Ikalima na Kabanata - Ang Sakit na Dinadala

Nagmamadali kong umalis sa harapan nila at nagpunta sa pinaka malapit na Omega restroom. I was uncomfortable; simula pa lang nang pumasok ako sa room kung nasaan si Takeru. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko kakayanin kung mag-stay pa ako sa isang lugar kasama siya.

I opened the farthest cubicle and sat down on the toilet. I clenched my fist in my chest as I tried to calm myself.

Inhabitor…

My inhabitor…

Nagmamadali akong nagkalkal sa bag ko. Shit! My hands were trembling, and it makes it even harder for me to see my inhabitor. Sigurado akong naglagay ako ng walo sa bag ko. Sigurado akong nandito lang iyon.

Shit bakit wala?!

My breathing is getting heavier and heavier; my lips and hands are trembling; my legs have no strength; I feel hot; I feel like I want to be in his embrace.

Seeing him makes me feel happy, but at the same time, it makes me feel jealous and envious. I think I already know the reason why my heat was triggered earlier than I expected. Hindi lang ito dahil sa nagkita kaming muli kundi dahil sa selos ko dahil may kasama siyang ibang omega at dahil na rin sa inggit ko. I was so damn envious of that omega!

Naghalungkat lang ako sa loob ng bag ko hanggang sa makapa ko na ang syringe. Kaagad ko naman ibinaba ang bag ko at kumuha ako ng apat.

My circumstances were different from the normal omega. When I wasn’t mated yet, I only had to take one. However, right now, since the bond was broken, I have to take four special inhabitor syringes just to make myself feel okay. It was harmful to my body, but I had no choice.

I tried to use one, but nothing happened. It only made me feel more depressed as I continued to crave and lust over my mate.

Noong unang makaranas ako ng heat na wala si Takeru ay para akong mababaliw. Sa loob ng isang linggo, talang ginawa ko ang lahat para lang maka-survive. I have an alpha, but I couldn’t even be with him during those times. It was as if my whole life vanished in an instant.

Nag-consult ako sa mga omega professional doctors para rito, at mayroon din akong personal na doctor, kaya hindi ko kailangan mag-alala. He was the one who was always with me during my heat. He always monitored me and even tried his best to finish his research. He wanted me to be the first one to try it.

Napasandal ako sa pader, nakalaylay ang dalawa kong kamay, at nakatulala na lamang ako sa kisame ng cubicle na pinasukan ko nang matapos ko nang itusok ang apat na syringe sa wrist ko.

A tear escaped from my eye. I feel like I want to die already. If it wasn’t for my family and my friends, I wouldn’t have endured this much.

"Aoi, I don’t think your body can handle this anymore. Can you please consider the gland removal surgery? Taking more than one special inhabitor every month will only harm your body. Not only that, your bond… your bond will be your death."

Napangiwi na lang ako nang maalala ko ang salita ng doctor ko. Right, this bond will be the death of me. Pero wala akong balak na alisin ito. Ito lamang ang nag-iisang bagay na natira sa akin, nag-iisang ala-ala na binigay sa akin ni Takeru.

Napapikit na lamang ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ko na pakiramdam ko ay makakatulog ako. Alam ko na hindi magandang makatulog dito pero anong magagawa ko? I really want to die.

I want to die.

"Aoi? Aoi?"

Napakunot ang noo ko nang marinig ko ang isang pamilyar na boses. Napaupo ako nang maayos at napahawak sa dibdib ko nang maamoy ko ang isang pamilyar na amoy. It was Takeru’s scent. His scent, his body scent, his pheromones...

I want him...

Takeru, I want him.

Tinapik tapik ko nang mahina ang dibdib ko at saka ako huminga nang malalim. Sumandal akong muli sa dingding at hindi sumagot. Bakit ako sasagot? Hindi naman siya nag-iisa.

Paano ko nalaman? Naamoy ko na kasama niya ang omega niyang fiancé. Scent is different from pheromones. Dahil mated na kaming dalawa ni Takeru, kahit na broken bond ang meron kaming dalawa, hindi pa rin mapagkakaila na ang pheromones lang naming dalawa ang naamoy namin.

The scent is different. Scent is our way to distinguish what gender the person is. As an omega, kaya kong malaman kung isa bang omega o alpha, ang isang tao base lamang sa kaniyang scent at ganoon din naman ang alpha at iba pang omega.

I heard a knock on my cubicle door. "Aoi? Are you there? Are you okay?"

