chapter 1 my role

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you were someone else? Or if you could see yourself through someone else's eyes? My name is Alexander, and I’m an alpha. Everything isn’t as crack up to be as I thought it would. My days consist of doing paperwork and making sure people are following orders so things move smoothly. When my father told me about how much work owning your own pack is and how much time you spend running it versus living life like you did when you were a teenager. I didn't believe him, not for a second. Only because the way he taught me seemed way too easy. Sign this? Done. attend this meeting? No problem. He never warned me how lonely things would get. My sister left to be with her mate and my parents passed away from a car accident a year ago. So it's just me , and thousands of people who expect me to be just like my father. Except I’m not, I don’t know how he ran this place so smoothly, he had the help of my mother and my grandparents. Some look down upon me as alpha. I try not to let it get to me. My sister calls and visits when she can, she moved away when she was 19. I didn’t take over the role of being alpha till my father died which makes it harder to fill his shoes. He died before he was supposed to. It’s not that I want to just be someone else. I love being alpha when it comes down to it. I just wish I had someone else to live the role with. I’m 28 years old, and still mateless. Honestly convinced she doesn’t exist. But I’m not too concerned about having one in the first place, I have too much going on for such distraction. I’ve lost some pack members after my parents death, maybe a good 200 people. Alpha Erik was nice enough to take them in, so I know my sister is taking good care of them. Markus, Leo, and Noah left and joined my sister as well. 

Rubbing the back of my neck, I stare at myself in the mirror. I look so much like my father, besides my eyes and skin tone. My eyes are a dark green and my skin is more of an olive brown tan. My father always told me I look more like my mother than him, which was never a confidence booster getting told you look like a girl. I have a good muscular build in my opinion, I do have a few scars that stretch around my chest and back from that day my sister was attacked. I was first to arrive at the fight, and the last to leave. I was only 19 at the time but it seemed right to be there before everyone else, my sister and I had always had a love hate relationship. But I always knew how to separate us from our parents, you know what I mean? Those moments your sibling just needs you verus getting your parents involved. She called me that day to save her instead of my father. And because of that I just went on my own instead of telling him about it. We’ve received a few new alpha’s around us taking the empty land that was Alpha Thomson and Alpha Jacksons, and also Alpha Masons. He's from the stories my mother told me and my sister when we were little. Those horrible stories are the reason I’ve always protected my sister when I can. The new alphas are Alpha Francesco, Alpha Elijah, and Alpha Cayson. They haven’t given me much trouble which is a good thing. I still hold all the alpha meetings here like my father did. 

Walking over to the shower, I cut it on while waiting for the water to warm up before stepping in. I chose my beta when I was 17, which is my best friend Creed. My gamma is his brother Ryan, I don’t have a delta yet, I’m not sure I will. Creed does an amazing job, he is also my strongest warrior. He trains the males in the pack while his mother Subrina trains the female wolves. My gamma does all my running when I’m either too busy to or I just don’t want to. Otherwise they both help with every decision I make. Now, I know I said I was alone in all this, even though I do have them I still feel alone. Stepping into the shower washing my body and hair. Have you ever been loved by people but not feel like you are? Creed says I’m depressed still, but I’ve got everyone's life on my shoulders 24/7. It’s stressful as fuck. A girl died last week on night patrol, she had just turned 18 and being a patrolman was all she wanted. So,of course I was delighted to make her dreams happen. But we were attacked by a group of rogues and she was the only one they managed to kill, it’s like she was their only target. So yeah, my job is hard, her family blames me for her death as well, saying I shouldn’t have given her the time of day of being what she dreamed of. Those dreams just get you killed.

Finishing up my shower, I get out patting myself down with a towel. Walking over to the closest I get dressed in a grey t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Taking my towel and shaking it over my hair to get it somewhat dry, I keep it full and curly at the top with a fade cut on the sides. I don’t do anything special with my hair though, I just let it dry and whatever it ends up being is what you get. Throwing on my boots, I walk out of my room and downstairs to my office. I didn’t change anything in the packhouse besides the color of the walls, everything was grey when my parents were here. I gave it a little bit of color by adding red in  some different patterns in each room. Walking into my office, Creed was already in here sitting on the chair, I did get new furniture in the office. Everything smelled like my parents and I couldn’t handle it. After the first week I destroyed most of it anyway in anger.

“ What are you doing here so early?” I asked clearing my throat knowing he's probably not paying attention. He's never really been a morning person well neither have I really. 

“ I could ask you this question. I’m always here this early, you sir are never here this early.” he stated folding his arms against his chest. No matter how much he hated morning I could always count on him to get the job done right and on time. He looked at me with curiosity. 

“ I couldn’t sleep. I want to find out who those rogues were that attacked last week.” I grumbled walking over and sitting into my chair. I could tell the bastard was sitting it in before I came in because I had to adjust it from being up so high. I've got some height on him and I know he hates it. 

“ We followed the scent till it disappeared until they returned Alex. I'm not really sure if we’ll find out who they are before then.” He scrunched his eyebrows placing his hands on my desk looking down. He's just as concerned as I am, maybe even worse. He's has family and siblings to still worry about. 

“ I got coffeee!!” Ryan yelled barging into the room. Holding a carrier with two cups of coffee in it in one hand and his in the other. 

“ Alpha? I didn’t expect to see you so soon. Good thing I got an extra cup.” he mumbled looking down at his coffee as if he's disappointed in himself. 

“ yeah yeah, i'm up too early for your chipperness this morning Ryan.” I groan opening my laptop to see what was on the agenda for the day. 

“ Well, here's your coffee mr grumpy.” he says, setting it down on my desk before handing Creed his and sitting down in the chair next to him.

“ So what's on the agenda today?” Creed asked

“ We need to get ready for our trip to Europe to see my grandparents and work on their security cameras they asked us to.” I explain, they moved after both my parents died, and said it was too hard for them to stay and see everything that reminded them of them. Honestly don't blame them, I'd pack up the pack and move territories if it was possible. We just have way to many people. 

“ right! We haven’t been to Europe since we were kids.” Creed chuckled by the look on his face I could tell he was reminiscing of all the times we spent vacationing there with my parents. Oh! And how much trouble we would always get into. 

“ If everything goes smoothly we need to hold a cookout and pack a run. The pack has been under a lot of stress this past year. They deserve it.” I explain

“ Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Let’s just get through today alright bud.” Creed said taking a gulp from his coffee and shaking his head.