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37. The One Where I Doubt
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
Always is not Forever 38. The One Where I Clear it Out
He caught my hand, his eyes silently asking if this was okay. Which boyfriend ask that?"So many things, bookworm. How you keep it in your head?" He raised his lips. "Let's start with me, okay? Why do you think you're undesirable? It's going to sound cheesy but you don't see yourself the way I see you. Dhruv is an idiot. I want you so badly, but let me keep those thoughts to myself. Sometimes I find it hard to control my hands.""And damn Alina, your past matters to me. I'm not saying it doesn't matter because it's such a huge part of everything of you. And don't say that rich thing ever again. I'm not using you. It'll break me."He stopped, catching a breath but all I did was review his words in my mind, again and again, storing in my heart."I don't care about Grisha or Sanchi or anyone. I don't act, Alina. You make me happy, too much and too hard." My lips raised curled from sides. "They all can go to hell if they desire. But if it troubles you so much, I won't talk to her. She neve
Always is not Forever 39. The One Where I Go On Date
"Are you sure I look good?" I voiced my doubts to the phone. On the other end, Nisha laughed for the third time. "Don't laugh," I whined, picking the rest of dresses from the bed.She didn't understand how important it was for me to look good because I wanted to impress Kabir and show him that in my sickness, I wasn't too much of a burden. I had no idea how he forgave my foolish behavior every single time.From past two nights, we were having too much drama in our lives and it was affecting me too much, pushing me to edge again and again. I had no idea how would I explain it to him, explain the things going through my mind, the demons conjuring it again while I strived to put them at the back of everything.It was like reliving everything, all at once."You look beautiful," She replied. "He's going to love it. By the way, where you both are going?""I don't know." I grabbed the black wedges from the cupboard. "Heels or wedges.""Wedges. Heels will hurt your ankle for a long time," She
Always is not Forever 40. The One Where He is Insulted
"What?" I whispered slowly, the night wind bringing shivers to my bare arms."I was a jerk," He said slowly, letting the words enter my mind. "You were so closed off that it intrigued me. For a year, I waited to talk to you, and when we did, most of the time you would yell at me and then I saw the napkins." I tensed, endeavoring to stand up from here and hear nothing else. "I'm confessing, Alina, please don't leave." I nodded, waiting for him to explain me further. "But I didn't know that inside that angry girl lies a girl who could make me turn my whole attention to her, just her."He picked at his cloth napkin. "Instead of breaking, I wanted to remake you. You just changed everything when you smiled at me that night." He smiled at one of the memories I had no idea about. "Everything was fine." He laughed. "But then you smiled. You have the prettiest smile, do you know that?"How could I get angry when he knew what to add to make me melt every inch of annoyance that was rising when he
Always is not Forever 41. The One Where I Help
Before I could say anything, he started dragging us out of the hotel, ignoring my protests. Was he angry at me for being this rude to that man? What was my mistake? He was insulting Kabir as if he meant nothing as if he wasn't any person but an object he owned. I may not know business but this was not how you behaved with people below you.He called for the car, and as soon it came, he ushered me in and settled into the driver's seat. The anger was evident on his face, his hands clutched the steering wheel tightly, his eyes didn't turn to look at me and let me help him or anything.I called for him, but he didn't turn to look at me and when we reached our apartment, he parked the car rashly and without explaining anything, entered the apartment and shut his door with a hard bang and next I heard something breaking in his room.I flinched. Should I enter? What if he was too angry? What if screamed at me? What if I wasn't strong to handle his anger? Time. I should give him time to relax
Always is not Forever 42. The One Where I Mourn
[ A L I N A ' S P O V ] Checking the calendar on the mobile, I chewed my lower lip. Our one month was ending, and I had to move out, but I didn't want to. I craved spending time with him, felt the relief pouring to me when we would talk late at nights, laughing or somedays, we didn't talk but sat beside each other, watching TV and that used to be enough.I loved getting up in the morning and finding him coming from the GYM. I loved sleeping next to him when I would have a nightmare and waking up to find him sleeping soundly. I loved leaving the apartment together for college and coming back together. However, some days I took my car because he would have basketball practice. I loved waiting for him to come back from work and just see him even if we didn't say anything more than few words.But it was ending.And he didn't even ask if I could stay further. It wasn't his mistake. What we did was so wrong in so many parts. Dad would kill me if he got to know I lived with Kabir under
Always is not Forever 43. The One Where I Learn About Mood Swings
[ K A B I R ' S P O V ]Switching off the TV, I patted my jeans and got up from the couch to go to my room and sleep. Stretching my arms in the air, I yawned loudly, ignoring Alina's scowl at my back. She hated it whenever I did it.Well, she had to live with it if she wanted to live with me.Our month. It was ending. She would be gone by the end of this week. I wouldn't hear her laughter in the morning, wouldn't hear her constant battering of putting things on place, wouldn't see her sleepy head after coming back from GYM, wouldn't hold her close to me whenever she would have a nightmare, wouldn't shout at her to get ready fast when she would be doing yoga, wouldn't remind her to take medicines, wouldn't be there with her.She would be gone.Turning, I faced her, busy with changing the channel. Could I ask her to stay with me? Could I hold her close to me no matter how wrong it was? Would she be angry at me? Would she be disappointed at me?Not once, she expressed how she wanted t
