I was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, and thinking about the day right from the morning to that very moment. Only one thing crossed my mind, and that was Arnav. I was attracted to him. But the thought unsettled me. Arnav had plugged in his headphones and was watching something on his phone. I just couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t working again tonight.
“Kriti ji, neend nahi aa rahi hai?” Arnav asked me if I wasn’t able to sleep having, apparently noticed me tossing and turning, as he unplugged his headphones.
I simply shook my head, not bothering to find the words to answer. His voice drowned in sweetness. “Why, in fact, did you wake up so early, today?”
I sat up avoiding his stare. “I don’t know. I just can’t sleep.”
He put his phone and the headphones aside. He leaned into the cushions at his back. “Is there something you’d like to do?”
“No
I was skeptical about eating that heavily loadedparathaChhayaDidihad just served me. It was too oily, and I was in no mood to spoil my curves. I stared at thegheedripping from it and decided to dab at it with a tissue. As I was about to grab the tissue,Maastopped me, “Beta,this one paratha won’t mess up your body. Stop worrying so much, just eat properly.”Everyone laughed at me and Arnav winked at my feebleness. These people did not like me slim. AbhishekBhaiyathen asked, “so, how’s the Indore thing going?”“It'salmost ready, but I don't think we should waste time with a grand opening party for it. I think a formal opening targeting the customers will work just fine,” said Arnav.“Yes, I believe you’re right. We should narrow our focus and really try to connect with the customer
POV: ArnavI went into the house, asking Arunima Bhabhi, “hey! Bhabhi, where’s Kritiji?” as I loosened that choking tie.“Oh! She must be with Shreya, this is playtime,” she stated, and then she was right back to tease. That disposition—making fun of each other—apparently ran in our family. “Can’t you live without her even for a second, Arnav?”“Bhabhi, It’s nothing like that,” I defended myself. “I just wanted to know where she is.”She offered me a glass of water. “Well, then, she must be in Shreya’s room. Should I call her?” she winked at me. Everyone used to do that to me. It was funny that they all seemed to have a story in their heads about my life with Kriti. It was like they thought we were drowning in romance. Only Kriti and I knew the truth. I took a gulp of water and denied, “no
POV: ArnavThe dining table was cleared up, Kriti hadn’t joined us for dinner that evening and almost everyone was suspicious that we’d had a fight. I had to cover up by saying that it was just a headache and I’d given her a painkiller. I had talked toMaaand she was disappointed that I would be moving to Indore alone. I could see that in her face. She had been really quiet after I broke the news to her. But, I knew she would understand. My mind was aimlessly trailing in different directions as I rested on the sofa, when ChhayaDidiinterrupted, “ArnavBhaiya, should I take KritiBhabhi’s food to her room?” I was skeptical if she would be alright by now. I covered again, “no, don’t worry. I’m going up now, I’ll take that with me.”AbhishekBhaiyalooked at me with suspicion, “Bha
POV: KritiI walked into the hall flaunting my purple saree with black chemise and petticoat. I had spent several minutes in front of the mirror that day, taking the effort to put kohl on my eyes. I’d always loved that. My eyes seemed fuller with it. The morning was different right from the beginning. He called me ‘Kriti’ that day when he woke me up, and it felt so special. I didn’t know he could make my name sound so damn sweet. After last night, and whatever happened between us, the way I blamed him for all those things, it was still haunting me. He didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I had taken out all my frustrations on him. He wasn’t responsible for everything though.I grabbed a chair betweenMaaand Arnav as soon as I got near her, “good morning,Maa!”She exclaimed, “oh! Kriti, good morningbeta.Are you feeling be
I drenched my throat with the water, as a morning habit. I’ve read that it was good for one’s skin. We were both up but he was busy sifting through some files his head down in concentration. I wanted to talk to him but wasn’t sure what I should say.Before I could decide what to do, his phone rang. Sometimes, it felt like he’d married his work and not me! It was probably something about Indore. I went from all chirpy to dishearten when he stated, “I’ll be there on Tuesday, you’ll have to manage everything until then.”I checked the day on my phone, it was Friday, there wasn’t much time left. I decided not to say anything. He turned toward me, “Kriti…I’m going to the hall, come down when you’re ready.”“Alright…I’ll hurry,” I slurred and stood up from the bed. “You’ll be leaving on Monday?”He gave me a sad kind of smile. “Y
