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At Break Time 047
I wake up with a start, perspiring and panting. I look at the cell phone. It's still three in the morning. I fell asleep reading the book, I almost lost track of which page I had stopped. I scroll the phone screen, several notifications, including Stephen, Max, my dad and Ethan.I run a hand over my face and feel around the headboard for my glasses so I can read the messages.A bunch of dramatists. “In advance, I want to apologize for the cardboard I made today. Hearing dirty words about you from that worm's mouth made me lose control. I'm on suspension of classes this week, but I'm around. I'll give you the space you need, but anything you know can call to me. Max.” - sent four hours ago.“To prove that your well-being is what matters most to me, I have been suspended from classes this week. The teacher who harasses you but you like to pass the cloth to him is the culprit. I wanted a chance to explain myself to you. And tell you everything I know about what happened to Peter. He's y
At Break Time 048
Smile for the photo, daughter!Eeeee, uhul!!!!"Now blow out the candle! That's it!!!!“Hahaha, how beautiful, êeeee”Clara's 1st birthday party was memorable, at a luxury party house in Copacabana. There were almost two hundred guests, a meeting that mixed people from various social circles of mine and Lucas. Friends from Petrópolis, from the time of the shelter, professional colleagues at the police station, friends from work of Linda, Claudia, Agatha, colleagues from Lucas's hospital and now also some colleagues from the college where Lucas started to teach, after completing his master's degree.Clara really looked like a princess. Plump, with curly hair as black as mine, she ran back and forth, delighting everyone in the room. She walked with ten months. She spoke her first word at eight. Early all life. It was the reason we smile daily amid so many bad circumstances, like the pandemic.It was early to even be born. When I was eight months pregnant and only a week into maternity
At Break Time 049
The light that comes in through a beam from the window illuminates the entire room and makes me wake up even before the alarm I set.Although I like to sleep late, I don't complain, today is a completely unusual day and certainly my anxiety wouldn't let me sleep for more than four hours.I check my phone, this time no new messages. I randomly look for some clothes in the small chest of drawers and in a few minutes I'm ready to go back to the hospital.Before I go through reception, my cell phone rings."Hi, dad... Yes, yes, I'm fine. Yeah… Okay, no need to worry. Yeah, I'm here at the hospital. Yeah, dad, he's my friend, but it's okay now. I'm going to visit him now, okay? Call you later. Ok… ok, a kiss, dad!When I hang up, I see Loretta walking towards me. Her furrowed face, full of purple circles under her eyes, betrays that she had an unrewarding night's sleep." How are you, babe? - I try to make her positive, somehow cheer her up with my words and tone of voice." Tired, but wit
At Break Time 050
" And your diary? Are you still writing? - Loretta wanted to know, after a while." More than ever! It's definitely the therapy I've found. But I'm changing it up with reading some books… I've borrowed two from him."His… Max Anthon?" Himself." Wow, must be that very erudite literature. - Loretta wrinkles her nose." That's where you're wrong! They are contemporary. Very current, I would say. Want to borrow one to distract your mind for those hours?" And will you lend a book that is borrowed?" What about it? He doesn't care." It seems that you are getting to know him very well... - Loretta pins again." Choose. This one or this one? - I take the books out of the bag and show them to her." That cover won me over. - Loretta chooses The Whore's Secret." It's wonderful. I devoured the first few chapters..."Thank you for everything you do for me. - Loretta activates her sweet version again to thank me.And speaking of sweets, I feel like continuing to read Doce Ana and I'm taking a
At Break Time 051
"When I left the coordinator's office, my face burned with a mixture of anguish and anger. I wanted to be able to do everything in my power, but that meant I couldn't do anything. And nothing worse than impotence for a mother ." I managed to talk to Lucas, Ana. He's coming here. - Linda tells me as soon as the door opens.A small group now also gathers on the second floor of the school. All we need the least are onlookers invading the enclosure. The police station had already been notified of the case, it would be a matter of minutes before the responsible personnel arrived.But time passed differently for me. I knew that every second that passed would be a second less without being with my daughter, feeling her, loving her. I wasn't able to think straight, the information was looping through my mind. I definitely couldn't be officially involved in the case.There, I was just a mother crying out for justice and hoping that they would find their offspring as soon as possible. Alive. A
At Break Time 052
"I read it aloud, voice shaking, tears wanting to be released once more.“Dear Anne,I know I promised to disappear from your life. I know I promised so much over the time we stayed together and even after. After you helped me, after you were by my side even though I didn't deserve it. I know well, I know all this. But something greater impels me to write to you. Something I promised so much not to do, something I swore to myself I wouldn't do. I want to make you a request. Or rather, I need to. I need to appeal to you. But first I need to tell you why I'm asking you this. The reason why I'll put aside any and all shame, yes, I've turned into an accomplished poker face. Well, the beginning of my story you already know. So many mishaps of my adolescence and youth, I believe you also remember and in detail. But there's a phase, a very specific phase of my childhood, that I haven't told you about yet. I don't think I told anyone. Not for Lorenzo, not for my parents. When I turned five,
