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At Break Time 062
I jump at Loretta's touch on my shoulder. I close the book on automatic, still thrilled with the end of the reading.Suddenly, they're like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting together perfectly.The damn metaphor.Doce Ana is just a woman who needed to be strong when making choices in life. Like me, the protagonist is also an orphan and free spirit.His life is driven by his one true love: his daughter.Which is quite ironic considering that the person who asked me to read this book was someone who didn't ask about his own son.The other book, The Whore's Secret, is on loan to Loretta, but being honest? I don't need to read it to know what decision to make from now on.I already took." Come quickly, Peter is waking up!" Loretta warns me, extremely excited, with tears in her eyes.I notice an atypical movement through the corridors and I recognize some figures like the university president and some students. Before the crowd closes in, I quickly follow Loretta toward the bedroom." Now
At Break Time 063
It's eight at night and I feel like I've lived three days in one. My head feels like it weighs a ton with all the thoughts running through my mind all the time.I don't say that my will is to sleep so that the next day comes quickly, because that would be a lie. Perhaps a space-time mess would be very welcome now for me to finally rest my adrenaline brain.I roll over and over in bed and sleep doesn't come. I'm exhausted, tired, dead with farofa, but I can't sleep.I rehearse dialogues with Peter, dialogues with Max, dialogues with Stephen. In some moments, the three of them are together and I think I'm really crazy. You still have messages from Dad, Ethan, and Mellanie to respond to. The conversation with the dean that hasn't happened yet. Will suspended classes remain suspended?There are so many questions, so many question marks. I don't know how to make it stop. I've had soothing tea, I've smoked a joint provided by a fellow hippie downstairs… I've tried literally everything, but
At Break Time 064
"A-side, B-sideIt seems like a little bit, but this is not a song by that Brazilian band, Racionais MC's. I wrote a chronicle when I was bored and I remembered the story of a guy I used to date, who was a journalist. I wondered what it would be like if I were a crime reporter, the way I shit with a fear of blood.I remember that we were called to the South American country to cover the case of a murder of a supposedly innocent resident. I say supposed because we must always reject the aura of owners of the truth. We only report the facts as they appear to us. And most of the time, they are incomplete. So supposed. Supposedly resident. Supposedly innocent. The only thing that was certain was that the citizen was dead.We barely arrived and the A-side of the story tried to sway me. “They'll say he's innocent, that he was a resident, oh, it's all a lie, he exchanged fire, you can see there on his side if he doesn't have a gun, it's rubbish”.Apprehensive in the middle of that hostile en
At Break Time 065
The beep of the alarm brings me slowly back to life after a deep sleep. Beside me, Loretta is still sleeping like a rock. It's eight in the morning, I'm rested, but I don't feel like getting out of bed, mainly because we know that classes are still suspended until further notice.My first thing in the morning, as it couldn't be any different, is to check my cell phone. Multiple messages.“As far as craziness goes, you surpassed all my expectations yesterday. I just don't like that you left me there alone, and I'm dying for the encore” - Stephen - posted 2 hours ago.Wow, he wakes up early to talk bitching.Next.“Hi, my beautiful. I heard that Peter woke up, I'm very happy. You must be relieved for your friend. How's the reading? If you have abandoned it, no problem. I miss you." - Max - sent 45 minutes ago.Compare the two texts. The "my beautiful" bothers me a little, but I am reluctant to recognize in Max's words some kind of sick manipulation, as described by Stephen.I feel him s
At Break Time 066
"Dear diary, friend.I come to thank Cosmos for having answered my request and brought my friend Peter back. Now I just need to make sure he doesn't go down the same path as my mother, who has gone back to that same sad phase so many times.I knew he was a good person the first time I saw him. Our first meeting was very awkward, I suffered a bump that took me to the ground. In return, I gained a friend. A guardian.He's the quiet type, in his own way. But I realize that this is a way of being, that despite being silent, 'screams inside'.Like Loretta, I was also afraid. Fear of Peter dying. Afraid of not having the chance to have a conversation with him anymore. Fear of carrying such guilt. It's unfair and maybe quite selfish, but I can't help it. I was really scared.Now I am facing the thousand possibilities of clarification. The thousand chances of understanding what goes on in your confused head.And I'm still afraid.Afraid of what you will say. How you will react. Afraid to be a
At Break Time 067
Two days later…Peter is due to be discharged today after undergoing psychiatric and psychological evaluation. Classes at the university remain suspended and boredom and doldrums take over the campus. Or at least the students who stayed around. The incident ended up providing a mini-vacation for those who took the opportunity to spend the week away from the accommodation.I didn't want to go into detail about what Peter and Loretta talked about after I left on that last visit. It wasn't necessary. Loretta seems at ease with her next steps. She's back to "normal", a girl who knows how to balance dreamy and down-to-earth states well, when necessary. She has a special fondness for Peter, and I sometimes feel that she is suspicious of his supposed feelings for me.I say assumptions because this is also a turning point for me. Peter needs medical help to never make bad decisions again. And the support of true friends, of course." I saw you're reading Randomness, are you enjoying it?"" Oh