POV: ArnavOne Night Before the WeddingI was exhausted with thehaldifunction today. I just wanted to sit withMaafor some time and decompress a little. She was there, sitting on the sofa looking at the kids playing and smiling in that kind, maternal way. I love to see that smile on her face. I can never explain my emotions, but, she is myMaa, and she knows me so very well. What I need, when I need it, everything.I fell onto the sofa beside her. “Maa, are you interested in playing hide and seek with these kids?”She chuckled, “I want to play hide and seek daily. With Shreya and your children, too.”“Aren’t you expecting my kids a little too early? I’m not even married yet.”“Beta,” she teased me, “today is the last night of your bach
POV: KritiIt was 7:00 pm when Arnav finally came back home. I heard him call for coffee and listened as he stomped up the steps and into our bedroom. We shared a glance but I fell straight back into the interesting book in my hands. I wanted to block his way and confront him right there, but I waited. I could at least let the poor soul freshen up before I attacked him. I sat, curled up on the bed with my book waiting for the right moment to talk to my husband. I stole a few covert glances over the top of my book at him as he moved around the room, changing out of his work clothes. Just like a pickpocket watches his victim for a perfect opportunity to steal a wallet and run away, I noticed every move he made.“Kriti, what are you doing? Do you need something?” Apparently, I hadn’t been as covert as I’d thought.“No,” I immediately replied.“Then, are you aiming to jump me like some c
“Ready to go?” he winked at me.The last three days in Kanpur had passed while packing and preparing for the move. It was 7:00 in the morning when we were finally ready to set out for Indore. I just nodded at him as he threwthe lastbag into the back seat of the car. This was our snack bag. I can’t go on a road trip without snacks. Our family stood next to the car, waiting to distribute goodbye hugs and all the luck they could wish us. Akansha and my family members had also come to see us off. They were all right on the verge of crying, but they showered me in hugs and kisses as Arnav climbed into the car. As we pulled away, I kept waving at them until the image of my family, new and old, disappeared into the distance. Tears flooded my eyes and my heart ached already.“Music?” he asked into the silence. Obviously looking for a way to distract me.I nodded in agreement and he switched it on. A song from his gushy romantic
EPILOGUEThree Years LaterThe hairdresser was busy as she carefully straightened each strand of my dark brown locks. I searched my own face in the mirror and found that I’ve aged a little.Years have flown by. The day Arnav and I became one, my whole life changed. It wasn't too soon after that I found my real calling, my real passion and I wrote a book. I always wanted to be everything at once, and being a writer helped me to be that. For my third book, I landed a reputable publisher. Arnav and I have since been each other's best friends and he calls me his better half. My phone rang and I answered Arnav’s call on the first ring.“Hello? Kriti, are you ready yet?”“Almost, it will take about twenty more minutes.”“Okay, I’m leaving to pick you. Prabhat has called me several times already. We must be there by 6 pm sharp.”“We’ll be there at six, Arnav, don’t worry.”“Okay! I’m on my way. Love you.”Today, my second book was launching. It was a big day for me. I was right, I was made t
POV: KritiHe leaned in and our lips met again, for the third time in the last hour. It seemed like my husband wasn’t in a mood to go to work today. A swift move of his hand, and I heard the door close with a loud bang. His other hand explored my back through the thin line of cotton between our bodies. I moaned and gasped for breath and he finally released my lips, with a pleased and mischievous smile on his face.“Kriti! I need to leave now.”“Am I stopping you?” I dared.“No, but you’re not making it easy”My hand was entangled with his. I left it, waving my hands in a submitting motion. “I am not doing anything.”“But your eyes are telling me a different story.” He encircled his firm arms around my waist, nearly lifting me up from the ground, and whispered, “and you know what I would do if you keep doing that.”My lips curled into a smile as I buried my head on his shoulder. He’d been doing this since when we’d had that heartfelt tear-shedding moment. Hugging me tightly before leav
POV: ArnavThose words, those exact words were something I had longed to hear from her since the day I’d realized my love for her. I’d wondered, since that first day, if she’d be able to love a workaholic, boring, unexpressive businessman? I am who I am, I can’t change this person I’ve become. I felt my eyes getting heavy. I couldn’t hear anything but her sobs. And those words kept, again and again, repeating in my head, ‘I just... I love you so much…’ I closed my eyes. I felt something hot and wet slide down my cheek. Was it a tear? A tear of joy? I was numb. It didn’t even occur to me that I had to say something to her in return. To offer her a response to the revelations of her deepest feelings. I felt as if God had granted me some wish for which I’d prayed to him daily. I held her as close and as fiercely as I could for long minutes. And only then did I realize that now, it w