At Break Time 053
Loretta's words about "keeping up with the other teacher" hit home with me.In my head, it was just a kiss.And many inconvenient and unanswered messages afterwards.So that was it. It was time to answer Stephen Welsh."Any forecast of the arrival of Peter's parents? - I ask Loretta after a while." Just a few more hours. It feels like I've been living in this hospital for years." Do you want to go to the barracks and rest? You need to take a shower, change your clothes… I'll let you know if there's anything new."Any news, please." Any news like him shaking my hand again, leave it."Seriously, Aria!"Okay, I'm kidding. And the book, are you enjoying it?" Yes, I managed to distract myself. Not as much as you, who fell asleep, but I will continue reading, if you don't mind."Of course! I'll finish Doce Ana and then we can switch." Combined.***As soon as Loretta leaves, I pick up my phone to search through the history for messages from Stephen. I remember deleting the previous one
At Break Time 054
“Nothing seemed to make sense so far. As I tried to piece together an improbable puzzle in my mind, the more my head throbbed with pain. It was almost impossible to attach any meaning to those riddles. Marks and mysteries, the title itself was already a riddle. I, who had gradually climbed to better positions in my career in the police, now felt like an ugly duckling and incapable of solving an apparently simple investigation. In fact, only apparently, because deep down, that race to find some meaning seemed to have no end.Lucas returned to the room once he had finished his reports."Do you want something, love? - He asks, as soon as he opens the door.I thought about answering him “yes, my daughter back in my arms”, but in a way I would also be cruel to him. Lucas was the best father Clara could have. Responsible, present and very owl. He stifled his own despair to make me as stable as possible. That was clear, I saw it, but unfortunately I never managed to reciprocate. I was a life
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At Break Time 077
From the bus window, I begin to recognize the place where my father said he would be next to the new house. By my count, there's only another ten minutes to go.I don't know if it was reading during the trip, the many turns the bus took or everything together, but I feel extremely nauseous, hoping that the bus arrives at its destination soon.I avoid eating cookies anymore, I've come to despise them in the last few days, so these are the ones I love so much.I check my phone quickly, no messages. Screen light also gives me a headache. The truth is, I've been feeling weird with unprecedented frequency these past few days. I also felt that my hips are a little wider. I need to stop eating cookies at dawn.Suddenly, the cell phone rings. It's Loretta."Hey friend.""Hi, babe. Are you there yet?""Hmm... almost. Not long, why?""Nothing, I just wanted to know if it arrived okay."" Missing your crazy friend already, I know." Also." She nods. "Don't forget to say hello to Ethan." Never m
At Break Time 076
“This is about my first time with Doug. He was experienced and I was just a girl. I tried to describe in detail. Enjoy it!Being warm in Doug's arms inside the car was quite inviting considering the chilly Perth night. After the brief flurry of sincerities in the square, we decided to ease the tension with a lighter conversation inside the car. Talk, and some kisses, of course. We talk about different topics. College, family, future. Until, perhaps a little motivated by the effect of the beer, I decided to take the conversation to more uncomfortable paths. After the honesty shown in Doug's words in the square, and after, even after midnight and with a few pints of beer, he hadn't tried anything, I felt more than ever that I could trust him. I felt safe to the point that my desire increased every minute I stayed close to him."You must be quite experienced" I hinted.He chose to ignore it and placated the silence with a kiss. But I had to insist."Well, more than me for sure."What dif
At Break Time 075
Dear Chaos Diary,Not in a thousand lifetimes would I have imagined that everything would end up like this. My conscience is clear, I was honest all along. With myself and with them.I helped wrap up a story that wasn't even mine. So don't ask me again to feel guilt that isn't my place to bear.Loretta says I went too far. Ethan says I should be in psychiatric treatment with Peter. Everyone says something. But nobody lives for us.We are our choices.And I chose to just live. Live as you can. Live with fulfilling my desires whenever possible. Live Free. No strings attached. No label.Which is not to say without love. Love can be translated in other ways.Not just in that romanticized way, like in books and movies.The genuine love we feel for ourselves and our loved ones, that, yes, should be a priority.Then no. I will not take a fault that is not mine.I'm sorry, spare me, but no.The sick are the others.Those who hide behind trauma, I don't see courage. I see fear.I see cowardice
At Break Time 074
I get up scared, I almost lose time. Ironic how much my last readings spoke to the situation I was currently going through.A question mark insists on pondering in my mind. But after Loretta broke into a fit of laughter after my last comparison, I never brought up the subject again.It won't be now that I'll be back. I felt compelled to go ahead with my plan above all else. I do one last check of my outfit and make the last adjustments to my makeup. It is at the same time light and seductive.I grab my bag and walk discreetly to the teacher council room. It's three minutes to five o'clock, Max will be waiting for me by now. Fortunately in the conversation I had with Stephen in that same room, Max was busy, in another class, and they didn't bump into each other.Perfect.I'm in front of the luxury wooden door. I look around, assess whether there might be someone lurking in the hallway.Anything.Perfect.I give three soft taps on the door and push it open without waiting for an answer.