At Break Time 068
“Aaah, there are days when stress attacks the serene Moniquinha in a unique way! That day I was fed up with the hunch of the aunties who show up twice a year to talk about little pumpkins. On your birthday and at Christmas. Always like this! So, a little poem was born, from the way home to the dentist appointment.they will talkThey will talk.They'll say it's been too fast, that we barely know each other.They'll say that we've been dating for many years, that we're dragging it out - or being bullied.They will say that we are immature.Or that you're too old to marry in white.They'll say that dating a woman who has a child is pierced;They will say that an older woman without a child is pierced.They will also say that having a child is nonsense.Having only one child is also not enough.Having more than one child, are you crazy?Go talk.They'll say you won't handle it.And if you realize it, they'll say it was luck.They will talk, they will talk...I just won't listen.***The
At Break Time 069
Like after a long bad dream, after facing several days in the dark, Monday arrives again, with new air, a new glow. Classes resumed, the case was covered in the local press and the movement of students walking all over the campus returned with a vengeance.Peter is still in recovery. His lungs were badly affected by the water he ended up breathing in."Are you going to make it in time for the first period?" Loretta asks, finishing touching up her lipstick.I still need to brush my hair, which, now waist-length, keeps getting knotted.“I just need to stop by the closet in the main hall to get some books. But I'll meet you in the auditorium.“Okay, don't be too late. She winks mischievously.She knows I'm in an internal battle looking forward to seeing Max again after a week of not making contact. After all.It takes me a few minutes to find the key to the little padlock that opens my hall closet. I know it's in some bag, but it's that old story, which one? I turn everything over, find
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At Break Time 077
From the bus window, I begin to recognize the place where my father said he would be next to the new house. By my count, there's only another ten minutes to go.I don't know if it was reading during the trip, the many turns the bus took or everything together, but I feel extremely nauseous, hoping that the bus arrives at its destination soon.I avoid eating cookies anymore, I've come to despise them in the last few days, so these are the ones I love so much.I check my phone quickly, no messages. Screen light also gives me a headache. The truth is, I've been feeling weird with unprecedented frequency these past few days. I also felt that my hips are a little wider. I need to stop eating cookies at dawn.Suddenly, the cell phone rings. It's Loretta."Hey friend.""Hi, babe. Are you there yet?""Hmm... almost. Not long, why?""Nothing, I just wanted to know if it arrived okay."" Missing your crazy friend already, I know." Also." She nods. "Don't forget to say hello to Ethan." Never m
At Break Time 076
“This is about my first time with Doug. He was experienced and I was just a girl. I tried to describe in detail. Enjoy it!Being warm in Doug's arms inside the car was quite inviting considering the chilly Perth night. After the brief flurry of sincerities in the square, we decided to ease the tension with a lighter conversation inside the car. Talk, and some kisses, of course. We talk about different topics. College, family, future. Until, perhaps a little motivated by the effect of the beer, I decided to take the conversation to more uncomfortable paths. After the honesty shown in Doug's words in the square, and after, even after midnight and with a few pints of beer, he hadn't tried anything, I felt more than ever that I could trust him. I felt safe to the point that my desire increased every minute I stayed close to him."You must be quite experienced" I hinted.He chose to ignore it and placated the silence with a kiss. But I had to insist."Well, more than me for sure."What dif
At Break Time 075
Dear Chaos Diary,Not in a thousand lifetimes would I have imagined that everything would end up like this. My conscience is clear, I was honest all along. With myself and with them.I helped wrap up a story that wasn't even mine. So don't ask me again to feel guilt that isn't my place to bear.Loretta says I went too far. Ethan says I should be in psychiatric treatment with Peter. Everyone says something. But nobody lives for us.We are our choices.And I chose to just live. Live as you can. Live with fulfilling my desires whenever possible. Live Free. No strings attached. No label.Which is not to say without love. Love can be translated in other ways.Not just in that romanticized way, like in books and movies.The genuine love we feel for ourselves and our loved ones, that, yes, should be a priority.Then no. I will not take a fault that is not mine.I'm sorry, spare me, but no.The sick are the others.Those who hide behind trauma, I don't see courage. I see fear.I see cowardice
At Break Time 074
I get up scared, I almost lose time. Ironic how much my last readings spoke to the situation I was currently going through.A question mark insists on pondering in my mind. But after Loretta broke into a fit of laughter after my last comparison, I never brought up the subject again.It won't be now that I'll be back. I felt compelled to go ahead with my plan above all else. I do one last check of my outfit and make the last adjustments to my makeup. It is at the same time light and seductive.I grab my bag and walk discreetly to the teacher council room. It's three minutes to five o'clock, Max will be waiting for me by now. Fortunately in the conversation I had with Stephen in that same room, Max was busy, in another class, and they didn't bump into each other.Perfect.I'm in front of the luxury wooden door. I look around, assess whether there might be someone lurking in the hallway.Anything.Perfect.I give three soft taps on the door and push it open without waiting for an answer.
