She's gone

Lucian's POV

The loud trap music and howling sounds floating in the air and reverberating the walls of the building is a sign of my ongoing bachelor party on the third floor. 

It's a mad circus down there and I should be the center of it, seeing it's for me. But instead, I ditched it and came up here to my suite, on my balcony, just stargazing and lost in my miserable thoughts. 

I can no longer pretend that I'm okay. Tomorrow's my wedding day and then I'll forever be gone from Alexa's life. I'll be lawfully tied to another and I'll never be able to break free from that bond. 

It's a frightening fate and the thought of being bonded to another is soul-crushing. Makes me feel helpless and drowning in despair. 

This whole situation is slowly killing me. I should shout for help. I should kick against it. But I don't have the guts to rebel against my parents. I can't rebel against the responsibilities that have been hanging around my neck since birth. Caging me from indulging my wishes and desires.

I've been a filial son since birth, doing everything my parents want. Coloring within the lines and never making mistakes. The one time I ever did something out of context and just from my heart was when I got involved with Alexa. It's also the only time I didn't feel so suffocated. The only time I felt free, alive, and genuinely happy. 

Too bad those days are gone and I'm back to being an unhappy, filial son. I'll be getting married tomorrow, to Letty, the Beta's last daughter. Father said she was the perfect choice for me. Mother seconded him too. And as usual, I have no choice but to do what they want. 

Crazy how I've fantasized about my wedding day a million times. But the bride walking down the aisle to meet me has always been Alexa. Even though I knew what we shared had no future, I still dared to fantasize about getting officially mated to her. And now that I know it's never gonna happen, I feel very miserable. 

So yeah, here I am, mourning my short-lived relationship with Alexa. Sympathizing with myself for being such a 'coward'. And lastly, wishing to the stars to take care of her for me. Wherever she is. Whatever she chooses to do. Whoever she chooses to replace me with. It's gonna hurt me like fuck to know she found a new love. Still, I want her to be happy. And if that's gonna make her happy then so be it. 

More importantly, I wish she would forgive me. For all the harsh words I said to her. Didn't mean to. I just…had no choice. 

"There you are," A voice says behind me. I turn slightly but it's just Reed, my Beta, and my best friend. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Sorry. I got tired and sleepy. All that noise was messing with my head too. How are the guys doing?"

"They're all wasted as fuck." He stands beside me, leaning on the rail. "If you're tired and sleepy, then you should be in bed, sleeping. Not standing here."

"Right. Uh…I couldn't sleep." I exhale weakly, staring ahead into the noisy street. "My head's roaming with thoughts. They won't let me sleep."

"What thoughts?"

"Just...random stuff."

"You don't wanna get married tomorrow?" He asks, taking me aback by how direct and blunt he is. 

"What? No. Of course, I want to. Why would you ask me that?" I try to cover up what's so fucking obvious.

"You don't look like you want to."

"Right. It's just like I said, I'm exhausted. It doesn't mean I'm not excited about getting married tomorrow…"

"C'mon, bro. Stop with the lies. I can see right through you and you know it."

I scoff, feeling helpless and transparent. "Yes, you can." I admit dejectedly. "And you're right, I don't feel a bit excited about tomorrow."

"You're not excited about getting married at all or you're not excited about getting married to Letty? Which is it?"

"Both?"

"Both?" He repeats with an arched brow. "So you're saying you low-key wanna get married to someone else?"

Do you know one thing I love about Reed? He's fucking smart and catches on pretty fast. 

"Yes," I admit. "The truth is, I'm in love with someone else. A girl. From Blueberry Pack."

I don't wanna tell him she's my fated mate too. It may be too much for him to take in. 

"You fell in love with a 'vulgar' girl?"

Vulgar…that's a term the folks from my pack describe folks from Alexa's pack. So I can't even get offended that he just called her that. 

"Yes. And believe me, I didn't want to. It all started as a fling. A spur-of-the-moment thing. I didn't consider the consequences of getting involved with her. I just went with the flow. Until I found out I'd fallen helplessly in love with her…"

Reed is silent and just watching me intently. Maybe reading me like he does best. 

"But then I had to leave her, because of this fucked up wedding. And bro, it hurts. I feel like a bomb went off in my heart and blew it up into unrecognizable pieces. It fucking hurts."

"She's…she's your fated mate, isn't she?"

Like I said, HE READS ME. 

With my head lowered in agony, I nod once. "Yes, she is. And I rejected her. I broke the bond. Now both me and my wolf are hurting from the aftereffects of it. I'm going through all kinds of pain right now."

"Bro, that's messy. Why would the moon goddess pair you up with a vulgar girl? She of all people knows our pack and theirs have an unending feud. So why? I don't understand."

"Me neither. And can you please stop using that term on her? It's not sitting well with me." 

Alexa is anything but vulgar. She's the purest thing out there. Calling her vulgar is sick. I don't care if it's a norm or not. 

"Right. I'm sorry. What's her name?"

"Alexa. Alexa Dawn."

"I'll keep it in mind."

We stay quiet for a few minutes and I turn to him, with pleading eyes. 

"Can you go see her for me?"

"What?" His eyes widen like I've just said the silliest thing ever. "Why?"

"I need you to tell her I'm sorry. For the words I said. Tell her that I didn't mean any of them. I just needed to say something to force her to let me go."

"Bro, why would you wanna go through that stress? It's not like you two are gonna get back together someday in the future. Just let it go."

"I can't. Dude, you don't get it. She cried. She was crying when I left. I vowed to never make her cry and I did just that. And I need to apologize for it. So please, do this for me. Just tell her I'm sorry. That's all."

Reed shakes his head, with a confused look. "I don't know, man. What if I get caught sneaking into her Pack?"

"You're a fast and quick-witted wolf. We both know you won't get caught. I'll give you her photos so you'll know exactly who you're looking for. Too bad I don't know her address."

"You've never been to her house?"

"No. Never." Realizing that hurts differently right now. "Please, man. Just this once."

He thinks for a while and sighs. "Alright. But you owe me."

"Big time. Big time, man. Thank you!"

"No problem. I'll try to be back before the wedding tomorrow."

"I hope there won't be any," I mutter bitterly. 

The next day, I'm walking into a hall full of people and going to stand and wait for my bride. But there's no sign of Reed. He's not back yet.

The elders are performing the ritual rites and then the door opens, ushering in Letty, adorned in the traditional bridal attire and being escorted down the aisle by her father, My Father's Beta. 

Just then, Reed rushes in, running past them and coming to stand beside me. Of course, his entry receives mixed stares. But I'm glad to see him. I need to know how it went with Alexa. 

"What did she say?" I mumble impatiently.

"Sorry, man. But I didn't see her. She and her Mother left the Pack yesterday. They didn't say where they're headed. But it seems they're gone for good."

"Gone for good? Why do you say that?"

"Because they packed up everything. I located her house and visited. It's fucking empty."

Just then, Letty and her father get to me and he hands her over to me. The rites are performed but I'm standing there like a zombie, on the verge of crying. 

Funny how today's supposed to be the happiest day of my life. But I'm the saddest I've ever been. 

Alexa's gone. She vanished. And I may never see her again. How the hell do I live with that fate?

"Yes, I do…" Letty takes her vow, and I'm briefly snapped out of my thoughts. 

The priest reads mine out to me and I can't even say the words. Deep down, I'm saying my final goodbyes to Alexa. 

I'm always gonna be the coward who couldn't fight for our love. And I hope one day, she forgives me for it. 

"Lucian?" The priest calls my attention. 

With a teardrop, I nod. "Yes, I do…"