POV: KritiArnav was sitting quietly as he dressed my leg with a crepe bandage. I wanted to talk to him but his iron composure was making me scared. I knew he had to hate me. I wasn’t going to get a way out. I didn’t want to face him earlier. So, I just ran away. I ran away and left the diary for him. I’d been trying to talk to him for days, tell him everything that had happened, but I just couldn’t find the courage. I knew he was hurt. It was clearly visible on his face. And those eyes, when he came out running from the car and realized that it was me he had hit…“Arnav, I’m fine. It’s alright.”He looked directly into my eyes and took a deep breath, regaining that calmness. “Kriti, can I ask you something?”“Yes, Arnav.”“Have I ever scolded you?”I had no reply and just shook my head ‘no’.“Hav
POV: ArnavHours had passed and all my efforts had been in vain. I was just circling the city in my car and I had no clue where she might be. I had looked at every place I could possibly think of, and I had nothing in my mind now. I’d been in touch with Akansha and my phone again rang again.“Akansha, any news?” My voice filled with a tiny little spark of hope.“NoJeeju,” she said sadly, “nothing. Did you check café Downing Street?”“Yes, she wasn’t there. I asked for her everywhere.”We were both playing on assumptions of this unpredictable girl.“Did you look at any of the streets she likes to walk or anything?”“Yes,” I conceded. My hands ruffled my hair, “I did, I looked everywhere. Not a single person has seen her.”“Oh God, what will we do
POV: ArnavI tried calling her but she wouldn’t pick up her phone. She was angry and I’d first have to apologize for my earlier behavior, I was fine with that.I reached our home and I knocked at the door. I kept knocking, but she didn’t answer. When I let myself in, she wasn’t there. My chest got tight as I looked around the empty house. Whenever she had to go somewhere she’d always tell me. Maybe she had gone to buy more craft supplies.The first thing I saw, laying on the coffee table, was a black diary. The one in which Kriti writes now is purple, where did this black one come from and why was it here? There was a paper under the paper weight, kept on that black thing. I sat on the sofa and tried calling her again, but she wasn’t answering. The sinking feeling inside began to grow. Panic. This was what panic felt like. I hated it.I took a look at the paper.‘Arn
Four years ago, February:Dear Diary, we’ll be celebrating our second anniversary this April. Me and Sameer, the bond between us has grown so much. He talks to me like he’s planning to propose soon. Although, we have had our issues.Sameer, never liked me working at the Cultural Society. A few weeks ago, I had to work and he wanted me to go home with him instead. I had to tell him no, and he got angry. I sometimes don’t like his anger, the way he behaves with me, when he gets angry. As if, there’s nothing worthwhile about me all. He screams at me, he sometimes uses bad words. He hurts me sometimes, by his words, by his gestures, and a little bit physically too, he has left marks on my body, marks I’ve had to hide or lie about to my parents. He throws things, whatever he gets hold of, but then afterwards he always apologizes, he always tells me it was me, that I made him do it,
POV: ArnavI exhaled a breath as I hung upAbhishek Bhaiya’scall. He said he missed me. Even I miss our family but at least, Kriti and Golu were there. It had been nearly two weeks since Golu had arrived. That bastard had actually kept his promise by meeting me several times. I felt good with him. All those years, when I was all alone, I met him regularly just because, most of the time, he made my tension, the pressures, fade away a little bit. When I was struggling with the relationship with my real brother, he was there with me at least. I was able to just live some peaceful moments with him. We went for drives together in Kanpur on his bike. It gave me so much contentment when we drove to his place here in Indore the first time. I thought back to what he’d said on that first day while we were driving to his place.He’d been surprised. “Kriti, you found her?”“I didn&r
Five Years Ago, January:Dear Diary, each passing day is becoming more and more difficult for me. I just can’t forget the things he said to me after reading that letter. The first thing he asked me was, “why?”He asked me why I loved him. Does that even makes sense? Is there ever a reason why we love someone the way we do? Is it even under my control? Couldn’t he see that, with every day that passed, after that first conversation of ours, that I felt something? I fell for him. Head over heels. He made me feel special, made me feel like he cared about me, and I loved him for it. We’ve spent so many days together, and I now realize that I spent those days in a lie of my own manufacturing. I was so sure he loved me. But he doesn’t.He said, “can’t we just be friends?”What kind of friendship is this? What kind of friend sits by your si