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At Break Time 057
It's two in the afternoon. I'm in the cafeteria alone with my book, like nothing happened. Maybe it really didn't happen, and so many unlikely adventures are just the fruit of my imagination.I wish.Soon, Loretta will be back and we can visit Peter's room again to see if anything in his state of health has changed in the last few hours.His parents must have already landed and are on their way to the hospital in a car journey. So we hope. Expectations are best, after all, if you consider the big picture.I keep imagining Loretta's reaction if I tell her about the last madness committed. Will you believe?If they told me, I wouldn't believe it.No disrespect to Peter, come on.It was an act of… It was a thoughtless act. That. I can't keep looking for coherent explanations every time I want to spread my legs, right?I passed that phase.I try to immerse myself in reading the book to, if not finish it, try to make the hours go by faster, as apparently, a quickie in the storeroom didn't
At Break Time 058
"Is it still around?" Loretta is back and is surprised to see me in the same place, with the same book in my hands." Yes, it was the best way I found to distract myself. - I lie, brazenly." He didn't get up, he took a breath...? Impossible. " She notes, incredulous."Okay, I need to tell you something. - I close the book and look at her, resolved to open the game." Is it about Peter? - Her eyes shine with hope, but I will have to thwart her this time." Not yet. But I feel like we'll have good news from him soon too. " I reply, trying not to trip over my own words." Ah. Okay, then tell. You said good news too… What happened that was good in my absence? - Loretta inquires, with a raised eyebrow." First, the usual question. Are you prepared and not going to judge me?Loretta pulls out right away and her mouth opens in a big 'o'." Aria, I can't believe that… Oh, no. Aria! Don't tell me that… - Then, as soon as she realizes the micro scandal, she lowers her voice and starts judging
At Break Time 059
Loretta has been shaking herself in front of me for at least two minutes, laughing so hard. I look around, starting to get embarrassed.Not that I hadn't already committed far more shameful acts around here...The problem is that I don't see much humor in what I just said, so I can't laugh with her. Even though it sounds like a joke, it's real.The memory hit me in an irremovable way.The same size. The same thickness. The same color. Like replicas.I saw it, I touched it, I sucked it… Well, you get the point.They are virtually identical.And then, I start remembering other characteristics that are common between the two. Both physical and humorous.Both are short-tempered, hot-tempered when contradicted.Of course, very intelligent, true points outside the curve.And both are excellent at what they do and what they set out to do. No description either.Am I really delusional or..." Aria… Aria… oh, sorry babe. I couldn't help but laugh. I mean, sorry I couldn't stop laughing. My lau
At Break Time 060
Reading the excerpt from the book with the protagonist's plea for her daughter chilled my spine. I myself had not known a stronger relationship than mother and daughter in my entire life.Thoughts that usually haunt me in dreams now invade my mind even when I'm awake.Where is my mother watching over me?Would she be proud of what I've become?Would he find me promiscuous and empty?I try to push those thoughts away along with anxiety as I wait to be called to see Peter. I immerse myself in the reading again, looking for the metaphor's solution, if there is one.“There was little left to complete forty-eight hours after Clara disappeared. Not disappearance, kidnapping. My intuition as a mother and delegate does not fail. Yes, she was taken.I wake up with dozens of notes I made after reading the book left by Victorio. I feel nauseous, my body shivers. It was like I was being transported back almost fifteen years. I swore I wouldn't go through anything like that again, I swore I wouldn
At Break Time 061
“Lionel Victorio quickly immobilized the woman and Lucas entered the house looking for someone else." Answer! Are you alone?"Looking more closely, the woman who said nothing had features similar to Miriã, the nursery worker, colluding with the crime." You're her sister, aren't you? Miriam's?"The woman just shook her head from side to side, her eyes bulging, she gave little screams and moans.While I hugged my little Clara, who was now crying, weak, in my lap, Victorio continued to hold the criminal by the arm." And Lorenzo? Where is he?"The woman looked at him and tried to wriggle out of his hands to answer. She finally answered, in pounds. We then understood her muteness and Lucas understood her response, since he had taken an express course in pounds to teach." He's at the airport now. He was tracking Victorio's cell phone and saw that they were coming here. - Lucas translates the woman's signals, which we now know is called Ana.And really, she wasn't Miriam's sister, she wa
At Break Time 062
I jump at Loretta's touch on my shoulder. I close the book on automatic, still thrilled with the end of the reading.Suddenly, they're like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting together perfectly.The damn metaphor.Doce Ana is just a woman who needed to be strong when making choices in life. Like me, the protagonist is also an orphan and free spirit.His life is driven by his one true love: his daughter.Which is quite ironic considering that the person who asked me to read this book was someone who didn't ask about his own son.The other book, The Whore's Secret, is on loan to Loretta, but being honest? I don't need to read it to know what decision to make from now on.I already took." Come quickly, Peter is waking up!" Loretta warns me, extremely excited, with tears in her eyes.I notice an atypical movement through the corridors and I recognize some figures like the university president and some students. Before the crowd closes in, I quickly follow Loretta toward the bedroom." Now