Napakagat ako ng ibabang labi. Why? Why are you doing this? Bakit ganiyan ang tono ng boses mo? Ibang iba sa boses na ginamit mo noong tinapos mo ang lahat sa ating dalawa.

Bumagsak ang luha ko ng hindi ko namamalayan. Tumayo ako at inayos ko ang sarili ko. Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko pinunasan ang luha sa mga mata ko. Kinuha ko ang bag at saka binuksan ang cubicle door.

From that moment on, pakiramdam ko gustong gusto ko na tumalon para yakapin at halikan siya ngunit pinigilan ko. Lumipat ang tingin ko sa omega na nasa likuran niya at saka tumingin muli kay Takeru.

"Anong problema?" walang gana kong tanong habang inaayos ang bag ko.

He looks like hes about to hug me.

Why? Why are you doing this? You are the one who stopped and ended things between us, right? Why are you looking at me like that? Looking like I’ve hurt you.

I should be the one who looks more hurt.

Pakiramdam ko ilang beses na akong tinapakan tuwing nakikita ko silang dalawa na magkasama. Kung siguro wala akong tinatago, kung siguro isa akong palaaway na omega, kung siguro hindi maganda ang pagpapalaki sa akin ng mga magulang ko baka nakagawa na ako ng gulo ngayon.

Sinong omega ang hahayaan na makita ang kaniyang alpha na may ibang kasama na omega? Ako lang ata.

Ako lang ata ang omega na kayang matiis ang ganito.

"Um… I…"

I raised an eyebrow. Wala bang balak ang isang ito na magsalita ng maayos? "We didn’t see each other for years, and now you forgot to speak?" I snorted. "Kung wala kang sasabihing maganda, then stop."

I was about to pass him by, but he grabbed my arms. I felt like an electricity shock made my whole body tremble.

He retracted his hand immediately and looked at me in disbelief. I also looked at him, dumbfounded.

What just the hell happened?

"Um, I heard from Shion that you came here and he smelled your pheromones." Kumunot naman ang noo ko at napatingin sa omega na nasalikuran niya. "He said that you were in trouble, so he called me—"

"And then?" I cut him off. "So what if I am in trouble?" I added, looking at him as if I didn’t even care anymore. "Takeru, we’ve been away from each other for too long. Aren’t you forgetting something?" I said it sarcastically.

"Aoi…"

I took a deep breath and said, "Takeru, why don’t you just tear out that hypocrisy thats written in your face?" I looked at myself, shocked. Of course, this is the first time he's heard something like that from me. I wasn’t the person who talked bad, so he was quite surprised, I guess. "Could you please stop acting as if you’re concern? You are not worthy; you don’t have to."

"No—I—"

Itinaas ko ang kamay ko na walang hawak at saka ko tinaas ang kilay ko. "Are you really mocking me, Takeru?" He took a step back, and I sighed. "Kilala mo ako, Takeru. Alam mo kung anong klaseng tao ako lalo na kapag kinakalaban ako. Stop acting and stop showing me that so-called care of yours. It made me feel like a shit. Okay?"

Napatingin ako sa omega na nasa likuran niya at nakita ko na napangiwi lang ito. Wala akong balak na makipag-usap sa kanilang dalawa kaya naman tumalikod na ako at handa nang umalis. Bago ako lumabas ng restroom ay tumigil ako sandali para ilaglag ang apat na syringe sa basurahan.

Wala akong pakialam kung makita man nila iyon o hindi. Ang sa akin lang, gusto ko sana na huwag silang magsama sa iisang lugar. Bigyan naman sana nila ako ng respeto.

I chose the stairwell over the elevator. Pakiramdam ko kasi iiyak ako at hindi ko talaga ito mapipigilan. Nang makarating ako sa may hagdan, nakakaisang hakbang pa lang ako ay napaupo na ako. Napahawak ako sa railings at saka ko naramdaman ang sunod sunod na pagpatak ng luha ko.

I couldn’t breathe. Seeing him with other omegas makes me feel like I'm tearing apart; I feel like I’m going to die in an instant. I want to run rampant, I want to take him back; I really want to. However, what could I do? I… I don’t want everyone to know.

I couldn’t see anything; I only used my feet and my hands to guide myself. My eyes were blurry from the tears that wouldn’t stop falling.

It was hard to see him, but it was harder to see him with others.

My phone rings.

Ayoko sanang sagutin but I have to. I couldn’t see the caller, so I just tried to make my lips and voice stable.