Always is not Forever 44. The One Where I Damage His Car
"Kabir, we're getting late!" I called, washing my breakfast plate.I frowned at the soap tumbling down the surface, surprised by Kabir's behavior of not coming out of his room early. He hadn't even gone to GYM today, stayed in his room and woke up when I had knocked on his door.Swirling, I gawked at his untouched breakfast and sighed. Looks like I would be missing my first lecture of the day.Drying the plate with the cloth, I placed it inside the cabinet and covered his breakfast plate.Worried, I was about to retreat to his room when he wobbled inside the kitchen. His head bent down, bag slung over his shoulder and tired actions. He gave a stare to his breakfast and asked, "Let's go. I'm not hungry. Your lectures start early."Dropping the cloth, I trudged to his side and asked, "Are you okay? You don't seem fine.""Just a bit tired. Slept late." He blinked his eyes rapidly. "My shoulders are aching." He sat on the kitchen stool and leaned his head on the slab, moaning in pain. Tens
Always is not Forever 45. The One Where I Repent
"Kabir." I tried to shake his shoulder, but his breath was shallow, body was shivering and sweating too much.Break the fever.Following what Meena Auntie used to do with me, I strolled to the kitchen, poured the cold water along with cubes of the ice in the bowl and my handkerchief from the pocket. Walking back to his room, I sat next to him, dipped the handkerchief in the bowl, soaked it, squeezed the excess water and placed it on his forehead.Repeating the process rest of the evening, I changed the water two times and did it again to break his fever. When his shivering had calmed down, I sighed in relief and settled on the chair, staring and waiting if he needed something.Battling with my thoughts, I left his room, grabbed my phone from the hall's table and called the person who could help me in this situation."Hello," His mother voice invaded."Auntie," I sighed in relief. "I need your help.""Is everything okay?"I clenched my hand at her worried tone and controlled the jealous
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Always is not Forever 120. The One Where He Proposes
Rubbing my neck with the hand, I felt his presence on my back. "What is he doing here?"I turned to face him. "Kabir--""Alina, no." He cornered me, caging between his body by placing both of his hands on the counter table. "It's ten at the night.""He came. I couldn't say him to leave.""Or you could have said it's not ideal for him to come," He shot back, straining lines visible on his forehead. "You looked uncomfortable. Did he say something?"Nothing just confessed it to me and I had no idea why he thought he loved me when he knew nothing about me except the things I shared in the support group when he had no idea how needy I was, how I seek for attention."No," I whispered. "You got late.""Work." Pranit voice from the hall echoed in the kitchen and Kabir's eyes darkened. "I hate him. When I see him, I see how you said you loved him." But it was a lie. I was trying to hurt you, make you see how you leaving had impacted me. "I know you both have same past," He dragged a shaky brea
Always is not Forever 119. The One Where I Reject Him
"Come again?" Dr. Sha asked, her hands flying from right to left, hitting the ping pong ball with the red colored bat.Hitting with my bat, I tried to dodge her attempts to make me lose a point. "Why are we playing ping pong?""Don't you get bored staying in a room?""Kind of."But this wasn't what I had expected when she called for an outside meeting instead in her building's cabin. I had thought a café maybe, or someplace quiet but she had surprised by calling me to a club and assured nobody would come in this room."Your dad was ready to allow it.""His friend owns the club," I mumbled dryly, the sound of the hitting echoing in the four walls."And he loves you," She pointed out, smashing the ball and before I could hit, it flew from my side. "And you lost a point.""Funny," Grumbling, I walked to one of the corners, picked the ball and started the game again. The sweat had started forming on the forehead, my grip on the handle of the bat was losing, my wrists were aching. What was
Always is not Forever 118. The One Where I Face It At Last
Yawning, I closed my books and stretched my legs. Getting up from the bed, I walked out of the room to find something to eat. Switching on the lights, I found a note stuck to the refrigerator.Food is in the microwave. You were sleeping. Must be hard practice 😝 Ps. Heat and eat.Chuckling at her handmade emoji, I crumbled the note and threw it in the dustbin before opening the microwave and found the plate in it. She never forgot about me. Twitching my lips, I brought the plate out and grabbed a spoon.Cold food was better than hot food and she wouldn't understand that.She wouldn't understand why I had gone straight to the bed after coming back from college, she wouldn't understand how much it was killing to know that how deep secrets we both were holding.Before I could take a spoon, the kitchen walls were invaded by the screams.Alina.Dropping the spoon, I sprinted to her room, opened the gate and saw her struggling in her bed. She hadn't gotten any dreams since she had started s
Always is not Forever 117. The One Where He Knows