At Break Time 063
It's eight at night and I feel like I've lived three days in one. My head feels like it weighs a ton with all the thoughts running through my mind all the time.I don't say that my will is to sleep so that the next day comes quickly, because that would be a lie. Perhaps a space-time mess would be very welcome now for me to finally rest my adrenaline brain.I roll over and over in bed and sleep doesn't come. I'm exhausted, tired, dead with farofa, but I can't sleep.I rehearse dialogues with Peter, dialogues with Max, dialogues with Stephen. In some moments, the three of them are together and I think I'm really crazy. You still have messages from Dad, Ethan, and Mellanie to respond to. The conversation with the dean that hasn't happened yet. Will suspended classes remain suspended?There are so many questions, so many question marks. I don't know how to make it stop. I've had soothing tea, I've smoked a joint provided by a fellow hippie downstairs… I've tried literally everything, but
At Break Time 064
"A-side, B-sideIt seems like a little bit, but this is not a song by that Brazilian band, Racionais MC's. I wrote a chronicle when I was bored and I remembered the story of a guy I used to date, who was a journalist. I wondered what it would be like if I were a crime reporter, the way I shit with a fear of blood.I remember that we were called to the South American country to cover the case of a murder of a supposedly innocent resident. I say supposed because we must always reject the aura of owners of the truth. We only report the facts as they appear to us. And most of the time, they are incomplete. So supposed. Supposedly resident. Supposedly innocent. The only thing that was certain was that the citizen was dead.We barely arrived and the A-side of the story tried to sway me. “They'll say he's innocent, that he was a resident, oh, it's all a lie, he exchanged fire, you can see there on his side if he doesn't have a gun, it's rubbish”.Apprehensive in the middle of that hostile en
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At Break Time 077
From the bus window, I begin to recognize the place where my father said he would be next to the new house. By my count, there's only another ten minutes to go.I don't know if it was reading during the trip, the many turns the bus took or everything together, but I feel extremely nauseous, hoping that the bus arrives at its destination soon.I avoid eating cookies anymore, I've come to despise them in the last few days, so these are the ones I love so much.I check my phone quickly, no messages. Screen light also gives me a headache. The truth is, I've been feeling weird with unprecedented frequency these past few days. I also felt that my hips are a little wider. I need to stop eating cookies at dawn.Suddenly, the cell phone rings. It's Loretta."Hey friend.""Hi, babe. Are you there yet?""Hmm... almost. Not long, why?""Nothing, I just wanted to know if it arrived okay."" Missing your crazy friend already, I know." Also." She nods. "Don't forget to say hello to Ethan." Never m
At Break Time 076
“This is about my first time with Doug. He was experienced and I was just a girl. I tried to describe in detail. Enjoy it!Being warm in Doug's arms inside the car was quite inviting considering the chilly Perth night. After the brief flurry of sincerities in the square, we decided to ease the tension with a lighter conversation inside the car. Talk, and some kisses, of course. We talk about different topics. College, family, future. Until, perhaps a little motivated by the effect of the beer, I decided to take the conversation to more uncomfortable paths. After the honesty shown in Doug's words in the square, and after, even after midnight and with a few pints of beer, he hadn't tried anything, I felt more than ever that I could trust him. I felt safe to the point that my desire increased every minute I stayed close to him."You must be quite experienced" I hinted.He chose to ignore it and placated the silence with a kiss. But I had to insist."Well, more than me for sure."What dif
At Break Time 075
Dear Chaos Diary,Not in a thousand lifetimes would I have imagined that everything would end up like this. My conscience is clear, I was honest all along. With myself and with them.I helped wrap up a story that wasn't even mine. So don't ask me again to feel guilt that isn't my place to bear.Loretta says I went too far. Ethan says I should be in psychiatric treatment with Peter. Everyone says something. But nobody lives for us.We are our choices.And I chose to just live. Live as you can. Live with fulfilling my desires whenever possible. Live Free. No strings attached. No label.Which is not to say without love. Love can be translated in other ways.Not just in that romanticized way, like in books and movies.The genuine love we feel for ourselves and our loved ones, that, yes, should be a priority.Then no. I will not take a fault that is not mine.I'm sorry, spare me, but no.The sick are the others.Those who hide behind trauma, I don't see courage. I see fear.I see cowardice
At Break Time 074
I get up scared, I almost lose time. Ironic how much my last readings spoke to the situation I was currently going through.A question mark insists on pondering in my mind. But after Loretta broke into a fit of laughter after my last comparison, I never brought up the subject again.It won't be now that I'll be back. I felt compelled to go ahead with my plan above all else. I do one last check of my outfit and make the last adjustments to my makeup. It is at the same time light and seductive.I grab my bag and walk discreetly to the teacher council room. It's three minutes to five o'clock, Max will be waiting for me by now. Fortunately in the conversation I had with Stephen in that same room, Max was busy, in another class, and they didn't bump into each other.Perfect.I'm in front of the luxury wooden door. I look around, assess whether there might be someone lurking in the hallway.Anything.Perfect.I give three soft taps on the door and push it open without waiting for an answer.
