The next morning, we were all sitting at the dining table, my Mumma was busy trying to stuff Arnav and I full with those lovely sandwiches she’d made. Arnav had woken me up late, as he’d again sabotaged my alarm earlier in the morning, and he called my name “Kriti ji,” in the same caring way you’d use to awaken a baby. He was all handsome and ready to go before he roused me. Why did he always do that to me? It made me feel stupid, him looking like that and I still in my nightie. I’d forgotten all about my anger with Daddy, like I always did. I could never hold a grudge against anyone. And, after all, he was my father, how could I forget that love we both had for each other? My eyes fell upon Arnav. Of course I knew the reason for his amused grin. I was busy talking with Daddy. I was a little embarrassed as I remembered that I’d decided, last night during my emotional trauma, that I wouldn’t come back home again after today.
Two more weeks passed and then a third. By then I had pretty much settled into my new life. I’d explored every corner of the house and had begun to build up a special bond with every member of the family, especially Gunjan and Shreya. Gunjan was so sweet and silly. She reminded me so much of my Kavya.Shreya and I quickly became the best of friends. We would eat chocolates together, we laughed together constantly, and we played together every day from kitchen set to hide and seek. After the first week, she would come to me in the evenings and just sit next to me while she did her homework. After a couple days I found myself helping her, answering questions when she had them. We quickly fell into a routine, and I looked forward to homework time each day.Arnav was different from his family members. Unlike everyone in the house, he didn’t talk much and he was always involved in his work. The man was a workaholic through and through. At night he never just rel
My new life unfolded in a quiet stability. Weeks went by where my love for my new family grew, but the relationship between my husband and I remained distant. I was out of bed that morning a little bit earlier than usual. That was the first day I’d woken up while Arnav was still asleep. The night had been exhausting. I was feeling very lonely, helpless even, most of the night. I felt claustrophobic, and sleep just refused to come. My period started that morning. Maybe that was the source of all this anxiety. Hormones. The alarm on Arnav’s phone rang. As he opened his eyes he rolled over, slapping the screen of his phone, silencing the tinkling sound. The moment he saw that the other side of the bed was vacant, he sat up and looked around the room. His face grew alarmed at once. As if he’d been considering that someone might have kidnapped me. His eyes landed on me standing at the cupboard. More than half of my body hidden by the doors of the wardrobe. “Kriti 
I changed my clothes before I called Arnav to come pick me up. This time I selected another suit. I wore an A-line suit of red and purple. The leggings were the same rich purpleas the dupatta, and the kurta was a rich, sensual red. I strapped on my favorite heels, the purple ones with the brocade straps and silver clasp. I did a quick swipe of just basic make up—a little day cream, thin lining of black kohl in my eyes and a thin coat of lip gloss. I let my dark brown, wavy hair flow loose as I usually did. I looked at myself in the mirror trying to flaunt my curves, which were tightly embraced by the dress, showing off my flat belly. I hoped Arnav would notice my body often. But he had never seemed to appreciate me in the physical sense. I stared at myself and found that red made me look good. The golden undertones of my fair skin actually glowed in it. It had been less than half an hour since Arnav called. When Arnav reached the house gate to collect me, it had
I was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, and thinking about the day right from the morning to that very moment. Only one thing crossed my mind, and that was Arnav. I was attracted to him. But the thought unsettled me. Arnav had plugged in his headphones and was watching something on his phone. I just couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t working again tonight.“Kritiji, neend nahi aa rahi hai?” Arnav asked me if I wasn’t able to sleep having, apparently noticed me tossing and turning, as he unplugged his headphones.I simply shook my head, not bothering to find the words to answer. His voice drowned in sweetness. “Why, in fact, did you wake up so early, today?”I sat up avoiding his stare. “I don’t know. I just can’t sleep.”He put his phone and the headphones aside. He leaned into the cushions at his back. “Is there something you’d like to do?”“No
I was skeptical about eating that heavily loadedparathaChhayaDidihad just served me. It was too oily, and I was in no mood to spoil my curves. I stared at thegheedripping from it and decided to dab at it with a tissue. As I was about to grab the tissue,Maastopped me, “Beta,this one paratha won’t mess up your body. Stop worrying so much, just eat properly.”Everyone laughed at me and Arnav winked at my feebleness. These people did not like me slim. AbhishekBhaiyathen asked, “so, how’s the Indore thing going?”“It'salmost ready, but I don't think we should waste time with a grand opening party for it. I think a formal opening targeting the customers will work just fine,” said Arnav.“Yes, I believe you’re right. We should narrow our focus and really try to connect with the customer