"I still think you shouldn't go," Kabir's voice brought me back to present.Shaking my head, I tried to remove the memory. It was before I had started imagining him as Rishi, it was before when we were happy and there used to nothing other than nightmares to trouble our relationship.Now we had to be careful. This careful was getting on my nerves."It's fine," I stated, changing the song on the stereo of the car."Here." He passed me his phone, connected it to the black aux cable. "Listen any you want."Taking his phone, I went through the songs, ignoring the EDMs he loved to hear and settled on something soft to not make him hyper."Now, Dhruv and you. You're traveling too much.""I'm not. He needs me. He's all alone, handling Ria." I curled on the seat. "She's too small. She needs to see people love her despite her father leaving for jobs. And Dhruv deserves a break.""I get you're worried. We all are." He dabbed his palm on the horn. "But look at yourself. You're squeezing your sch
Always is not Forever 116. The One Where I Miss
[ A L I N A ' S P O V ]Gripping the pen tightly, I wrote down the explanation of the sonnet, completing the work that had been due last night. I blamed it on my over-worrying boyfriend who couldn't keep his mouth shut on why I was traveling this much. From past two months, I had been pacing back and forth between Bangalore and Delhi every weekend.He was getting angry.And I was getting pissed.Sighing, I placed the pen between the pages. Just two more lines, Alina and then you could go and shower to remove the aftermath of mediation and yoga."What you writing?" Hearing him, I levitated my head to stare at his face, but then, my gaze dropped to his chest.Where was his shirt? And why the hell wasn't I changing my gaze?Gulping, I paid attention to the white pages, overwritten by my hands. "Sonnet explanation. College work. You didn't go to GYM?""I'm taking a time off for a while," he answered, moving across the kitchen to grab a bowl for himself and picked the milk carton from m
Always is not Forever 115. The One Where Reality Is Out
***"You!" Shouting, I shut the door of her cabin. Jennifer looked up from the files. "In my cabin now."She raised her eyebrows in amusement and nodded. Who told her to tell lies to Alina? I got her teasing on me, I accepted it but feeding lies to her wasn't acceptable. I was an inch away from losing Alina again. Inch away to destroy all the progress we both had made after getting back together.Taking a deep breath, I entered my office and turned to face her. Yesterday, I had spent all my day to get new clothes before selling my old clothes and helping Alina with the packing.She was moving back with me. Good. I could see clearly how she was scared of me.Jennifer stepped in. "Now that's the Kabir I know. Angry and dominating one."Rolling my eyes, I nodded my head to the money placed on the table. "You're leaving India in next twenty-four hours. This is your pay. You're no longer my assistant.""I answer to your father, not to you." She crossed her arms over her chest. "He sent me.
Always is not Forever 114. The One Where The Past Begins
Staring ahead at the scene, I smiled and tapped my fingers on her arm. She turned with a smile and slipped her hand around my waist."I missed you.""You did?""Yup," She grinned. "Don't go again."Laughing lightly, I was about to reply when her figure disappeared from my arms and all I could see was the face of her house perched in front of me. What was I doing here? I was in our apartment, meeting her after a long time.A hand tugged on my shirt. Peering down, I stared at the girl."Kabir, save me." Confused by her statement, I wondered what she was talking about me. "Save me, Kabir," She cried, thumping her hand on my chest. "You promised you'll save me. Save me now."She took a run inside the house. Frowning a bit, I followed her inside, took the flight of stairs and entered the room I hadn't been into for past three years.Wasn't it burned? Wasn't it locked?My feet thumped on the old familiar room, looking for the small girl but, all I found was Alina standing at the corner, sta
Always is not Forever 113. The One Where We Solve
Presenting a smile, I stood up, took the clothes and strode to her bathroom. Shedding the rest of my clothes, I entered the shower and cleaned the disgusting things sticking to my body. When I checked for a shower gel and shampoo, I found the girly stuff and sighed. Looks like I would be smelling like her until the morning.As I was washing my hair, all the previous month we had spent together started biting my places. She was too distant from me. Her words seemed to be held and assessed carefully. Maybe moving in with me would change everything, maybe we would be different then, maybe we would back to our love life.But what about the insecurities? How would I solve them?"Kabir, are you done?" She knocked the door. "Was I too harsh? Is it not removing? Do you need my help?""Yes, it's not removing!" I shouted back, smirking. "Help me.""Tie a towel."Looking around the shower, I grabbed the towel from the upper shelve and tied it around my waist. "Done." My eyes remained glued to th
Always is not Forever 112. The One Where I Become A Joke
Alina's expression didn't change, her hands remained still at her side, her eyes narrowed at me."You're lying." Again, the same sentence. "She saw you without clothes.""I'm aware," I confessed. "Once she came in my penthouse. I was roaming in my briefs and she saw it." Seeing her expression, I added quickly, "I did yell at her for disturbing my privacy. I changed the code too. I didn't know she knew about it. She purchased the penthouse. I should've been aware.""But you kissed her." She clutched the arms of the chair tightly. And that was the reason I didn't want to tell her. "I can't stop imagining when you kissed her." She dragged a long, shaky breath before facing me, turmoil residing in her black eyes. "You wanted to forget me?" With reluctance, I nodded. "Was I that bad?""No, I just love you too much," I replied honestly. "Wouldn't you have done anything to forget me?""True." Standing on her toes, she trudged to my side, caught my face in her hands and inched it closer to he