"Hello?"

"What the fuck?"

Just from the sound of the voice, I knew who it was. "Haru…"

I couldn’t contain the feeling I’ve been trying to hide and suppress. I sobbed hardly as I called Haru. I could hear him panicking while calling my name.

"Aoi, wait for me, okay? Wait, papalitan ko lang si baby ng diaper at damit. Aalis ako agad. Hintayin mo ako, okay?"

Hindi man niya nakikita ay tumango pa rin ako. "Okay…"

"Aoi?"

Idinilat ko ang mga mata ko at kahit na nanlalabo ang mga mata ko ay alam ko na si Haru ang nasa harapan ko. His scent tells me so.

"Haru…"

"Aoi, okay ka lang ba?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Haru, habang hawak hawak ang kamay ko. "Okay ka na ba? Did you fell asleep?"

Napatigil ako. Right, I think nakatulog ako ng kaunti. Tumango ako. "I’m fine."

Tinulungan ako ni Haru at saka kami bumaba ng hagdan. Mabuti na lang at 24/7 ang operation ng company ni Ryosuke at hindi kami mahihirapan. Isa pa, kilala rin kami rito dahil nakapunta na kami rito kasama si Kenji.

I smiled at Haru. "Hindi ba hassle sa ‘yo ‘to?" tanong ko, nakangiting nakatingin sa baby niya.

Mayroon siyang baby bag kaya naman hindi siya nahihirapan na dalahin ang baby niya.

Umiling si Haru. "Anong mahirap? Sa tingin ko mas mahirap ang kalagayan mo ngayon." Inamoy amoy naman niya ako. "Did you just go in heat?" tanong ko.

Marahan akong tumango at nakangiting naglakad. "I went into heat, and I think it was because I was jealous and envious."

"Jealousy? Envy?"

Napayuko naman at pinanood ang mga yabag ko. "I saw him with his Omega fiancé."

"That fucking alpha!"

Mahina naman akong natawa. "Why are you more angry than I am?"

Nakita ko naman na sinamaan ako ni Haru ng tingin kaya namatikom na lang ako ng bibig. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit pero hindi ako galit kay Takeru. I am not angry, I am not mad. I feel nothing. Maybe because I feel exhausted? Or maybe there’s nothing left anymore? When he broke his bond with me, a surge of emptiness immediately covered my heart.

It was as if nothing more were left of me.

"Alam mo ayoko talaga kapag nakikita kang ngumingiti nang ganiyan." Tumingin ako kay Haru. "Every time you smile whenever you’re hurt, it makes us feel like a shit. Hindi naming alam kung paano ka namin matutulungan at hindi rin namin alam kung may maitutulong ba kami."

"I’m okay, I thought," I answered him immediately.

"Kaya nga hindi naming alam kung paano ka namin matutulungan," he said, sounding like he was depressed. "Gustong gusto ka naming tulungan pero ikaw itong may ayaw. You know how much we cared for you; that’s why you tried your best not to show us that you’re hurt," he added. Napatigil naman ako sa paglalakad. "Aoi, you have us. If you can’t handle it anymore, you can come to any of us. We've got your back," he added.

I bit my lip as I tried to stop myself from crying. I already cried enough for today.

Haru accompanied me and even let me sleep in his house. Para akong bata na binabantayan ng mommy ko sa pagiging hands on niya.

"What’s your plan?" tanong ni Haru sa akin.

"Plan?"

He nodded his head. "Your plan. You know magiging katrabaho mo na siya," he explained.

I winced, then shrugged my shoulders. "I don’t know yet. Siguro depende." Mahina akong natawa sa sinabi ko. "Hindi ko talaga alam ang gagawin ko. Depende na lang siguro sa mga mangyayari," dagdag ko pa.

Bumuntong hininga na lang si Haru at saka hinayaan na lang ako. Sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko nagpapasalamat pa rin ako na mayroon akong kaibigan na gaya nila. My circle has always been my source of strength and motivation, aside from my family. They always pushed me whenever I wanted to stop, they always had my back.

Kaya naman ngumingiti lang ako sa harapan nila kahit na sobrang sakit na. I don’t want them to worry about me. I don’t want them to see me in pain. It makes me feel more depressed and anxious as they worry about me.

Ah…

A fake smile is indeed the best way to hide my broken heart and injured soul.

Napahawak naman ako sa likod ng leeg ko. Ah, it stings.