POV: ArnavI went into the house, asking Arunima Bhabhi, “hey! Bhabhi, where’s Kritiji?” as I loosened that choking tie.“Oh! She must be with Shreya, this is playtime,” she stated, and then she was right back to tease. That disposition—making fun of each other—apparently ran in our family. “Can’t you live without her even for a second, Arnav?”“Bhabhi, It’s nothing like that,” I defended myself. “I just wanted to know where she is.”She offered me a glass of water. “Well, then, she must be in Shreya’s room. Should I call her?” she winked at me. Everyone used to do that to me. It was funny that they all seemed to have a story in their heads about my life with Kriti. It was like they thought we were drowning in romance. Only Kriti and I knew the truth. I took a gulp of water and denied, “no
POV: ArnavThe dining table was cleared up, Kriti hadn’t joined us for dinner that evening and almost everyone was suspicious that we’d had a fight. I had to cover up by saying that it was just a headache and I’d given her a painkiller. I had talked toMaaand she was disappointed that I would be moving to Indore alone. I could see that in her face. She had been really quiet after I broke the news to her. But, I knew she would understand. My mind was aimlessly trailing in different directions as I rested on the sofa, when ChhayaDidiinterrupted, “ArnavBhaiya, should I take KritiBhabhi’s food to her room?” I was skeptical if she would be alright by now. I covered again, “no, don’t worry. I’m going up now, I’ll take that with me.”AbhishekBhaiyalooked at me with suspicion, “Bha
POV: KritiI walked into the hall flaunting my purple saree with black chemise and petticoat. I had spent several minutes in front of the mirror that day, taking the effort to put kohl on my eyes. I’d always loved that. My eyes seemed fuller with it. The morning was different right from the beginning. He called me ‘Kriti’ that day when he woke me up, and it felt so special. I didn’t know he could make my name sound so damn sweet. After last night, and whatever happened between us, the way I blamed him for all those things, it was still haunting me. He didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I had taken out all my frustrations on him. He wasn’t responsible for everything though.I grabbed a chair betweenMaaand Arnav as soon as I got near her, “good morning,Maa!”She exclaimed, “oh! Kriti, good morningbeta.Are you feeling be
EPILOGUEThree Years LaterThe hairdresser was busy as she carefully straightened each strand of my dark brown locks. I searched my own face in the mirror and found that I’ve aged a little.Years have flown by. The day Arnav and I became one, my whole life changed. It wasn't too soon after that I found my real calling, my real passion and I wrote a book. I always wanted to be everything at once, and being a writer helped me to be that. For my third book, I landed a reputable publisher. Arnav and I have since been each other's best friends and he calls me his better half. My phone rang and I answered Arnav’s call on the first ring.“Hello? Kriti, are you ready yet?”“Almost, it will take about twenty more minutes.”“Okay, I’m leaving to pick you. Prabhat has called me several times already. We must be there by 6 pm sharp.”“We’ll be there at six, Arnav, don’t worry.”“Okay! I’m on my way. Love you.”Today, my second book was launching. It was a big day for me. I was right, I was made t
POV: KritiHe leaned in and our lips met again, for the third time in the last hour. It seemed like my husband wasn’t in a mood to go to work today. A swift move of his hand, and I heard the door close with a loud bang. His other hand explored my back through the thin line of cotton between our bodies. I moaned and gasped for breath and he finally released my lips, with a pleased and mischievous smile on his face.“Kriti! I need to leave now.”“Am I stopping you?” I dared.“No, but you’re not making it easy”My hand was entangled with his. I left it, waving my hands in a submitting motion. “I am not doing anything.”“But your eyes are telling me a different story.” He encircled his firm arms around my waist, nearly lifting me up from the ground, and whispered, “and you know what I would do if you keep doing that.”My lips curled into a smile as I buried my head on his shoulder. He’d been doing this since when we’d had that heartfelt tear-shedding moment. Hugging me tightly before leav
POV: ArnavThose words, those exact words were something I had longed to hear from her since the day I’d realized my love for her. I’d wondered, since that first day, if she’d be able to love a workaholic, boring, unexpressive businessman? I am who I am, I can’t change this person I’ve become. I felt my eyes getting heavy. I couldn’t hear anything but her sobs. And those words kept, again and again, repeating in my head, ‘I just... I love you so much…’ I closed my eyes. I felt something hot and wet slide down my cheek. Was it a tear? A tear of joy? I was numb. It didn’t even occur to me that I had to say something to her in return. To offer her a response to the revelations of her deepest feelings. I felt as if God had granted me some wish for which I’d prayed to him daily. I held her as close and as fiercely as I could for long minutes. And only then did I realize that now, it w