At Break Time 073
“It was a fifteen-minute drive to a modest little house that was located among a few dozen trees, in an area far from the center. Louis and his brother, Gustave, were curious about our search for Jimmy's whereabouts and decided to also embark on “the investigation” after we summarized the story for them along the way." Is there anyone at home? " Paollo asked, as soon as he got out of the car, when he saw the whole place closed." Mary almost never leaves the house. Unless today is really not your lucky day. " Gustave said, trying to relax. Louis went ahead and knocked on the door, which a short time later opened. I breathed relieved. There was still hope of learning more about Jimmy after all." Hi, Mary. I've brought a visit. " Louis said, in a joking tone. The petite woman looked at us with an expression similar to that of the Indian lady. I would also be wary of foreigners on my doorstep. Louis explained the story quickly and she seemed to understand right away. In the end, she
At Break Time 072
“I also thank you for being honest with me, Professor."“And you said you had a proposal. I'm curious."“I know you're…” I smile slyly.“Okay, I'm listening."“First, I'd like to know how much you're willing to invest, not financially of course, in this pseudo relationship of ours.""After everything I just said, do you have any doubts that I would invest big? Max smiles."“High really high?”“What are you up to, Aria Thomas?” he inquired, completely anxious." I wanted to know if you would really do anything for me… including… trying a threesome."“And do you have any friends who would be up for it?” Or would it be a call girl?“No, you don't understand. I didn't say it would be with one more woman."Max briefly widens his eyes. Clearly, he hadn't expected this one."Well, I confess that it's something I've never done."“Everything has its first time."" I agree, but… it's audacious of you."“I'm proposing this to you because I figured you were an open-minded guy."“I'm open-minded.
At Break Time 071
When class ends and all the students leave the room, including Loretta who runs to the next auditorium, I remain seated to talk to Max.I see he sent a message on his cell phone."Wait for me here or in the council room, please."Geez, he really doesn't want to let me get away.But before I even got the message, I was already determined not to go out to have this conversation with him. A conversation I rehearsed several times, in my dreams, in the shower, in different places, even when awake. A proposal whose content even scares me, due to such audacity.But now I won't go back on it. I need to try. It's stronger than me."Hey professor." I start with my sly voice, which I know always drives you crazy.Max finishes gathering his stuff on the table on the small dais and looks at me over his glasses.“Hi, Aria. How are you?" He asks, seemingly unconcerned that we're alone.“Now I think I'm calmer. Some things are back to normal apparently"."And truth." He pauses. “Well, most things at
At Break Time 070
I arrive late at the auditorium, but miraculously arrive before the professor. Looks like he had to sign the end of his suspension at the rectory first before he came to teach.Unlike before, I wave to Loretta in the distance and take a seat in one of the last rows, blending in and practically disappearing behind the heads of the taller crowd.There are two reasons for this: I really want to hide from Max's gaze during class. And I arrived late, which makes the first option even more viable, as the first few rows of seats are almost all occupied.Before class starts, I text Stephen. As strange as that sounds, it's part of the plan. My strange plan, to be exact. I think of a phishing-style message, to hook him without him noticing.“I miss you and your class. I wanted to see you today, is there any way?”That's pretty straightforward.The students chat excitedly about the latest events of the week as they wait for Max to arrive. Two minutes later, my phone flashes the new message notif
At Break Time 069
Like after a long bad dream, after facing several days in the dark, Monday arrives again, with new air, a new glow. Classes resumed, the case was covered in the local press and the movement of students walking all over the campus returned with a vengeance.Peter is still in recovery. His lungs were badly affected by the water he ended up breathing in."Are you going to make it in time for the first period?" Loretta asks, finishing touching up her lipstick.I still need to brush my hair, which, now waist-length, keeps getting knotted.“I just need to stop by the closet in the main hall to get some books. But I'll meet you in the auditorium.“Okay, don't be too late. She winks mischievously.She knows I'm in an internal battle looking forward to seeing Max again after a week of not making contact. After all.It takes me a few minutes to find the key to the little padlock that opens my hall closet. I know it's in some bag, but it's that old story, which one? I turn everything over, find
