?" He sounded concerned.

"Why?"

I almost couldn’t let my voice out. It almost cracked.

"Huh?"

"Why are you doing this to me?" I couldn’t help but to sob. "Engage? What the fuck is this, Takeru!?"

I heard his calm sigh. "Aoi, let's end this thing between us."

I froze. I feel like my heart is tearing into pieces.

"W—what?"

He looked at me like I wasn’t part of his face. "Now that you know about it, I wouldn’t have to discuss this with you. Let’s end everything between us and don’t come after me."

I couldn’t help my tears to flow from my eyes. "Why?"

"I just feel like I wanted to engage with that omega."  Para akong sinabugan ng bomba sa sinabi ni Takeru. "This apartment, I’ll give it to you as an apology for marking you."

What? An apology for marking me?

Is he regretting marking me?

I stared at his eyes, but I couldn’t properly see them. My eyes were blurring. Is he regretting everything between us?

I looked down and stared at my feet. I did not speak; I only stared at it.

"Is it really what you want?" I asked calmly.

I don’t want to be part of him, I don’t want him to leave, and I don’t want to end things between us. But, I don’t want to throw away the pride that I have, which is the only thing that keeps me alive.

"Yes."

I sobbed even more after hearing his response. I tried to calm myself by taking a deep breath and standing up. I smiled at him. "All right," I said with a trembling voice. "Thank you for everything. I wish for your happiness."

"Thank you," he mumbled and left.

When I heard the clicking sound of the door, I couldn’t help but sob even more. I feel like my heart is being torn into pieces while being stabbed with a knife. I couldn’t breathe properly as I held the back of my nape when I felt that something was going on at my bond mark.

No, not this one. This is the only thing that he left to me.

I gasped and sat up suddenly. I held and massaged the temples of my head.

I groan. "That dream again," I whispered.

Simula noong nakita ko siya sa wedding boutique nagsimula na naman na mapanaginipan ko ang pinaka masakit na pangyayari sa buhay ko.

Our break up.

Simula noong araw na ‘yun unti unti nang kinakain ng bond namin ang buhay ko. That’s the consequence of the broken bond. It will eat you slowly but painfully.

I pick up my phone. "Damn, it’s still early to prepare."

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako at saka tumayo. It’s still four in the morning and still early to get ready, but I took my pair of jerseys to jog.

Walang katao tao sa labas ng apartment at kahit na bukas na bukas pa rin ang convenience store ay iilan pa lang ang mga tao sa labas. May iilan din na mga sasakyan pero hindi it oaksing dami ng sasakyan kapag umaga.

Pagkatapos ko mag jogging ay nagpunta na ako sa convenience store at saka bumili ng almusal. After that, I went home. Ayoko na magtagal sa convenience store na ‘yon dahil pakiramdam ko ay makakakita ako ng mga taong hindi ko gusto makita.

I should get ready to go to work.

I saw Kenji’s text asking me if I was alright at ganoon din naman ang iba sa circle. Well, we all lied that day. I have no other alpha and I have no intention of removing my gland.

I still want him, but I know my place. I will not ruin his life, even though it will kill me.