POV: KritiArnav was sitting quietly as he dressed my leg with a crepe bandage. I wanted to talk to him but his iron composure was making me scared. I knew he had to hate me. I wasn’t going to get a way out. I didn’t want to face him earlier. So, I just ran away. I ran away and left the diary for him. I’d been trying to talk to him for days, tell him everything that had happened, but I just couldn’t find the courage. I knew he was hurt. It was clearly visible on his face. And those eyes, when he came out running from the car and realized that it was me he had hit…“Arnav, I’m fine. It’s alright.”He looked directly into my eyes and took a deep breath, regaining that calmness. “Kriti, can I ask you something?”“Yes, Arnav.”“Have I ever scolded you?”I had no reply and just shook my head ‘no’.“Hav
POV: ArnavHours had passed and all my efforts had been in vain. I was just circling the city in my car and I had no clue where she might be. I had looked at every place I could possibly think of, and I had nothing in my mind now. I’d been in touch with Akansha and my phone again rang again.“Akansha, any news?” My voice filled with a tiny little spark of hope.“NoJeeju,” she said sadly, “nothing. Did you check café Downing Street?”“Yes, she wasn’t there. I asked for her everywhere.”We were both playing on assumptions of this unpredictable girl.“Did you look at any of the streets she likes to walk or anything?”“Yes,” I conceded. My hands ruffled my hair, “I did, I looked everywhere. Not a single person has seen her.”“Oh God, what will we do
POV: ArnavI tried calling her but she wouldn’t pick up her phone. She was angry and I’d first have to apologize for my earlier behavior, I was fine with that.I reached our home and I knocked at the door. I kept knocking, but she didn’t answer. When I let myself in, she wasn’t there. My chest got tight as I looked around the empty house. Whenever she had to go somewhere she’d always tell me. Maybe she had gone to buy more craft supplies.The first thing I saw, laying on the coffee table, was a black diary. The one in which Kriti writes now is purple, where did this black one come from and why was it here? There was a paper under the paper weight, kept on that black thing. I sat on the sofa and tried calling her again, but she wasn’t answering. The sinking feeling inside began to grow. Panic. This was what panic felt like. I hated it.I took a look at the paper.‘Arn
Four years ago, February:Dear Diary, we’ll be celebrating our second anniversary this April. Me and Sameer, the bond between us has grown so much. He talks to me like he’s planning to propose soon. Although, we have had our issues.Sameer, never liked me working at the Cultural Society. A few weeks ago, I had to work and he wanted me to go home with him instead. I had to tell him no, and he got angry. I sometimes don’t like his anger, the way he behaves with me, when he gets angry. As if, there’s nothing worthwhile about me all. He screams at me, he sometimes uses bad words. He hurts me sometimes, by his words, by his gestures, and a little bit physically too, he has left marks on my body, marks I’ve had to hide or lie about to my parents. He throws things, whatever he gets hold of, but then afterwards he always apologizes, he always tells me it was me, that I made him do it,
POV: ArnavI exhaled a breath as I hung upAbhishek Bhaiya’scall. He said he missed me. Even I miss our family but at least, Kriti and Golu were there. It had been nearly two weeks since Golu had arrived. That bastard had actually kept his promise by meeting me several times. I felt good with him. All those years, when I was all alone, I met him regularly just because, most of the time, he made my tension, the pressures, fade away a little bit. When I was struggling with the relationship with my real brother, he was there with me at least. I was able to just live some peaceful moments with him. We went for drives together in Kanpur on his bike. It gave me so much contentment when we drove to his place here in Indore the first time. I thought back to what he’d said on that first day while we were driving to his place.He’d been surprised. “Kriti, you found her?”“I didn&r
Five Years Ago, January:Dear Diary, each passing day is becoming more and more difficult for me. I just can’t forget the things he said to me after reading that letter. The first thing he asked me was, “why?”He asked me why I loved him. Does that even makes sense? Is there ever a reason why we love someone the way we do? Is it even under my control? Couldn’t he see that, with every day that passed, after that first conversation of ours, that I felt something? I fell for him. Head over heels. He made me feel special, made me feel like he cared about me, and I loved him for it. We’ve spent so many days together, and I now realize that I spent those days in a lie of my own manufacturing. I was so sure he loved me. But he doesn’t.He said, “can’t we just be friends?”What kind of friendship is this? What kind of friend sits by your si