At Break Time 073
“It was a fifteen-minute drive to a modest little house that was located among a few dozen trees, in an area far from the center. Louis and his brother, Gustave, were curious about our search for Jimmy's whereabouts and decided to also embark on “the investigation” after we summarized the story for them along the way." Is there anyone at home? " Paollo asked, as soon as he got out of the car, when he saw the whole place closed." Mary almost never leaves the house. Unless today is really not your lucky day. " Gustave said, trying to relax. Louis went ahead and knocked on the door, which a short time later opened. I breathed relieved. There was still hope of learning more about Jimmy after all." Hi, Mary. I've brought a visit. " Louis said, in a joking tone. The petite woman looked at us with an expression similar to that of the Indian lady. I would also be wary of foreigners on my doorstep. Louis explained the story quickly and she seemed to understand right away. In the end, she
At Break Time 072
“I also thank you for being honest with me, Professor."“And you said you had a proposal. I'm curious."“I know you're…” I smile slyly.“Okay, I'm listening."“First, I'd like to know how much you're willing to invest, not financially of course, in this pseudo relationship of ours.""After everything I just said, do you have any doubts that I would invest big? Max smiles."“High really high?”“What are you up to, Aria Thomas?” he inquired, completely anxious." I wanted to know if you would really do anything for me… including… trying a threesome."“And do you have any friends who would be up for it?” Or would it be a call girl?“No, you don't understand. I didn't say it would be with one more woman."Max briefly widens his eyes. Clearly, he hadn't expected this one."Well, I confess that it's something I've never done."“Everything has its first time."" I agree, but… it's audacious of you."“I'm proposing this to you because I figured you were an open-minded guy."“I'm open-minded.
At Break Time 071
When class ends and all the students leave the room, including Loretta who runs to the next auditorium, I remain seated to talk to Max.I see he sent a message on his cell phone."Wait for me here or in the council room, please."Geez, he really doesn't want to let me get away.But before I even got the message, I was already determined not to go out to have this conversation with him. A conversation I rehearsed several times, in my dreams, in the shower, in different places, even when awake. A proposal whose content even scares me, due to such audacity.But now I won't go back on it. I need to try. It's stronger than me."Hey professor." I start with my sly voice, which I know always drives you crazy.Max finishes gathering his stuff on the table on the small dais and looks at me over his glasses.“Hi, Aria. How are you?" He asks, seemingly unconcerned that we're alone.“Now I think I'm calmer. Some things are back to normal apparently"."And truth." He pauses. “Well, most things at
At Break Time 070
I arrive late at the auditorium, but miraculously arrive before the professor. Looks like he had to sign the end of his suspension at the rectory first before he came to teach.Unlike before, I wave to Loretta in the distance and take a seat in one of the last rows, blending in and practically disappearing behind the heads of the taller crowd.There are two reasons for this: I really want to hide from Max's gaze during class. And I arrived late, which makes the first option even more viable, as the first few rows of seats are almost all occupied.Before class starts, I text Stephen. As strange as that sounds, it's part of the plan. My strange plan, to be exact. I think of a phishing-style message, to hook him without him noticing.“I miss you and your class. I wanted to see you today, is there any way?”That's pretty straightforward.The students chat excitedly about the latest events of the week as they wait for Max to arrive. Two minutes later, my phone flashes the new message notif
At Break Time 069
Like after a long bad dream, after facing several days in the dark, Monday arrives again, with new air, a new glow. Classes resumed, the case was covered in the local press and the movement of students walking all over the campus returned with a vengeance.Peter is still in recovery. His lungs were badly affected by the water he ended up breathing in."Are you going to make it in time for the first period?" Loretta asks, finishing touching up her lipstick.I still need to brush my hair, which, now waist-length, keeps getting knotted.“I just need to stop by the closet in the main hall to get some books. But I'll meet you in the auditorium.“Okay, don't be too late. She winks mischievously.She knows I'm in an internal battle looking forward to seeing Max again after a week of not making contact. After all.It takes me a few minutes to find the key to the little padlock that opens my hall closet. I know it's in some bag, but it's that old story, which one? I turn everything over, find
