Dear Chaos Diary,Not in a thousand lifetimes would I have imagined that everything would end up like this. My conscience is clear, I was honest all along. With myself and with them.I helped wrap up a story that wasn't even mine. So don't ask me again to feel guilt that isn't my place to bear.Loretta says I went too far. Ethan says I should be in psychiatric treatment with Peter. Everyone says something. But nobody lives for us.We are our choices.And I chose to just live. Live as you can. Live with fulfilling my desires whenever possible. Live Free. No strings attached. No label.Which is not to say without love. Love can be translated in other ways.Not just in that romanticized way, like in books and movies.The genuine love we feel for ourselves and our loved ones, that, yes, should be a priority.Then no. I will not take a fault that is not mine.I'm sorry, spare me, but no.The sick are the others.Those who hide behind trauma, I don't see courage. I see fear.I see cowardice
“This is about my first time with Doug. He was experienced and I was just a girl. I tried to describe in detail. Enjoy it!Being warm in Doug's arms inside the car was quite inviting considering the chilly Perth night. After the brief flurry of sincerities in the square, we decided to ease the tension with a lighter conversation inside the car. Talk, and some kisses, of course. We talk about different topics. College, family, future. Until, perhaps a little motivated by the effect of the beer, I decided to take the conversation to more uncomfortable paths. After the honesty shown in Doug's words in the square, and after, even after midnight and with a few pints of beer, he hadn't tried anything, I felt more than ever that I could trust him. I felt safe to the point that my desire increased every minute I stayed close to him."You must be quite experienced" I hinted.He chose to ignore it and placated the silence with a kiss. But I had to insist."Well, more than me for sure."What dif
From the bus window, I begin to recognize the place where my father said he would be next to the new house. By my count, there's only another ten minutes to go.I don't know if it was reading during the trip, the many turns the bus took or everything together, but I feel extremely nauseous, hoping that the bus arrives at its destination soon.I avoid eating cookies anymore, I've come to despise them in the last few days, so these are the ones I love so much.I check my phone quickly, no messages. Screen light also gives me a headache. The truth is, I've been feeling weird with unprecedented frequency these past few days. I also felt that my hips are a little wider. I need to stop eating cookies at dawn.Suddenly, the cell phone rings. It's Loretta."Hey friend.""Hi, babe. Are you there yet?""Hmm... almost. Not long, why?""Nothing, I just wanted to know if it arrived okay."" Missing your crazy friend already, I know." Also." She nods. "Don't forget to say hello to Ethan." Never m
I knew I was irreversibly in trouble on the first day of school. Actually, no. The first few hours of class. My stepmother's insistence that I enroll in the English language course made a lot more sense as soon as my eyes met his. Much more than the shallow reason she had given in trying to convince me. You love reading and writing, you will find yourself in this course.True, I love reading and writing. But in the last few weeks I have been discovering a third activity that I never imagined could give me so much satisfaction.Today I can't see myself without it. Without them. My God, where is that concentrated and focused girl I was and what have you done with her?So that you understand better, I will tell you from the beginning. Not that I am being kind, it's just that, particularly, I love to remember every detail that brought me to the delicious mess I am in now.***Shortly after I received my High School certificate, Lysa, my stepmother, held tightly one of my arms and said:
I should be careful or I would be the victim of more bumps throughout the day. Of course, I hadn't told Peter about this yet, but I was a master at disasters of this kind. Naturally clumsy and inattentive. I worked at it constantly, but here I am, at university, and nothing has changed. I am still a walking slowpoke."My room is 308. Thanks so much for the help with the suitcase and... nice to meet you. Really, really nice to meet you. That's it.”"Mine, let me see... is 105. I'm going to stay on the first floor anyway, which is a relief for my knees.”I rolled my eyes. Of course he could only be joking, talking like that, like an old man. "Thanks for the company. I no longer consider myself a lonely fledgling.”"Take it easy, okay. We're not friends…”" Yet." We said, together."Yay! Bye, Peter!". I dragged the suitcase into my possession again, turning my back on him. No more goodbyes. We both knew that we would bump into each other many, many times on that campus.***Yeah, I kn
His full, unruly, gray hair matched perfectly with the gray beard that framed his face. His slightly square chin gave him a manly, seductive look. And, my God, he had that cursed genetic gift, the little hole in his chin. You could see it, despite the beard, which was very well aligned, by the way.I confess that older guys never called my attention that much. I was in the mood to be with people my own age or younger...like Ethan. Don't judge me, go. But that's a story I'll tell in more detail later, I promise.Back to the Linguistics I professor, I thought he was in his mid-forties by his build and raspy voice.He was white, tall, and with a deliciously up-to-date physique behind his aqua green social shirt, the same color as his eyes.And the look? Deep, seductive, with those thick yet aligned eyebrows. As soon as his eyes met mine, I couldn't help it. I was on fire inside.I had never felt something like this before, to be hit with just a look. But I had to cross my legs on the sp