At Break Time 073
“It was a fifteen-minute drive to a modest little house that was located among a few dozen trees, in an area far from the center. Louis and his brother, Gustave, were curious about our search for Jimmy's whereabouts and decided to also embark on “the investigation” after we summarized the story for them along the way." Is there anyone at home? " Paollo asked, as soon as he got out of the car, when he saw the whole place closed." Mary almost never leaves the house. Unless today is really not your lucky day. " Gustave said, trying to relax. Louis went ahead and knocked on the door, which a short time later opened. I breathed relieved. There was still hope of learning more about Jimmy after all." Hi, Mary. I've brought a visit. " Louis said, in a joking tone. The petite woman looked at us with an expression similar to that of the Indian lady. I would also be wary of foreigners on my doorstep. Louis explained the story quickly and she seemed to understand right away. In the end, she
At Break Time 072
“I also thank you for being honest with me, Professor."“And you said you had a proposal. I'm curious."“I know you're…” I smile slyly.“Okay, I'm listening."“First, I'd like to know how much you're willing to invest, not financially of course, in this pseudo relationship of ours.""After everything I just said, do you have any doubts that I would invest big? Max smiles."“High really high?”“What are you up to, Aria Thomas?” he inquired, completely anxious." I wanted to know if you would really do anything for me… including… trying a threesome."“And do you have any friends who would be up for it?” Or would it be a call girl?“No, you don't understand. I didn't say it would be with one more woman."Max briefly widens his eyes. Clearly, he hadn't expected this one."Well, I confess that it's something I've never done."“Everything has its first time."" I agree, but… it's audacious of you."“I'm proposing this to you because I figured you were an open-minded guy."“I'm open-minded.
At Break Time 071
When class ends and all the students leave the room, including Loretta who runs to the next auditorium, I remain seated to talk to Max.I see he sent a message on his cell phone."Wait for me here or in the council room, please."Geez, he really doesn't want to let me get away.But before I even got the message, I was already determined not to go out to have this conversation with him. A conversation I rehearsed several times, in my dreams, in the shower, in different places, even when awake. A proposal whose content even scares me, due to such audacity.But now I won't go back on it. I need to try. It's stronger than me."Hey professor." I start with my sly voice, which I know always drives you crazy.Max finishes gathering his stuff on the table on the small dais and looks at me over his glasses.“Hi, Aria. How are you?" He asks, seemingly unconcerned that we're alone.“Now I think I'm calmer. Some things are back to normal apparently"."And truth." He pauses. “Well, most things at
At Break Time 070
I arrive late at the auditorium, but miraculously arrive before the professor. Looks like he had to sign the end of his suspension at the rectory first before he came to teach.Unlike before, I wave to Loretta in the distance and take a seat in one of the last rows, blending in and practically disappearing behind the heads of the taller crowd.There are two reasons for this: I really want to hide from Max's gaze during class. And I arrived late, which makes the first option even more viable, as the first few rows of seats are almost all occupied.Before class starts, I text Stephen. As strange as that sounds, it's part of the plan. My strange plan, to be exact. I think of a phishing-style message, to hook him without him noticing.“I miss you and your class. I wanted to see you today, is there any way?”That's pretty straightforward.The students chat excitedly about the latest events of the week as they wait for Max to arrive. Two minutes later, my phone flashes the new message notif
At Break Time 069
Like after a long bad dream, after facing several days in the dark, Monday arrives again, with new air, a new glow. Classes resumed, the case was covered in the local press and the movement of students walking all over the campus returned with a vengeance.Peter is still in recovery. His lungs were badly affected by the water he ended up breathing in."Are you going to make it in time for the first period?" Loretta asks, finishing touching up her lipstick.I still need to brush my hair, which, now waist-length, keeps getting knotted.“I just need to stop by the closet in the main hall to get some books. But I'll meet you in the auditorium.“Okay, don't be too late. She winks mischievously.She knows I'm in an internal battle looking forward to seeing Max again after a week of not making contact. After all.It takes me a few minutes to find the key to the little padlock that opens my hall closet. I know it's in some bag, but it's that old story, which one? I turn everything over, find