With a precise movement, Max lifts me up by the waist and suddenly I am sitting on a sort of makeshift wooden table.The cubicle, almost unlit, was now like our parallel universe of chaos and lust. Max Anthon seemed to have urgency to comply with my request. All the movements he had made slowly seconds before were now replaced by precise, agile, firm gestures in pursuit of pleasure. Our pleasure, our anxiety.With enviable dexterity, he opened the two buttons of my jeans as if they were nothing. Inside my panties, my bocet@ was pulsating, my whole body on fire, it was so much desire that it seemed to sweat cold, out of any control."I don't do work by halves.”"What do you mean?". I asked, almost delirious with lust."You know very well.” He said, and didn't give me time to think. He violently pulled down my pants and the panties came down with them. Then he spread my legs wide apart, while I was still sitting on the small table, and squeezing my thighs, he squatted down and began t
"You are gone”. I am startled by Loretta's voice as I enter the room. She looks at me with an inquisitive look, as if she already knows everything. "I ran away, actually. I don't think this prank is funny at all.”"That's not to say that you're also lame…”Gee, you have no idea, Loretta."And where did you go?". She insisted, sitting with her legs folded over her bed. What a curious girl. I felt like confessing everything. But I still didn't know if I could trust her. Boy, it was the first day of school, wasn't it? "She looks tired”. Loretta continued, showing some irritation at my silence. "Tired? Oh, that I am. I had to walk a long way to avoid those inconvenient seniors. No offense”. Loretta laughed disproportionately to the mood of our conversation.I started to sort through my things to take to the shower. I was really exhausted and still in a frenzy inside. "You know you can trust me, right? To tell you anything”. She said, emphasizing the word anything. " Anything, real
From the bus window, I begin to recognize the place where my father said he would be next to the new house. By my count, there's only another ten minutes to go.I don't know if it was reading during the trip, the many turns the bus took or everything together, but I feel extremely nauseous, hoping that the bus arrives at its destination soon.I avoid eating cookies anymore, I've come to despise them in the last few days, so these are the ones I love so much.I check my phone quickly, no messages. Screen light also gives me a headache. The truth is, I've been feeling weird with unprecedented frequency these past few days. I also felt that my hips are a little wider. I need to stop eating cookies at dawn.Suddenly, the cell phone rings. It's Loretta."Hey friend.""Hi, babe. Are you there yet?""Hmm... almost. Not long, why?""Nothing, I just wanted to know if it arrived okay."" Missing your crazy friend already, I know." Also." She nods. "Don't forget to say hello to Ethan." Never m
“This is about my first time with Doug. He was experienced and I was just a girl. I tried to describe in detail. Enjoy it!Being warm in Doug's arms inside the car was quite inviting considering the chilly Perth night. After the brief flurry of sincerities in the square, we decided to ease the tension with a lighter conversation inside the car. Talk, and some kisses, of course. We talk about different topics. College, family, future. Until, perhaps a little motivated by the effect of the beer, I decided to take the conversation to more uncomfortable paths. After the honesty shown in Doug's words in the square, and after, even after midnight and with a few pints of beer, he hadn't tried anything, I felt more than ever that I could trust him. I felt safe to the point that my desire increased every minute I stayed close to him."You must be quite experienced" I hinted.He chose to ignore it and placated the silence with a kiss. But I had to insist."Well, more than me for sure."What dif
Dear Chaos Diary,Not in a thousand lifetimes would I have imagined that everything would end up like this. My conscience is clear, I was honest all along. With myself and with them.I helped wrap up a story that wasn't even mine. So don't ask me again to feel guilt that isn't my place to bear.Loretta says I went too far. Ethan says I should be in psychiatric treatment with Peter. Everyone says something. But nobody lives for us.We are our choices.And I chose to just live. Live as you can. Live with fulfilling my desires whenever possible. Live Free. No strings attached. No label.Which is not to say without love. Love can be translated in other ways.Not just in that romanticized way, like in books and movies.The genuine love we feel for ourselves and our loved ones, that, yes, should be a priority.Then no. I will not take a fault that is not mine.I'm sorry, spare me, but no.The sick are the others.Those who hide behind trauma, I don't see courage. I see fear.I see cowardice
I get up scared, I almost lose time. Ironic how much my last readings spoke to the situation I was currently going through.A question mark insists on pondering in my mind. But after Loretta broke into a fit of laughter after my last comparison, I never brought up the subject again.It won't be now that I'll be back. I felt compelled to go ahead with my plan above all else. I do one last check of my outfit and make the last adjustments to my makeup. It is at the same time light and seductive.I grab my bag and walk discreetly to the teacher council room. It's three minutes to five o'clock, Max will be waiting for me by now. Fortunately in the conversation I had with Stephen in that same room, Max was busy, in another class, and they didn't bump into each other.Perfect.I'm in front of the luxury wooden door. I look around, assess whether there might be someone lurking in the hallway.Anything.Perfect.I give three soft taps on the door and push it open without waiting for an answer.
“It was a fifteen-minute drive to a modest little house that was located among a few dozen trees, in an area far from the center. Louis and his brother, Gustave, were curious about our search for Jimmy's whereabouts and decided to also embark on “the investigation” after we summarized the story for them along the way." Is there anyone at home? " Paollo asked, as soon as he got out of the car, when he saw the whole place closed." Mary almost never leaves the house. Unless today is really not your lucky day. " Gustave said, trying to relax. Louis went ahead and knocked on the door, which a short time later opened. I breathed relieved. There was still hope of learning more about Jimmy after all." Hi, Mary. I've brought a visit. " Louis said, in a joking tone. The petite woman looked at us with an expression similar to that of the Indian lady. I would also be wary of foreigners on my doorstep. Louis explained the story quickly and she seemed to understand right away. In the end, she
“I also thank you for being honest with me, Professor."“And you said you had a proposal. I'm curious."“I know you're…” I smile slyly.“Okay, I'm listening."“First, I'd like to know how much you're willing to invest, not financially of course, in this pseudo relationship of ours.""After everything I just said, do you have any doubts that I would invest big? Max smiles."“High really high?”“What are you up to, Aria Thomas?” he inquired, completely anxious." I wanted to know if you would really do anything for me… including… trying a threesome."“And do you have any friends who would be up for it?” Or would it be a call girl?“No, you don't understand. I didn't say it would be with one more woman."Max briefly widens his eyes. Clearly, he hadn't expected this one."Well, I confess that it's something I've never done."“Everything has its first time."" I agree, but… it's audacious of you."“I'm proposing this to you because I figured you were an open-minded guy."“I'm open-minded.
When class ends and all the students leave the room, including Loretta who runs to the next auditorium, I remain seated to talk to Max.I see he sent a message on his cell phone."Wait for me here or in the council room, please."Geez, he really doesn't want to let me get away.But before I even got the message, I was already determined not to go out to have this conversation with him. A conversation I rehearsed several times, in my dreams, in the shower, in different places, even when awake. A proposal whose content even scares me, due to such audacity.But now I won't go back on it. I need to try. It's stronger than me."Hey professor." I start with my sly voice, which I know always drives you crazy.Max finishes gathering his stuff on the table on the small dais and looks at me over his glasses.“Hi, Aria. How are you?" He asks, seemingly unconcerned that we're alone.“Now I think I'm calmer. Some things are back to normal apparently"."And truth." He pauses. “Well, most things at
I arrive late at the auditorium, but miraculously arrive before the professor. Looks like he had to sign the end of his suspension at the rectory first before he came to teach.Unlike before, I wave to Loretta in the distance and take a seat in one of the last rows, blending in and practically disappearing behind the heads of the taller crowd.There are two reasons for this: I really want to hide from Max's gaze during class. And I arrived late, which makes the first option even more viable, as the first few rows of seats are almost all occupied.Before class starts, I text Stephen. As strange as that sounds, it's part of the plan. My strange plan, to be exact. I think of a phishing-style message, to hook him without him noticing.“I miss you and your class. I wanted to see you today, is there any way?”That's pretty straightforward.The students chat excitedly about the latest events of the week as they wait for Max to arrive. Two minutes later, my phone flashes the new message notif
Like after a long bad dream, after facing several days in the dark, Monday arrives again, with new air, a new glow. Classes resumed, the case was covered in the local press and the movement of students walking all over the campus returned with a vengeance.Peter is still in recovery. His lungs were badly affected by the water he ended up breathing in."Are you going to make it in time for the first period?" Loretta asks, finishing touching up her lipstick.I still need to brush my hair, which, now waist-length, keeps getting knotted.“I just need to stop by the closet in the main hall to get some books. But I'll meet you in the auditorium.“Okay, don't be too late. She winks mischievously.She knows I'm in an internal battle looking forward to seeing Max again after a week of not making contact. After all.It takes me a few minutes to find the key to the little padlock that opens my hall closet. I know it's in some bag, but it's that old story, which one? I turn everything over, find